Eloisa James - Duchess by Night (32 page)

Please, she said. Please al ow me to help.

She doesnt like the nurse the doctor sent. But she likes seeing you. She asked for you once.

Harriet came forward in a rush. I was trying not to be in the way. You should have cal ed me when she asked for me.

It was the middle of the night. He stood up, rubbing his hands over his eyes. Could you sit with her, just for an hour or two? I need some sleep.

Harriet pushed him toward the door. Go. Come back in the morning. She curled up in a chair next to Eugenias bed. At some point the little girl woke up and asked for water. She smiled blearily at Harriet. By morning she was fretful.

I dont want water, she cried. My side hurts. Wheres my papa? Papa!

A maid entered the room and Eugenias voice escalated. Dont want her here! Make her go away!

Harriet cast an apologetic look at the maid, who scuttled away.

The only thing that settled Eugenia was singing. So Harriet sang.

She was singing Drink to Me Only when Eugenia woke again. Harriet put a cool cloth on Eugenias forehead.

Are you ever going to marry someone, Harry? she asked sleepily.

I dont know.

If you had a baby, I could hold her. When I grow up Im going to have fourteen children.

Real y? Fourteen?

Mrs. Bil ows in the vil age has fifteen, and Papa says thats far too many.

So is

But Eugenia was asleep, a little smile on her face. Perhaps she dreamt of fourteen children. At least she didnt shake her head.

But an hour later she woke again, feverish.

I want a different song, she said fretful y. A song about papa. Sing me about papa.

Harriet panicked. She was singing the refrain of Papas Tower is Fal ing Down for the fourteenth time when Jem entered the room. Ive sent for another doctor from London, he said by way of greeting. How are you feeling, poppet?

Im hot, Eugenia said, her lower lip trembling. I hate it in bed. I hate it here. I want to go outside. I want to sit in the snow.

Harriet stumbled up from her chair and Jem sat down. And thats how it went. For years, it felt like.

The fever and the chil s chased each other in an endless circle. Harriet sang song after song.

Nights were so much worse than days. Sometimes the fever waned slightly in the daytime, though it raged at night.

Sometimes in the daytime when Harriet said, Hel o, sweetheart, to Eugenia, she would open her eyes. Every once in a while she woke up and seemed completely rational. Even when she cried and said it hurt, they took it as a sign of strength.

But at night she never slept for more than an hour. When she wasnt sleeping, she went back to fighting, as Jem described it.

She thrashed her head, back and forth, and shouted until her voice cracked. When she did sleep, it wasnt a natural sleep, but the kind from which people dont always wake.

One day Harriet realized that Eugenia had been il , real y il , for two weeks. She was sitting by the bed, wringing out a cold cloth to put on Eugenias forehead when she heard Jem outside the door. Cant you do anything? he asked the new doctor fiercely.

And the mans voice, low. God, and I wish that I could. We just dont know enough. Theres people studying fevers, but theyve little to say about rat-bite fever.

And then she heard Jem walk away, down the hal , break into a near run. He never cried in front of her. But every day his face was more strained, the lines by his mouth more cruel.

When he returned, later that day, Harriet went to take a bath. The house was quiet, just a huge house and somewhere in it the rat that had given Eugenia a fever.

Just a house, and a father and his dying daughter.

She stopped and rested her forehead against the corridor wal .

Days stretched into another week.

Eugenia was shrinking every day. Her little face grew more peaked and tired, her eyes larger.

One day Harriet went out for a walk, and when she came back, she saw with fresh eyes what she had known inside for days.

Eugenia was dying. It literal y felt as if her heart stopped, and not silently, but with some great screeching pain.

Eugenia was shaking her head again, back and forth, back and forth. Her cheeks were red and she was moaning, a little slipstream mumble of words, but Harriet knew what they were: a litany of pain.

She stumbled forward and fel on her knees by the bed.

Jem was perfectly stark white, his eyes surrounded by black circles. Its not going anywhere, he said hoarsely. Its taken hold for good.

You cant know that, Harriet whispered. No one can know.

She cant bear this much longer.

Harriet swal owed, buried her head in the covers, as if not to hear.

