Authors: Michelle Betham
‘Could have a riot on their hands here,’ Ronnie said, joining Amber as she looked out at the sea of people down below. ‘I can’t see one fan out there who’s going to understand what’s just happened.’
Amber folded her arms, suddenly wishing she was somewhere else. She just didn’t know where. ‘They’ll come round.’
Ronnie raised his eyebrows, looking at her with more than a hint of surprise. ‘You reckon? Amber, you grew up around North East football, you know how passionate these fans are about their club. And you know how gutted – not to mention confused – they’re going to be at this news.’
‘Yeah. I know,’ she sighed, rummaging round in her bag for her car keys. ‘But there’s not a lot we can do about it now, is there?’
Ronnie leaned back against the huge floor-to-ceiling windows that lined the front of the main entrance. ‘You sure you’re okay?’
‘It’s just been a weird day, Ronnie, that’s all. And it’s not even 10 a.m.’
‘Are you going straight to the airport?’
They were both due to fly down to London later, as another weekend in the Cloud Sports studios beckoned. And Amber could only guess what the main topic of conversation was going to be.
‘No. I’ve got to nip home first, throw a few things into a holdall. I didn’t have time to pack this morning.’
‘Late night, huh?’ Ronnie said, with more than a hint of sarcasm.
Amber just looked at him. ‘I’ll meet you there.’
But he was looking over her shoulder, indicating that someone was behind her, and she swung round to see Jim standing there. Her hot, handsome, American husband.
‘We need to talk, Amber.’
She turned back around to face Ronnie.
‘All right. I’m going,’ he sighed, pulling himself away from the window. ‘I’ll call you in a bit, okay? See you later.’
Amber watched as Jim’s eyes followed Ronnie’s exit from Tynebridge, waiting until he was well away from the entrance before he turned his attention back to her.
‘Come on. We’ll go back to my office.’
Amber checked her watch. ‘I haven’t got a lot of time, Jim. I’ve got to get home and pack, I’m flying down to London in a couple of hours.’
‘This won’t take long.’
She frowned slightly as she followed him through the still-packed main lobby, back into the corridor that led to his office, and all the while a little voice at the back of her mind kept nagging away, telling her this didn’t feel right. Something didn’t feel right.
Walking into his office, she watched as he shut the door but stayed with his back to her for a few seconds, which made that nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach intensify. But it was only when he turned around that she really felt something she could only describe as fear sweep over her from out of nowhere.
‘I want a divorce, Amber.’
She wasn’t entirely sure she’d heard him properly, which was why she couldn’t say anything. No words would come out, nothing was there, except this weird, empty feeling of shock, and sadness.
She looked up at him as he walked over to her, his hands in his pockets, his eyes fixed firmly on hers, but again no words were coming. They weren’t even close. Her throat was dry, her stomach tying itself up in knots and pulling them tight, leaving her almost struggling to catch her breath.
‘I could cope with you and Ronnie,’ Jim said, reaching out to gently touch her cheek. ‘For some reason, the thought of you sleeping with him wasn’t something that kept me awake at night. Oh, I’m not saying I was okay with the fact you were fucking around behind my back…’ His thumb was now stroking her jaw, his fingers running lightly down over her neck, ‘… but Ronnie… well, he’s Ronnie, isn’t he? Ryan, on the other hand, he’s a different matter altogether.’
Amber quickly dragged herself out of the almost zoned-out state she’d drifted into, pushing his hand away and stepping back slightly.
‘Knowing you’ve slept with Ryan, that’s something I
can’t
ignore, honey.’
She looked at him, narrowing her eyes, trying to make sense in her mixed-up mind of just what it was he was saying. ‘Ryan? I…’
‘Last night, Amber. You were with him last night.’
She felt her stomach pull tighter, that mess of knots pulled so taut now she felt nauseated.
‘I asked Brandon to keep an eye on you, at the party.’
All of a sudden she found that voice she’d thought she’d temporarily lost, her eyes fixed on his. ‘You got your son to
spy
on me?’
‘That isn’t what I said, Amber. I asked him to keep an eye on you…’
‘And that’s different, is it?’
He said nothing, just continued to stare her down.
