Authors: Eileen Cook
“And I’m pretty shaky.”
“That you are. That you are.” He raised his half finished martini to me. I paused for a moment and then lifted my drink toward him, meeting him halfway.
* * *
I woke up with my head pounding like a bad metal band. I could feel those leather wearing long-haired freaks bouncing around inside my skull smashing their guitars against the back of my eyeballs. My saliva had turned into an Elmer’s glue-type substance, which could explain why my tongue felt stuck to the roof of my mouth. I rolled slowly over on my side; my brain felt like as if it had torn free of its moorings and was at risk for sliding out my ear if I wasn’t extremely careful.
My cell phone rang. The sound waves smashed against my skull.
Must stop sound.
My hand shot out from under the covers and fumbled for my handbag on the floor. I found the phone and flipped it open.
“Murgh.” My mouth was still glued shut with Elmer’s spit.
“Hi!” Jonathon said. I never knew he talked so damn loud. We clearly need to have to talk about the importance of using your inside voice when on the phone. For someone who was sneaking around, being soft-spoken wasn’t his strong suit. “I got your messages, but I couldn’t get away last night. I’m so sorry we couldn’t get together.”
I heard a mumble. My eyes popped open. Colin laid there, his head on the pillow next to mine. I could see each individual bristle of his beard poking from his skin. His lips were slightly open and with each breath the sheet billowed out like a sail. I scooched back from him so quickly I fell off the side of the bed. I made a soft thud onto the charcoal carpeting. I looked around in a panic. It wasn’t my bed, or my bedroom. I could still vaguely hear Jonathon talking on the phone. His voice sounded far away. My eyes skipped around the room. The only thing that appeared to be mine was the pile of my clothing lying folded on a chair. I was wearing a T-shirt and panties, nothing else.
Oh. My. God.
I felt a rush of hot electric spit in my mouth and faced the very real chance that I would vomit right here, right now. It would be a real bitch to get that out of this carpet. It felt like a long, thick nap. I swallowed hard, pushing the bile back down.
“Hey,” Colin said softly. His head peeked over the edge of the bed, looking down at me. His eyes were half open as if his eyelashes were so heavy they weighed his lids down.
I yanked the white duvet off the bed as if I were doing the tablecloth out from under the china trick. I pulled it around me, tucking it in here and there, covering even the tips of my toes on the off chance he had a foot fetish.
“Who is that?” Jonathon asked over the phone.
“Huh? Nobody. It’s nobody. Just the TV.”
“Are you okay? You sound strange.”
“I just woke up. A bunch of us went out drinking last night. I’m still a bit fuzzy headed.”
Colin opened his mouth like he was going to say something. I reached over and shoved a pillow in his face to shut him up. I had this sudden image that I was going to end up as a central figure in a crime documentary on A&E trying to explain that I didn’t mean to smother Colin to death, it had been an accident as I tried to hide his existence from my married boyfriend.
“Did you want to get together today? My wife took our daughter out for the afternoon. We could celebrate how things are going with the new show. I saw the ratings last night.”
“Uh. I’m not sure it’s a good time. I’m not feeling that great. Maybe we could do something later.” Not to mention at the moment I couldn’t think of a single reason to celebrate.
“I don’t know if I can get away later,” Jonathon said.
“How exactly is that my fault?” I snapped.
“I knew you were angry. It wasn’t fair for me to suggest we have dinner and then not call. If I could have gone out last night I would have. I haven’t dated in years, but I know it isn’t fair to leave a woman waiting by the phone.”
“Waiting?”
“I don’t mean to imply that you should just be sitting around. Ah, I keep making this worse and that isn’t what I am trying to do.” I could hear him give a tired sigh through the phone.
“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t feel well and that makes me cranky.” I glanced over to Colin. He had pulled the pillow from his face and was lying there looking up at the ceiling. I looked away again. “I would love to see you. Can you give me an hour or two?”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okay, that would be great. I’ll be at your place in an hour and a half.”
“Super. See you soon.” The phone clicked off. It was so quiet in the bedroom I could hear the tinny buzz of the digital alarm clock on the side of the bed. I buried my face in my hands. “Oh. My. God.” I consider myself to be a decent person. At this rate I am going to have to install one of those take a number dispensers on my desk at work, or maybe save the trouble and mount it on my bedside. The fact I hadn’t slept with Jonathon since I knew he was married didn’t matter. I still considered us to be serious. Granted he was still with his wife, but the point was that we were trying to reduce the number of people in our relationship, not increase it.
“Easy,” Colin said, holding up one hand.
“I am not!”
“I didn’t mean you were easy, I meant
take
it easy.”
