Falcon Song: A love story (30 page)

The carpet layers had taken two full days and then the movers had brought the furniture and other things and the four of them had been moving and rearranging furniture and putting things away for hours and hours with Kennen napping and looking on from his playpen. At least when she and Jennika had finally left, Jason’s new house really felt like a home.

Then she had just wished the gate between the yards had already been installed. She was honestly too tired to want to go out and load into the car and drive around the block to come home. She was really glad she didn’t have to get up and go to a job in the morning.

Morning. She didn’t really want to think about tomorrow morning. Jason was leaving early for a four day road trip to Arizona and California. She kept having to remind herself that four days wasn’t that long because from tonight’s perspective, it seemed interminable. She lay back on the bed as she said, “Get a grip, Kate. You lasted two whole years without him. You can handle this.” How she had ever managed to survive being apart had become a mystery to her.

The next morning, she and Kennen had only just gotten out of bed when her doorbell rang. Expecting it to be Elise, she was surprised when she opened it to find Jennika on her porch. “Jennika, this is a surprise. Come in. Honestly, I’m still tired and Kennen and I are just finishing getting dressed. Would you join us for breakfast?”

The pretty, petite physician nodded. “I’ll take you up on that. As long as you’re not having something terribly rich. I have a huge day ahead. I’m working a twelve hour shift.”

As they walked into the kitchen, Kate asked, “Do you have to do that very often? That seems brutally long for a trauma surgeon. I’d imagine what you do takes it out of you.”

“It does. Even an eight hour day can be grueling. I don’t usually work twelves.”

“We were thinking of pancakes, sausage and fruit, but if you’d rather have something lighter.”

Jennika shook her head. “No, that sounds heavenly.”

They’d been eating for several minutes before Jennika brought up what she’d come for. She’d been pushing her food around with little interest and then tentatively asked, “Kate, can I ask you a question? Do you ever have a hard time dealing with the whole member of a famous band thing?”

Kate’s gut reaction was to roll her eyes and laugh, or cry, one of the two, but she resisted it. She wanted to down play the negatives as much as possible if it would help Jennika. From all appearances, she was in this for keeps and Kate hoped and prayed it would be easier for Jennika than it had been for her.

In a way, it should be. Cody had already learned to cope with the fame and money and seemed to be handling it. They wouldn’t have to wonder if he’d still love the flavor of Jennika when he got huge. He already was.

But in a way, for Jennika it might even be worse. She hadn’t had much of a chance to get used to all of this slowly. She hadn’t even listened to country music before meeting Cody.

After hesitating a second, Kate nodded to her new found friend and admitted, “At times it was very hard for me, Jennika. Sometimes it still is. I’m sure their fame had a lot to do with me leaving when I did. What is it that you’re struggling with?”

“A couple of things, really. I know this is going to sound so paranoid, but sometimes when I hear things or read the magazine covers or occasionally even when I watch the news, I wonder how Cody really is when he’s away from me. I know that sounds like I don’t trust him, but how do you know? And how do you learn to handle the sheer numbers of girls who are in love with them? It seems like we can’t even leave the house without being interrupted by some adoring female fan.”

Kate’s heart went out to her and she smiled sadly. “I hope it helps to have empathy, because I don’t have a miracle fix, Jenn. I’m sorry to have to tell you that. At least the one good thing is that you can know for sure Cody’s sure about you. He’s never been like this about anyone I’ve ever seen in the nearly twenty years I’ve known him.”

She smiled sadly and patted Jennika’s hand. “I’m not sure how to comfort you, Jennika, because how Jason was when he was away from me was the reason I finally walked, even as good a man as he is. And I’m still struggling with the fame and all it brings.”

“So then how can you be as happy as you seem to be with him now?”

“I am happy with him. When I’m with Jason and it’s just us or us and you two, it’s no different than when we were growing up. He’s just my Jason and I’m his Kate. Those times are heaven. And yes, it’s different now than before I left and had Kennen. I’m not even sure I can explain, but somehow the time apart has made us realize what we have is precious and we have to treasure it and protect it. I don’t wonder any more if Jason is hanging out partying around with a bunch of girls with back stage passes when he’s on the road. He wouldn’t risk losing Kennen and me again, and he knows now I would go if he did.”

