Authors: Michelle Betham
Suddenly, she felt him take hold of her wrist, gently pulling her hand away from herself and replacing it with his own, his mouth pressing down on hers in a kiss that literally took her breath away. He was touching her, playing with her, his tongue running over the roof of her mouth, his fingers pushing inside her – two, or three, she didn’t know, all she knew was that it was sending her stomach into spasms of pure pleasure, her body slowly weakening with every touch, every kiss he was giving her.
‘When did you get so fucking hot, Ms. Sullivan?’
He’d called her by her maiden name, and, for some reason, that made her heart start to race harder, her head start to spin faster – it was as though he’d finally made her realise she was back to where she’d been before; that forthright and feisty woman who could take on the world, if she wanted to. And maybe she would, at some point in the future. Just, not yet. Not yet.
‘You okay with this?’ he whispered, his mouth resting on hers, his fingers still deep inside her, a feeling she liked. It felt good; safe. Even though it was anything but.
She nodded, gasping quietly as he withdrew those fingers, and he watched as she pushed past him, walking over to the bath, sitting down on the edge, opening her legs so wide he could see it all.
Sinking to his knees he touched her again, slowly exploring every inch of her, probing harder, pushing deeper, the sound of her moans and the tiny gasps escaping from her parted lips taking him almost to the point of no return. She was so wet, so turned on and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold out much longer, which was why he hadn’t set his quite obviously frustrated erection free just yet. If he kept it confined for just a little while longer then it might make the release he was going to inevitably feel just that little bit sweeter.
Amber gripped the side of the bath tight as she felt him pull her wider apart, his fingers back inside her, playing games that were making her crazy. He knew just where to touch her, where to go that would guarantee she’d be crying out loud and wanting him more, and it felt incredible. Sometimes it hurt, but it was a beautiful pain, and once again it was helping to mask the real pain she felt underneath all this. The real feelings she was trying to dispel, trying to get rid of in the only way she could think of right now. A weak, almost cowardly way, but what did she have to lose? Nothing. She’d already lost him.
‘Oh, Jesus…’ she groaned, leaning back as far as she could go, biting down on her lip as he pulled out of her, pulling her to her feet and into his arms, tilting her chin up with his thumb.
‘Feel good?’ He smiled, and she nodded, smiling back, her whole body suddenly feeling as though it had just undergone the most intense, the most erotic massage ever. She was tingling all over, and ready for more.
‘Oh yes. Christ, yes, it feels good.
You
feel good.’
His smile grew wider, and when he smiled she felt those tingles intensify, the anticipation growing stronger as this night got ready to reach its final act. ‘Then let’s go finish this job, huh?’
She shrugged off the robe that hung loosely from her shoulders, taking his hand and leading him back out into the bedroom. Time for her to take control again.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she put her hands on his hips, pulling him between her open legs, slowly slipping his shorts down, watching as the rest of his incredible body was revealed. She wanted him inside her so badly, and as she ran her fingers over his erection, feeling it hard and throbbing in her hand, that need only got stronger. Just a few minutes more, that was all. A few more minutes and she’d have him, but he deserved a little something extra first.
Leaning forward, she took him in her mouth, her fingers stroking him as her tongue teased him, causing him to cry out loud. He buried his fingers in her hair, pushing her against him, wanting to feel her take him totally, every inch of him, and she accepted the invitation. For a few incredible seconds he was in the kind of heaven he’d waited all his life for, and even when she pulled away, setting him free, he knew there was still more to come.
She stood up, one hand still holding him, gripping him tight, her fingers in his dark, messed-up hair, her mouth almost touching his as they looked at each other, the electricity sparking between them almost visible, it was so strong. And then she just turned and pushed him back on the bed, standing with her hands on her hips, smiling at his expression of total surprise.
‘Oh, so
you’re
in charge now, then?’ He grinned, propping himself up on his elbows, watching as she knelt up on the bed, leaning forward to slowly crawl towards him and he honestly felt as though he’d been thrust straight into some kind of perfect wet dream. ‘But, hey, do you know what? I don’t have a problem with that.’