The doctor says perhaps today. Jems voice didnt even sound like his own. It sounded like a voice echoing from far away.

Harriets tears burned her hands, burned the inside of her nose, burned her heart. Would you like to be alone with her? she said, raising her head. Tears dripped from her cheeks.

He shook his head. Stay with me. With us.

So they sat together.

The day wore on. Toward evening, Harriet found herself thinking the oddest thoughts: that twilight is not real y dark. Its gray. The sun gone, the world turns gray, without emotion, without color. It seemed a fitting time for a little girl to slip free of al this pain, to let go.

But Eugenia never did. She would fal into silence, and panic would grip Harriets heart, and then she would start shaking her head again.

Shes fighting it, Jem said suddenly, after hours of silence. His voice cracked mid-sentence. She wont let go.

Harriet managed to smile at Eugenia. Good girl, she said.

No.

No?

She has to know its al right to go. Its al right, darling, its al right. His voice broke, and tears were rol ing down his face. Your mamas waiting for you. Theres just too much pain here, poppet. Its al right. You can let go, Eugenia.

She cant hear you, Harriet said.

Yes, she can. He bent over the bed, cradled his daughters little face, told her again. And again.

Harriet buried her head in the covers and wept. Then she suddenly heard him say in a different voice: Hel o, poppet.

She reared up her head. Eugenia was looking blearily, irritably, at her father. Lo, Papa.

They were the most beautiful two words that Harriet had ever heard.

Eugenia frowned. Stop tel ing me to go, Papa. Im too tired to go anywhere.

Of course you are, he said. Of course you are. I know that.

Wheres Harry?

Harriet leapt up and tangled on her own feet and half fel on top of Eugenia. Im here.

Sing me that song, Eugenia said, closing her eyes again. I want that song, Harry. My favorite song.

So Harriet sat down on the bed and started to sing. Her voice wavered and cracked. Drink to me only, with thine eyes she sang.

And I wil pledge with mine.

Put your hand on my cheek, Eugenia ordered. Like you did before, Harry.

So she did. Yet leave a kiss but in the cup She couldnt manage the high note and slid low instead. And Il not ask for wine.

As they watched, Eugenia fel into sleep. It was a deep sleep this time. She was so far away that her chest hardly moved.

I cant take it, Jem said suddenly, stumbling to his feet. A great cracked sob came from his chest. I cantHarriet Go for a walk, she said, looking up at him. She wont die, not this hour. Not this moment.

He stood, frozen in the door. I cant watch. Icantwatch.

Go, she said, loving him, loving Eugenia. I promise Il watch and she wont die. Not yet.

He stumbled from the room. She lied, she had lied. It seemed obvious to her, as it undoubtedly was to Jem, that Eugenia was leaving them now. If not this minute, in five minutes, in an hour.

Yet Leave a Kiss But in the Cup

March 15, 1784

H arriet picked up Eugenia and carried her over by the fire to the rocking chair. Her little body was al bones.

She stayed by the fire, rocking back and forth, tears sometimes fal ing on Eugenias face. The odd, funny little girl with a logical mind and a passionate wish for babies had crept into her heart.

When Benjamin was alive and they were first married, she had thought they would surely have children. Those unborn children tumbled through her dreams, teething on chess pieces, strutting the way Benjamin did, smiling at her with his eyes.

But then the children never came and somehow those dreams became faded and tired, rather like their marriage.

More tears fel on Eugenias hair. She had found a child, only to lose her.

Once Eugenia stirred, but Harriet shushed her, kissing her forehead, and singing a few bars. She slipped back into that deep sleep.

Harriet was stil rocking when Jem came back.

He walked in the door and she saw the question in his eyes and shook her head quickly. Shes here, stil here.

He looked down and despair was written in every inch of his body. Il take a bath and then Il hold her, he said. His voice was toneless.

Shock, she thought. He cant let himself face it yet.

Harriet kept rocking, her arms aching with exhaustion.

A slanted hint of pearly light came in through a crack in the curtains. Dawn had arrived.

The light wasnt gray anymore. Rose, dusted with pearl, played over Eugenias closed eyes. She didnt stir. Harriet freed one arm and put a hand on Eugenias forehead.

