Falcon Song: A love story (31 page)

The energy was in his voice again. The passion that was Jason to the core, and she could hear the emotion ring all the way through the stadium as he sang of his feelings for her. Of commitment and devotion and hope. All of the things she and Jason had spoken of that night when he’d told her the first time that Falcons mate for life.

Then it had been sweet and warm and reassuring. Later, when her world had fallen apart, it had been heart wrenching. Tonight it was life giving and grounding and intimate. He had indeed been set free and had come back to her and was hers. This Falcon truly had become one with her for life. She had no doubt of that now.

The song finally ended, but Kate continued to sit, lost in the crowd and in her own thoughts and feelings as the concert throbbed on around her. The noise and heat and commotion that had been such a distraction the last time almost seemed like insulation tonight. It was like the direct line of communication from his music to her heart was cushioned by the deafening roar and pulse of the masses and she was here cocooned inside her own small world of tender, treasured feeling.

As the next song commenced, she knew Jennika was watching her almost warily and she was embarrassed that she couldn’t seem to get a handle on the tears. The delicate almost exquisite emotion was so overwhelming and so close to the surface that she was unable to stop it. It was as if the dam she had so painstakingly constructed over the weeks and months and years against being so vulnerable to her feelings for Jason had given away and the sweetness of his love had rushed to almost drown her in it’s depths and her defenses had washed away in the flood.

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes and took several long breaths and tried to focus on the music. Yet another song had begun with a rollicking back beat and she soon recognized that Cody was singing the lead. She sniffed and wiped at her eyes as she tried to focus on the lyrics. Jason hadn’t written this one. It had to have been Cody and she glanced up at Jennika to see her transfixed as she watched Cody dancing and cutting up there on stage. Standing to be able to see better, Kate began to understand that in his own way, Cody was singing to Jennika as well. This was a song about being happy. About finally figuring it all out and how it made him smile. About how when it was all said and done, love was the fun part worth going through all the rest for.

Jennika glanced over and gave Kate a hesitant smile and then looked back at the man singing on that stage, and Kate hoped she understood that light hearted admission. Kate truly had never seen Cody this ready to face forever before.

The last three songs were classic Aerie pieces that had rocking back beats and those never to be forgotten melodies and the crowd sang with the band as they brought the concert to its height and then did two encores to a close. As the crowd clapped and screamed and then realized they weren’t coming back on stage, the house lights slowly came up and their fans began to get up and start heading up the stairways to the exits and Kate sat back down. There was no sense in fighting this crowd and she’d only feel stupid if she started to tear up again anyway.

Jennika sat back down beside her and took a long, deep breath and then looked over and studied her. Kate smiled and then rolled her eyes as the emotions came on again and Jennika asked softly, “You okay?”

Unable to answer, Kate simply nodded and dug into her purse, hoping for another tissue she was relatively sure she wasn’t going to find. Man, she needed to stop with the blubbering, which was a great idea until she thought back to how Jason had told the entire world she was the love of his life. His tone of voice had left nothing to doubt and that felt almost overwhelmingly sweet to Kate.

They sat there in relative silence for being in a stadium of twenty something thousand people and finally, Jennika said, “Kate, I know this is going to sound crazy after how hard we’ve tried not to get busted here by them, but I need to tell Cody I’m here. After watching them tonight, not telling him feels dishonest. I’d rather he knew why we came and that we were here than that we sneak on back home and not tell them.

Kate nodded wordlessly. She felt the same way. They were past this now. The questions had been answered and fears laid to rest and now there was just the raw emotion and need to see Jason and have him hold her as she struggled to swallow her tears. He’d understand her heart. He always had and he’d laugh at her, but he’d know she was finally over that strangling, stalling fear.

The crowd had begun to thin and as they stood to go, Kate asked, “Can you call Cody? I’m still afraid I’ll cry if I call Jason just now and he’ll think something is wrong.”

They began to climb the stairs as Jennika held the phone to her ear, but after a moment, she shook her head. “I didn’t think they’d have their phones on them. Do you think they’ll hang out here or leave?”

“They usually meet people backstage who have won passes on the local radio stations and that sort of thing. They’ll probably be here for hours. Then depending on what time they fly out in the morning, some of them will probably go clubbing and the rest of them will go back to the hotel and unwind. They kind of have to decompress from the adrenaline and high of performing before they can rest.”

Jennika shook her head. “I’d think after putting out that kind of energy for a couple of hours they’d be thoroughly exhausted.”

“They will be.” Kate smiled. “They just have to come down first. Their concerts are a rush to them and it takes a while. Then they’ll be completely drained. See if Scotty answers his phone. He’ll help us find them. In the mean time, let’s see if we can find some security or someone who will know how to get backstage and we’ll get as close as we can until someone let’s us through.”

It was a good plan, but they could never get anyone to pick up their calls and even after finding security, they were brushed off as just another couple of hopeful locals who pretended to be close friends to make it backstage to meet the hunky stars. After standing in a crowd of pushing and crowding groupies outside a carefully guarded door for twenty-five minutes, Kate sighed and turned away. “Let’s go back to the hotel, Jenn. This is stealing all of the magic of their show. Maybe we’ll just have to tell them we came and we’ll see them when they come back home.”

They caught a cab and as they drove through the city lights back to the Marriott, the feelings that were still so close to the surface threatened to overwhelm her again. Jason had been incredible tonight. He always was, but tonight… She didn’t even know how to get these tender memories to behave enough not to embarrass herself as she rode the elevator back up to the sixth floor.

