Falcon Song: A love story (28 page)

“Good. Remember that.” Elise ripped the magazine cover off the fridge, wadded it up and tossed it under the sink into the trash. “Let’s go eat.”

                                          ***

Two days later, when Kate was watching Jason and the band in a video on CMT, she was trying to keep that in mind as Jason sang about unrequited love to a top heavy brunette in a Daisy Mae outfit. Kate knew it was just a music video, but it still made her uncomfortable.

Then, as she took Kennen for a walk to the park in his stroller, the neighbor who lived in the house next door to where Jason was supposedly buying, wanted to talk and she mentioned just what she’d like to do with Jason Falcon if she ever got the chance. Kate wanted to hurl, right on her sidewalk. She kept telling herself Jason couldn’t control what others thought or said about him, but it certainly brought the point home that privacy and discretion weren’t ever going to be the backbone of a life with him. She toyed with the bracelet on her wrist, willing the worry to go and some of that sweet emotion from the other night to take its place. It was hard to stay off of this roller coaster.

Chapter 24

After being on the road for four days, Jason was tired, and hungry, and incredibly ready to see Kate again. He’d missed her so much this trip that he couldn’t figure out how he’d survived at all when she had been gone. As the captain came on and announced final approach, Cody woke up beside him and stretched and asked, “So what are your plans?”

“Drive to Tulsa and see Kate and Kennen. What are yours?”

Cody grinned. “Drive to Tulsa and see Jennika and see if I can talk her into a Kennen.”

Drily, Jason counseled, “Take my advice and marry her first. What would you say if I said I want to take some time off of touring?”

“I’d say I’ve been trying to figure out how to broach that subject for several weeks. But the guys are gonna hate it. We’re at the top of our game right now.”

Jason shrugged. “It’s our band. And you and I both know there are more important things than concerts. I bought a house in Tulsa. If you’ll come try to remind me to keep my hands to myself where Kate is concerned, I’ll rent you half of it.”

“When in the… When did you buy a house in Tulsa?”

“The morning after I found Kate. It’s in her back yard. She’s gonna kill me when she finds out.”

“I thought you said things have been going well. Why would she kill you?”

“Because she’s still intimidated by all of the hoopla. She loves me, I love her. But that’s not enough. Or it’s too much. Something. She’s still scared to be committed, just like before she took off.”

“You’re telling me you’ve been talking about commitment? In the first two days? Geez, y’all are gutty, Falcon. No wonder she’s gonna kill you.”

Jason shook his head. “I have a son, Cody. And I love his mother. And Kate needs to know there aren’t any doubts.” He grinned. “It freaks her out a little, but… Hopefully the feelings that are still there can overcome that. So you want to move to Tulsa?”

“I’m gonna have to behave myself in your house, aren’t I?”

“Yup.”

“Good. Then I’ll take you up on that. But you have to agree to remind me about that hands to yourself policy. Jennika would deck me and then dump me."

Jason laughed. “You could just marry her and not worry about keeping to yourself.”

Cody rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “You know? I’ve actually been thinking about that. It scares the hell out of me.”

“Does the commitment scare you or are you just afraid Jennika will find out what you’re really like?”

“Hey now. Actually, Jennika already knows what I
used
to be like. And I’m not afraid of commitment. But do you know how weird it is to want to be with the same person twenty four seven three sixty five? That’s what’s freaking me out. That and that she’s raving brilliant.”

“Oh, like you’re not. Enjoy it. Your children will be prodigies.”

“Yeah, and give their poor, mindless-wonder dad looks of pity when he’s trying to help them with their homework.”

“You just love their mother and the homework thing will work itself out.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that, Falcon, and if it doesn’t work, I’m sending them to your house.”

Jason grinned again. “You just worry about getting Jennika to agree to this. Then we’ll talk about homework.”

                                          ***

When her door bell rang, Kate opened it to Jason’s weary smile and she glanced at her watch. “Jason, you just drove here in an hour and fifty minutes, this tired? You’ll kill yourself. Come on in. Have you eaten?”

“Yes, I did just drive here, I survived, thanks and no I haven’t eaten. Can I take you out, or are you still concerned about being seen with me?”

