Dust (16 page)

I moaned. "This is unbelievable. Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"Pinterest."

I gaped at him.

"What?"

"You just don't seem like the Pinterest type of guy," I said around another bite. I lost
all
my manners before. That had been before the power of pineapple. Pinterest had searched for and destroyed any hidden manners remaining.

"It's addictive. I'm an artist, remember? People pin some of the coolest images."

"And recipes."

He chuckled. "And recipes."

We ate and chatted about life—my summer plans, my fall semester, his graduation, his grandfather's condition. I hadn't realized how sick he was. I mean, I knew it. Killian hadn't hidden anything about Cecil's condition, but until I was here in this house, and saw the nurse's room, and heard Killian talk about him, I hadn't fully understood how bad off he was. His grandparents had filled the role of parents a long time ago. It was like he was losing a parent all over again. Only this time, it was under natural circumstances he had to watch slowly unfold with each passing day. He either didn't hide how it was affecting him, or I knew him well enough to see the pain beneath the surface. Both situations squeezed my heart. I loved him. God, I loved him so much. I never thought I'd be in this situation. Not ever. But here I was, and I was so happy to have found someone to love. I just hoped he'd one day feel a fraction about me the way I felt about him. I knew he cared. Deeply. That was more than enough for now.

"Whew. I don't think I can eat another bite," Killian said and leaned back in his chair. After I'd inhaled food for the first couple of minutes, I'd slowed down to a respectable eating speed and had finished while talking.

"I'll never make fun of you and Pinterest again."

He winked at me. "Don't make promises you can't keep, firecracker. You don't know just how deep my addiction for that site is. I own a hot glue gun, and I know how to use it."

"You realize you just lost some man points? Keep that up, and your kind will demand your man card back."

He stood up and grabbed both of our plates. I got our empty bottles and followed him to the kitchen. "Recycling bin is in the closet over there." I walked to where he'd pointed and discarded the bottles. "Want to watch a movie?"

I turned around and watched as he dried his hands on a towel, over and over, while he waited for my answer. I recognized it as another nervous gesture and made sure I didn't look down or smile. "Sure."

He nodded and tossed the towel onto the counter. He took my hand and led me to the den off the other side of the kitchen. I sat on the plush leather couch while he fiddled with the remote.

"No artsy movie," I said quickly before he could download one.

He gasped, a look of mock offense touching his face. "I know you don't know how to appreciate those movies. Why would I make you watch one when I'm trying to woo you?"

"'Don't know how to appreciate', really? More like you don't want to bore me to tears."

"That, too." He settled back, put his arm around me, and started the movie—an old romantic comedy.

Within minutes, I was laughing, and so was he. It felt nice sitting next to him, relaxed and enjoying each other's company. Then his hand moved, his fingers grazing my hair. That light touch sent a shiver up my back. He did it again, this time letting his fingers trail through the strands. My head was spinning now. I felt like I was floating, so I put my hand on his leg to anchor myself in reality, meaning I was now touching him. His hard thigh heated my palm, and I squeezed it to absorb its warmth. A soft sound vibrated against my hair right before he clutched it. I looked up at him while drawing circles on his thigh with my thumb. His eyes bore into mine, and any air in the room was suddenly M.I.A. My panting had dried my lips, so I licked them. His gaze flickered to watch. I rubbed his leg where I held it, giving it a slight squeeze, and he moaned just before his lips crushed to mine. I was lost in sensation, nerve endings igniting and burning me from within. It was paradise. A beautiful, overwhelming paradise.

His hands gripped my hair tighter, and my scalp tingled with the delicious sting, which shot straight to my core. I slid my hand up higher until I could cup him through his jeans. He moaned into my mouth before breaking away and kissing down my neck. God, that felt so good. My fingers instinctively wrapped partially around his erection and stroked him. I didn't like the barrier of his clothes, but I was too needy to stop at the moment and unzip his pants.

Needy? I meant greedy. Damn, to anybody outside, I'd look like some whore who puts out on a first date, too focused on getting off to be smart. But deep down, I knew the truth. Killian and I had been building up to this for months, and right now, I wanted nothing more than to be with him in every way. This was more than hooking up.

"Take me to your room," I breathed in his ear while he nipped at my neck.

He stilled. "Are you sure?" he whispered against my skin before kissing it again.

"Mm-hmm."

He kissed his way up to my mouth and pulled away. He stood and pulled me up with him. Then he guided me down the hall while holding one of my hands between both of his.

