Authors: Mitchel Grace
“Are
you all right?” I asked as she hung up.
“I’m
better than I’ve been in a while. It was time to let go. I feel relieved in
some ways. In others, I feel cold. It’s almost like I should feel bad for
letting my dad’s death go.”
“You
have nothing to feel bad about. Your dad would be proud of you.”
“How
do you know? You never knew him.”
“He
might have hated your mom, but anyone who’s ever known you had to love you. He
would want to see you happy above all else. If forgiving your mom gives you
peace, then I know he’s somewhere smiling. Trust me on that,” I said and
wrapped my arms around her.
She
slowly fell asleep in my arms. I couldn’t close my eyes, however. I simply held
her close and thought about how hard it was going to be to let go of her in the
morning. Time passed by quicker than I would have liked as I held the woman I
loved, and morning came before I knew it. After we had gotten ready, she
gathered her things, and I drove Olivia to the airport. When we got to her
gate, she hugged me tightly. It was as if she didn’t want to let go. Secretly,
I think she had decided that it was time to let me go. We had the best time
together in Miami, but she was convinced to take Emmitt’s advice. No matter how
great things had been
,
it was time to let me move on
with my life. She thought that was best for me. Olivia had never been more
wrong. At that point, my heart was only beating for her. Without the hope of
seeing her again, I don’t know what I would have done.
“I
guess this is goodbye. Thank you for giving me the time of my life. I love
you,” Olivia said.
“I
love you, too. This isn’t goodbye, though. I’ll see you soon. I promise.”
“I
hope you’re right.”
“I
know I am,” I said and took her in my arms. Then I kissed her passionately.
There
was an airport full of people, but for a brief moment, it was just the two of
us as I gave her a kiss that I secretly hoped would convince her to stay. When
I pulled back, Olivia took a breath and looked at me like she wanted nothing
more than to throw away her ticket and come with me. I honestly thought that was
what she was going to do, but just as I saw tears start to form in the corners
of her eyes, she turned away and started walking toward the gate. I tried with
everything I could to come up with something that would make her stay, but the
words never came. I stood there and watched a piece of my heart walk away. As I
walked out of the airport, I braced myself for a feeling that I never knew I
could experience. For the first time, it was cold in Miami. There was a hole in
my heart, and I knew that nothing was going to be all right until I saw her
again. Still, it had been the greatest summer of my life. I couldn’t wait to
see what the future held for us. Right now, I wish I could talk to that stupid
boy who let the love of his life walk away. Out of everything that happened
while she was in Miami, that’s the only thing that haunts me on a daily basis.
Complete
Denial
The
next day after my classes, I kept my promise to Olivia. I went to see my
parents, or to me more accurate, my mom. It wasn’t like they were in the same
place at the prison. There were different areas for men and women. I figured I
could see her that day and then see my dad over the weekend, if this visit went
well. Honestly, I was really nervous. I didn’t think things would go as well as
Olivia probably thought they would. In a way, I hated my parents for lying to
me and leaving when my sister and I needed them most. Today I was the one
taking care of things. I was making enough money with Emmitt to support myself,
to help my sister out, and even to save some cash for my future with Olivia.
Shouldn’t my parents have been there to do some of that? Was it really my
responsibility to make backdoor deals just to give myself a fair shot?
Even
if I was rightfully angry, it took courage for Olivia to call her mom on the
spot. If she could do that, then I could have a conversation with my mother.
After the guard had let me in and brought my mom into a small holding cell, he
told us that we had twenty minutes.
“I’m
so glad you came,” my mom said.
“I
don’t know how I feel about it.”
“Your
sister said that you were still angry. I’m sorry for what your father and I put
you two through. We just didn’t think our actions would ever catch up to us. I
would love to make excuses right now and tell you how we only wanted the best
for our family, but that’s not true. We were greedy, and we overstepped. All I
can hope is that you forgive me some day. I wasn’t the mother you deserved.”
“You
were while you were around. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve just
wanted my mom? So much has happened in three short years. I could have used
some guidance in that time.”
“I’m
sorry. Catherine said that you went to live with your aunt and uncle in
Wisconsin after things went badly. Did they give you everything you needed?”
“Everything
and more. Uncle Gary and Aunt Kristen were great. Can I be honest with you
about why I’m here?”
“I
would prefer that you were.”
“Do
you remember the girl I met while we were in Wisconsin when I was fourteen?”
“Yeah.
What was her name?”
“Olivia.
