Authors: Mitchel Grace
“You
don’t get it, do you?”
“What?”
“You’re
too good for someone like me. You always have been. I’ve used up all the luck I
had in life just to get you. I love you more than anyone or anything. Don’t you
think I would gladly give up going to a certain college to wake up next to you
every single day of our lives?”
“I’m
the lucky one here. You don’t know what you’ve meant to me over the last few
weeks. I don’t know where I would be without you,” Olivia said and sneezed.
It
was freezing, and as much as I loved where our conversation was going, it was
time to get her inside.
“I
think it’s time for me to leave and for you to go inside. The last thing I want
is for you to get sick,” I said.
“I’ll
be fine. Stay with me for a while,” she said and leaned her head over onto my
chest.
I
kissed the top of her head, and we simply sat there watching the beautiful
scenery in front of us. It was freezing, and every part of my body was numb,
but it really
was
beautiful there.
The snow covered grass made the perfect romantic scenery. As I looked down at
the girl on my chest, I saw a true sight of beauty. I had forgotten that
feeling I had when I first saw her. Back then, I immediately noticed the way
her eyes and dark hair perfectly complimented each other. Then there were her
perfect pink lips. I was mesmerized once again. In that moment, I pulled her up
and kissed her ever so softly.
“You’re
my heart. You know that, right?” I asked as I pulled away.
“How
did I get lucky enough to find you?”
“You
didn’t. I found you. I had to walk in front of a couple of vehicles to get your
attention, but I’m so glad I did.”
“I
had almost forgotten about that. Back
then,
you wanted
a simpler life than you had at home. I wanted a bigger and better life. I think
I still wanted that up until a few days ago. You had the right idea from the beginning,
though. I don’t need you to take me away from here, and I don’t need to have
some big house on the lake. All I really need is you. Do you think you can give
me that?”
“Without
a doubt,” I said and gave her another kiss.
Things
seemed so simple right then. We were absolutely freezing, and we didn’t have
our futures planned out at all, but that moment was as close to Heaven as I’ve
ever gotten. The girl of my dreams being right next to me was all I ever
needed. If only I could have hung onto that feeling forever. No matter how much
I didn’t want it to, change was eventually going to come, and our simple plan
would turn into something entirely different.
Broken
Beyond Repair
One
Year and Four Months Later
Through
our high school years, Olivia and I grew closer and closer every day. We were
nearly inseparable. It seemed like we were destined to be together. That’s why
I never saw this day coming. It was two weeks before graduation, and I had
applied to a lot of different schools. Thanks to my good grade point average
and great SAT score, I could go to almost any school, and I even had a few
scholarship offers. Miami was one of them. I didn’t know what Olivia wanted to
do in the future, but I was hoping she would come back home with me. It wasn’t
like I was going to leave without her. As we were getting out of school that
day, I noticed that she looked troubled. I didn’t know why, but it was clear
that something was wrong.
“Hey,
what’s going on with you?” I asked.
“Nothing.
I was just thinking about our future.”
“Me,
too. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Let
me go first. Where do you see us going?”
“What
do you mean?”
“You
know. Do you see us as a married couple with children somewhere down the line?”
“Where
is this coming from? We’re only eighteen. I think we’ve got some time to figure
all that out, don’t you?”
“Maybe,
but I need to know where you stand.”
“I’m
going to be with you for the rest of my life. I think marriage can wait a
while, though. As for children, I think that can wait a
long
time. Where is this coming from?”
“Nowhere.
What did you want to talk to me about?”
“I
got a scholarship offer from Miami. It’s where I’m from, and my parents are
supposed to get out of prison in a few years. It makes sense for me to go back.
I’m not going anywhere without you, though. You haven’t told me what your plans
are yet. If you want, we could go there.”
“I
don’t know, Eric. I think we really need to talk about how this affects
everyone.”
“I
get it. I’m asking a lot. I’ll stay with you no matter what you decide.”
“Don’t
say it like that. I don’t want to be the reason you’re stuck here. Just let me
think. This is a lot to take in all at once. It seems like everything’s
changing.”
“Relax.
I’m just asking about college. It’s not like we wouldn’t come back here.”
“I
know. If I’m going to make that kind of commitment to you, though, you need to
make one to me.”
“I
don’t understand.”
“I
need to know that you would be open to things like marriage and children in the
near future. If I’m going to follow you across the country, then I have to know
you’ll stick with me, no matter what.”
