Authors: Michelle Betham
Debbie leaned back against the sink, folding her arms and resting them over her baby bump. ‘Brandon’s here. Have you seen him?’
Amber nodded, catching sight of Ryan outside on the patio. He’d been cornered by that pretty brunette again, and Amber watched as she grabbed his arm and took him over to meet her friends at the bar.
‘Oh, what the hell,’ she sighed, walking over to the huge table that was littered with bottles of various wines, spirits and champagnes, glasses of every shape and description all lined up beside them. She grabbed a large wine glass and filled it with an Italian Prosecco. ‘It’s still early.’
‘I’m so jealous,’ Debbie groaned, rubbing her bump. ‘I miss my bubbles so much.’
‘More for me, then.’ Amber smiled, throwing Debbie a wink as she walked back over to the window. But Ryan was nowhere to be seen. Neither was his female companion. That figured.
‘Oh, for God’s sake…’ Debbie sighed, her hands still on her bump. ‘I only went to the loo ten minutes ago… Back in a tic.’
Amber smiled at her friend as she practically ran out of the kitchen, before another wave of envy – an emotion she kept well hidden from Debbie – washed over her. Jealousy wasn’t something she liked feeling. It wasn’t nice, and she wasn’t proud of it. But there were times when she would quite gladly give up everything just to go through what Debbie was experiencing.
Knocking back a large mouthful of wine, and then refilling her glass, she walked out into the hall. The thumping beat of dance music seemed to fill the whole house, no matter what room you were in, and for a second Amber just stood there, watching everyone all around her enjoying the party. Whether you were indoors or outdoors you couldn’t escape it, but all of a sudden she didn’t feel much like being part of the crowd anymore. She wanted to be alone. So, taking her glass of bubbly with her, she ran upstairs, heading towards the spare room that was hers for the night. As far as she was concerned, the party was over. But as she nudged the door open with her shoulder, she almost dropped the glass she was holding when she realised the room wasn’t empty. Someone else was already in there.
‘Beat you to it.’
He stood there in the centre of the room, cocky as the day she’d first met him, his jacket now discarded over a nearby chair. Looked like he’d made himself more than comfortable. ‘How…?’
‘There’s more than one staircase up to this floor, Amber.’
‘How did you know I was coming up here?’
‘Because
you
want
me
as much as
I
want
you
.’
She couldn’t help laughing. ‘You think a lot of yourself, don’t you?’
‘You already knew that.’
She stood still for a second as the room started to spin. Maybe drinking that glass of fizz she’d brought up with her wouldn’t be such a good idea after all. She reached over and placed it on the dressing table beside her, trying to steady herself at the same time.
‘Whoa, there you go. I’ve got you.’ Ryan stepped forward, gently grabbing her arm as she swayed slightly in her ridiculously high heels.
‘I should take these off,’ she said, closing her eyes for the briefest of seconds as she tried to get her somewhat frazzled head together.
‘Leave them on,’ he whispered, leaning forward so his mouth brushed over her neck, his fingers trailing lightly up her arm. ‘But take everything else off.’
She inhaled deep as she tried to control her breathing, but everything was so muddled up, her thinking hazy, her judgement blurred. ‘Ryan… We are not having sex, so… so… Come on…’
He carefully untied her dress, letting it fall open, watching as it revealed tanned skin in the briefest and sexiest plum-coloured underwear – barely-there panties and a bra that pushed her breasts right up, making him want nothing more than to see them in all their incredible glory, to run his tongue over her nipples, to hear her moan out loud and make him crazy. ‘Goodbye sex, Amber. That’s all it’ll be. I just want to say goodbye.’
She shook her head, finding enough sense in her clouded brain to quickly pull her dress back around herself, walking away from him into the en-suite.
‘You need to go,’ she said, turning round to face him. ‘Go on. Get out of here. I need to pee and I don’t need an audience.’
‘Why not?’ He smiled, keeping his eyes locked on hers as he pulled off his t-shirt, revealing a washboard stomach so toned it made Amber almost gasp out loud. It looked like he’d been spending the short time he’d been out with injury making sure his fitness levels hadn’t suffered. The gym had certainly been
his
best friend for the past couple of weeks. ‘You know better than anyone that I actually find that a turn-on.’