“That can’t be how I worded it. Where are you thinking of going? Will we be mobbed by fans?”

“If I’m honest and say we won’t be mobbed but someone might talk to us, are you going to tell me no?”

She screwed her lips to the side as if thinking. “I don’t know. What do y’all think I should do?”

“Come over here and kiss me.”

She laughed. “And how does that help in deciding?”

“I’m not sure, but even though I’m starving, it sounds way better than food.”

Unsure of how to deal with him like this, she laughed again and wrapped one arm around his waist and leaned in and kissed him, but then backed away. He shook his head and followed her. “No way, Kate. I’ve thought about kissing you all the way across three states. Come back. That was far too quick.”

She let him pull her close and kissed him, but then looked up into his eyes and said, “Jason, doesn’t the fact that we didn’t see each other for so long and then started right back up where we left off, trouble you?”

“Nope.” He kissed her again and shook his head. “Not seeing you killed me. Kissing doesn’t trouble me one iota. Frankly, it fixes my troubles. Your kiss has always been that way for me. But I also don’t think we’re right where we left off. I think we’ve both been tempered by time and the hell we’ve been through. I think we’re stronger and wiser and more mature. It doesn’t trouble me, Kate. It comforts me.”

Looking down, she admitted, “It troubles me, Jason. I feel like we need to be really careful to be wise in our relationship. For Kennen.”

“I know, honey, and I’m sorry I’m not more worried. But I love you, and I missed you and I really want to kiss you. And honestly, Kate. I don’t have the doubts you have. I know you, and I have the greatest respect for you, and I know me, and I think I’ll be a great husband and father. I wish you believed the same.”

Kate thought back to the conversation she and Elise had had and admitted softly, “Sometimes I believe the same, Jason. When I really think about it and listen for what God is trying to tell me, I think the same. I want to think the same. I’m just so afraid sometimes. I’m just so worried that I’ll make a bad decision and Kennen will have to bear it.”

Jason sat down and tugged her down with him. “Where is he? Is he okay?”

“He’s with Gretchen. He’s fine.”

“Okay, then can you tell me one more time, what it is you’re afraid of with me? What is it that scares you? And you can be honest.”

She hid her face against his chest. “Honest can hurt sometimes.”

“Not as much as not being together, together. I’m trying to get on with getting on to eternity with you, Kate, and in that way, we are still back where we left off. Even after completely settling the issue of coming back to you and knowing Kate is the only flavor. You didn’t want to talk about getting married then either. Just help me understand why.”

“You’re wrong, Jason. I so wanted to talk about getting married. It was just that I needed to know you wouldn’t regret me.”

He tipped her face to look at him and asked gently, “And do you finally know I’ll never regret you?”

She looked up into his eyes, and for just a second that awful night in Lubbock when she’d knocked on that door flashed into her mind and she struggled to not let that pain influence her. She searched his eyes, and what she saw there was enough to make her know that yes, she could trust him to be faithful and that the only thing that would make him regret her would be for her to make the huge mistakes this time.

She snuggled back into his chest. “Yes.”

“So, then what else is holding you back?”

She sighed, because right now, she had to face the fact that it wasn’t Jason at all she was worried about any more. Over the last few days, she had come to believe he really was hers forever if she would accept him. The problem was wondering if she was strong enough to deal with what being married to Jason would mean. And it was an incredibly intimidating question. Did she have the fortitude to take what he came with and not let it steamroll her? In a low voice, she admitted, “I guess, the real question, Jason, is do I have what it takes to handle being married to Jason the country music star?”

He leaned back from her with a huge smile. “Oh, Kate, that’s easy! Of course you do! You’re the strongest, most competent woman I’ve ever known. You can handle way worse stuff than just that.”

She hid her face against him again. “I don’t know. The fame and the girls and the videos and the dancing and the travel and the rumors and the paparazzi and everything else. Can I really do that?”

“You can. We can. All three of us can. I’ll be right beside you every step of the way. And you know, Kate, there are some good things about me.”

“Oh, Jase, I know that. There are a million things I love about you. I didn’t mean to intimate there aren’t. It’s just that sometimes I feel so mortal beside you. And honestly, before I left at least, I felt like we were going in different directions as far as values.”