“What’s
going on with you? You’ve never been the type of girl who wants to get married
quickly, and you’ve never even mentioned children until now. It’s too soon to
even be considering marriage, and I think we both know that a child would ruin
our lives.”
“Is
that how you really feel?”
“Absolutely.
Don’t you?”
“Eric,
I’m pregnant, so welcome to your ruined life,” she said sarcastically.
I
didn’t know what to say. I was only eighteen. This really
would
ruin my life. I had plans, and this changed everything. For
that matter, it changed everything for Olivia. She wanted to be a doctor one
day. How was this going to affect her?
“Well,
say something,” Olivia said impatiently.
“You’ve
got
to be joking.”
“I
knew it.”
“Knew
what?”
“I’m
going to be in this thing alone.”
“No,
you’re not. I just don’t understand what happened.”
“Well,
you see, when you put your . . .”
“I
get
that
. It’s just that we always
used protection. How could this happen?”
“It’s
not one hundred percent, Eric. What are we going to do?”
“I
don’t know. I guess we’ll settle in here. I told my boss I would be leaving the
ice cream shop after the summer. He said he wanted me to stay and even offered
me a managerial position to skip college. I could see if that offer still
stands. Then we can get an apartment and get married eventually. I just can’t
believe things are happening this way. I thought it would be different.”
“How
did you think it would be?” Olivia asked as we pulled into her driveway.
“I
thought I would go to college and get a degree that helped me earn enough money
to build you that house on the lake. You would become a doctor, and after we had
chased down our dreams, we would get married. When we were in our late twenties
or early thirties, we would start to have children. That was the dream. I guess
that idea is dead now, though. We’ve got to deal with what’s in front of us. I’ll
let my boss know after this weekend.”
Olivia
looked completely depressed. I didn’t think about it back then, but I imagine I
made her feel as if having to take responsibility for our child was a burden I
never wanted. She probably thought that she and our child were some kind of
consolation prize for losing my dreams in Miami. In truth, that’s what I
thought. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The
days passed by slowly over that weekend. I didn’t go anywhere. I simply stayed
in my room and waited for Monday to come. I purposely avoided Olivia. I even
turned my phone off. I didn’t want to talk about the responsibility that was
coming my way, not with her and certainly not with my aunt and uncle. I didn’t
even tell them what was going on.
When
the weekend was finally over and it was time to pick up Olivia for school once
again, I noticed that she looked troubled as she walked to my car. When she got
in, she said five words that I never expected.
“You
should go to Miami.”
“What
are you talking about? We’re going to have a child now. Unless you’re coming
with me, I’m not going anywhere.”
“The
child is gone, so you don’t have to feel responsible.”
“I
don’t understand. I thought you were pregnant.”
“I
was, and now I’m not. What’s so confusing?”
“You’ve
got to explain yourself, Olivia.”
“I
told you that we were having a baby, and you treated it like a burden, so I got
rid of the burden. My mom drove me to the clinic Saturday. I tried to call you
beforehand to see if you had any objections, but just like the rest of the
weekend, you wouldn’t even bother to answer your phone.”
“Why
would you do something like that, and why would your mom approve? I thought she
was such a good Christian.”
“She believes it’s a woman’s choice.”
“And
what do you believe?”
“That
doesn’t matter now because it’s over.”
“It
does
matter! How could you take our
child away without telling me? I live right next door. If you couldn’t get in
touch with me, you could have just come over!”
“You
didn’t want that child, so don’t preach to me about right and wrong. You’ll be
relieved about this in time, Eric. I know it, and so do you. You weren’t going
to be there for me, and even if you were, you would have resented me your whole
life. I don’t want the man I end up with to look at me as second to an education
at some college and visitation with his incarcerated parents. I didn’t expect
you to jump for joy when I told you, but I didn’t think you would react the way
you did. That told me everything I needed to know about our future.”
“What
is
that
supposed to mean? No matter
what happened over the last few days, I still love you. I’m still staying
unless you come with me.”
“You
can stay if you want, but we’re through.”
“How
can you say that?”
“You
were there for me when my dad died. I thought that meant you loved me and
always would be there. This was something that actually inconvenienced you,
though. I saw that I couldn’t count on you. I don’t want to be with someone who
won’t be there with me through the difficult moments.”