It was darker in his room, the midday sun not as bright in this part of the house. Plus he left the light off. I was grateful for that. It'd provide more intimacy while keeping me partially covered in darkness. My eyes adjusted as he locked the door and guided me to the bed where he kissed me softly. Part of me didn't want easy and craved the urgency I could get lost in. But the other part relished this—the slow kiss, gentle hands, soft noises. When my shirt was pulled from my body I barely registered it. I think I only knew because he had to break the kiss to remove it. When he leaned in to kiss me again, I eased back a little and gripped his shirt. I tugged it loose from his jeans and lifted until he grabbed the hem and yanked it off.

"Liv," he breathed when I kissed his chest. Not wanting to stop there, I traced my lips to his coppery nipple and licked. He winced and fisted his hands into my hair. It spurred me on, so I did the same to his other one. He tasted like clean man with a hint of sweat, the smell intoxicating. I hadn't understood the whole sniffing thing originally, but I sure as hell liked it now. I kissed a little lower, working my way to his belly button on my path south when he grabbed my elbows and lifted me up.

"What?" I gasped.

He shook his head. "It's my turn for that."

My feet left the floor as I was swept into his arms. Before I had a chance to protest, my back landed on his bed. He was on me again, kissing away whatever words were about to leave my mouth, swallowing them down. We kissed and touched endlessly, and it still wasn't enough. My body ached. My soul burned. I needed him to take me, make me his. To love me with his body as I knew his heart would one day do. I reached for his pants and unbuckled them, but he pulled away, sitting up on his knees. He watched my eyes as he slowly unbuttoned my pants, but my gaze kept flashing to the exposed opening of his jeans. I lifted when he tugged on my pants, so he could pull them free. All I was left in was my bra and panties. He leaned down and kissed my inner knee as he gently pushed my legs apart.

"Take off your pants, too," I squeaked. I didn't understand why, but I wanted us on equal footing. I felt too exposed if he had on more clothes. It was a silly reaction, but it was mine and I was owning up to it.

When he looked at me, his eyes were soft, understanding. He nodded once and stood. Within seconds he was back on the bed in nothing but his boxer briefs. This time when he nudged my legs apart, I complied. His lips were wet, warm as they marked my inner thigh. My legs were trembling, but I couldn't do anything about that. It was a mix of nerves and anticipation. The only cure would be stopping, which was a big fat no.

His breath warmed me through my panties, and my hips lifted closer to him. He groaned and moved back before grabbing the sides of my panties. "If I do anything,
anything
, that you're uncomfortable with... Please tell me."

I opened my mouth, but no noise came out. I nodded instead.

He pulled my panties down. He bent over me, and I was about to tell him it was his turn to take off his underwear, but his tongue touched my clit, and I forgot how to work my lungs, much less my mouth. He devoured me. I mean totally consumed me. He nibbled my pussy lips, tongued my opening, and sucked on my clit. Sounds came out of my mouth that should have scared me. My body moved in ways that should have embarrassed me. And the trembling? Oh God, I was shaking all over.

"Killian," I breathed. My head tossed on his pillow, his covers clasped in my hands. I
needed
. Sensations slammed into me. "Oh my God. I can't...I can't breathe." Then his finger entered me and his tongue flicked over my clit rapidly, and any need to inhale was gone because I was screaming out the breath I'd been holding.

And still he lapped at me.

Seconds ticked by while I flew into the stars. I wasn't sure how long I'd soared, but when I came back down, Killian was there, kissing my thighs, my belly. He removed my bra and ravished my breasts while my body still hummed, the high of climaxing turning into a far greater need. I wrapped my legs around him and lifted, rubbing against his cock. "Oh god, Liv." He thrust against me and sucked harder on my nipple.

"Please, Kill. I need you inside me."

He was up and off the bed before I finished my plea. He yanked open his nightstand drawer, retrieved a box, and destroyed it in his effort to get it open, and pulled out a condom. He shoved his underwear down and got back on the bed as he tore open the packet with his teeth. I watched in rapt fascination while he rolled it on and pinched the tip of it. I wanted to ask why he did that. I wanted to try putting one on him myself. Maybe next time. I smiled at the thought of doing this again and again with him.

He came over me and kissed me. "Spread your legs a little. Wrap them around me."

I did, and the effect was immediate. I was now completely bared to him, to his taking. I gasped when the head of his cock nudged my sensitive clit. Then it found my entrance and I grabbed one of his forearms.

"We'll go slow." I felt him spread me open a little when he pushed. I reached up and grabbed both of his upper arms since they were in reach. Then he moved his arms, digging them both underneath me and grabbing my shoulders. He pushed again, going a little deeper. My legs stiffened around him. "Easy, baby. You doing okay?" I nodded against him.