She shrugged. “I have to be honest with you and tell you that before, Cody was a partying machine. Who he was with or what he was doing didn’t seem to matter much to him. He seems completely different since I’ve been back with Jason, but I couldn’t tell you how he really is on the road.”

“So why did you leave Jason in the first place? Do you mind if I ask?”

“They haven’t told you?”

Jennika shook her head. “All I know, is Jason did something and Cody carries a truckload of guilt about it. For some reason, he feels like all of your troubles were his fault. I think that’s the reason he straightened up in the first place.”

“No, Jennika, Jason’s and my mistakes are all our own. We weren’t four year olds. Cody just wasn’t always the best influence. But even after growing up next door to Jason my whole life, I’d been struggling for a while with wondering if I really knew him before I finally left. He’d been doing some things that just didn’t seem like him and it had been troubling. Then we messed up way bad after they recorded their first big album. We were supposed to be celebrating it and my associate’s degree, but they talked me into some champagne- which I knew better than. It was my own mistake. But we ended up pregnant, which Jason didn’t know, and we were on thinner ice than ever as far as our relationship went.

“Finally, I’d put off telling him about the baby and he had to leave unexpectedly for a road trip and I decided I needed to go to Lubbock and tell him. While I was there, I decided to go to their concert without them knowing I was there and honestly, the way Jason behaved on stage was more troubling than ever. Then when I went to his hotel room after, he came to the door with a beer bottle in one hand and a redhead in the other.”

Even after this long, the telling of it hurt deeply and she struggled not to let it show before she continued. “He tried to tell me the beer wasn’t his, but as awful as seeing him with the beer was, it wasn’t nearly as big a problem as that red head. I couldn’t deal with it. Not when I had a baby to think of. I left his hotel and prayed all the way home and then I left him. I knew if Jason found out about the baby he’d talk me into getting back together and I knew I couldn’t subject an innocent baby to that lifestyle. Plus, I couldn’t face seeing him all the time, so I had to leave.” She wiped at a stray tear and went on, “I put us all through hell, but I felt like I had to. Jason knows how I felt, and thank goodness, he’s forgiven me, but at the time I didn’t have a choice. At least it didn’t feel like I did.”

Jennika looked at her quietly and finally said, “I can’t even imagine what you went through, Kate. And I’m so glad you’ve been able to get back together. At first, I didn’t really understand, I just knew that Cody was on pins and needles those first couple of days for wondering if he’d done the right thing. You obviously hadn’t wanted Jason to know where you were.”

“No, you’re wrong, Jennika. I’ve always been in love with Jason. I wanted to be with him desperately, I just didn’t think I should. Being back with Jason and having it work at least to this point, is a dream come true. So far, Jason seems to have come back to center as far as being the man I knew and trusted. And make no mistake, Jennika, trust is imperative. At least I think it is. I couldn’t live with the wondering. That’s why I couldn’t get married before any of this happened. And I know just how you feel. I felt so guilty for not trusting blindly, but in the end, verifying was wise. Who knows where Jason and I would be if I hadn’t busted him and left. Even he admits his perspective was skewed then and he had to have a wake up call.”

“So then what should I do, Kate? How do I know for sure what he’s like on the road short of hiring a PI and trying to set him up and see if he messes up? That’s so underhanded and negative. I can’t do it.”

Kate shrugged. “I’m not sure. Going to a concert under the radar and then showing up at his room was what hung Jason, but then I was able to call their manager and ask where he was staying without sending up a red flag. I’m certainly not in that situation anymore. Are you privy to any of that information, or could you ask their manager without him asking what’s going on?”

Jennika considered that and then shook her head. “No, I think they’d figure out I was snooping right off. If I actually went, even without knowing where they were staying, would you be interested in coming at all?”

