Eminent Love (7 page)

“Wallace. Creed Matthew Wallace. I’m twenty-one, and I currently attend UNC Chapel Hill. I’m in my junior year, and I plan on going to Duke for law school after graduation—you can keep the rivalry comments to yourself,” I added with a smirk. “I’ve wanted to be a lawyer my entire life…defend the innocent. But that’s all you’re going to get about me. If you want more, you’ll have to stick around. Now, what about you, Layne Cooper? Tell me about yourself.”

She picked up her last piece of bacon and pushed it around in the leftover egg yolk on her plate, keeping her attention in front of her. “Since we’re giving out full names here…it’s Layne Madison Cooper. I’m in my first year at Durham Tech. I’m studying to be a graphic designer. I live with my parents, but I don’t want to be there too much longer. Going through cancer kinda changes things a little. I want to live life…and that’s hard to do when you have people constantly hovering.”

“Are they overprotective? Like, do you have a curfew?”

She toyed with her lip again, which seemed to be a nervous habit of hers. “No. Just as long as they know where I am, they don’t care how late I stay out.”

My heart pounded furiously in my chest, my nerves so fried my hands began to shake. “Do you have to go home at all?”

Her piercing blue eyes met mine, and it seemed as though she stopped breathing.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I just thought it’d be nice to get to know you better.” What I really wanted to tell her was I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t care if we didn’t say another word to one another, as long as I had her with me.

“I…um…”

“Never mind.” I waved it off and took our plates to the kitchen.

When I came back to the room, I found her beneath the covers with her head on my pillow. “As long as you’re okay with getting to know each other with our clothes still on, I have no problem with it. I can text Drea and have her wake me up when they get back—if we’re asleep—and she can take me home.”

“Are you sure?” I asked from the end of the bed.

She gave me her answer by throwing aside the covers next to her and inviting me in. I’d never felt more content in my entire life. I climbed in and pulled her close to me, wrapping my arms around her. I never wanted to let her go.

She fit perfectly.

It was where I always wanted her to be.

I
decided
to leave the bar after two drinks. Jason did everything he could to get me to open up, but I couldn’t. It’s not like I wanted to be an asshole; I just wasn’t the sharing type. Even thinking about sharing my memories of Layne with him caused the ache in my chest to grow and burn. The song had been bad enough, flooding me with so many memories I’d once forgotten about, and intensifying the ones I would always remember.

Harvey needed my completed memorandum by the next day, and if I didn’t get my shit together, I’d never have it done in time. Jason had been right about me, though. When so many others looked left, I looked right. When they were too busy running into a wall caused by the main problem in a case, I maneuvered through the surrounding smaller issues until I found myself on the other side. For whatever reason, I had patience, and it proved to be my best asset. My mom had always said the best things come in time, and I’d applied her logic to almost everything in life.

However, I didn’t have the time to be patient. I had to find a strong enough argument for this case, and I had to have it done by tomorrow. So after I got back home, I went to work, digging through everything I could find until I came up with something solid.

It’d taken me until midnight, but I finally found the holy grail and was able to complete the memorandum. I glanced at the clock next to my bed, wondering what Layne was up to. With California being three hours behind, I knew it was only nine her time. I closed my eyes and imagined what she was doing.

I wondered if she’d be in the shower, or if she had a place with a tub. She loved to take baths, so I couldn’t imagine she’d live somewhere that didn’t afford her the option. Picturing her soaking in bubbles, her feet propped up on the edge because she said it kept her from overheating, brought a smile to my face.

I then thought about what her routine was these days. I had no idea how she spent her time anymore, and the thought suffocated me. I used to know every second of every day, and now, I had no clue. I knew she’d moved to San Diego, but other than that, I didn’t know anything else about her. I didn’t know where she worked, if she was still at the Kellerman headquarters, or if she’d moved on to a bigger job. Drea had gone with her, although I hadn’t spoken to either of them in a year, so I didn’t even know if they still lived together. I didn’t know if she still slept on the left side of the bed, or if she took advantage of the entire space.

And then the absolute worst thought came to mind—I didn’t know if she slept alone.

Thinking of Layne sharing a bed with someone else made me eager to race across the country and rip him out of my spot next to her. The irrational hostility tore through me at even the implication. I knew she didn’t belong to me anymore. She was a beautiful woman, capable of catching anyone’s attention.
And anyone’s heart
. Just because I’d stayed single over the last year didn’t mean she had. I couldn’t even look at a woman without thinking of Layne.