‘You don’t get a choice,’ she said as she straddled him, pushing both hands through her dark red hair, arching her back and pushing her breasts out, which only served to make Ryan’s aching erection all the more painful. He was verging on desperate now, yet, at the same time, he knew the quicker it happened, the sooner it would be over. And then what? Back to a reality he wasn’t even sure he wanted anymore?
‘Amber…’
She shook her head, leaning over to shut him up with a kiss, his fingers entwining with hers as the heat between them intensified so much he could literally feel himself burning up. ‘No more talking, okay?’ she whispered, sitting back up and once more taking him in her hand, her eyes locked on his as she carefully guided him inside her, and all he could do was lie back and let it happen.
Amber finally closed her eyes, leaning back and pushing down onto him, his hands on her hips keeping her right where she needed to be because this wasn’t going to take long. That was a given. But she wasn’t sure either of them wanted it to be over. This was nothing but a smokescreen, for both of them, she knew that. And she was certain he knew that, too, and when it was over they were both still going to have to face up to everything they were trying to ignore right now. So to feel him there, a part of her again, like he used to be not that long ago, it was a beautiful escape. A distraction she needed. A mistake. But one they couldn’t reverse, so when she finally felt him come inside her with a force so hard it almost rocked her backwards, the cries that forced out of her weren’t just because it felt incredible, they were also cries of frustration and pain and anger that the life she’d dreamed of had come crashing down around her. She’d lost control. Of everything.
With him still inside her, she turned over onto her back, wrapping her legs around him, keeping her eyes closed until she reached her own climax, stretching out as that blanket of hot pins and needles crept its way up her body. His hands were holding hers, his breath warm on her skin as her hips bucked up against him, that wave of intense pleasure now hitting her full-on, making her scream out loud again, giving her another opportunity to get every ounce of pent-up frustration she had left inside of her out, until there was nothing more to give. Nothing.
He collapsed on top of her, his breathing heavy and ragged, and she could feel his heart beating against her own chest as he lay there. Ryan Fisher. Her big mistake.
‘Jesus, Amber, you’re killing me, babe.’ He finally rolled off her, onto his back, as he tried to slow his breathing down.
‘Says the man who’s eleven years younger than me.’ She turned onto her side, propping herself up on one elbow. ‘Your fitness levels down then, mister?’
He smirked, reaching out to touch her breasts, letting his fingers trail slowly over them. ‘My fitness levels are fine, thanks.’ He moved his hand to her hip, quickly pulling her down over him. ‘In fact, give me five minutes and I’ll be more than ready to show you just how much stamina I’ve got.’
‘Five minutes, huh?’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘That long?’
He laughed, his hand resting in the small of her back, and just the feel of her skin beneath his fingers made him feel more safe, more relaxed than he had done in months. ‘Impatience isn’t a trait I’d associate with you, Ms. Sullivan.’
Once again he was using her maiden name – was it his way of trying to make her realise a chapter of her life was coming to an end? Whether she wanted it to or not.
‘I need to pee,’ she sighed, climbing off him and walking into the en-suite.
Ryan lay back, closing his eyes, letting himself drift off into that place in his head that always wondered what their life would have been like if he hadn’t thrown it all away just weeks before their wedding. Would they have been happy? Would the sex always have been this great? Would Jim Allen have been the same distraction he still was now? He couldn’t answer any of those questions. He only knew what he felt now – and that was regret, for losing the chance to even see where their life together could have gone.
‘You okay?’
He opened his eyes to find her sitting cross-legged beside him, now wearing his shirt, her hair piled up messily on top of her head. ‘You always did look better in my clothes than I did.’ He smiled. She returned it – for a brief second, anyway, before her expression became more serious.
‘Ryan… Look, I…’
‘We could make a go of this, Amber.’ He had to try, didn’t he? He had to. Even if he didn’t get the answer he really wanted.
