Eyeless In Gaza (25 page)

Empirical facts:

One: We are all capable of love for other human beings.

Two. We impose limitations on that love.

Three. We can transcend all these limitations –
if we choose to
. (It is a matter of observation that anyone who so desires can overcome personal dislike, class feeling, national hatred, colour prejudice. Not easy; but it can be done, if we have the will and know how to carry out our good intentions.)

Four. Love expressing itself in good treatment breeds love. Hate expression itself in bad treatment breeds hate.

In the light of these facts, it's obvious what inter-personal, inter-class and international policies should be. But, again, knowledge cuts little ice. We all know; we almost all fail to do. It is a question, as usual, of the best methods of implementing intentions. Among other things, peace propaganda must be a set of instructions in the art of modifying character.

Hell is the incapacity to be other than the creature one finds oneself ordinarily behaving as.

On the way home from Miller's, dived into the public lavatory at Marble Arch, and there ran into Beppo Bowles deep in conversation with one of those flannel-trousered, hatless young men who look like undergraduates and are, I suppose, very junior clerks or shop assistants. On B.'s face, what a mingling of elation and anxiety. Happy, drunk with thrilling anticipation, and at the same time horribly anxious and afraid. He might be turned down – unspeakable humiliation! He might not be turned down – appalling dangers! Frustration of desire, if there was failure, cruel blow to pride, wound to the very root of personality. And, if success, fear (through all the triumph) of blackmail and police court. Poor wretch! He was horribly embarrassed at the sight of me. I just nodded and hurried past. B.'s hell – an underground lavatory with rows of urinals stretching to infinity in all directions and a boy at each. Beppo walking up and down the rows, for ever – his sweating self, but worse.

MORE GUESTS KEPT
arriving – young people mostly, friends of Joyce and Helen. Dutifully, they crossed the drawing-room to the far corner where Mrs Amberley was sitting between Beppo Bowles and Anthony, said good-evening, then hurried off to dance.

‘They put one in one's middle-aged place all right,' said Anthony; but either Mrs Amberley preferred not to hear the remark, or else she was genuinely absorbed in what Beppo was saying with such loud fizzling enthusiasm about Berlin – the most amusing place in Europe nowadays! Where else would you find, for example, those special tarts for masochists? In top-boots; yes, genuine top-boots! And the Museum of Sexology: such photographs and wax models – almost too
trompe-l'œil
– such astounding objects in horn from Japan, such strange and ingenious tailoring for exhibitionists! And all those delicious little Lesbian bars, all those cabarets where the boys were dressed up as women . . .

‘There's Mark Staithes,' said Mrs Amberley, interrupting him, and waved to a shortish, broad-shouldered man who
had just entered the drawing-room. ‘I forget,' she said, turning to Anthony, ‘whether you know him.'

‘Only for the last thirty years,' he answered, finding once again a certain malicious pleasure in insisting, to the point of exaggeration, on his vanished youth. If he were no longer young, then Mary had ceased to be young nine years ago.

‘But with long gaps,' he qualified. ‘During the war and then afterwards, for all that time he was in Mexico. And I've hardly had more than a glimpse of him since he came back. I'm delighted to have this chance . . .'

‘He's a queer fish,' said Mary Amberley, thinking of the time, just after his return from Mexico, some eighteen months before, when he had first come to her house. His appearance, his manner, as of some savage and fanatical hermit, had violently attracted her. She had tried all her seductions upon him – without the smallest effect. He had ignored them – but so completely and absolutely that she felt no ill-will towards him for the rebuff, convinced, as she was, that in fact there hadn't been any rebuff, merely a display of symptoms, either, she diagnosed judicially, of impotence, or else, less probably (though of course one never knew, one
never
knew), of homosexuality. ‘A queer fish,' she repeated, and decided that she'd take the next opportunity of asking Beppo about the homosexuality. He would be sure to know. They always did know about one another. Then, waving again, ‘Come and sit with us, Mark,' she called through the noise of the gramophone.

