Don't Look Back (18 page)

I longed for someone to talk to and confide in. I missed Alyssa, who had been my good friend in Reno. I’d avoided emailing her since I’d been in California, for fear I’d say something that would give away where I was. But now I felt a need to talk to someone and she was the only one who had any idea about what had happened.

Alyssa,

I’m so sorry I haven’t emailed you in a while. How are things for you? How are classes going? I’m going to school where I am.

Take care,

Lily

Later that week I heard back from her.

Hey, Lily!

It’s so good to hear from you! I’ve been thinking about you. My classes are going fine this semester. I have some big news though. I’m engaged! His name is Ty and I’ve known him since high school. When I came back to my parents’ house over the summer, we started hanging out and now we’re engaged.

I’ve been spending every spare moment planning the wedding. My life is so crazy!

I hope you are safe and doing well. I hope I can see you sometime.

Take care of yourself,

Alyssa

Though I wanted to be able to confide in Alyssa and tell her everything that had happened, it sounded like she already had so much going on and I didn’t want to burden her with my problems. I emailed her back and told her to let me know when the wedding was and if I could, I’d try to come.

As the semester went on I mostly enjoyed my classes but the web design class quickly became my favorite. I spent hours creating mock websites until I felt ready to do the real thing. One day at work I approached Billi with the idea that I could create a website for her store.

“You wouldn’t have to pay me unless you liked it,” I said. “Then I’ll get it uploaded to the Internet and keep it updated.”

“I’ve been thinking about getting a website for the store.” Billi smiled. “Give it a try and show me what you come up with. I’m sure I’ll love it.”

She insisted on paying me for my time. We agreed on a price and as soon as I got home that night I began sketching the layout.

It took several weeks before I had a presentation to show Billi. Between going to school full-time, working part-time, and being exhausted all the time, I’d had trouble fitting this new project into my schedule.

The day I planned on showing the presentation to Billi, I brought my laptop to the boutique. When I walked into Billi’s office I was caught off-guard to find several other people in the room.

“I can come back another time if you’d like,” I told her.

She laughed. “Actually Kate, these are some friends of mine who own businesses of their own. I invited them to see what you’ve done.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t been nervous to show my work to Billi, but this was different.

“I’m sorry, Kate. I should have warned you.”

“No, that’s okay.”

One of the men spoke up. “I’ve been looking into getting a website myself, but I didn’t know who to ask.”

I was pleased to see everyone nod in agreement. I suddenly realized that if they liked my work, they could all become my clients. This had the potential of turning into a business for me. A business I could do and still be at home with my baby.

As the possibilities flowed through my head, my nervousness increased. This could be the most important meeting I’ve ever had, I thought as I booted up my laptop.

Forcing those thoughts out of my mind, I focused instead on showing Billi and the others the features I’d created. The time went quickly and I was thrilled when nearly every business person there expressed interest in my skills. Not only would I create the websites, but then I would need to maintain them as well.

I went home on a mental high as my confidence in myself and my abilities soared.

The email I found in my inbox quickly crushed those feelings.

Lily,

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I’ve tried dating other women, but no one is like you. I NEED you. I want you to be a part of my life. I know I made some mistakes, but I’ve changed. I realize now how much I really love you. We were meant to be together.  For me, no one else will do. It’s you or no one. And I don’t want to be alone. We need to be together. You, me, and our baby. I promise I’ll be a good husband and father. We’re still married and the divorce can be stopped. You are my wife. We need to be together. It’s not fair to the baby to not be with his father. I know you want what’s best for our baby.

I know you don’t want to be alone. I can take care of you. I’ll do anything to have us be together, Lily.

I love you!

Trevor

I was surprised to find myself crying. I didn’t realize it until then just how lonely I really was. These last few months had been so difficult. Doing everything on my own had been harder than I had expected. And I hadn’t even had the baby yet. How was I going to handle being a single mother? Was it really fair to my baby to keep Trevor out of her life?

As I pictured Trevor’s face, I recalled the good memories. There had been so much potential for a good family life. But then I thought about the day I found out I was pregnant.

I’d prepared a special dinner and asked Trevor to come home on time from work. After promising he would, he hadn’t shown up until nearly one o’clock in the morning and he had smelled strongly of alcohol. When I’d confronted him, he had shoved me so hard that I’d fallen over the coffee table and onto the floor.

As I relived that moment, I knew I couldn’t live my life that way.

I hit the Reply button.

Trevor,

It’s over. As much as I loved you, I can’t be with you anymore. It’s what’s best for everyone. With your unpredictable temper, I would be afraid for our child. I’m sorry, but I believe it’s for the best.

Lily

I reread the message several times, then took a deep breath and hit Send.

My hands shook as I closed the laptop.

Over the next few days I anxiously checked my email, waiting for Trevor’s reply. When it came, I was almost afraid to open it. Finally, my heart pounding, I opened the message

Lily

I’m sorry you feel that way because I’ve changed. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. I’ve stopped drinking. I don’t even hang out with the same people anymore. You’d be so proud of me.

Please, just give me one more chance.

I love you more than anything. Tell me where you are and I’ll come and get you.

Love, Trevor

I bit my lip as I contemplated his words. Had he really changed or was he trying to trick me? I had a hard time believing he could change so completely. And the idea of him coming to get me frightened me. The last time he had done that, he’d isolated me from the world for weeks.

Chapter Thirty-Two

One day, towards the end of November, I was working at the boutique by myself. Billi was out of town and had left me in charge. I was feeling very pregnant and awkward - there were only a few weeks before my baby girl would arrive - and I was organizing some items on a shelf. The morning had been less busy than usual and there were no customers at that moment. I was enjoying the lull when I heard the bell over the front door jingle. I turned to ask the customer if I could help, but my words stuck in my throat when I saw Trevor standing there.