“The values thing was valid, Kate. Then it was. I was kind of out of touch then. But I honestly think I’m okay now. Come to some concerts and see for yourself. Cody told me you haven’t even been listening to our stuff, but try it again and see what you think. Hopefully, it’ll make you feel like I’m still just your Jason. And that mortal bit. You’re a precious daughter of God, Kate. Just like I’m one of His sons. We’re only as mortal as we allow ourselves to be.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kate, if y’all were Satan, wouldn’t it help your cause if you could make God’s children here on earth believe they were weak? That they were…” He made quote signs with his hands. “Mere mortals? That they couldn’t handle things or accomplish much and that they certainly would never return to their Father in Heaven in honor and glory? Wouldn’t that be a great tool for Satan’s cause? Making us feel inadequate?” She nodded thoughtfully. “On the flip side, doesn’t God want us to truly believe that we are like him? Made in His image with a measure of His greatness? And if we truly believe that, is there anything we can’t accomplish?”

“I wouldn’t think so.”

“So, do you see that what you said about being a mere mortal plays right into the adversary’s plan?” She nodded again. “So, don’t do that, Kate. Remember which team you’re on.” He grinned at her. “Straighten up and fly right, would ya?”

He was trying to make her laugh and she finally did. “Okay, okay. I’ll do better.”

“Good.” He smiled down at her. “Then, can I kiss you now?”

“You’ve definitely earned kissing me now. I love it when you give me these little mini lectures.”

He kissed her long and slowly and then asked, “Mini lectures? That doesn’t sound so good.”

He kissed her again and then she assured him quietly, “Oh, but it is. Heaven knows I need your wisdom from time to time. Shall we feed you now? I made turkey enchiladas.”

“In a minute. I’m still busy kissing.”

A short while later, Kate had collected Kennen while Jason set the table and they’d just prayed over their food, when Jason asked, “Can my parents come meet Kennen? Is it okay if I tell them about him?”

“Of course you can tell them.” Tears welled into her eyes. “I have missed them so much. So many times I just wished I could go see them.”

“They’ve missed you terribly too. Can I ask you something else?”

She fed Kennen a bite as she nodded.

“Are you going to be okay with me buying a house nearby?”

She looked at him with a small smile as she chewed for a second. “I was going to ask you about that. It seems the neighbor lady is all excited to be selling to
The
Jason Falcon.”

At that, he was surprised. “You’re kidding! I had that realtor sign a contract for non-disclosure. If she revealed who I was, she doesn’t get paid. And she still told? What a fool.”

“Oh, that’s not the half of it. Then Kathy Newpark, the neighbor on the other side already has plans for exactly where she intends to lure you to be intimate.”

Jason rolled his eyes and handed Kennen a tiny piece of tomato. “Just ignore them, Kate. They aren’t serious and I’m certainly not in on her plans. How did you hear this, by the way?”

“Oh, Kathy told me herself about the plans to seduce you. Elise told me about Peggy being thrilled with her buyer.” She grinned. “It seems that Elise used to have a thing for Cody. She said she used to think he was an adorable maniac.”

“That does pretty much describe him. I think he’s thinking about getting married too. Is that weird or what? He’s going to come be my roommate so he doesn’t have to keep commuting to see Jennika.”

She looked across the table at him, wondering how to take this Jason who talked so matter-of-factly about getting married. As if he could read her mind, he asked, “What kind of wedding do you want, Kate?”

She swallowed the bite that suddenly felt huge and tried to remind herself that she did indeed want to marry him, so this shouldn’t be such a big deal. “Are we talking church or civil, or private or huge media splash?”

“Yes.”

She leaned and fed Kennen another bite. “Years ago, when we were young and unfamous and childless, I thought about having a church wedding and big reception like Kiersten had. But now… I think I would be most comfortable with something much more private. I mean, in the church of course, but maybe just a few of us. I don’t want the entire world to know we had Kennen unmarried. What do you want?”

“A happy bride and only the one camera that we’ve hired. Other than that, I’m open. And then some time with you somewhere alone.” He cut some turkey into minute pieces and put it on Kennen’s tray. “A really long some time. Maybe we’d better take Kennen with us, in fact. He might feel lost without you if we didn’t.”