‘I don’t believe you…’ She finally broke that stare, turning away from him, her head spinning at the rapid change of events these past few months seemed to be throwing at her.
‘He saw you with him, Amber. Last night, he saw you with Ryan…’
‘I don’t even want to get into this,’ she said, pushing past him, but he grabbed her wrist, swinging her back round to face him.
‘Okay, so he only saw you talking to him, but given your history, Amber, you can’t blame me for reading something into what would, under normal circumstances, be a pretty ordinary situation. But I can’t believe that’s all it was with you two. I can’t. Knowing what I know, and… I know I’m right. I trust my instincts. Given the history between you and Ryan Fisher, and the fact that all this shit is happening today… I’ve had to give up my star striker because he can’t cope being around you, Amber. He can’t do that, because he’s still in love with you. Have you any idea how hard that is for me to deal with? And I can usually deal with anything, but this…’
‘It was a mistake,’ she whispered, pulling her wrist free as she tried to ignore the ache in her chest, the pain of realisation – that her marriage to the one man she loved more than anything, a man who’d been such a huge part of her life for such a long time, it could be over. And, despite the separation and the living apart, despite all of that, she’d never really thought it would come to this. She’d always thought – naively so, it would seem – that they’d eventually sort things out. It might have taken time, but she’d honestly believed they’d get there. One day. ‘Last night, it was a mistake.’
He hung his head, running a hand through his hair. ‘So you
did
sleep with him, then?’
‘I never meant it to happen, Jim.’ There were no excuses she could make, nothing she could say that would make this right, and all that did was make the pain she was already feeling hurt all the more.
‘But it did,’ he whispered, finally lifting his head to look at her, and she was horrified to see he had tears in his eyes. Is this what their messed-up marriage had come down to? Was it really going to end like this? ‘It happened, Amber.’ He shrugged. ‘It happened.’
She shook her head, herself now blinking back unexpected tears that had started to spill rapidly down her cheeks. ‘I’m so sorry, Jim.’
All she’d ever wanted was this man – this one man. He was all she’d ever wanted, and for a few blissful months she’d had him, in a way she’d been dreaming of since she was sixteen years old. But she’d let a need for some kind of perfection they could never achieve get in the way. She’d allowed herself to dwell too much on the things they couldn’t have, rather than concentrate on the things they already had. And they’d had each other, hadn’t they? Why hadn’t that been enough? When, for almost two decades, it had been all she’d ever wanted. Him. That’s all she’d ever really wanted.
‘So am I, Amber. So am I.’
She didn’t know what to do. Should she just turn and walk away, leave him behind without any kind of fight? Did he even
want
her to fight for him, for their marriage?
‘I’ll speak to my solicitor, see what happens next…’
She looked at him, her heart beating hard, hammering against her ribs as though it was desperate to break free from its cage. ‘Can’t we talk about this, Jim? Please?’ Her voice was barely a whisper, her words stilted and slow to come out. But she now felt as if her life was running in slow motion, like she was being made to watch as all the stupid mistakes she’d made were played out in front of her like some kind of visual torture.
‘There’s no point, Amber.’
‘You’re willing to give up? On everything we had? Just because of one night?’
‘But is it just going to stay one night? You see, that’s what I have the problem with, that’s… that’s what I can’t… I saw your reaction out there today, Amber. I saw the look on your face when it was finally made public that he was going. I saw that. I saw the face of a woman who doesn’t really want him to go anywhere.’
‘But he
is
going, isn’t he? He’s leaving, he’s going to be miles away, in another country, out…’
‘Out of temptation’s reach, is that what you were going to say?’
She stopped talking, leaning back against his desk. ‘No, Jim. That wasn’t what I was going to say.’
He walked over to her, tilting her chin up with his thumb and forefinger. ‘Maybe we were never really meant to be together.’
Her eyes searched his face, trying to find something that would make her feel any better about what was happening here, but there was nothing there. Nothing but a heart-breaking reality that her dream come true was about to come tumbling down, shattering into a million pieces on the way.
‘What we had, it was amazing. And I know I will never, ever stop loving you, Amber. Ever. I know that.’
