Exposed (Free Falling) (24 page)

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” He asked.

He was, but not in a bad way.  A cool sheen of sweat broke out on my face and I had to cross my legs tight to quench the tingly sensation that AJ’s words had induced.  “No, I’m not uncomfortable, just surprised.”

“
Surprised?”

I shrugged.  “
I suppose I just wasn’t expecting you to say all that.”

I met AJ’s gaze, immediately regretting making eye contact with him
at all when I got trapped in his stare and that devilishly sexy smile of his. 

“
You don’t feel it, too?” He asked.

He already knew the answer to that, but wanted me to own it.  I smiled back and shook my head at him
, being both coy
and
cautious when I asked, “Feel what?”

The smile on his lips turned into a sultry laugh that intensified
the surge of heat between my legs.  He had no intention of answering as he looked me over from head to toe, not bothering to hide it this time.  The stove timer went off and I snapped out of his trance.

“I should get that,” I said, rushing off to the kitchen
, clumsily – bumped my knee on the coffee table and everything.  When I was alone, I paced a small section of floor that was out of AJ’s line of sight from the living room.  Fanning myself, I tried to keep my head clear.  It wasn’t like we were about to pursue these feelings, but by acknowledging that they existed, AJ opened a can of worms that was notoriously hard for the two of us to close.  The sound of his footsteps at the entrance of the kitchen made me look up.  It was too late to pretend like I wasn’t in there trying to recover from the things he’d said; I was practically wringing my hands together while I wore a path in the floor.

AJ
leaned against the archway and stared.  “Listen, if I said something wrong, I apologize.  I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward around me.  I’m not looking for anything to come out of us spending time together.  I just meant to say that I enjoy it – having you around again.” 

That actually was
not
all he said, but clearly he was trying to backtrack his statement, dial it down a notch because he thought he’d scared me off.  In fact, his admission had the exact
opposite
effect.  He hadn’t scared me off; if anything, I now felt the pull toward him intensify tenfold. 

“You didn’t say anything wrong.  I’m just…thinking,” was all I offered up in response.  I forced my feet to stop moving and turned to ope
n the oven, trying to calm my nerves a bit.  I grabbed the mitt and started setting the food out on the counter. 

My head was all over the place, making it hard to focus on what I was doing. 
When I grabbed the pan of chicken clumsily, it almost slipped right out of my shaky grasp.  AJ moved in closer just as I set it on the stovetop, thinking I’d need his help.  I turned in his direction to say that I was fine, but when I did, we were standing face to face, with only an inch or two between us.  A breath hitched in my throat.  He froze too, staring down from the nine inches of height that he had over me. 

“I-I think I have it,” I managed to breathe, praying that he’d back up.  When he didn’t, my brain tried to instruct my feet to step away, but they weren’t cooperating
either.  We were close. 
Too
close.  AJ made this realization certain when his eyes drifted down to my lips, causing mine to literally throb with anticipation of what it would feel like to kiss him after all this time.  The sound of his phone ringing on the coffee table where he’d left it snatched me back to reality and I was finally able to take that step away from him. 

“You should probably get that,”
I said in a low voice.

AJ stared down on me for a few seconds, as if he’d ignore the call altogether.  I watched
, panting as he finally left me to go answer.  While I caught my breath, I finished removing the rest of the food from the oven and tried to force my heart into submission. 

You can’t have him Sam.  You can’t have him…

I listened to AJ on the phone in the other room while reciting these words in my head on a loop. 

“Hello?” he answered.
  “A little.  Why what’s up?”  There was a pause and then he laughed.  “You’re relentless, you know that?”

It didn’t sound like he was talking to Kira this time
, but I tried to force myself not to care if it was her or not. 
Didn’t work.

The sound of AJ’
s footsteps returning to the kitchen made me tense, but I tried to play it off.  I was painfully aware of his stare when he leaned against the side of the archway again, finishing his conversation while he watched me get plates down from the cabinet.  After grabbing silverware for the both of us, I flashed him a tight smile as I passed by on my way out to the dining room table.  He said a few last words to the caller and then hung up before abandoning his post to retrieve our glasses and the bottle of wine from the living room.  Setting them down on the table, his eyes were locked on mine as he took the seat across from me.

“That was Terrell,” he explained.  “He’s been hell-bent on getting the two of us talking since before I even moved here.  But something tells me you probably get the same nagging phone calls that I get.”

I smiled and cut my chicken into bite-size pieces.  “Almost daily.”

AJ chuckled and refilled both of our glasses. 

“Are you gonna tell him that we’re, you know…hanging out?” I asked, curious as to just how big a secret this was supposed to be.

Hanging out?  Was that even the right phrase?  Were we
homies now?

AJ shrugged.  “I started to
say something just now actually, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about him knowing.”

As far as I was concerned, we had nothing to hide.  Well,
I
didn’t anyway….but I wasn’t the one with a fiancé.  “It’s cool with me,” I shrugged.  “As hard as he’s been trying to ‘fix’ us, it almost seems cruel to keep him in the dark.”  Imagining how genuinely excited Terrell would be that AJ and I reconnected brought a smile to my face.  He’d been pulling for us this whole time, not letting the fact that five years passed diminish the hope he had that AJ and I could at least be friends again one day.

I took a bite and then realized that AJ was staring at me.  Before it became a ‘
thing’
I tore my eyes away and continued to eat.

“
Next time we talk, I’ll tell him,” he said casually before tasting his food.