She came to see me for a couple of weeks. She asked me to come here, and I told
her I would. I’m still mad about everything, but she was right when she said
that I needed to find a way to forgive you and Dad. As hard as it is to say, I want
to start fresh. I’m mad, but I realize that I’m not perfect, so I don’t have a
right to judge you forever. I forgive you.”
“Thank
you. I think I like this Olivia girl. Are you two together?”
“That’s
complicated. I love her, but I would have to tell you everything for you to
truly understand where I’m at in my life.”
“We’ve
got some time, Eric. Tell me everything you can. I want to know it all.”
I
told her everything that had happened over the last three years. I didn’t leave
anything out. I even told her about what Emmitt and I were doing. I had to tell
her a condensed version, but I got it all in.
“You
grew up. It sounds like your life is as complicated as mine was before they put
me in here. Don’t overstep, Eric. I don’t want to see you take the same path I
took,” she said.
“I
won’t bite off more than I can chew, and this business with Emmitt is only
temporary. We’ll be doing things completely legal in two years.”
“I’m
not the person who should be telling you this because it sounds hypocritical,
but things always catch up to us. Get out now if you can, or you might find
that the consequences of your actions weren’t worth it.”
“I’ll
think about it.”
“Five
minutes,” we heard the guard say as he stepped back into the room.
“Wow.
This went by fast,” I said.
“Since
we don’t have much time, is there anything you want to ask me before you have
to go?”
“I
want to ask about Olivia. I told you how complicated our relationship is, but I
love her more than I can even describe. It doesn’t seem like the stars are ever
going to align for us, though. How do I make it work out in the end?”
“Always
be present.
Call and text her.
Even video chat when
you can. Go back to Wisconsin in the summer, too. No matter what, let her know
that you’re
going
to end up with her
when college is over. If you do that, she’ll wait on you. If not, she might
just explore her options. Let me say one more thing. I feel bad for the other
boy in your story.”
“Richard?
Why?”
“Look
at the facts. You punched him and took his girlfriend away. Then he was in a
car accident that left him unable to do what he loved. After all that, the love
of
his
life came back to him, and you
took her away again. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have done that because I
always want to see you happy above anyone else, but be careful that you’re not
the villain in your own story. I know a little something about looking in the
mirror one day and realizing that you’re the worst person you know. Don’t have
that epiphany.”
“I
understand. If it weren’t Olivia, I would never hurt anyone as much as I’ve
hurt him. I really do love her, though, Mom, and . . . I love you, too. It’s
been a long time since I’ve been able to say that,” I said and hugged her as
the guard walked back in.
Our visit was over. It had gone so much
better than I thought it would. I forgave my mom and told her everything about
myself. What was even better was that she accepted me, as flawed as I was. It
made me think a lot about how it had taken me so long to even consider
forgiving her and my dad. I had wasted so much time being angry when I could
have known my parents again. I was determined to have this same conversation
with my dad in a few days. I couldn’t imagine that it would go badly after how
that visit had gone.
I walked out of that prison feeling like
a new man. I considered quitting what I was doing with Emmitt. Doing the wrong
thing felt terrible, even if it got the right result. What I had done that day
felt wonderful. Maybe the right thing was exactly what I needed in my life. I grabbed
my phone and dialed Olivia’s number. I wanted to share everything about my
visit and my new outlook on life. She didn’t pick up, though. I left a message
telling her everything that happened. I just knew she would call me back, but
as night fell, it became apparent that she wasn’t going to. I sent a text, but
there was no response. I didn’t understand. We had the best time of our lives
when she was in Miami. Why would she be avoiding me now? I ultimately wrote off
my feelings as paranoia. It was the first day of school. She was probably busy,
or her phone might have been dead. I convinced myself that there had to be a
reasonable explanation for this. There wasn’t, though. When she had stepped
onto that plane, I didn’t know that she was walking out of my life permanently.
Over the next few days, I tried calling
her over and over again. She didn’t answer. What had I done that was so bad? I
couldn’t have read our visit
that
wrong.
I was convinced that she felt everything I did. How could that not be so?
“Are you
still
trying to call that girl?” Emmitt asked.
“Yeah,
I don’t know what’s going on. I’m going to call her mom and make sure she’s
okay.”
“Whoa!
Wait a minute,” he said and snatched the phone out of my hand.
“What
are you doing? Give me my phone.”
“I’m
saving you some embarrassment. Look at the facts. She has a boyfriend, she came
here mainly to sleep with you, and now she won’t answer your calls. If we had
heard about a plane crashing on the way to Wisconsin, I would say call her mom
and make sure she’s okay, but that’s not the case. Face facts. She used you.”