Staithes crossed the room, drew up a chair and sat down. His hair had retreated from his forehead, and above the ears was already grey. The brown face – that fanatical hermit's face which Mary Amberley had found so strangely attractive – was deeply lined. No smooth obliterating layer of fat obscured its inner structure. Under the skin each strip of muscle in the cheek and jaw seemed to stand out distinct and separate like the muscles in those lime-wood statues of flayed
human beings that were made for Renaissance anatomy rooms. When he smiled – and each time that happened it was as though the flayed statue had come to life and were expressing its agony – one could follow the whole mechanism of the excruciating grimace; the upward and outward pull of the zygomaticus major, the sideways tug of the risorius, the contraction of the great sphincters round the eyelids.

‘Am I interrupting?' he asked, looking with sharp, inquisitorial movements from one to the other.

‘Beppo was telling us about Berlin,' said Mrs Amberley.

‘I popped over to get away from the General Strike,' Beppo explained.

‘Naturally,' said Staithes, and his face twitched in the anguish of amused contempt.

‘Such a heavenly place!' Beppo exploded irrepressibly.

‘You feel like Lord Haldane about it? Your spiritual home?'

‘Carnal,' Anthony emended.

Only too happy to plead guilty, Beppo giggled. ‘Yes, those transvestitists!' he had to admit rapturously.

‘I was over there this winter,' said Staithes. ‘On business. But of course one has to pay one's tribute to pleasure too. That night life . . .'

‘Didn't you find it amusing?'

‘Oh, passionately.'

‘You see!' Beppo was triumphant.

‘One of the creatures came and sat at my table,' Staithes went on. ‘I danced with it. It looked like a woman.'

‘You simply can't tell them apart,' Beppo cried excitedly, as though he were taking personal credit for the fact.

‘When we'd finished dancing, it painted its face a bit and we drank a little beer. Then it showed me some indecent photographs. That rather surgical, anti-aphrodisiac kind – you know. Damping. Perhaps that was why the conversation flagged. Anyhow, there were uncomfortable silences. Neither
it nor I seemed to know what to say next. We were becalmed.' He threw out his two thin and knotted hands horizontally, as though sliding them across an absolutely flat surface. ‘Utterly becalmed. Until, suddenly, the creature did a most remarkable thing. One of its regular gambits, no doubt; but never having had it played on me before, I was impressed. “Would you like to see something?” it said. I said yes, and immediately it began to poke and pull at something under its blouse. “Now, look!” it said at last. I looked. It smiled triumphantly, like a man playing the ace of trumps – or rather playing two aces of trumps; for what it plunked down on the table was a pair. A pair of superb artificial breasts, made of pink rubber sponge.'

‘But how revolting!' cried Mrs Amberley, while Anthony laughed and Beppo's round face took on an expression of pained distress. ‘How revolting!' she repeated.

‘Yes, but how satisfactory!' Staithes insisted, making that crooked and agonized grimace that passed with him for a smile. ‘It's so good when things happen as they ought to happen – artistically, symbolically. Two rubber breasts between the beer mugs – that's what vice ought to be. And when that was what it actually
was –
well, it felt as though something had clicked into place. Inevitably, beautifully. Yes,
beautifully,
' he repeated. ‘Beautifully revolting.'

‘All the same,' Beppo insisted, ‘you must admit there's a lot to be said for a town where that sort of thing can happen. In public,' he added earnestly, ‘in
public,
mind you. It's the most tolerant in the world, the German Government. You've got to admit that.'

‘Oh, I do,' said Staithes. ‘It tolerates everybody. Not only girls in boiled shirts and boys with rubber breasts, but also monarchists, fascists, Junkers, Krupps, Communists too, I'm thankful to say. All its enemies of every colour.'

‘I think that's rather fine,' said Mrs Amberley.

‘Very fine indeed, until its enemies rise up and destroy it. I
only hope the communists will get in first.'

‘But seeing that they're tolerated, why should its enemies want to destroy it?'

‘Why not?
They
don't believe in tolerance. Quite rightly,' he added.