I nodded and then forced myself to look back down at my plate.  In fact, that’s pretty much how the rest of the meal went.  Aside from a few casual words being exchanged, we ate in silence.  When we finished, AJ insisted on helping with the dishes just like he had every time I could recall him eating dinner at my parent’s home in Vir
ginia.  It brought back so many memories as I stood there beside him at the kitchen sink. 

He passed me the soap-coated pan I’d baked the chicken in and my fingers slipped over his when I took it to rinse.  Feeling his persistent stare, I glanced up to find his eyes locked on his initials on my wrist.

“Does he ever give you a hard time about that?”  AJ asked, referring to Jason.

I sprayed the pan and shrugged my shoulders.  He’s brought it up once or twice, but it doesn’t seem to be an issue.”  I looked up at the dark letters on AJ’s neck and
imagined that
his
tattoo was probably a bit harder to ignore than mine.  “What about Kira?  Does she ever bring it up?”

AJ laughed and nodded right away.  “More lately, but it’s always been an issue.”

“Of course it is!”  I couldn’t help but to laugh.  “I’m surprised she hasn’t made you cover it by now.  How long have you two been together?”

“Three years.”

I thought about his previous statement.  “Wait…more now?  Since the wedding, you mean?”

He nodded, still smiling a little. 
“Yeah.   I think seeing you may have made her a little more vigilant about getting me to remove it.”

I fell silent, trying to imagine how she must feel when she sees another woman’s name on her fiancé’s neck.

“It didn’t matter a whole lot while she and I were still in the ‘
friends’
phase and prior to the engagement she
suggested
that I remove it on occasion.  But now?” he added with a weak smile.  “She’s mentioned making the appointment herself.”

  The only sound in the room was that of the wa
ter sloshing around in the sink while AJ dug for the last remaining silverware.  I found myself curious as to how much he’d actually told Kira about our past.  Jason knew it all, but I wasn’t sure if AJ had taken the same ‘full disclosure’ approach that I had.

“Did you tell her why we broke up?” I forced out before I could lose the nerve.

He cleaned the utensil in his hand and didn’t answer right away.  “Not all of it.”

I wasn’t sure what that meant.

“I didn’t tell her what you went through,” he finally admitted. 

Most likely
, he had no idea what a powerful expression of respect it was that he’d used discretion concerning my ordeal with Antonio.  I wasn’t even paying attention when he handed the fork over for me to rinse.  When I failed to take it, he ran it beneath the water streaming from the faucet himself and placed it on the dish-drain.

“You could’ve easily told her everything – especially since you didn’t think we’d ever talk again,” I explained.  “What made you keep –“

“It didn’t seem like that was any of her business,” was his response, shutting down anything I planned to say next.

AJ unplugged the drain and rinsed the cloth out before folding it
and setting it aside.  It wasn’t until he reached for his watch on top of the microwave that I emerged from my inner thoughts.

“Dinner was amazing,” he finally uttered.

I smiled and ran my fingers through my hair after wiping them dry.  “Thanks.  I would’ve done more, but I was pressed for time.”

“It was great.  It was nice to have something that came hot out the oven instead of a bag or box,” he joked.

I followed behind him as he walked to get his phone and keys from my coffee table.  I pulled the door open once he’d gathered all of his things.  Just before crossing the threshold, AJ stopped, but didn’t say or
do
whatever he’d originally intended.  Instead, he just let his eyes roam over my face.  A flash of heat consumed my cheeks again, which made him smile.

“It’s funny how that never gets old,” he said with a soft chuckle.

“How
what
never gets old?”

He removed his hands from his pockets briefly to point at my face.  “Seeing you blush.  Reminds me of that first time I came to your house that Sunday your parents weren’t home.”

I smiled again and I’m sure my cheeks reddened even more.  “You remember that?  The day of the week, I mean?”

He looked at me like I was crazy.  “Of
course
I remember – the day after our last homecoming dance.”  The smile on his face dimmed as nostalgia crept in.  “Some things you just never forget.”

I pursed my lips and nodded in agreement.  “Yeah…I guess not.”

The silence between us was interrupted when a neighbor excused himself as he passed by my door.  Nervous, I smoothed my hands down the front of my shirt and looked everywhere but into AJ’s eyes.

“I should probably take off
,” he said, sounding like that wasn’t really what he wanted to do, but rather what he
had
to do.

“Okay…be careful getting home.”

I wasn’t ready to let him go, god knows I wasn’t, but I prayed that AJ couldn’t see the desperation bleeding through my expression.  I just wanted a little bit more of his time – maybe more than a little bit if I was being honest with myself.  To hide my feelings, I forced a smile.

He continued to linger despite the fact that we’d already
said our goodbyes.  “You know what?  I’m just gonna do it,” he announced just before leaning in and taking me into his arms.  My chin rested on his shoulder when he stooped a little to hug me.  I wasn’t sure where my hands should go.  Was around his waist more appropriate than around his neck?  I gave up trying to figure out the logistics and just draped them around his neck like I always had – back when he was mine. 

I tried like you’d never believe not to get caught up i
n the feel of him holding me, but this was different than when he’d consoled me on the street the night before.  This felt real.  Felt…
right.
  My chest pressed against his and I knew that I should let him go…but I couldn’t.  Before I realized what I was doing, my fingers made their way into the back of his silken, black hair.  His face was warm against mine and I imagined his lips were ten times hotter.

When I backed off suddenly, the look on AJ’s face led me
to believe that he already knew why. If I hadn’t, this would’ve turned into a replay of the dance floor at Terrell and Maisha’s wedding reception.  And with no one here to stop us this time…..