Authors: Mitchel Grace
The
sermon would end up being about forgiveness, which I thought was appropriate.
It focused on how we have to forgive others in order to be forgiven ourselves.
I figured that after the message, it was time to talk to Richard. If he
believed in things like Hell, surely he would at least consider hearing an
apology from me. I stood and walked up to him. Before he could say a word, I
spoke.
“I
want to apologize. What I did to you was wrong. I ruined your relationship, and
then I antagonized you at the party. That led to all of this. I’m completely at
fault for everything, and I wouldn’t be much of a person if I didn’t ask for
your forgiveness. That’s what the sermon was about today. Can you find it in
your heart to forgive me for everything I’ve done to you?”
“Let
me say this in the clearest way possible. I would rather burn in Hell than ever
tell you that what you did was forgiven. Talk to me again at any point, and
I’ll make that even clearer by ripping your head off. I don’t care where it’s
at either. If you don’t leave right now, I’ll do it here in church.”
I
didn’t know what to do. I was a little angry about how he had talked to me, but
what else should I have expected? Just like my aunt said, it was too soon. I
simply nodded and walked away.
“I
take it that went well,” Olivia said sarcastically.
“Yeah,
I don’t think we’re ever going to be friends.”
“Don’t
worry about it. He has everything he needs. Honestly, what I had with him
wasn’t going to last anyway. He’s a senior, and he’ll be going off to college
next year. It’s probably better that he can just focus on football and find
someone once he gets to college. Besides, you don’t
really
regret coming between us, do you?”
“No,
I could never regret that. I just wish I had gone about it differently. Maybe
this was the only way, though.”
“Maybe.
Let’s get out of here. My mom is waiting on us outside.”
Once
we were in the car, Olivia’s mother asked me how things went with Richard.
“Let’s
just say that if I come up missing, you’ll know what happened,” I said.
“So
it’s that bad? Hopefully all of this will blow over quickly for you two.”
“I
doubt it, but do you mind if I go somewhere with Eric for a while when we get
home?” Olivia asked.
“Where
are you going?”
“There’s
somewhere I want to show him. It won’t take long.”
“Okay.
Just be home before dinner.”
I
looked at Olivia curiously. Where was she taking me? My mind ran wild with thoughts
of where we could be going. Once we got into her car, I saw that we were
driving out of town.
“What
are we doing?” I asked.
“I’m
showing you something. Just wait,” she said and focused on the road.
We
drove completely out of town and into an area where no one seemed to live. As
we rounded a corner by the lake, she pulled off to the side of the road.
“I
don’t understand. What are we looking at?” I asked.
“My dream, if I have to stay in this
area.”
“I
don’t understand.”
“Do
you see that hillside over there?” she asked and pointed to a place overlooking
the lake.
“Yeah.”
“I’m
going to own that spot of land one day. I’ll build a big house that overlooks
the lake. In the summer, my family and I will go swimming, and in the winter,
we’ll be able to go ice-skating. It’s a beautiful place that I wish you could
see in the winter. It truly looks like paradise here.”
I
didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say. Why would she be telling
me all this? Wasn’t it too soon for us to be talking about where we were going
to spend our lives?
“Don’t
look so freaked out. I wasn’t suggesting that
you
were going to get to live there,” she teased.
“Hey,
I wouldn’t mind being here with you. Why show me this place if I’m not going to
be here one day?”
“Because
I want to share my plan with you. This is my dream. I may never have this place
or the big house I want, but I have it all up here,” Olivia said while
motioning to her head.
“I
wish I had it all figured out like you.”
“What
do you mean?”
“I
have no idea what I even want. A part of me still feels like that
fourteen-year-old you met so long ago. I want something simple like this where
I can just grow old with the people I love. Then there’s the new part of me
that busted my butt in school for the last year and a half. That part wants to
do something big. I haven’t figured out which side of myself is going to win
yet.”
“How
about this then? We’re incredibly young to be making plans. Maybe you can try
out your big plans first, and if things don’t work out, I’ll be here in my
simple house overlooking the lake. Think of it as a back up plan that we both
might want more than the big one.”
Her
explanation sounded perfect. I could try to be someone important in the world
and have this as another option. If
only
I had known that our back up plan should have been the only one I ever
considered.
Passion
December
Almost
three months had passed, and a lot had changed. Olivia and I were closer than
ever, and I was starting to think seriously about my future. My parents had
wanted it all. Their methods to get it were very questionable, but their
ambition was admirable. I had decided that I wanted to be someone important in
this world. Sure, Olivia had dreams of a house on the lake, but she also had
dreams of getting completely out of Wisconsin. Maybe I could make her second
dream come true some day.
As
we were sitting in class and finishing up with the last midterm before school
was out for winter break, I saw her shoot me an interesting look. She lightly
bit her lip when our eyes met and looked as if something was weighing on her.
She was clearly questioning something, but what was it? I didn’t have a clue,
but it didn’t look like it was particularly bad. In fact, her expression showed
a certain kind of excitement mixed with confusion.
“Mr.
