Authors: Michelle Betham
Ryan Fisher had never really said goodbye to Amber, not properly. And, as far as he was concerned, the time had come for him to put that right.
‘Sorry, I… Brandon, hi!’ Amber smiled, looking behind her at the man whose shoulder she’d just connected with as she’d made her way through the crowded marquee. ‘It’s… it’s good to see you. You okay?’
‘I’m fine. I’m doing great, thanks. How are you? I mean, I know you and my dad are…’
He trailed off, and Amber briefly looked away. To meet his eyes when she was thinking about Jim was such a bad idea. Brandon reminded her so much of those early days with his father – he reminded her of how ridiculously handsome Jim had been back then, how he’d managed to draw her into his world with a grip so strong she’d never been able to sever it. And look at the consequences. But, once again, she had to remember that none of that was Brandon’s fault. He was just another innocent victim in Jim’s web of secrets and lies.
‘Me and your dad, we’ll work something out,’ she said, forcing that smile back onto her face. ‘Our relationship’s never been straightforward so…’ She shrugged, ‘… this is just another hurdle we have to get over, that’s all.’
He looked at her for a few long seconds; right into her eyes. ‘And do you think you
will
get over it?’
She broke the stare, looking over at the marquee entrance. Ryan had just made an appearance, a small flock of women instantly surrounding him. ‘I don’t know,’ she whispered, turning her attention back to a slightly confused Brandon. ‘Yes. Yes, we… we’ll work something out. We’ll be fine.’
‘You okay?’ Brandon asked, frowning slightly.
‘I’m fine. My mind’s just preoccupied with work, that’s all. Your dad’s announced a press conference at Tynebridge tomorrow and I’m just curious as to what that’s all about. He hasn’t said anything to you, has he?’
He looked at her, raising an eyebrow. ‘You think he shares anything work-related with me? I play for the enemy, remember?’
She smiled, looking down at her far-too-high heels. Sometimes she wondered what she was doing wearing stuff like that when it had never really been her. Debbie’s influence must be sinking in far more than she thought it had. ‘You’re getting used to the local rivalry between Wearside Spartans and Newcastle Red Star, then?’
‘I’ve been doing my homework, yeah.’ He grinned, and Amber felt her stomach give a tiny leap. He had so much of Jim in him it hurt to even look at him sometimes. ‘Do you want me to pass any messages onto my dad?’
She looked right at him, his voice shaking her back to reality. ‘Hmm, sorry? Oh, no. No, I mean, I only saw him yesterday, so… Anyway, I’ll be at Tynebridge tomorrow for the press conference. I’ll see him then.’
Brandon held her stare, a more serious look on his face. ‘If he knew how beautiful you look tonight…’
‘You’re your father’s son all right.’ Amber smiled, desperately trying to push all thoughts of Jim from her mind. She didn’t really want to think about him tonight. She wanted some time off from all the confusion that still reigned heavy over their relationship. ‘You have a good time tonight, okay?’
He smiled, that smile that was so like Jim’s it made her heart skip that familiar beat. ‘Amber?’
She turned round to look at him.
‘He loves you. Whatever’s happened between you two – and I only know what everyone else knows – he loves you. He’s told me that much.’
She stood still for a second, letting her stomach settle and her breathing slow down. ‘Yeah. I know he does.’
She gave him one last smile before continuing to push her way through the crowd, heading for the bar at the far end of the marquee, grabbing the first glass that came to hand, downing the cool liquid inside in a couple of mouthfuls. She didn’t even know what it was, she just hoped it was alcoholic.
‘That is such a fucking turn-on, you have no idea.’
She opened her eyes and looked at Ryan, smiling slightly. ‘Yeah. Of course it is.’
He took the empty glass from her hand and replaced it with a glass of something white and bubbly. ‘Mind you…’ he whispered, his mouth close to her ear, his fingers brushing hers for just a moment too long as she took the glass from him, ‘… I know what I’d rather be doing with that champagne.’
Amber felt a shiver she really shouldn’t be feeling, and quickly pulled her hand away from his. ‘Don’t, Ryan. Tonight I just want to get drunk, have a good time, and forget.’
He stuck his hands in his pockets, the famous Fisher grin still there on his handsome face. ‘Want some company?’