A ripple rolled across Kate’s heart for just a second or two and then quieted and she nodded. She really did trust Jason now, and she’d do whatever she could do to help Jennika find the peace of mind she knew wasn’t optional if forever was at stake. “Yeah, I’d come with you. I hope Jason and I are past this, but I understand that you need to know for sure. When are you thinking? I don’t even know where they have upcoming concerts right now.”

“Tonight they’re in Albuquerque, and then Tucson, and Friday Phoenix and then over into California Saturday. San Diego I believe. I was thinking of flying into either Phoenix or San Diego. There are tons of cheap flights and I’m not supposed to be on call. Even if we don’t know where their rooms are, which honestly I’m fine with. I’d just as soon they not know we’re doing this. Unless we find something ugly, I’d rather keep it all under the radar. Even without knowing where their rooms are, maybe we could try to get close enough to them to get a feel for how he is.”

Kate smiled. “You are so much wiser than I was. I was only going to talk to Jason, I didn’t realize at the time that I needed to investigate like this. As much as that night has hurt for so long, and even after it all, I’m so glad I found out what I did, when I did. Figure out when you want to go for sure and I’ll make arrangements for flights and hotels and for Kennen. This might actually turn out to be a really fun girl’s road trip.”

With a sigh, Jennika replied, “I hope so, Kate. I’ve never known anyone like Cody. I really want this to work out.”

“There’s definitely not anyone like Cody on the planet. Hope for the best. Hope and pray for the best. God has a way of helping everything to work out in the end.”

Chapter 26

Kate couldn’t believe how much nicer it was to fly across the country with a friend. It made a world of difference in both the stress level and her being able to actually enjoy this. And Jennika was fast becoming a good friend. She was the perfect combination of competence and entertainment. She had a hilarious off the cuff sense of humor that left Kate knowing just why Cody enjoyed her.

After thinking about it for a couple of days, Kate wondered if the band still stayed in the same hotels they had preferred a couple of years ago. If they did, she could probably guess which hotel they would use, and maybe even where they would eat at around three o’clock in the afternoon before the night’s concert.

At a few minutes before two, she checked Jennika and herself into the Phoenix Marriot and forty minutes later, they were discretely sitting in the hot tub where they had a narrow view of the front lobby through the wall of windows of the pool house. If she was correct and this was the right hotel, the guys would probably be leaving the hotel shortly to go have a late lunch and she and Jennika would be able to see them.

She was beginning to wonder if this had been such a good idea after all because of the way her heart was pounding as they waited there. The tightly wound posture of Jennika made her aware that Jennika was thinking the same thing. Being caught here probably wouldn’t be a good thing.

The band must have replaced a couple of their guys, because at first Kate didn’t recognize the laughing group of young men who exited an elevator and started across the lobby. When she finally recognized one of the roadies, she immediately looked back at the elevators to see if there was another one coming down behind that one. It could be a completely wrong assumption, but there was a possibility they’d even be able to figure out what floor the band was on if more of them walked off the other elevator just now descending from the sixth floor.

When Jason and Cody and a couple of others did indeed step out, both she and Jennika began to hold their breath. One of the men with them was dressed in swim trunks and had a towel draped around his neck. He peeled off from the rest of the group and reached for the pool house door and almost simultaneously, Kate and Jennika slid further down in the water of the hot tub and Jennika turned her back on the lobby in front of Kate’s unmistakable dark curls.

Kate whispered, “Do you know him?”

“No.” Jennika shook her head and Kate’s mind raced to figure out a way to slip away without this man seeing them closely enough to be able to recognize them later. Without even consulting each other, when he dove into the pool and began to swim across, they both got up and hustled out of the closest door without even picking up their cover ups and towels. They arrived back at their rooms five minutes later, thoroughly chilled from not drying off before rushing through the air conditioned halls in just their dripping suits.

Once inside, Kate leaned against the back of the door and started to giggle, while Jennika went straight for a hot shower with a laugh of her own. Man, they were pathetic. They’d done exactly what they’d set out to do and had almost given themselves a coronary in the process. At least there hadn’t been a sign of a lovesick groupie with Cody or Jason on their way to lunch.