“I’m
sorry. You’re right. I should’ve reacted better, but I swear I would have been
there for you. I would have loved you and our child the way you both deserved.
Don’t do this. Now is when we’re going to need each other more than ever.”
“That’s
where you’re wrong. Every time I look at you, I see the choice I made. I don’t
think it was the right one, and if I stay with you, I’ll always know that what
we have was built on all the wrong things. I think you need to go to Miami and
be with your family. I need to stay here and follow my dreams, too. Not all
great romances are meant to last, Eric.”
“I
don’t accept that. You’re my best friend, and I’m not giving up on us.”
“You
need to because it’s over. I need it to be.”
I
tried to talk her out of it throughout the day. I passed notes to her in class
trying to let her know how much I loved her, and on the way home, I fought with
her every step of the way to try to change something. Nothing would change,
though. Olivia had made up her mind.
As
time passed, I decided to accept the University of Miami’s offer. I still
wasn’t sure that I couldn’t convince her to come along. I was wrong, though. On
my last day in town, I finally broke down. I realized that I probably wasn’t
ever going to see her again. I sat in my room and cried. Looking back, it was a
little shameful. I was an eighteen-year-old man. I shouldn’t have been crying
over some girl, or at least that’s what I thought at the time. The truth was
that she wasn’t just
some
girl. She
was
my
girl, and I had thrown
everything we had away by being selfish. I should have cried and pleaded for
her to forgive me. She was hurting because of a decision that she made, and I
had certainly contributed to it. I had to do something. As I cried, my uncle walked
passed the room. I quickly turned away from the doorway and dried my eyes, but
he had seen me.
“What’s
wrong?” he asked in shock. He had never actually seen me cry.
“It’s
nothing. You would think I was a terrible person if I told you.”
“Try
me. I might be able to help.”
“Olivia
got pregnant back before the summer. When she told me, I didn’t react well. I
acted like it would ruin my future if she had our baby. Then I didn’t answer
any of her calls over the weekend. I just needed time to get my head straight.
Over that time, she went to the clinic, though. The child is gone, and that’s
why we broke up. She sees the way I reacted and the mistake we made every time
she looks at me. Now I’m leaving, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to
leave things like this, but what else
can
I do? She doesn’t want to see me.”
“I’m
going to tell you the most important thing you’ll ever learn. Do whatever it
takes.”
“What
does that even mean?”
“It
means just what I said. You made a mistake that a lot of young men would have
made. You reacted poorly and made her feel like she was alone. Then she made a
decision that a lot of young women would have made. You both lived to regret
it. That can’t be changed. All you can change is what you do from this moment
on. Decide what you want, and make it happen. Don’t take no for an answer, not
now and not ever. You might not be able to get her to look at you today or even
a year from now, but if you want this girl, then don’t ever give up on her.
Learn from every mistake, and find a way to make it work eventually.”
“But
I’m going to Miami tomorrow. What could I possibly do?”
“It
isn’t like you’re never coming back. You’re going off to college. That isn’t
permanent. I want to see you back here every chance you get, and I wouldn’t
mind it if you called this city home after you got your education. She’s
probably going to be here when it’s all said and done, so say what you need to
say to her before you leave, and make sure you keep in touch with her over the
years, even if she doesn’t want you to. Leave that door open, and when an
opportunity presents itself, step through. Once you’re in, don’t ever step back
out again.”
“What
do I say to her now, though?”
“I
can’t tell you that. Here’s what I can tell you. We often overthink things, and
what we should have said is left at the back of our minds. Say whatever you
want without censoring yourself at all. If you don’t, you’ll regret it later.
Now, go. She’s leaving for the University of Wisconsin tomorrow. This might be
your last chance.”
“Now?”
“Yeah,
right now. Kristin and I have raised you for the last two years. You’re not
perfect, but we didn’t raise a fool. Leaving without telling her how you feel
would be the most foolish thing you could ever do, so go.”
“Thank
you. I thought you would be mad if I told you.”
“You
should have told me sooner. We all make mistakes. It’s not about that. It’s
about what we learn from them.”
I
hugged my uncle and walked downstairs. I had no idea what I was going to say,
but I didn’t hesitate. I walked over to Olivia’s house and knocked on the door.
Her mom answered it. She looked shocked to see me. I hadn’t been inside
Olivia’s house in months. I had waited outside for her several times to try to
talk to her, but it didn’t do any good. Eventually, I had given up on the idea of
making up with her.