He thrust hard. I pushed against his chest on instinct, but the way he held my shoulders didn't allow for an escape. The thought of being helpless to his taking should have freaked me out, but I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Not maliciously. It'd been a very long time since anything near his size had been inside of me. I wasn't a virgin but my muscles had been long unused. I bit into his shoulder.

"Shit, baby. You doing that makes me want to fuck you into the mattress. I-I'm trying to be easy for you." His arms were trembling as he rocked back and forth, not going any deeper than he had before.

"Sorry."

"Shhh." He kissed me again as he continued his light thrusts, going deeper every so often. I wiggled my hips and lifted to meet his next thrust. I moaned, and he froze. It felt so good, but it just wasn't enough. It was like he was teasing me with something I wanted but couldn't have. Then instead of pulling out, he pushed in. And in. And in. Giving me what I silently begged for. I whimpered into his mouth, and he held me to him. He was completely inside now. I moved, savoring the feeling, adjusting to him. It felt foreign but good. So very, very good.

"Liv," he breathed, my name a benediction, and I fell even more in love with him.

"Kill," I murmured. I needed him to know I was right there with him, feeling the things he was feeling.

His gaze searched mine, and I confessed my feelings with my expression. He looked at me with such wonder, and I hoped love. He moved then, thrusting gently but completely. I held him while we kissed and groped, made love to each other. My relationship with Kill had given me so much, but this...this had been the greatest gift of all—himself.

When my orgasm claimed me, it was swift and powerful, so strong it pulled Killian over with me.

We kissed and held each other for hours, with none of the awkwardness I'd feared. We left no room for it with all the touching and laughing, kissing and loving we did.

And yes, we made love again. I instigated it. He was worried I'd be too sore, but it didn't take long for me to convince him. I wasn't finished with him yet.

I knew deep down I never would be.

I
was trying
to study for the only final I needed to focus on, but I couldn't concentrate. At first, I'd blamed singing birds for distracting me. Well, until I realized
I
was making that racket with my humming. Luckily, Jewel had still been asleep, so I didn't have to explain why I'd suddenly broken out into song. Now she was awake and getting ready for her coffee date with Gabe before class, so I had to keep my inner Lady Gaga under lock and key. As I watched her walk around, I felt as if I were bursting apart. I wanted to tell her about me and Killian. He'd brought so much joy and acceptance into my life and I wanted to share it with my new best friend. To start. I really wanted to tell everybody I knew and even random strangers on the street. Anybody who'd listen, I'd gladly blab.

But thinking about my happiness and sharing said joy with the people around me—and transients within earshot—made me consider my sister. I was thinking about her a lot lately. The only difference was, instead of punishing myself with her memories, I was embracing them. I loved Samantha. I always had and knew she would forever be a part of me. I wasn't sure if I'd ever truly forgive myself for what happened to her, but I liked knowing I could think about her without guilt consuming me immediately. I wondered if she'd approve of Killian. She was older than me, not by much, but older. She'd enjoyed being the big sister at times, and I knew she'd get all protective of me having a boyfriend. There was no doubt in my mind she'd want me to move beyond my past to embrace my future—no matter who that future was with. She wouldn't have liked me closing down and going through the motions without actually enjoying life happening around me. Honestly, it was a disservice to us both—to me for not living the life I still had and to Sam for wasting away the life I'd been allowed to keep. I was working on that. I'd been working on it a while now, but it was Killian that helped me over the last threshold. I think for that alone Sam would've really liked him.

I know my mom did. It didn't take a genius to see the hope burning in her eyes when we'd visited her. I knew when I worked up the nerve to tell her, I'd have to plan on being on the phone with her the rest of the night. I couldn't wait too long though. That was a conversation I needed to have quickly. Just not right at this moment. I glanced at Jewel, knowing I couldn't wait any longer to tell her. Hell, I would've last night but she wasn't home when I arrived, and I literally crashed as soon as I walked in. I couldn't complain though. Having sex three times in one day probably did that to people.

Yes, three times. If round number two had taken a little convincing from me, round number three was like offering drugs to an addict. We'd been taking a shower before he brought me home. I wanted to wash him.

I was very thorough.

He was very appreciative.

We were very late getting back to my dorm.

I giggled at the memory. Our goodbye kiss in his truck had almost led to him following me up to my dorm, but he'd refrained. I would've pouted if I hadn't been so tired.

"What are you laughing about?" Jewel asked, giving me a questioning gaze...and an opportunity to spill.

"Just thinking about last night." I smirked.

Her eyes got big. I mean huge. "Last night? I thought you had a
lunch
date."

"It was an all afternoon affair."

"Did you... Oh my god, did you sleep with him?" She squealed. I did too. Stupid stick be damned.