While Jennika tried to avoid hypothermia in the shower, Kate had another brainstorm and arranged for another room on the sixth floor, just off of the elevator. Maybe she and Jennika could leave the door of that room cracked tonight and see if anyone accompanied Cody back here after the concert. When Jennika emerged from the shower, they hurried to move their things before any of the band got back and then spent a nervous half hour laughing at themselves for their less than graceful sleuthing.

They put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door handle, but then left the door itself ajar so they could hear better what was going on in the hall and when they finally did hear voices they recognized and Jennika looked out the peep hole, she turned back around to Kate with a smiling shake of her head and whispered, “You’re not going to believe this, but I think Jason’s room is just across the hall and Cody’s is the next one down. At least that’s what it looked and sounded like.”

Kate felt her eyes get big and she whispered back, “You’re kidding! Dang, we’re good! Almost too good. We’re gonna get so busted if we don’t be careful.”

A few minutes later when her cell phone rang and it was Jason, she tried to keep the smile out of her voice as she shut the door so if he happened out into the hall, he wouldn’t hear her on the other end of the line with him. He mentioned how much he missed her and that they were just returning to their hotels to try and catch a power nap after having gone to lunch.

After telling her he loved her, he rang off and Kate gave Jennika a thumbs up as she heard Jennika telling Cody goodbye on her own cell phone and said softly, “So far so good, girl. Except we’re going to have to order room service and not hang out around the stadium tonight after the concert. And I wish I knew what time they are flying out to California tomorrow. Let’s ask them when we talk to them so we don’t get surprised in the hall before they’re gone.”

Kate tried to take a power nap as well, knowing it might be a long and even stressful night, but every time she closed her eyes, she struggled not to picture that horrible scene of Jason with the beer and the redhead. She’d open them back up and remind herself that they had survived the aftermath of that night and moved on, but there was still a less than festive mood in the room that afternoon and evening as they both tried to gear up for the night ahead of them.

There wasn’t a sound out of Jason’s or Cody’s rooms until nearly six o’clock when they left with the rest of their band members and both Kate and Jennika breathed a veritable sigh of relief that they hadn’t been discovered so far.

It wasn’t a whole lot later that the two of them headed out as well. They were going to go to dinner after all and then get to the stadium early to watch just as Kate had the last time. Here again, the memories were sobering although Kate tried not to convey that to Jennika. She tried to be upbeat and positive. If they got some kind of an ugly wake up call, there would be time enough to deal with it then. Unless that truly happened, Kate was going to trust in the guys right up until something happened to change that. At least that was the theory. It was the only way to deal with this situation positively and she knew Jennika needed her calm and trusting example to ever be able to make peace with this life.

For the most part, trusting and thinking positively was working, at least that was what Kate kept telling herself. There had been a few bumps, but that was to be expected. The stadium was filled with thousands and thousands of loud and adoring fans and once again, most of them were female, but she and Jennika did their best to deal with them all.

Fans were the name of the game in this business. The very life blood of this whole industry and after all, she and Jennika did want their men to be successful at what they did. And once they could try to tune out the hubbub, it was exciting to be sitting here waiting for them to come out. Kate decided she should try to attend their concerts more often and see if she could get more used to all of this. Perhaps in time it would become old hat to her.

She was incredibly grateful that Jennika was here with her. She was even grateful that she had to keep a smile plastered on her face; because she’d had no idea when she had agreed to do this it was going to be so reminiscent of the last concert she went to. The memories threatened to consume her and even the smell of the stadium made her a little nauseous, in spite of the fact that she certainly wasn’t pregnant this time.  

The opening band was good. They helped Kate to loosen up enough that by the time Jason and Cody and the others came on stage with a huge surge from the screaming fans, she was able to look over at Jennika’s big eyes and smile and give her arm a squeeze and laugh. Jennika obviously hadn’t been expecting the magnitude of this crowd or that reaction to Cody simply walking up onto the stage.