‘Jesus, Ryan…’
‘You’re not shy all of a sudden, are you? Come on, Amber. Remember how we used to be with each other – how intimate we used to be, the things we used to do…’
‘That was then, Ryan. Things have changed.’
He stuck his hands in his pockets, staring down at the ground for a second before looking back up, back into her pale blue eyes. ‘Look, Amber, I walk out of this room and that’s it, I lose my chance to say goodbye. Again.’
‘You’ve already said goodbye.’ Her voice was barely a whisper.
‘Not the way I really want to.’
‘Ryan, please… I’m married … ’
‘In name only, at the minute.’
‘That doesn’t make any of this right. I’ve already hurt him so much when I did what I did with…’ She stopped herself from saying any more, but it was quite obvious Ryan had already put two and two together. Damn! She could only blame the alcohol, again. It was turning out to be a handy excuse tonight.
‘So you and Ronnie White
did
sleep together.’ It wasn’t really a question. He’d just had confirmed what he’d already guessed.
‘Shit!’ Amber sighed, leaning back against the wall, pushing a hand through her hair. The room was spinning again and suddenly she just wanted to lie down and go to sleep. She wanted to forget this night had ever happened. And she needed to stop whatever was happening here.
‘Your secret’s safe with me,’ Ryan said, walking over to her. ‘Although I suspect Jim already knows, doesn’t he?’
She opened her eyes and looked into his. She was one small step away from doing something incredibly stupid and she had to make sure she kept enough already dwindling wits about her to enable her to stop it from going any further. ‘You need to go,’ she repeated, hoping her voice sounded more determined than she felt.
‘Why?’
‘Because I want you to.’
‘Do you?’
She paused for a second. Big mistake.
He reached out and untied her dress again, this time helping it to fall open, pushing it back off her shoulders until it fell to the floor. She made no attempt to kick it away, her eyes not leaving his as he slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her against him, and it wasn’t until her almost naked skin touched his that she felt herself give in totally, even though there was still a part of her that knew this was the worst idea in the world. She hadn’t had sex in weeks, but that was because she only really wanted sex with one man – her husband. She only wanted Jim. So why was she here with Ryan? Yeah. The worst idea in the world.
‘If it means I can have just one more minute inside you, Amber, then pretend I’m him,’ Ryan whispered, his mouth almost touching hers, his fingers sliding the straps of her bra down over her shoulders. ‘If that’s what it takes, I can live with that.’
She closed her eyes, throwing her head back as his mouth kissed the base of her throat, so lightly it made her heart jump and her stomach leap around like it was on some kind of internal trampoline. It sent waves of forbidden pleasure she didn’t really want to feel coursing through her at a speed that left her breathless. The room was still spinning, and this time she wasn’t entirely sure it had everything to do with the alcohol.
What was she supposed to do? Was she too far over the line to step back now? Or could she, quite easily – if she really wanted to – just walk away? She knew she could. Of course she could. She just wasn’t sure she had the energy or the will to fight this now.
‘I don’t want you to love me, Ryan.’
‘You don’t get to make that decision.’ His hands were now back on her hips, his fingers playing with the sides of her panties as his lips touched hers ever so lightly, barely kissing her, but touching them enough to send a bolt of electricity through her that almost sobered her up immediately. ‘Just one more time, Amber. Then I promise, I promise you, baby, I’ll leave you alone. I won’t be here, will I? You don’t need to see me, because I won’t be here.’
‘It shouldn’t be like this,’ she groaned, keeping her eyes closed as she felt him sink to his haunches, slowly pulling her panties down until she had no option left but to step out of them, guilt hitting her head-on like an express train at full speed. ‘It shouldn’t be like this.’
‘Keep your eyes closed,’ he whispered, his mouth back resting on hers, his fingers finally unclipping her bra, tossing it aside before lowering his head to kiss her naked breasts – first one, then the other. ‘It’s too late now, Amber. We’re here, we’re at that point of no return so just close your eyes and pretend I’m him.’