They were back in their room and had kicked out of their shoes and were deciding about ordering a pizza when Cody called Jennika’s phone. Kate heard her start trying to explain so Kate ordered the pizza and then went into the bathroom and began to take her hair out of its messy up do and wash her face. All the tears had done a terrible number on her eye make up and she was grateful she had dark lashes and brows and wasn’t one of those pale pastels who melted at times like this. She still hated it when she cried. Even happy tears made her head ache and her nose run.

There was a knock a couple of minutes later and she gathered up her cosmetics and tossed them into her case so Jennika wouldn’t have to wade through them as she got ready for bed. Still emotional, she grabbed a tissue and then opened the door to let Jennika have her turn.

It wasn’t Jennika. It was Jason standing on the other side of the door looking like a superstar in his jeans and sleeveless muscle shirt. His face was so full of concern that as soon as she saw him, the tears welled again and she walked into his arms and buried her face against his neck and held on. He didn’t say anything, just held her and rubbed her back for the longest time and let her cry.

When she finally began to wind down, he took her hand and led her out and to the small couch and sat down on it and then pulled her down onto his lap, let her lean against his chest and wrapped her back in his arms as he asked quietly, “Can you try to help me understand why you’re so upset, Kate? What’s wrong?”

She shook her head against him and sniffed at the stupid tears. “Nothing’s wrong, Jason.” She looked up at him and wondered how she could explain what had happened out there tonight. Unable to put her feelings into words, she shook her head again and snuggled back into his neck. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Sounding somewhat skeptical, he asked, “You’re not upset about the concert?”

Leaning back in his arms to look at him, she swallowed the lump in her throat and said, “I’m upset, but it’s good upset. I’m sorry. The concert was… It was…” It was several more seconds before she could whisper, “Really, really good.”

She leaned back against his skin and after a second could continue, “I knew I missed seeing you, but I didn’t realize how much. I’d forgotten what you can do to me. You were incredible out there tonight, Jason. You have such a gift.”

He released a big breath and pulled her tighter into his arms and rested his face on her hair. “I thought you were disgusted again at the concert. That you’d want to leave again. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done that would make you so sad.”

Still snuggled against him, she shook her head. “The concert was marvelous, Jase. The only thing even remotely sad about it was how much some of your music had changed. My happy Jason was missing part of the time.”

In a low voice, he admitted, “Your happy Jason was missing the whole time you were gone, Kate. How could I be happy when my life had no meaning? Then when I found out you were married…” He let out a sigh that was half groan. “It felt like it was over.” He brushed a hand over her back and then put it down to her chin to get her to look up at him as he said softly, “But the happy part is back now, babe. Couldn’t you tell?”

She looked up into his brilliant green eyes, nodded and smiled through the last of her tears. “Why do y’all think I’m such a mess? Geez, look at me. I’m laughing and crying at the same time.”

She wiped at her eyes with the tissue in her hand and then reached the other up to caress his cheek. “You blew me away out there tonight. It was so different than I expected. I… I… Oh, Jase, for some reason, even though I knew we were back together and committed, somehow I didn’t think it could ever be like it was. I mean we’re older and wiser. Tempered. We’re parents. I thought that was the reason I wasn’t as… As, I don’t know, hopeful maybe. I’m not sure how to describe it. Some part of me was so holding back, but I didn’t really realize it. Not until tonight.”

His expression was absolutely sober as he asked, “Were you expecting me to mess up again, Kate? Is that why you came? Do you still not trust me?”

Shaking her head, she said earnestly, “No. No. Jason, I swear it. I came here to help Jennika learn to deal with all of this and to let her see Cody as big as life and how he did. I honestly didn’t come here to spy on you. I promise. In my heart of hearts, I believed I was past all the hurt. I was fine with knowing you were committed to me. But don’t you see? That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I didn’t understand my own heart or head or something. What I thought was simply accepting life as an adult was actually believing we could never get past the hurt and distrust. I knew some of the magic was gone, but I thought that was just what happened when life tempered you.” She laid her head back onto his chest and went on, “But Jason, I was wrong wasn’t I?”

His low words sounded reassuring even through his chest next to her ear. “I think you were, Kate. I know that yes, we are a couple of years older, but honestly, I feel twenty years younger now than I did two weeks ago. And my feelings for you have never changed. You’re still the love of my life, Kate. You always will be.”

She turned her face up to his and smiled even though her eyes still glistened with tears and reached a hand up to caress his cheek again. “And being the love of your life feels so good, Jason. Please forgive me for not understanding all the way. I’m sorry I didn’t.” She looked into the depths of his eyes and struggled not to let the emotions overcome her again as she went on, “You’re the love of my life, too, Jason. My soul mate for this life and the eternities. I can’t even tell you how it feels to have the last of the doubt gone.” She dropped her eyes. “I can’t even put it into words, but it…” The tears overflowed and he gently wiped them and she whispered, “It makes my feelings way tender. Sorry.”

He pulled her so tightly into his arms he was almost hurting her, but that was the depth of the emotion that flowed between them as he said huskily, “Don’t apologize, Kate. I’ve prayed for us to find these tender emotions again for forever. I need you so desperately in my life to feel whole. Don’t apologize. Just let me bask in them. Let me drown in them. Let me suffocate in knowing you finally trust me again. That you’ll finally fly with me again like you used to before. Before we grew up and you grew wary and away.”

This time when she looked up at him, the green fire in his eyes was liquid and the emotion she saw there was tender, but explosive as well. The time apart had more than just tempered and refined them. The male who looked down at her was so mature and masculine and powerful that if she hadn’t known that what she was feeling equaled him as a female it would have scared her. The need she read there was molten.

For just a second, he simply searched her eyes and then finally, he lowered his mouth to hers in a kiss that started oh so tender and then built around the pent up need and frustration and heartache until it threatened to consume them in an inferno of core deep passion that flamed from one soul to another.