Amber couldn’t help smiling, too. Whatever she’d drunk just now, it was obviously going straight to her head. ‘You going to behave yourself?’
‘Can’t promise, no.’
She looked at him for a second, wondering whether spending time with him tonight was such a good idea, given the circumstances. But she really did need to kick back and relax. She needed to forget, just for a few hours.
‘You’d better go get yourself a drink.’ She smiled, taking a sip of her own, her eyes meeting his over the rim of her glass. ‘Not gonna be much of a party if you don’t at least drink something. Although I’m not condoning you reverting back to the Ryan Fisher I used to know.’
‘Just as well you’re here to keep an eye on me, then, isn’t it?’ he said, holding her gaze for a fraction longer than was necessary, but long enough to send the briefest of messages her way. Whether she responded or not was completely up to her.
‘You’re drunk,’ Ronnie hissed, grabbing Amber’s arm as she walked into the kitchen.
‘And your point is?’ Amber asked, looking him straight in the eye.
‘You’re hanging about with Ryan Fisher, knocking back the booze like it’s going out of fashion… What are you playing at?’
She shook her arm free of his grip, leaning back against the centre island. ‘I’m not playing at anything, Ronnie. I’m just trying to have a good time. You going to deny me that now, are you?’
‘No, of course I’m not,’ he sighed, leaning back against the island, too, folding his arms. ‘I’m just trying to look out for you. The way things are at the minute…’
‘Ronnie, I’m a big girl now. I don’t need looking after. What I need is just a few hours off from all the thinking I have to do, all the decisions I have to make, because sometimes… sometimes it all just gets a bit too much, you know?’
‘No. I’m not sure I
do
know, actually.’
She said nothing, just stared straight ahead, out of the huge window in front of her at the party going on outside. Ryan was talking to an extremely pretty brunette, his body close to hers as they spoke, her eyes looking adoringly up at him. She didn’t look a day over twenty – another beautiful young woman so easily sucked in by the Ryan Fisher charm offensive. And she should know. Although she was also old enough to know better.
‘Be careful, Amber.’
She turned sharply to look back at Ronnie. ‘I’m not some infatuated teenager, Ronnie. I’ve been around the block and back again as far as Ryan Fisher’s concerned. If anyone knows how to handle him, it’s me. So don’t even start with the lectures. Okay?’
‘You’re not thinking straight tonight, though, are you? I saw you talking to Brandon earlier…’
‘What’s that got to do with anything?’
‘Jesus… Grow up, Amber. You’re still head over fucking heels in love with Jim and talking to his son is only going to bring those feelings to the fore, isn’t it?’
She turned away from him again, focusing on Ryan, who was still talking to the brunette, her hand now resting on his arm as he said something to her that made her throw her head back and laugh. ‘I need another drink.’
‘Amber, come on…’
She almost ran back outside, picking up a drink from the tray of a passing waiter on her way. All of a sudden she wanted to be alone, just for a few minutes. To get her head together. To grab a bit of time to sort herself out, because maybe Ronnie was right. Maybe she did need to slow down and take it easy tonight. She didn’t drink like this often, so when she did it almost always went straight to her head, and she could do without a hangover from hell tomorrow.
‘You okay?’
She looked up as Ryan approached. ‘Yeah. I just needed a bit of time on my own, that’s all.’
‘Do you… do you want me to go?’
She paused for a second before shaking her head, leaning back against the tree, the fairy lights hanging from its branches casting a multi-coloured glow over them both.
‘Okay.’ He moved a step closer. ‘Amber, I…’
‘This press conference tomorrow – it’s to announce that you’re leaving, isn’t it?’
He looked down at the ground, shoving his hands in his pockets.
‘Ryan? The fact you can’t even look at me, never mind say anything, speaks volumes. Are you leaving Newcastle Red Star? Is that what my husband is going to announce tomorrow morning?’
Ryan looked up, moving another step closer. ‘I’m not going for good. It’s only temporary, and I’ll be on a rolling monthly contract so … I… I need to do this, Amber. I need to do this.’
‘Why?’ She felt her stomach give an unwanted jolt, something she tried to ignore.
He looked at her, right into her eyes, and she tried to ignore another jolt from inside. ‘Because I’m still in love with you, Amber. And I can’t fucking deal with it anymore.’