‘Then why are we doing this? Why are
you
doing this, Jim? I don’t understand, because… because an hour ago you wanted to make love to me, and I…’
‘I wanted to be with you one last time, that’s all I wanted. I wanted that so much you have no idea, baby. No idea.’ His mouth was almost touching hers now and she could feel that ache in her chest, those knots in her stomach tightening, pulling so hard it was like the breath was being squeezed out of her. ‘But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I’m tired, Amber. My work’s been slipping, I haven’t been able to concentrate and… and I can’t afford to let that happen. I’ve got a reputation to keep, a club to run. And I need to be on my A-game for that. So we need to end this. Now. Before it destroys us both.’
She just let the tears fall now, let them stream down her face, running into her mouth, the salty taste of them making her cry even more. ‘Why… why a divorce, Jim? Why something that drastic?’
‘I need closure, Amber. I need to make that break, sever those ties…’
‘Sever those ties? You… you’re making it sound like you don’t ever want to see me again.’
He looked down, his hand still resting against her cheek, but he couldn’t meet her eyes. He couldn’t look at her. And that in itself made Amber’s heart break into even more tiny pieces.
‘Jim? No… I can’t… No. Please, don’t do this…’
‘We’ll have to wait a few more months, before any divorce can be made final, but, as long as we’re both in agreement, once those proceedings are in place it should all be pretty quick and straightforward. We’ve got no kids…’
He stopped himself, his eyes finally meeting hers again, and even she could see him visibly flinch at the words he’d just spoken.
‘Amber, baby, I’m so sorry. Honey, I am so, so sorry…’
She just shook her head, pushing his hand away from her face before making her way over to the door. ‘I think we’ve said everything there is to be said now, don’t you?’
‘Amber, please, wait… don’t leave like this. I shouldn’t have said… I should have been more tactful.’
‘It’s true, though, isn’t it? What you said. No kids equals a much more straightforward divorce. Less mess all round, huh?’
‘That isn’t what I meant. It isn’t…’
‘I’m sorry, Jim. Okay? Please believe me when I say that – I’m sorry. Because, despite what you may think, I love you. So much. And I always will. Always.’
‘Feeling any better?’ Ronnie asked, sliding onto the banquette opposite Amber. ‘Or shall I go get us another bottle?’
She smiled, laying the beer mat she’d been fiddling with down on the table. ‘It’s been a fortnight, Ronnie. I’m fine now.’
‘Really?’ He raised a sceptical eyebrow. ‘Despite the fact there’s been all that stuff in the press about your marriage breakdown? All those rumours about you and Ryan and his real reasons for leaving Newcastle Red Star? You’re okay with all of that, are you?’
‘I didn’t say that, did I? No. Of course I’m not okay with all of that. But, in reality, it was inevitable, wasn’t it? Inevitable that they’d put two and two together and come up with…’
‘Something not too far from the truth?’
She looked at Ronnie, picking up her glass and taking a sip of wine. ‘Ryan isn’t to blame for my marriage breaking down.’
‘He is, indirectly. Sort of.’
Amber sat back, sighing heavily as she pushed both hands through her hair. ‘You see? What you’ve just said there, that just shows what a huge fucking mess this all is.’
‘You’re handling it extremely well, though, I have to say.’
She took another sip of wine, willing the alcohol to take effect soon. She was quite looking forward to the numbness it might bring if she drank enough. ‘I’m not the type to sit wallowing over something I can’t control, Ronnie. You know that. I’ll put my game face on and deal with things like a grown-up. What’s the point of collapsing into a heap and sobbing myself to sleep every night? It won’t make him change his mind.’
‘But you haven’t been back to Newcastle since it happened, babe.’
‘So? There’s no point in me going back up there if I don’t really need to. There’s nothing there for me now, is there? Most of my work is down here, so…’
‘What about your dad?
He’s
still up there. And he’s really worried about you.’
‘I’m sure my dad’s fine. Freddie Sullivan brought his daughter up to be as tough as he is. He knows I’m okay.’
‘Well, maybe Freddie Sullivan’s daughter isn’t quite as tough as she thinks she is.’
Amber just threw him a look, finished the last of her wine, and refilled her glass.
‘You sure you don’t want me to get another bottle?’ Ronnie asked, smiling slightly.