Jem entered the room, deep in the cotton wool he had somehow wrapped himself in. He felt like a snowman come to life, cold, emotionless, walking by some miracle.

Harriet was stil by the fire, but shed stopped rocking. He registered that was a bad sign, walked toward them. Harriet had patches under her eyes like bruises. Her hair was tied back with a simple ribbon, and strands of curled silk were fal ing about her cheeks. Eugenia was curled in her arms like a baby hedgehog.

There was something in Harriets eyesHe looked at his daughter again. Put his hand on Eugenias forehead.

Harriets smile was so beautiful that he felt it in the fiber of his bones. The cotton wool peeled away, left him reeling.

Morning light came toward him like a blow of color.

The fever, he whispered. Itis it? From the earliest days, the fever had waned, but it never real y left. But Eugenias forehead was cool. Cool.

Harriet tried to say something but she was crying.

Eugenia opened her eyes. Papa, she whispered.

He scooped her up. How do you feel? He heard his voice crack with no embarrassment.

Hungry, Eugenia sighed, putting her head on his shoulder.

Harriets wonderful, husky chuckle was a shadow of its former selfbut she hadnt laughed in weeks. Eugenia hadnt asked for food in weeks either. Shed protested every spoonful of soup they gave her. Jem laughed, felt something wet on his cheek and realized he was crying.

Youre going to be al right, he whispered, tightening his arms around his little girl. Harriet, shes going to be al right!

Harriet laughed again.

He looked down at her. The joy was almost painful. I love you, he said suddenly. Do you know that?

Harriet turned a little pink. Oh.

Eugenia and I both love you. Our Harry.

Eugenia was asleep again, so he tucked her back in bed and then picked up Harriet and put her in his lap instead.

She put her head against his shoulder and they just stayed like that, staring into the smoldering fire. It took an hour, perhaps. But final y he heard her voice, like a kiss. I love you, Jem.

He tightened his arms.

March 16, 1784

The fol owing evening

J em walked out of Eugenias room and his feet turned of their own accord toward Harriets bedchamber. Eugenia was wel .

She would live. The doctor agreed. She would live.

Mr. Avery was strol ing down the corridor. Weve missed you at the Game, he said. Hows your daughter?

Better. Perhaps I can join you tonight.

Children are pesky creatures. Im quite proud of myself for not spawning any. Wil Cope join us?

Of course.

Avery accepted that without a blink of an eye.

Jems heart sang. Everything could go back to normal now. Except of course it wouldnt be the same, it would never be the same. He had Harriet now.

He pushed open the door of her chamber without knocking, hoping to find her undressed. Bathing.

She was writing a letter. He knew there was a smile in his eyes, saw it echoed in hers. He came around behind her and pul ed Harriets hair out of its ribbon.

I need you, he said fiercely.

She stood in his arms and turned, silent and sleek.

He pul ed her to the edge of the bed, standing before her, so that he could make love to her, and stil see her, al her sweet curves and delicious roundness. Harriet had no shyness, no modesty. She lay before him like a gorgeous feast, her legs wrapped around his hips.

Being Harriet, she never real y stopped talking. Deeper, she said. Her lips, crimson and plump, caught his attention and he bent forward, taking her lips without missing a stroke.

Making love to Harriet was like nothing he could describe.

So he didnt try, just tugged her out of a nap a few hours later. Come on, Harry, on your feet.

She rol ed away into the pil ow. Her lips were bruised and swol en from his kisses. His body flared and did one of those instant calculations men can do in their sleep. Do it again now, or wait? Wait.

Put on your breeches, he said. The boys are waiting.

What boys?

The Game, he said, giving her a kiss just because he could. Theyve missed us. I promised wed go tonight.

She blinked at him. The Game has kept going? Without you?

Of course.

And they think were going to join them tonight?

They think their host and Mr. Cope are going. I told Povy that wed take the seventh and eighth seats. Her thighs were irresistible. He ran a hand up her right leg, stopping right where her sweet plumpness began.

She frowned at him and turned away. But that just meant that the curve of her bottom caught his eye.