“How dare you!” I stood up and shuffled with the duvet around me over to the pile of my clothing.
“You need to calm down.”
“I am calm.” I slipped one hand out of the blanket and yanked my clothing into my duvet burrito with me. “I’m just going to use your bathroom, get dressed, and get out of here. Then we are going to swear that this
never happened
. Do you understand me? It never happened. If you say anything I will deny it to my dying breath.”
“What about the video?”
“We took video?” I let go of the blanket and then yanked it back up. Never get it on film had been one of my mantras. Colin started laughing.
“There’s no video.”
“You think this situation is funny?”
“It is a little funny. Not like laugh out loud funny, but a bit funny. Look, go to the bathroom and I’ll make you some breakfast. I make a great hangover scrambled egg thing.”
“You took advantage of me because I was drunk. That is low.”
“I took advantage of you? How about when you jumped on my back outside the restaurant and yelled out ‘Hi Ho Silver’ and insisted I give you a horseback ride while whacking me in the side like you were a jockey in the Derby?”
I opened my mouth to protest and then had a vague memory of doing just that. I started feeling nauseated again. I swallowed hard.
“Let’s not get bogged down in the details of the blame game.”
“I’m not bogged down, I’m hungry. If you don’t want my eggs we could go out to eat. There’s a place around the corner that does a great French toast.”
“I don’t feel well and I need to get home. I want you to promise that you’ll never say a thing about this.”
“What’s in it for me to keep quiet?” He pulled himself up so that he was leaning against his headboard. He rubbed his hands through his hair. He should have looked rumpled and in need of a shower, but instead he looked amazing. It was really annoying.
“You’re going to blackmail me?”
“I’m not saying that I would, I’m just inquiring to the potential payoff.”
“You’re disgusting.” My lip curled up in distaste.
“That isn’t what you said last night.”
“Just shut up about last night already!”
“Look…about last night,” Colin said, sitting up and reaching toward me.
“I said shut up!” I smacked his hand away.
“I give up. The bathroom is at the end of the hall. Clean towels in the cupboard.”
He rolled over, his back facing me. I did the mermaid shuffle with the duvet down the hall and into the bathroom. It was remarkably clean for a single guy. The entire room was done with smooth white and a slate-green subway tile. The sink was a thick glass bowl mounted on the counter. The shower had one of those rain heads that would pour the water down onto you. I debated taking a shower which would have the benefit of making me look nearly human against the desire to get out of there. Escape won out. I washed my face in the sink and swirled toothpaste around in my mouth. Despite whatever we had done I couldn’t fathom using his toothbrush, although I feared my mouth had been in far more compromising positions.
I held onto the sink; it felt like the world was tilting out of control. I thought of Jonathon. What did it say for the future of our relationship if I was cheating on him already? Of course he had a wife so perhaps he wasn’t in the position to say much, but I doubted he would see the situation that way.
Colin leaned against the kitchen counter watching the coffee brew. He looked up when he heard me come into the room.
“Bagel?” He slid a plate across the kitchen island with half of a toasted bagel.
“It’s only half.”
“I ate the other half. I have more; I can throw one into the toaster.”
“No, thanks. I really should be going.” I nibbled on the edge of the bagel. The first swallow of the heavy bread felt like it was at risk for hitting my stomach and bouncing right back out followed by a parade of stomach acid. The second bite went down a bit easier. Carbohydrates were seizing control and the threat of vomiting was decreasing down to code yellow from its previous code red alert.
“Are you sure you won’t stay for breakfast? It won’t take me long.”
“No. I really need to get going.” I waved my hand absently. Colin had overheard the entire phone conversation. He knew I was basically leaving his place and running into the arms of Jonathon.
“Nothing happened last night,” he said.
“Then what I am doing here?”
“You were drunk. Well, we were drunk. You said you didn’t want to go home. I didn’t know where you lived so we came back here. You passed out. I tucked you into bed. Nothing happened.”
I looked at him, feeling the tension in my shoulders loosen. Colin was many things, but he was honest.
“Doesn’t mean I didn’t want something to happen,” Colin said. My face flushed red and I looked away. “You wanted something to happen too. I could tell.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Call me Goober again. It can be your love name for me.” He leaned toward me on the countertop and winked.
“Can we just forget the whole thing? You were right. I was drunk, you were drunk. That’s it. I want to pretend that last night never existed.”
Colin turned his back to me without saying anything else. I watched him drop another bagel in the toaster. The coffeepot gurgled and he reached for a mug. He held one out and I shook my head no.
“Thanks for the bagel. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“My largess knows no bounds. Stick with me and perhaps one of these days you’ll get the other half.”
“Something to aspire to.”