"I so did. Several times."

She gasped and twirled me around. I laughed. This acting silly stuff was awesome. Of course, I'd totally deny that later, but right now I was going to milk this cow of silliness dry.

"O-M-G, I'm so happy for you!" She hugged me, juggled me a little, and finally let go to stand back and stare at me. "So," she said more seriously. "How do you feel?"

"Er, great." I shrugged.

"No, I mean. Are you sore?"

I snapped my mouth shut so hard my teeth clanged. I hadn't been a virgin before last night, but Jewel didn't know that. I'd mentioned that to Killian but it had never really come up with Jewel. She didn't know much about my past, but she'd rallied behind me when I divulged some of those darker moments. Could I tell her the specifics? I opened my mouth, but memories assaulted me.

"You're hurting me." I trembled beneath him, wanting to push him away, but unable to move my hands.

"Don't be like that, darlin'." His alcohol-laced breath made me gag.

I shook violently. The memory of that night was still too hard for me to accept. "I-I can't explain things. But I wasn't a virgin before."

Jewel's mouth dropped. "You're white as a ghost," she breathed and took a few slow steps toward me. "Oh my god, did that man—"

"Stop!" I lifted both hands. I couldn't have her touching me right now. "I can't talk about..." I shook my head and took a deep breath. My hands slowly dropped to my side. "Last night was... God, Jewel, it was the most wonderful night of my life. I need to embrace that right now."

"I'm sorry. Geez, I'm such a bitch." She relaxed her shoulders and smiled. I could tell it was forced, but she was trying and I appreciated that. "Do I get all the gory details?" She smirked, and her expression was more genuine now.

I balked. "Are you out of your mind?" I walked closer to her. "That's a
no
in case you're wondering."

She chuckled. "Girl's gotta try." She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the side of her bed. She plopped down on it and tugged me beside her. "Give me something though. It doesn't have to be private."

"He makes this soft noise when he kisses," I murmured before thinking.

"I know." My head snapped up, and I stared at her. It was so easy for me to forget she'd ever slept with Killian. She liked Gabe and it had been years ago. I'd seen them around each other many times, and there were no longing looks of unrequited love on either part or even the awkwardness that came with exes. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. I felt...I didn't know,
weird
maybe.

Jealous. That was a more appropriate description, though I knew I had no reason to be. Unfortunately, logic didn't dictate emotions.

"Oh shit, that was out of line," Jewel gasped. "I don't know why I even said that. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay." Was it? I didn't know proper girl protocol on reminiscing about the time you'd hooked up with your new best friend's boyfriend.

"You know I would never do anything to come between the two of you, right?" Jewel's eyes started to turn red. My chest felt heavy. "I don't even think about him like that anymore. I haven't in a long time. Seriously, until you transferred here, I hardly talked to him. It's because of you that I even hang out with him. I'm completely in your corner." She leaned in, and lowered her voice, "Like, I'm so far in your corner that if you two ever break up, I'll help you hide his body."

I had to laugh then because she looked so serious.

"You think I'm lying?" She leaned back and smiled. "My dad was governor, girl. I know places where even the vultures and gators can't find him."

"You're a mess." I said through fits of laughter. She joined in and the tension was gone.

"I really am sorry. It's just that I know Killian is a good guy. Deep down he really is, but he never seemed to believe that before you. I'm happy he's able to see that now, and I'm so tickled you're the one to do it for him."

My face was hurting from smiling. I figured it was my unused cheek muscles trying to remember how to work again. I got the feeling they'd be in for a new workout. "Thanks. He means a lot to me."

"You love him," she said so calmly.

I sputtered, trying to come up with a response that didn't sound sappy or lame.

"Stop trying to deny it. It's written all over your face." She hugged me before I could blurt out something intelligent...or unintelligent as the case probably was. When she looked at me again, she had an expression I’d learned to be wary of.

"What?"

"We need to figure out a way to help Gabe and Killian work through their issues." The floor suddenly looked very interesting to me. "Oh no you don't. Look at me." When I did, she grabbed both of my wrists. "We girls stick together. Those two get testosterone overload whenever they get within twenty feet of each other. I know you know why. I can see it by the look in your guilty eyes."

"Jewel—"

"Just hear me out. I'm not asking you to spill his secrets, but you have inside information on what we can do to help them bury the hatchet."

Unless said hatchet was to be buried in Gabe's back, Killian would have no part of it. I knew that beyond any doubt. "It's not going to work."

"We won't know until we try. What harm will come to us if we exerted some effort where their relationship is concerned? We're BFFs. Our boyfriends are going to be around each other a lot. Do you want to always be breaking up a fight or getting drunk to avoid the tension?"