“Used
me? That’s ridiculous. What are you talking about?”
“You’re
the first guy she ever loved. Things probably got hard back at home for her,
and she came here to have a little vacation with you. I know you, and you
thought that all of this was real. You probably believed that you two were
going to get married some day after college. That’s not how life works, though.
She’s there with that guy, and you’re here with me. You were an escape, and now
she doesn’t want it to go any further than that. Once again, I’ll say it. She
used you.”
“Olivia
isn’t that way.”
“Then
why isn’t she returning your calls?”
“I
don’t know. That’s why I have to . . .”
“Look,
I feel for you. Maybe I’m wrong. I hope I am anyway. If you’re right and she’s
such an upstanding girl, then tell me this. Why do you need to call her mom?
Won’t she just call you back at some point? You’ve left her a dozen messages.
She knows you want to talk to her. If you keep calling, though, or worse, if
you go through her mom, you’re going to look really desperate. I can’t let you
give her the satisfaction of knowing that you’re waiting on the phone to ring
all day.”
“Why
do you care? I just manage your career, which by the way, isn’t even legal
right now.”
“Maybe
I shouldn’t. We both know that our friendship has had more to do with money
than anything, but spending a year with someone makes you think of them as
somewhat of a brother. No brother of mine is going to let some user see them
sweat.”
“Maybe
you’re right. I don’t think she was using me, but she’s got the messages. She’ll
call when she’s ready.”
“All
right, I know what you need. There’s only one way to get a woman off your mind.”
“And
what’s that?”
“To
get on another one.”
“I’m
not really in the mood for that right now. Besides, I’ve got to go see my dad
in an hour. It’s the first time I’ve talked with him in over three years.”
“I
can respect that. Meet me at the club afterward, though. Even if girls aren’t
involved, which they probably will be, we’ll have a good time. It’s Friday, and
I’ll be damned if you’re going to sit in this apartment waiting on a phone call
that might not come.”
“Thanks,
man. You’re a real friend,” I said and headed out the door.
When
I got to the prison, I told my dad the same thing I had told my mom. I forgave
him and told him what had happened over the last three years. He didn’t quite
have the reaction that I was expecting. My mom wasn’t judgmental, but she encouraged
me to leave behind the idea of managing Emmitt. He, on the other hand, seemed
to be impressed.
“I’m
sorry for leaving you and your sister when you needed me most. After I get out
of here, that won’t happen again. I’m glad to hear you’ve made something of
yourself,” he said.
“What
do you mean? Mom said the exact opposite. She wasn’t happy that I was funneling
money for a college athlete.”
“It’s
not a good thing, but let me tell you a secret. Anyone who has ever become
somebody did a lot of things they regret. The key is not getting caught and
making sure there’s always a payout worth the risk.”
He
hadn’t changed at all. That worried me, but then again, look at what I was
doing. You could argue that I was a chip off the old block.
“Has
Emmitt kept his promise about introducing you to other athletes?” Dad asked.
“He
has. I’m getting to know a lot of people. If I play my cards right, I’ll be
managing several Miami athletes in a few years.”
“Good.
Tread carefully, but do what you know is best. Most importantly, take care of
your sister.”
“I
already am, or at least I’m helping her out. Let me ask you something off
subject, though,” I said and explained what was going on with Olivia. Then I
told him about how Emmitt thought that she had used me and I should forget
about her unless she called back.
“I
think your friend is onto something,” he said.
“I
don’t think so. She’s not that kind of girl.”
“Well,
she’s not the kind to answer your calls either. I say have fun at college now,
and if she gives you a call back, great. Maybe you two will end up together,
but that’s no reason to throw away your college years waiting on some girl who
may not want you.”
“Maybe
you’re right,” I said and told my dad I loved him as the guard came in to take
him away.
When
I left the prison that day, it felt like two sides of myself were fighting each
other. There was the side that was listening to my mother and knew that Olivia
loved me. That side wanted me to quit what I was doing with Emmitt and show up
in Wisconsin to surprise the love of my life. Then there was the other side. It
asked why I shouldn’t cash in now if I could? For that matter, why shouldn’t I
live it up in Miami if Olivia couldn’t see what she had in me?
While
I was driving to the club, I felt nauseous. My whole life was about to change
depending on what I decided, and it was too much for me. I just needed my phone
to ring. Why wouldn’t it ring? If I could have heard Olivia tell me that she
loved me, it would have made my decision for me. It wasn’t going to ring,
though. I picked up the phone and dialed her number one last time. It went to
voicemail.