The blood drained from my face and panic engulfed me. Finally I found my voice and the words left my mouth without me thinking. “Trevor, you found me.”

He took a step in my direction, a friendly smile on his face. “Of course I found you. Did you really think you could hide from me?”

I felt shaky and I feared I might pass out. I knew I had to do everything within my power to remain conscious and in control of myself. I moved to the chair we kept in the corner for customers and after sitting, I lowered my head until the dizziness passed.

“Lily, are you okay?” Trevor asked as he hurried over to me.

I lifted my head and saw the genuine alarm on his face. Could it be that he really cared and wouldn’t harm me? My trust in him had been shattered and I knew I couldn’t take anything he said at face value.

“What are you doing here?” I choked out.

“What do you mean? I want to be with you. You’re still my wife. I want to be with you and our baby.”

“But Trevor, we’re in the middle of a divorce.”

“The divorce was your idea. I never wanted it. You left
me
, remember?”

Just then a customer came in.

“I can’t do this right now,” I whispered.

“That’s fine. I’ll wait outside until you’re off. One o’clock, right?”

I nodded, still in shock to see him standing in front of me. He left and I forced myself to stand and see if the customer needed help. She said she was just looking. I turned away from her and my gaze went to the window. I could see Trevor walking across the street to a diner and realized he’d probably been watching me for a while. At least long enough to know what time I usually got off work.

It was twelve thirty, so I only had thirty minutes to devise a plan.

As I watched the customer calmly look through the clothing racks, my mind raced, frantically thinking about my options. I could call the police. But what would I tell them? My husband wants to talk to me. No officer, he hasn’t threatened me and no, I don’t have a restraining order, he just wants to talk to me.

No, that was a non-starter.

“Excuse me,” the customer said to me, startling me.

“Yes?” I asked, trying to care about what she might want.

“Do you have this in a size ten?” She held up a pair of designer jeans.

“We just have what’s out. I’m sorry,” I said, wishing she would leave me alone so I could think.

“When are you going to get more in?”

“We get a shipment every Monday.”

“Can you hold a pair of these for me in a size ten if you get some in?”

“Sure,” I said, not caring that was against store policy. I just wanted to move her along because the clock was rapidly approaching one o’clock.

“Do you want my name?” she pressed.

“Oh, yeah. Of course.”

“It’s Michele. That’s with one l.”

I went behind the counter and wrote her name. She followed me and watched. I guess to make sure I’d spelled her name right.

“Aren’t you going to write down what size I need?”

“Yeah, yeah. What size was it?”

“A ten,” she said, clearly becoming exasperated.

I wrote ten next to her name. “Got it.”

“What about the brand of the jeans?”

“Right.” I wrote that down too. At least I didn’t need to ask her what she’d been looking at.

“Okay, thank you.”

Mercifully, the woman left and I was able to focus. I only had ten minutes until my shift was over. Maddy would be there any minute and then I would need to leave.

I briefly considered calling Marcus, but he had moved on with his life. He was with his old girlfriend at his new job and in his new apartment. I didn’t fit in that equation anywhere. Plus how was he going to feel when he found out I’d lied to him about being a widow and about my name? It didn’t matter. He was out of my life.

“Hi there, Kate. Has it been busy?”

I looked up and saw Maddy walking through the door, at ease and not a care in the world. I forced myself to focus on her question. “Uh, yeah. It’s been slow today.”

“Are you okay? You look pale.”

That’s because my abusive husband tracked me down and is waiting across the street for me to come out even as we speak. “I’m not feeling very well,” I said instead.

“Good thing I’m here then.”

I nodded, my mind still racing and having no clue what to do. There was no back door in this place so I’d have to walk out the front. Maybe I could make a run for my car, I thought. But as I took a step in the direction of the front door, my big belly reminded me that my movements were slow and awkward. There would be no running today.

Resigned to dealing with Trevor face to face, I sighed.

“You’d better go home and take it easy, Kate.”

“Thanks, Maddy. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said as I stared out the window. At least I hoped I would be back the next day. I had no idea what Trevor was planning. How long had he been in town? Did he know where I lived? I was willing to bet two-hundred thousand dollars that he did. I would also bet that he didn’t know I had his two-hundred thousand dollars. Was that why he was here? To find out if I had it? Or did he have other reasons altogether?

Chapter Thirty-Three

Maybe it would be best if I talked to him, I thought. I had no desire to keep the money. In fact I wished I’d never found the SD card. All that money was doing was stressing me out. I still had a good portion of the money I’d gotten from Dad’s life insurance policy. Plus now I had the money from the sale of Dad’s house. My needs were being met. I didn’t need to be greedy. I’d rather have the peace of mind of knowing I was safe.

“It’s okay if you want to take off,” Maddy said.

It was a few minutes before one. “Okay. See ya,” I said as I walked out the door, my gaze glued to the diner. I hurried to my car, wondering if I could drive off before Trevor caught up to me. I had to look away from the diner so I wouldn’t trip. Walking as fast as I could in my hugely pregnant state, I reached my car and shoved the key in the lock, wishing I had a keyless entry. I turned the key and the lock popped up. My hand grasped the door handle and I pulled.

“You weren’t going to leave without talking to me, were you?” Trevor said in my ear.

I gasped, startled and dropped my keys. I considered using my self-defense moves, but didn’t think I would be too effective with my big belly in the way. Not only that, I wanted to find a way to give Trevor his money back. I knew as long as I had it, I would have to look over my shoulder. Maybe I could use it to get what I wanted from Trevor. Namely a divorce and a life away from him.

“You dropped these,” he said, handing me my keys.