Wilson, are you having trouble keeping your eyes on your own paper?” I heard
the teacher ask.
“No,
just keeping them off a girl. I apologize,” I said and returned back to my
test.
It
was easy enough. Over the last few weeks, I had really put a lot into making
good grades. I wanted a bright future, and it all started there. I was
considering going to school for business. I didn’t know what that would lead
to, but it seemed to open a lot of doors for people. I guess I figured if I
knew how to manage money, then that would be a good start to gaining wealth.
When
the test was over, we walked out to my car. We had driven together that
morning, and like on most Fridays, I assumed we would grab a bite to eat after
school. I had gotten a job at an ice cream parlor working Monday thru Thursday.
It wasn’t glamorous, but it paid for things like that.
“Where
are you going?” Olivia asked.
“I
was thinking we could go to the usual spot today.”
“I
don’t know. Maybe we should change things up. We could get out of town and
explore something completely new. My mom knows I’m going to be out late, so we’ll
have plenty of time to explore.”
“All
right, but where do you want to go?”
“I
haven’t thought that far ahead. Just drive. We’ll know it when we see it.”
“What’s
going on with you?”
“What
are you talking about? I’m fine.”
“You
looked troubled during the midterm. It was like you were trying to make a very
hard choice, and judging by how you were looking at me, I think I was part of
it. Nothing’s wrong, is it?”
“No,
it’s actually the opposite. I don’t know how to say this, though.”
“Just
try me. As long as we’re fine, then I can handle it.”
“I
think we need to have a romantic evening at a nice restaurant and find a
private place for just us until tonight. Like . . . maybe a hotel.”
“You
weren’t
joking about there being
nothing
wrong,” I teased.
“Be
serious, Eric. I joke about a lot of things but not about this. We’ve been
together for three months now. It’s been great, and I’m scared to change one
thing about our relationship. That’s why I haven’t already suggested that we
get closer. I’m afraid that it’ll complicate things.”
“How
would it do that? If anything, this is only going to bring us closer together.”
“You
don’t know that. You haven’t been with anyone, so how could you?”
“First
of all, thanks a lot. Secondly, I know because it’s you.”
“Sex
complicates things. It makes the relationship a very real thing, or at least it
does for me. It means complete commitment to each other.”
“I’m
already completely committed to you, so nothing’s changing.”
“What
about the expectations? It’s never how you pictured it. It’s usually a little
awkward at first. What are you going to think if this experience isn’t
everything you’ve built up in your mind? What am I going to think? Won’t it
change how we view each other?”
“Wow.
I didn’t know it was so complicated. How can I explain this? I don’t have any
expectations. Our experience together could be amazing, or it could be less
than you desire. For me, it’s going to be great either way because I get to be
with you. If you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand. Just because we’ve
been together for a while doesn’t mean that we have to. I can tell you this, no
matter what you decide. I’ll always do my best to love you the way you deserve,
regardless of how we’re choosing to show it.”
“I
think you’re right. It’s not about expectations. It’s about being with each
other. It can’t be a bad thing if it’s with you. How did you get so
knowledgeable about these things as a virgin, though? I thought I was going to
be the one teaching tonight,” Olivia joked.
“Hey,
I’ll still accept lessons anytime.”
“All
right, enough about this. We should have let things happen spontaneously. Let’s
just pretend that we never had this conversation, and you’re surprising me with
a romantic getaway. You know, as the guy, you really
should
have been the one to bring this up.”
“Are
you joking? I was giving you time. We talked about it a long time ago, didn’t
we?”
“Maybe,
but I was starting to wonder about you. I’m just saying. You never did make a
move.”
“Well,
I’ve come up with a very nice restaurant choice that comes highly recommended
from a trusted source.”
“The
source is your uncle, isn’t it?”
“Um
. . . the source isn’t important. What’s important is that I’ve got this all
planned out in my mind, and with how expensive that place is, I’m almost
guaranteed to end up at a hotel with my girl.”
“Oh,
so you think an expensive meal is supposed to get you somewhere. I’m starting
to rethink this, Eric Wilson.”
“Stop
thinking immediately then!”
We
talked about other things until we got to the restaurant. The meal was great.
My uncle had taken Aunt Kristen to that particular restaurant when he asked her
to marry him. I figured if it was good enough for that moment, then it would be
good enough for ours. As we sat there at dinner, I noticed that Olivia looked a
little uneasy, though.
“What’s
wrong? Isn’t this great?” I asked.
“It
is. I just can’t help feeling like we don’t belong here. When I said a nice
restaurant, I didn’t mean the state’s most expensive one. Most of the people
here are dressed pretty well. I can’t help but feel that we stand out a
little.”
“Olivia,
just relax. This day isn’t about anybody else or what they might think. You
look beautiful, and anyone who thinks anything less needs to seriously get
their
eyes checked. Besides, when did you start caring about
what other people think?”
“You’re
right. I don’t. I guess I’m just not used to us being in such a stuffy setting.
What do you say we skip on desert and get out of here?”
“That
sounds good to me,” I said and called for the check.