‘No,’ she whispered, shaking her head, her fingers fiddling with the wedding ring she still wore. She wasn’t all that sure that she’d ever be able to take it off. ‘No, Ryan.’ Her eyes met his, and there was still something there, still that spark she felt with an intensity she wished didn’t exist. But everything was just way too confusing right now to make sense of anything – to know what was real and what she was feeling only because she was trying to blank other things out. ‘We couldn’t.’
He hung his head, breaking the stare, because he felt it, too. That spark. He felt it with a heart-breaking force that almost physically winded him.
‘You going away for a while, it really is the best thing,’ she said, although he was fighting against agreeing with that now. ‘For both of us.’
‘You really think so?’ he asked.
‘I really think so. We have to move on, Ryan. As much as I…’ She stopped talking, and he felt a ridiculous feeling of hope sweep over him that he couldn’t stop. ‘It’s for the best.’
That feeling of hope was crushed as she got off the bed, walking over to the window. He got up, too, quickly pulling on his shorts before walking up behind her, gently pulling her against him. She leaned back, resting her head on his shoulder, that feeling of closeness making her feel safe, for a little while, at least.
‘So, this really is goodbye?’ he asked, her fingers entwining with his as they rested on her stomach.
‘I hate that word – goodbye,’ she whispered. ‘It’s so final.’ She turned round in his arms, sliding a hand round the back of his neck. ‘I mean, it’s not like I’m never going to see you again, is it?’
Once more he was filled with a ridiculous feeling of hope as he read a million and one things into that last sentence of hers. ‘Of course you’ll see me again. Amber, baby, you could see me every day if you…’
She stopped him from talking by placing her fingertips over his mouth, shaking her head again. ‘No, Ryan. Please. No.’ She stared up into his eyes – her handsome Geordie boy. But he didn’t need her; he needed that new start, that new adventure – he needed time to sort his head out, and she wasn’t helping. She wasn’t good for him. He wasn’t good for her. But tonight, they’d needed each other. ‘I really want you to stay with me tonight, Ryan. I want you to stay, but if you…’
‘I’m not going anywhere.’ He smiled, stroking the hair from her eyes, kissing her so gently she felt those stupid tears reappear, but she was determined they weren’t going to escape. Not this time.
‘No more talking, okay? We’ve done enough of that, and I’m tired. I’m tired of it all.’ She looked up at him, a fleeting moment of something she couldn’t explain hitting her somewhere deep in the pit of her stomach that was quickly pushed aside to let reality start to creep its way back. ‘I just don’t want you to go yet, that’s all.’
He pulled her close, resting his chin on the top of her head as he held her tight, his own eyes filling with tears as the harsh realisation of what was happening tomorrow hit him head-on. But it had been his choice. His decision. Nobody else’s. And maybe it
was
for the best. He could only hope the day when he finally started to believe that came quickly, because, right now, he couldn’t see it happening at all.
The sound of the doorbell being rung continuously, followed by a round of knocking loud enough to wake the neighbours almost made Amber drop the mug she’d just lifted from the dishwasher.
‘Okay, okay. I’m coming!’ she shouted as she ran from the kitchen out into the hall, flinging open the door, not really sure what or who she was expecting to see. But finding Ronnie standing there on the doorstep wasn’t a huge surprise.
‘Oh, you’re in, then,’ he said dryly as he leaned against the porch frame.
‘Of course I’m in. Where did you think I’d be?’
‘Well, you see, Amber, I had absolutely no fucking idea because you haven’t been answering your fucking phone, have you?’
‘All right. Calm down. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think…’
‘No. You didn’t.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Yeah, but
I
didn’t know that, did I? Where were you last night anyway?’
She looked down at the tea towel she had in her hands, aware that she was wringing it to within an inch of its life. ‘Nowhere.’
‘Nowhere,’ Ronnie repeated, looking at her with an expression that said he didn’t believe a word she was saying. ‘You gonna let me in or what?’
She quickly looked over her shoulder. She couldn’t hear the shower anymore, which probably meant Ryan was out of the bathroom and likely to come downstairs any second now, and the last thing she needed was Ronnie knowing he’d stayed the night. Just the thought of the lectures
that
scenario would invite was giving her a headache already.