She shook her head, trying to cling onto a strength she didn’t really have anymore. She was too tired, too drunk, too confused to fight it. It was wrong, but it was happening. Another mistake to add to the growing pile she was fast accumulating. ‘Ryan, I can’t…’ But she could. She could do anything she wanted, and right now, she wanted this. She didn’t want
him
, not really. She hadn’t wanted Ryan Fisher back in her life for a long time. But she wanted this, this release, those few minutes of letting nothing else matter except what was happening inside her. She’d deal with the fallout in the morning. ‘I can’t…’ she whispered, before finally giving in, letting her body fall against him, familiar feelings rushing forward, overwhelming her, taking over, whether she wanted them to or not.
He felt so different to Jim. That was the one thing she remembered more than anything – how different he was to Jim. His touch, his kiss, the way he held her, it was all so different. And she couldn’t shake those thoughts of her husband from her mind as Ryan lifted her up, her legs automatically wrapping themselves around his hips as he held onto her so tight. She wanted Jim, she needed Jim, but she was here, with Ryan, about to cross another forbidden boundary that she was only going to regret in a few hours’ time, but what could she do? He was pushing inside her now, she could feel him, hard and ready, and she hadn’t exactly put up much of a fight, had she? She’d let him in, given him that permission he’d needed to take another piece of her away with him, and leave her with – what? Regret? Guilt? Hope?
And then, before she’d even had a chance to get her head around what was happening, he withdrew, gently putting her down.
‘Ryan? What’s…?’
‘You’re right. It shouldn’t be like this.’ He rested his forehead against hers, his fingers lightly stroking her face. ‘You deserve more than a quick fuck up against the bathroom wall.’
‘Maybe it’s for the best,’ she whispered, taking his hand and holding onto it. ‘This was never meant to happen, Ryan. Me and you, we were over.’
‘Were?’
‘You’re with Ellen now.’
He threw back his head, sighing heavily. ‘No, Amber. No, I’m not. I was never really
with
Ellen.’
‘Then you need to tell her that, before you break her heart. And you should tell her before tomorrow. How you’ve managed to keep all this a secret from her when she works in the PR Department is beyond me…’
‘She organises the press conferences, Amber. She doesn’t always know what they’re going to be about.’
‘And you’ve made sure that’s the case with this one, huh?’
He looked at her, smiling slightly. ‘You’re killing my hard-on with this conversation, do you know that?’
‘Well, like I said, maybe that’s for the best.’ She smiled back, letting go of his hand and walking away, out into the bedroom.
He watched her, scared to turn away in case she covered that naked body up, which was the last thing he wanted her to do. She looked hot; so fucking hot with that lightly tanned skin, those super-sexy hips, those long, toned legs. And she’d kept those heels on, just like he’d wanted her to, making this whole situation one he couldn’t walk away from as he felt those urges, that never-gone need to have her rising up again. Talking about Ellen may have dampened his ardour slightly, but it hadn’t got rid of it altogether. How could it? When the most beautiful woman in football was here, with him, naked and there for the taking. No matter what else she thought was going to happen tonight, he was going to make love to her one last time. That was a given.
‘Amber?’
She turned around, running her hands through her hair as she looked at him, her legs slightly apart, which only made his need for her grow even more.
‘I meant what I said.’
‘You’ve said a lot of things tonight, Ryan, so you’re gonna have to elaborate on that one I’m afraid.’
‘I’m still in love with you.’
She looked away, reaching over to the bed to pick up a towel she’d thrown on there after her earlier shower, but he was quicker than her, grabbing her wrist to stop her from taking it. ‘I don’t want to hear you say that anymore, Ryan.’ Her eyes met his, boring right into them. ‘Do you hear me?’
‘I can’t change the way I feel, Amber. I’ve tried, don’t think I haven’t tried. But I can’t switch those feelings off, and I can’t walk away without knowing what you feel like just one more time.’
‘That isn’t fair. On either of us.’
‘Who said life was fair? We spend most of the time dodging the shit and hoping that, somewhere along the line, we end up with something worth wading through the crap for.’
‘Have you any idea how selfish that sounds? Coming from someone like you? Someone with a dream career, the world at his feet; more money than he could ever need…’
‘Money doesn’t buy you happiness, Amber. And that’s one cliché I truly fucking believe.’
She stared at him. ‘What do you want, Ryan? What do you
really
want?’