I sat up and grabbed my phone, not caring about the time or the consequences of calling this late. I needed to hear her voice more than I needed my next breath. From my screen, her bright-blue eyes stared back at me. The deep lines next to them revealed the happiness she had felt when we’d taken the photo. I’d made her happy once, and I’d do anything to do it again.

Not getting her back is a notion I was unwilling to accept.

I pressed the green call button and listened as it rang, each time growing louder and louder in my ear. My chest tightened the longer it went on. The excitement I felt when I pulled up her number had been completely swallowed by grief on the fourth ring. And then her voicemail picked up. Despair covered me as her voice came through the line, mocking me, reminding me I could hear her, but I couldn’t speak to her.

I disconnected the call and threw my phone back to the bedside table. The ache of disappointment and anger residing heavily in my chest intensified. If she wouldn’t answer my calls, I’d have to find another way to get through to her. Because I wouldn’t give up.

I’d made a decision a year ago to let her walk away.

And as I closed my eyes, I made another decision.

I’d get her back.

No matter what it took.

Then

O
ver the last four weeks
, I’d fallen asleep next to Layne more times than not, but this morning was the first time I’d woken up next to her. She usually waited until I fell asleep before leaving. If Drea had been with Colin that night, she’d take her home, and if not, Layne had the car and would drive herself. I loved our nights together, because it allowed us to learn so much about the other. It seemed easier to talk under the cloak of darkness. Opening up about personal things didn’t leave us feeling exposed as much as it did if it had been during the daylight.

Layne had talked a lot about her cancer, telling me about the procedures and medical terminology—most of which scared the shit out of me. Imagining her going through all that pain and suffering hurt me more than anything else ever had. Some of the things she described made no sense to me, but I’d ask and she’d answer. After a couple of weeks, she finally delved deeper and explained what it was like to lose her hair. Apparently, it’d been the hardest part of it all. In my head, I imagined a person would simply wake up one morning bald. Which proved my ignorance. She told me how it happened over time, sometimes coming out in strands on her pillow, and other times in clumps during a shower. Not all evenly, either, as I also had pictured. She waited until most of it was gone, unable to accept having no hair. At that point, she sat in front of her bathroom mirror with a pair of scissors and cried as she cut the remaining strands.

Her voice broke while telling me that story, the emotional turmoil it’d caused still evident in her words. I didn’t have anything to say to her about it, so I simply pulled her closer and pressed my lips to the soft spot behind her ear.

Her hair had grown considerably longer since she’d first taken the wig off for me in my room. It was thick and dark—the shade between dirty blond and light brown. A week ago, she went in for a haircut to reshape it, and I’d hoped it meant she’d start going without the wig, but that wasn’t the case. I’d told her so many times how much I loved her hair, how sexy I thought she was when she went without the wig. Yet the only times she’d take it off was before climbing into bed with me at night where I’d run my fingers through her short, soft strands until it lulled me to sleep.

Last night, it’d taken me longer to fall asleep. My eyes were still open long after Layne’s breathing had evened out. She had another follow-up appointment at the doctor’s office in the morning. She’d gone a few days ago to have blood drawn so they could check the levels of cancer antigens, and had to go back for an exam and the results. I’d held her all night, scared to death for what the morning could bring. She had these appointments every month, and had gone through this before, but it was the first time I had to go through it with her. It terrified me more than anything I’d ever been through before, making it difficult to sleep or focus on anything. However, if she was worried, she didn’t show it.

Her strength was immeasurable.

I knew there would be many more appointments after this one, and I couldn’t allow myself to get this worked up over it every time. It would do no good for anyone involved. Although I couldn’t stop the unease from amplifying, consuming my days and nights. I couldn’t imagine the debilitating fear going away anytime soon.

Waking up to Layne was…unbelievable.

She was still asleep when my eyes popped open at seven, much like they did every morning. It never mattered how late I stayed up the night before, my body had become accustomed to waking up early for school, and today had been no different. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I wanted to lay there and watch her sleep, savor her warmth next to me for as long as I could. I didn’t want to obsess about doctors or tests. I didn’t want to leave the security of my room, my bed.

I didn’t want to deal with the reality of life.

When she rolled to her side and opened her eyes, I knew it’s what I wanted every morning for the rest of my life. I wanted her next to me when we fell asleep, and I wanted her eyes to be the first thing mine met when I woke up.

