Authors: Michelle Betham
Amber closed her eyes as his lips brushed the back of her neck, sending tiny little tingles up her spine that made her physically shiver. It felt like hundreds of invisible fingers were running up and down her back, and she couldn’t stop a small groan from escaping, it felt so good.
It was as if she was working on autopilot now as she untied the robe again, this time letting it fall open, keeping her eyes closed as she felt him slowly pull it back off her shoulders, letting it slip to the floor. She kicked it away, putting up no fight as he pulled her back against him, his hands resting on her hips, his mouth kissing her shoulder. It felt like the worst thing in the world she could possibly be doing, yet, at the same time, it felt like the only place in the world she wanted to be. With every touch of his lips, the pain and confusion of the past few days was being washed away, and that was a feeling she was eager to cling onto. Sweeping everything under the carpet and pretending it wasn’t happening wasn’t a long-term option, she knew that. But pushing it aside for a little while was.
Leaning back against him, her head resting against his shoulder, she bit down on her lip as his hands moved up her body, stroking the curve of her waist, touching her breasts, eliciting small and quiet moans from her as they worked their way back down. She was filled with something she really couldn’t explain – a mixture of overwhelming guilt mixed with an impossible amount of lust. Her whole body felt on fire, burning up with all the conflicting emotion, every right and wrong feeling it was trying to fight clashing head-on in some crazy, erotic battle she couldn’t control. Even though the bigger part of her wanted to. The bigger part of her still couldn’t stop thinking about Jim; the love of her life, the man she would always go back to, she knew that. What had happened between them, was that really something so bad it could actually tear them apart?
She groaned quietly again as Ronnie stroked her inner thigh, his fingers deliberately staying close to but-not-quite-touching a place she now wasn’t sure she wanted him to touch anymore. But hadn’t they come too far to turn back now? Hadn’t that line already been crossed?
‘You need to get naked, too,’ she said, suddenly breaking the spell that had only just started, turning round to face him, something Ronnie hadn’t been expecting. What
had
he been expecting? A cold reality hit him, although it wasn’t cold enough to make him want her any less. She was standing there in front of him, naked and beautiful and what was he supposed to do with that image? Go back to the spare room and wank himself to sleep? ‘Because, if you don’t get naked, this isn’t going to work.’
He pushed a hand through his hair, unable to take his eyes off her. ‘Amber, are you… Jesus, I don’t think I can do this…’ What was he saying? Of course he could do this. What was the matter with him?
‘You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,’ she whispered, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it back off his shoulders until it fell to the floor, a small but sharp intake of breath escaping as she caught sight of his toned chest and stomach. He was still such an attractive man. Karen really had been a fool to let him go.
‘I think you know I want to,’ Ronnie said, closing his eyes for a second as she loosened his belt, sliding it off and throwing it down next to his discarded shirt. ‘But what
I
want doesn’t really come into it.’
She stood on tiptoe, her mouth resting on his as she spoke, a small smile playing on her lips. ‘Just forget all that, and come into
me
.’
‘Jesus, Amber…’ Ronnie sighed, sliding a hand around her waist, pulling her against him, his erection now straining to be set free.
‘It’s too late to stop this now,’ she said, taking a few steps back from him. ‘Isn’t it?’
He shook his head, his erection now verging on the painful as he watched her touch herself between her legs, a small, quick but deliberate action that told him she was right. It really was too late to stop this now. Or was it? He could just turn and walk away, go back to the spare room and give himself the relief he was going to get somehow tonight, that was the only thing he was certain of right now. That relief was coming, and he would be, too. One way or another.
‘Amber, don’t. Don’t, please. I need to… I need to think about this. I need to…’
She looked at him for a second before opening the drawer of the sideboard beside her, pulling out a short, black negligee, slipping it on over her naked body. Not that it covered much. Ronnie could still see every inch of her through the sheer material. ‘I’m going to the loo,’ she said, her voice purposeful and a little cold. It was up to him to bring her back round, to see this through to the end because, whatever happened tonight, they’d crossed a line. They were over it, it had happened.
‘Want me to come with you?’
She turned around and smiled at him, backing up against the wall. ‘Well, that all depends, doesn’t it?’