By
the time I paid for it, a problem was becoming apparent to me. I didn’t have a
lot of money left. I could get a hotel room, but I didn’t know how nice it
would be. I drove to the best place I could actually afford and got a room. I
received a strange look at the counter. The guy working there wasn’t used to
someone so young asking for a room for two, at least not unless it was prom
night. After we made our way up to the room, Olivia sat down on the bed and
sighed.
“So
it’s still early. What do you want to do right now?” she asked nervously.
“I paid
in cash and used my fake ID. I’m pretty sure the guy knew I wasn’t twenty-one,
but that’s not the point. We have a mini bar in this room, and there’s no way
they can bill us for what we drink.”
“I
like the way you think. What do you want?” she asked as she walked over to the
fridge.
“Beer’s
fine.”
She
grabbed a small beer for me and took out a cooler for herself. Then we sat down
on the bed and enjoyed a drink. As time went on, it became apparent that
awkwardness was growing. If this was going to happen, someone needed to make a
move. As the guy, that was probably my job, but I was scared to death. All of
this was new to me. I had been so sure when we were driving to the hotel, but
now that I had this beautiful girl lying beside me, I was just a scared kid who
didn’t have any idea what to do.
“Before
anything happens tonight, I want to know something,” Olivia said.
“Anything.”
“Why
did you come back to Green Bay, and did you really think about me every day in
Miami?”
“I
came back because there was only one great person left in my life. That was
you. We didn’t talk much anymore, but I thought back to the last time I was
truly happy. It was with you. I wanted to at least take a shot at recapturing
those feelings. I really did think about you every day. It wasn’t fair to the
people back home. Every time I was with friends, I thought this isn’t nearly as
much fun as it used to be with Olivia, and anytime a girl’s lips touched mine,
I immediately knew that something was missing because I had experienced what
was right with you. I know we’re young, and we haven’t had a lot of time
together, but I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment we met.”
“Great
answer. I feel the same way. I missed you while you were gone. I was your first
kiss, and you gave me the only kiss I’ve never been able to forget. I missed
everything about you. I even missed hearing your stupid accent.”
“Accent?
What are you talking about?”
“You
know exactly what I’m talking about. Now, what are you waiting for? You should
have kissed me ten minutes ago.”
I
turned over and wrapped my arms around Olivia. Then I kissed her. It was gentle
at first, but I quickly turned our innocent kiss into one of passion. Things
just flowed naturally from there. It was as if we were always meant to be
together. I gently made my way down her body, kissing every inch of it as I
did. With every kiss, I felt her body talking to me. A quiver here and a breath
of ecstasy there were my road map to learning every inch of her. As I moved
back up to her face, she spoke.
“It’s
your first time. I can
do . . .
” she said before I
placed my hand on her cheek and spoke.
“I
can take the lead on this one. I love you.”
“I
love you, too,” she said and embraced me.
It
was new and even a little awkward like she said, but it was awkward in the best
way possible. As we got to know the most personal parts of each other, we found
something so amazing. This wasn’t sex we were having. It was something
different - something more. Everything I did was for the girl I loved. On that
night, her pleasure was mine. It was as if we were one person, and anything
that could ever come between us was a world away.
* * * * *
The
following morning, we woke up to the sight of sunlight peeking through the
windows. Olivia let out a sigh of frustration. We weren’t supposed to be out
all night. The plan was to have a special evening and then leave. As we lay
there in bed the night before, Olivia slowly drifted away, however. I didn’t
want to leave. The consequences for being gone were a morning away, and all I
wanted to do was hold the girl I loved all night.
“I’m
going to be in so much trouble when we get home,” she said and started to reach
for her phone.
I
wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, however. This moment was
perfect, and worrying about what was going to happen before we got back home
seemed wasteful. I wanted to just enjoy every minute I had with her before this
all blew up in our faces.
“What
are you doing, Eric? I need to call my mom and at least try to explain what’s
going on.”
“I’m
asking you to stay here with me for a little while and just enjoy the morning.
I want you close to me right now. Besides, do you have any idea what you’re
going to tell your mom?”
“No,
but I’m pretty sure I’m going to be grounded for life after this.”
“Let’s
take some time to figure out what you can say before we do anything.”
“That’s
a good idea. What do you think?”
“I
don’t know yet. It’ll come to me, though. For now, I want to know how you woke
up today and focused on anything other than how amazing last night was. I mean,
I was really great,” I joked.
“So
what do you want? A standing ovation?”
“Well,
I would never ask for one,
but
. . .”
“Don’t
get too cocky there. I think I had a lot to do with how things went.”
“Either
way, you’ve got to admit this is crazy. When have things ever gone this good
naturally for anyone?”
“What
do you mean?”
“Don’t
you know? Every time I’m with you, things just go so naturally for us. I didn’t
know how to kiss when we first met, but I knew how to kiss
you
. I didn’t know how to love, and I couldn’t help but love you.
Last night, we didn’t know what was going to happen, but everything just
happened as it should. Is it just me, or is this a little crazy?”