Layne came home later in the afternoon with amazing news, and I’d never felt more relieved. I wanted to take her out to celebrate, but she had other plans. She and Drea wanted to play miniature golf—it was apparently something they’d started after the first time her tests had come back clear—and had asked Colin and me to join them. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, although the second Layne batted her long eyelashes and asked in her sweet, southern voice, I couldn’t say no.

So Drea, Layne, and I sat on the couch while we waited for Colin to get back from class. “I should probably go to the bathroom before Colin gets here. Excuse me,” Layne said before leaving me and Drea alone in the living room.

I’d never been uncomfortable around Drea before. We got along well, and I’d become accustomed to having her around. Conversation came easy between us, but for whatever reason, sitting with her alone while Layne was hidden away in the other room seemed odd. Ever since I met Layne, I hadn’t been alone with her sister, and it left me slightly uneasy.

“It seems like things are going well between you two,” Drea said next to me, breaking my stare away from the bedroom door Layne had just walked through. “Staying the whole night is a big step. How serious are you guys?”

I had no idea how to answer her, considering it wasn’t something Layne and I had discussed. It was like she came into my life and never left without once talking about what we were to each other. Then again, we didn’t exactly need to bring it up. It was more or less understood since the first day we’d spent together.

I shrugged and turned my attention to the bare coffee table in front of me.

“Well, I asked her the same thing, and she said she didn’t know, either. You guys have been attached at the hip for a month, yet neither of you know the extent of your relationship. You don’t find that odd?”

I started to shrug again, but then thought better of it. Drea was my friend, and I had no reason to be diffident with her. So instead of brushing her question off, I turned to her and said, “It’s not that I don’t know how I feel about her, but if she doesn’t know, then it clearly means we haven’t talked about it. And if I haven’t talked about it with her, why would I say anything to you?” I wore a grin on my face to let her know I didn’t mean my words harshly, while at the same time, not offering her anything.

“It worries me. I can’t help it.”

“What worries you?”

“She spends so much time over here…with you, in your bed. She’s never been in a relationship before, and Colin has filled me in with how you were—you know, hookups and nothing serious. I don’t want her to get her heart broken. For all I know, she’s deeply invested in this and you’re not.”

“First of all, don’t form your opinions based on outdated information from Colin, of all people. If that’s your argument, then you should ask yourself something. If I’m spending this much time with her, it must mean something. Right? You act like you’ve seen me bring girls home, which isn’t true. How I was over a year ago doesn’t reflect the person I am today.”

Drea held her hand up in front of me, as if conceding my point.

Except, I didn’t let her off so easily. “Secondly, I’m not going to break her heart.”

“What’s with lawyers and their constant need to argue?”

I ignored her rolling eyes and answered her rhetorical question. “I’m not a lawyer yet. And I’m not arguing. You made accusations; I’m simply dismantling them. If I haven’t told Layne how I feel, what would make you think I’d tell you? Shouldn’t it be a conversation I have with her?”

“Fine.” She waved me off and leaned back into the couch. “Are you aware she’s a virgin?”

Drea’s question caught me completely by surprise. My mouth dropped open and my eyes widened. Throaty half stutters came out, not even full syllables, but it was all I could come up with. To be honest, I wasn’t so much shocked over the news as I was the way it’d been brought up. I knew Layne hadn’t dated anyone before me, and even though I understood you didn’t have to date to have sex, I knew Layne wasn’t like that. She was good. Pure. Innocent.

“Well, that’s good to know.” Drea’s smile widened.

I blinked a few times before finally pulling myself together enough to speak. “What’s good to know?”

“I’ve been worried about her being in your bed so much. And since you didn’t know she’s a virgin, I can only assume it’s because you two haven’t taken that step yet. Which makes me happy.”

“No…we haven’t—not like it would be any of your business if we did. And I don’t understand why you’re so concerned about it. I know you and Colin don’t go in his room to take a nap. These walls are thin.”

She leaned forward and licked her lips, showing a glimmer of embarrassment. “Layne and I may be twins, but we’re very different people. Where I fly by the seat of my pants, my sister doesn’t. It’s what was so hard on her when she first got sick. She was scared she had run out of time to experience things. She put school first, thinking she had plenty of time to live. Why do you think I always gave you such a hard time about studying? There’s more to life than a test or a grade, and I learned that firsthand watching my sister go through the fear of regret.”