He walked over to her, sliding his hands up under the thin material that was doing little to cover up a body that Ronnie knew could, in the words of the Rolling Stones, make a dead man come. ‘On what?’
‘On whether we’re taking this to the next level or not.’
‘Is that what you want?’
She looked at him. Was it? Not forever. But she figured he already knew that. ‘I don’t think it matters what
I
want, Ronnie. You need to be sure…’
He shut her up with a kiss; a long, deep, languid kiss that, at first, surprised her, but then it began to fill her with a warmth and an exuding feeling of calm that she couldn’t get enough of. It was exactly what she needed.
‘I’m going to kiss you, okay?’ Ronnie said, divesting her body of the unnecessary negligee, slipping first one thin spaghetti-strap down over her shoulder, then the other, until it fell to the floor. ‘I’m probably going to kiss you for most of the night. I might even touch you, just quickly, because I need to feel you, right here…’ He slid a hand between her legs, causing Amber to groan out loud as he pushed up against her and she opened her legs wider to give him more room. ‘But no sex, do you understand?’
She looked into his eyes, a sharp flood of disappointment filling her as he moved his hand away. ‘Why? I mean, we’re just one small step away from fucking each other anyway so why stop now?’
‘No sex, Amber. I just want it to be that way. For now.’
She smiled, sliding a hand round the back of his neck, pulling him down closer so her mouth was almost resting on his. ‘For now?’
‘For now,’ he whispered. ‘I know it’s stupid, and probably pointless seeing as I’ve just had my hand between those incredible legs, and you are so fucking wet… Shit!’ He pushed a hand through his hair, backing away, just a couple of centimetres, but he’d needed to back off, just for a second. The confusion was absolutely overwhelming. ‘This is killing me…’ He looked at her, moving closer again, resting his hand on her hip. ‘But it just feels right. To stop it here.’
There was nothing right about this situation. Nothing at all. But somehow Amber understood his somewhat warped logic.
‘Okay.’ She nodded, resting the palm of her hand on his cheek. ‘Okay. But… will you stay with me? Please. I want you to stay with me.’
He smiled, running his thumb lightly over her nipple, the hardening of which did nothing to abate his now-painful hard-on. ‘Yeah. I’ll stay with you.’
‘So, what are we going to do about this, then?’ She smiled back, her hand briefly resting on his erection.
‘I guess I’ll just have to fly solo.’
‘Same here,’ she whispered, her mouth touching his as she spoke. ‘You don’t have the monopoly on frustration.’
He kissed her gently, the feel of her naked breasts against his chest sending a million and one mixed emotions flying round his brain. ‘Can I watch?’
‘Oh, so that’s okay then, is it? That’s allowed?’
‘I’m making this up as I go along, Amber. Humour me.’
‘So, you want to watch me touch myself?’
‘Jesus, yes, I want to watch.’
She smiled, all thoughts of Jim, Brandon, and babies she would never have suddenly disappearing from her mind, albeit for a brief amount of time, she knew that. They’d be back. But what little respite she could take she was grabbing with both hands. ‘Okay. But no helping, all right? Look, but don’t touch. Two can play at rule-making, Ronnie.’
Two could play at lots of things. But once the playing was over, just what would the consequences be?
‘Sorry, you want
what
?’ Jim asked, pushing his chair back slightly and staring at Ryan as though he’d just started speaking in a foreign language.
‘I want to put in a loan request.’
‘You want to put in a loan request,’ Jim repeated, getting up and walking round the front of his desk, causing Ryan to take a couple of steps back. ‘Do you want to tell me why?’ He leaned back against his desk, folding his arms, not taking his eyes off his striker. ‘Because I can see no reason why you would want to leave a club that has shown you the kind of support Newcastle Red Star has shown you over the past year.’
‘It’s personal.’
Jim laughed – a short, sharp laugh, looking briefly down at the floor before meeting Ryan’s eyes again. ‘It’s personal. This wouldn’t have anything to do with my wife now, would it?’
What was Ryan supposed to do? Deny it? Putting in a request to be voluntarily loaned out to another club meant that the reasons had to be good, and they had to be valid. And even then there was no guarantee that any request would be granted. But Ryan had to try. He had no other choice now.