‘You're barbarous,' Beppo protested.

‘As one should be if one lives in the Dark Ages. You people – you're survivors from the Age of Antonines.' He looked from one to the other, smiling his flayed smile, and shook his head. ‘Imagining you're still in the first volume of Gibbon. Whereas we're well on in the third.'

‘Do you mean to say . . .? But, good heavens,' Mrs Amberley interrupted herself, ‘there's Gerry!'

At her words, at the sight of Gerry Watchett himself, fox-trotting in from the back drawing-room with Helen, Anthony took out his pocket-book and quickly examined its contents. ‘Thank God!' he said. ‘Only two pounds.' Gerry had caught him with ten the previous month and, on the strength of a most improbably distressing story, borrowed them all. He ought to have disbelieved the story, of course, ought to have withheld the loan. Ten pounds were more than he could afford. He had said so, but had lacked the firmness to persist in his refusal. It had taken more than a fortnight of strict economy to make up that lost money. Economizing was an unpleasant process; but to say no and to go on saying it in the teeth of Gerry's importunities and reproaches would have been still more unpleasant. He was always ready to sacrifice his rights to his conveniences. People thought him disinterested, and he would have liked, he did his best, to accept their diagnosis of his character. But awareness of the real state of affairs kept breaking through. When it did, he accepted self-knowledge with a laugh. He was laughing now. ‘Only two,' he repeated. ‘Luckily I can afford . . .'

He broke off. Behind Mary's back, Beppo had tapped him
on the shoulder, was making significant grimaces. Anthony turned and saw that she was still staring intently and with knitted brows at the new arrivals.

‘He told me he wasn't coming this evening,' she said, almost as though she were speaking to herself. Then, through the music, ‘Gerry!' she called sharply in a voice that had suddenly lost all its charm – a voice that reminded Anthony only too painfully of those distasteful scenes in which, long since, he had played his part. So that was it, he said to himself, and felt sorry for poor Mary.

Gerry Watchett turned, and with the expression of one who refers to some excellent shared joke gave her a quick smile and even a hint of a wink, then looked down again to go on talking to his partner.

Mrs Amberley flushed with sudden anger. Grinning at her like that! It was intolerable. Intolerable too – but how typical! – to appear like this, unannounced, out of the blue – casually dancing with another woman, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. This time, it was true, the other woman was only Helen; but that was merely because he hadn't found anyone else to dance with, anyone worse. ‘The beast!' she thought, as she followed him round the room with her eyes. Then, making an effort, she looked away, she forced herself to pay attention to what was going on around her.

‘. . . a country like this,' Mark Staithes was saying, ‘a country where a quarter of the population's genuinely bourgeois and another quarter passionately longs to be.'

‘You're exaggerating,' Anthony protested.

‘Not a bit. What does the Labour Party poll at an election? A third of the votes. I'm generously assuming it might some day poll half of them. The rest's bourgeois. Either naturally bourgeois by interest and fear, or else artificially, by snobbery and imagination. It's childish to think you can get what you want by constitutional methods.'

‘And what about unconstitutional ones?'

‘There's a chance.'

‘Not much of a chance,' said Anthony. ‘Not against the new weapons.'

‘Oh, I know,' said Mark Staithes, ‘I know.
If
they use their strength, the middle classes can obviously win. They could win, most likely, even without tanks and planes – just because they're potentially better soldiers than the proletariat.'

‘Better soldiers?' Beppo protested, thinking of those guardsmen friends of his.

‘Because of their education. A bourgeois gets anything from ten to sixteen years of training – most of it, what's more, in a boarding school; that's to say, in barracks. Whereas a workman's child lives at home and doesn't get more than six or seven years at his day school. Sixteen years of obedience and
esprit de corps.
No wonder that Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton. If they'll use only half their resources – use them ruthlessly – the game's theirs.'

‘You think they won't use their resources?'

Mark shrugged his shoulders. ‘Certainly the German republicans don't seem ready to use theirs. And think of what happened here, during the Strike? Even the majority of industrialists were ready to compromise.'