‘No,’ she whispered, shaking her head again. ‘No, Ryan, you’re not. You just
think
you are, but you’re not in love with me. You’re with Ellen now, you love her.’
‘Jesus fucking Christ!’ he sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘I’m not, okay? I’m not in love with her, I’ve
never
been in love with her.’
‘Have you told Ellen that?’ Amber asked, finishing her drink and crouching down to place the empty glass at the foot of the tree.
Ryan watched as she stood back up, watched the way her dress fell slightly open, giving him a quick glimpse of those incredible thighs. ‘Ellen knows we’re not forever.’
‘Oh, really?’ Amber raised her eyebrows in surprise. ‘So you’re not aware of the fact she’s been telling people at work about how she hopes you’re going to ask her to marry you soon, preferably on her birthday? It’s all over Tynebridge… Do you even know when her birthday is, Ryan?’
‘For fuck’s sake…’ He threw his head back, sighing again, only heavier this time.
‘You asked her to move in with you. You know how she feels about you, you know all that, and yet, you know nothing. Because you’ve got your head stuck in the fucking sand again.’
‘Well, you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?’
She looked at him. ‘We’re not talking about
me
, Ryan.’
‘But we are, Amber. We
are
talking about you, about how you get under people’s skin, right underneath so nobody can forget you’re there…’
‘That isn’t my fault,’ she hissed, her eyes boring right into his. ‘I’m not to blame for the fact you can’t move on.’
He laughed – a small laugh, a slightly cynical laugh – turning away from her for just a second before catching her completely by surprise. His mouth was on hers before she had time to even realise what he was doing, his hand on her thigh, his body pressed close against hers, and to her horror, she felt herself responding to a kiss the like of which she hadn’t experienced in a long time. A kiss she hadn’t forgotten. A kiss full of passion and heat, a full-on, deep, deep kiss that she couldn’t break free from. She felt like a rag doll as he pushed her back against the tree, her arms hanging limp at her sides as he held onto her hips. It was a cold November evening yet she was burning up. Even when he finally pulled away, she could still feel the heat between them.
‘
That’s
why I have to get out of here,’ Ryan whispered, his thumb gently stroking her cheek as their eyes met. Something Amber couldn’t quite work out was happening here, but then, her judgement was clouded by too much alcohol and thoughts of a man she loved beyond anything else, but should never be with. And that man was at home, planning how to tell the waiting football world that this man here in front of her was leaving the North East, albeit temporarily, for reasons too personal to make public. Everything was such a mess, and if she did what her heart was telling her to do now, that mess was only going to get bigger. ‘I need to say goodbye, Amber. I never got to say goodbye, and I need to do that.’
‘No,’ she whispered, shaking her head but making no attempt to move away from him. ‘No. Do you realise how stupid that would be?’
‘I don’t care.’ His breath was warm against her skin as he kissed her neck – tiny, soft, lingering kisses that were sending her stomach into a whirlwind of somersaults, flipping so fast she couldn’t catch her breath, couldn’t speak. ‘I really don’t care.’
She couldn’t stop a small moan from escaping as his hand slipped inside the top of her dress, his fingers gently running over the curve of her breast as his mouth lightly brushed her collarbone, and she closed her eyes, desperately trying to summon up the strength to push him away, to end this now. She was drunk, she wasn’t thinking straight. Jim had been on her mind way too much tonight and she was torn between a weird kind of excitement at the thought of seeing him tomorrow, and wishing she didn’t have to think about him at all.
‘No!’ A moment of clarity finally surfaced and she pushed Ryan away, repositioning her dress. ‘I’m going back inside. This is crazy…’
She started to walk away, picking up as much speed as she could in heels she could barely walk in, but she knew he’d follow her. So maybe the wisest thing would be to find Ronnie. She doubted very much that Ryan would approach her if she was with him.
‘Debbie, have you seen Ronnie?’ Amber asked, finding her friend in an unusually empty kitchen, for a party night.
‘Ronnie? No. I haven’t seen him for a while, chick. You okay? You look a bit flustered.’
Amber pushed a hand through her hair before grabbing a glass from the draining board and filling it with water. ‘I’ve just had a bit too much to drink. You know how it is. You drink nothing for days, then you have a few too many one night and it all goes straight to your head. Not the most sensible thing for me to be doing considering I’ve got that press conference at Tynebridge first thing in the morning.’