‘Things are complicated, boss. I’m sure you understand…’
‘Oh, I understand plenty, Fisher. I understand plenty.’ Jim walked back behind his desk, but he didn’t sit down. ‘I understand that this club has shown you nothing but respect, despite everything that’s happened. And you want to throw that back in its face? Back in
my
face? I put my trust in you, Ryan. I gave you the captaincy, and I did that because I believed you could change, that you deserved a chance to show everyone what you could do, and as far as your football’s concerned you’ve been worth that risk. Although, looking at you today, I’m not sure how long that’s gonna last. You look like crap. Were you out last night?’
Ryan pushed a hand through his hair, looking away for a second. ‘Yeah, but…’
‘You knew it was an early morning start for training, yet you still went out the night before.’
‘I needed a bit of downtime, boss.’
‘Oh,
you
needed a bit of downtime? Life a bit tough for you right now, is it?’ Jim knew he was taking his own mood out on Ryan, which wasn’t completely fair. Or professional. But then, given their past and their shared connection to Amber, those lines were already quite blurred.
‘I just need some time away,’ Ryan said, acutely aware that his manager’s mood wasn’t a good one. Did that have anything to do with the fact Amber had been down in London for most of the week? When she hadn’t really needed to be?
‘Why?’ Jim asked, folding his arms and staring straight at Ryan. ‘Why do you need some time away? You’ve just had a couple of months off, which should have been more than enough time to take any breaks you needed, so coming to me when we’ve played just one game of the new season, informing me that you’re not happy here is really crap timing. So, I’ll ask you again, has this got anything to do with my wife?’
Ryan returned his manager’s stare, standing his ground. He’d put the wheels in motion now, what was the point in lying? ‘I loved her, Jim.’
‘When we’re at work, Ryan, you call me boss. You got that? And I know you loved her.’ Jim didn’t really want to talk about Amber, not with Ryan. He didn’t like to acknowledge the fact they’d once been together. It wasn’t something he’d ever really thought about. But, at the same time, he needed to know if Amber had spoken to Ryan since she’d walked out on him. And was that what she’d really done? Walked out on him? He still didn’t know. He didn’t know anything much, and that’s what was killing him. He was in the middle of something he couldn’t control, and that wasn’t a situation he was familiar with.
He closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds and quickly composed himself. To show any sign of weakness – no matter how small – in front of Ryan Fisher would not be a wise move. ‘I’m rejecting your request, Ryan.’
‘What? Hang on, you haven’t even…’
‘That’s the end of it, Fisher.’ Jim fixed him with a look that told him he was shutting this conversation down. ‘You owe this club, and whatever you’re feeling, whatever you think you can’t cope with, you suck it up and move on. Do you hear me? Newcastle Red Star need you and we need you at the top of your game, so you grow up and get back out on that training pitch. We’ll say nothing more about this matter. Okay?’
Ryan looked at his boss, letting his words sink in. Jim’s reaction wasn’t exactly a surprise. He was under no illusion that this request was going to be one that was accepted easily, but it was one he was going to push for.
‘I wouldn’t have come to you if I didn’t feel…’
‘If you didn’t feel what, Ryan?’ Jim’s eyes bored right into him, but Ryan was determined to fight for this decision. To some it might display a certain level of weakness, the fact he felt the need to run away, almost, because he couldn’t bear to be around a woman he still loved too much to admit. But to him it was a necessary move he had to make. For the sake of his own sanity. For the sake of his career. ‘If you didn’t still feel something for Amber?’ Jim’s voice shook him back to reality. ‘If you didn’t still love my wife? Is that what this is all about? Huh? You can’t bear to see her with me so you thought you’d just stick in a random loan request and take yourself out of the picture for a while? And what’s that going to achieve? You think a few months away from here will change things?’
‘I really need to do this, boss…’
‘And I really need to have this team working at full strength, so having my star striker distracted by ridiculous ideas of being loaned out when we’re fighting to regain the league title isn’t something I’m going to waste my time even considering. Just because you’re not adult enough to deal with a situation…’