"No," I said slowly.

"Then we need to figure out a way to help."

A knock sounded, and Jewel jumped away with a giggle. "That's Gabe." She rushed over to the door and opened it. I watched as he walked in. He kissed her briefly and then looked at me.

"Oh, hey, Liv. I didn't know you were going to be here."

"I don't have class this morning."

"Ah." His gaze didn't leave me, and I started to feel a little uncomfortable. I always got that way around him. It felt like he was trying to see into my soul and rip out my secrets. His attention had never been easy for me. I wasn't sure why he affected me like that, but I tried not to focus on any negativity. The reality was Killian was the only man I felt completely at ease around. It was probably nothing personal against Gabe. He was just different from Killian, and I'd probably feel this way around any other man for a while.

But telling myself that didn't make his intense focus any easier to accept.

"You wanna come get some coffee with us?" he asked.

My spine prickled. "Um, no. That's okay."

"Yes!" Jewel said at the same time I tried to deny the request. She looked at me. "Yes," she said again, cocking her head to the side. The calculated look she gave me told me she was ready to start her new Killian and Gabe project immediately.

Killian hated Gabe. Any scheme to change that was not going to work. I knew why and so did Gabe, but Jewel couldn't even begin to understand without knowing the truth about what had happened between them.

And Killian would be all kinds of pissed if I were anywhere near Gabe on purpose. I'd never forget the warning he'd dished out to me the night we had our first kiss. I understood why he'd given it. His anger would be out of fear for me, but it'd still be there all the same.

"It's just coffee," Gabe said. He shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged.

I looked at Jewel who was now sporting a look of determination. I raised an eyebrow and pulled out my phone. "Yeah, I'll go." I sent Killian a text telling him I was going out for coffee with my BFF and his archenemy.

And braced myself for his wrath.

"Yay!" Jewel clapped, wrapped her arm around mine, and leaned her head on my shoulder. Gabe chuckled.

"Okay, let's hit it."

When we got to his car, I slid into the backseat while Gabe and Jewel got in up front. I checked my phone even though it wasn't on silent and I would've heard it go off.

No response from Killian.

When we neared the coffee shop, I checked again.

No response from Killian.

Maybe he was busy or left his phone in another room, I mused. He didn't have class this morning. It was plausible. He'd reply when he noticed I'd sent him a text. Though it was his response I was leery about. When we drove by the coffee shop, I frowned, looking through the rear glass as if I'd been seeing things. Nope, it was definitely behind us, and Gabe wasn't slowing down to pull a U-ey. "Um, we just passed the coffee-getting place?"

Jewel turned around. "We're going to the one by his mom's house. He says it's the only one that serves good coffee." She rolled her eyes.

"It is!" he protested with a laugh. "It's a crime to drink that crap they serve on campus. You've had my coffee. Is it not good?"

Jewel faced the front and sat. "Yeah, yeah. It's the best."

"You'll pay for that, woman." He chuckled. "Just for that, no chocolate chip cookie."

"Oh, please, please, please, can I have a cookie?" Jewel pouted playfully.

I picked up my phone and checked it again.

Still nothing.

Jewel and Gabe continued to flirt and chat in the front seat while I willed my phone to beep. I wanted to talk to Killian. I knew this had been a bad idea. He was going to be furious with me. I was torn between my freewill to do whatever the hell I wanted and going against the wishes of the man I loved. I hadn't felt like his request had been crazy or that he'd been trying to control me. He had a horrible past with this man. He knew him better than me, and he knew what Gabe was capable of. For twenty minutes I berated myself for making this hasty decision.

When my phone vibrated before it sounded, my heart lurched. I yanked up my cell to read my text.

I should've left it alone.

"WTF, Liv? I f'n TOLD u to stay away frm him!"

He was going to be mad. I was anxious because I knew it was coming, but now that I was faced with it, his attitude pissed
me
off. It wasn't logical, but I didn't care.

"Don't be a dick! I'm with Jewel."

"Where r u? I'm coming to get u." I told him before that we were going to get coffee, but the prick would assume the same thing I had and think we were on campus. Now I was glad we were going to a different cafe, and I was
not
going to clarify that for him.

"Screw u!"

"U did already."

I gasped. What the hell? That was below the belt, no pun intended. Why was he being so mean?

"What's wrong?" Jewel asked and turned around to face me. I looked up and saw Gabe watching through the rearview mirror.

"Nothing," I muttered.

"Uh-oh, sounds like your boyfriend doesn't like who you're spending time with," Gabe said casually. I glared at him, partly because I was still mad at Killian, but also because his passive-aggressive tone spurred it on.