Between watching Jason weave his spell and watching Jennika try to take it all in, Kate was much more at ease this concert than she had been the last, even with everyone around them standing and dancing and continuing to scream. Kate was a good six inches taller than Jennika and it had to have been as intimidating to the diminutive surgeon as it had been to Kate at first. At least this concert didn’t feel as hot and stuffy as she’d felt in Lubbock.

Slowly, Jennika appeared to be relaxing and Kate began to focus on Jason, dancing and singing to the world about how lonely it was to have a love gone bad. She hadn’t heard half of these songs, but the lyrics of what must have been hits if the audience’s reaction said anything, certainly weren’t terribly happy and hopeful. Is this how Jason had reacted to her disappearance from his life? The tone of their music had markedly changed in the last two years.

Still, the music was incredibly evocative and Kate found herself in tears as she watched him, knowing what it would have taken to tame his passion like this. As dynamic as ever, he was a different singer out there than he’d been before. He still sang and danced to the crowd and he was still obviously charming them out of their seats, but there was none of the over the top suggestiveness that had so saddened her that night, which was good, but there was also something missing of his smile. Some deep feeling that wasn’t coming through the way it used to. Somehow, whether it was him or her, someone had indeed been tempered into a more mature entertainer and entertained than she and Jason had been then.

The interference of the crowd wasn’t so numbing and for the first time in a concert setting, even downcast, it felt like when Jason sang to her when they were alone. It was unbelievably sweet, but she still felt a gentle sadness for the exuberant young man who was gone.

When she glanced over at Jennika to see she’d finally begun to smile and enjoy herself, Kate relaxed completely. She let Jason’s mellow sexy voice lull her into loosening up the hold the past had on her, and she simply enjoyed watching Jason unleash his magic and take this crowd with him wherever he wanted to go. He was still absolutely gifted as an entertainer.

In the moment between songs, Jennika looked over at Kate and smiled and knowing that this trip had comforted her gave Kate a lift. She hoped she had been able to help in easing Jennika over some of the hurdles that had so tripped her up with Jason. She breathed a quick prayer that tonight after the concert would go as smoothly as well.

Her attention was drawn back to the front of the stage where Jason was standing as the crowd got quiet, waiting. He looked all around and then said, “This next song is a new one. We’ve never performed it before for anyone so you all will be the first. I’d like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine. She’s not here tonight, but I wish she was. And she’s never even heard it yet, but she inspired it. So, here’s to Kate, the love of my life.”

Kate put a hand to her chest as her heart began to pound and she felt Jennika’s gaze as Jason’s guitar began a sweet, enchanting melody in the dead quiet of the stadium. After a second, the rest of the band slowly came in and then Jason began to sing. Tears pooled in Kate’s eyes as he spun a haunting, evocative tale of a lost bird with a broken wing that had found it’s way back to its home in the sky and the mate who was the other half of its soul that healed it. The tears rolled down her cheeks as the music picked up and she could hear the energy and passion and happiness back in his voice.

This was the Jason she knew. This was the man she had come to know and love as a child and still worshipped as a woman grown. The sweet, enchanting melody finished wiping the last of the heartache of the past two lonely and troubled years from the deepest corners of her spirit and she finally felt it fly free with his across the expanse of the huge stadium.

Until this moment, as she felt her heart set free, she hadn’t even understood how much heartache she’d been harboring. She’d thought she was fine, but realized now she hadn’t been truly. What she’d thought had been that tempering, that maturity, had, in fact, been settling for what she’d believed was reality, and wasn’t necessarily like the dreams she’d hoped for. What she was hearing now brought back those dreams of forever in all their shining brightness. Finding they had survived the weathering entirely intact brought almost overwhelming emotion. Singing and playing down there, he had healed her very essence and had no idea what he had done. What’s more, she hadn’t even known she needed healing.

Jason finished the song and for just a second or two, the stadium was silent and then the crowd went crazy as Kate quietly sat down in her seat and let the tears run down her face. The time away from him had been hell, but it was going to be all right. She finally knew without a doubt that everything was going to be all right. She’d thought she’d been sure a few nights ago, but it wasn’t until that last shred of doubt wafted away into the smoky colors of the spotlights up in the rafters that she realized she had still been afraid of trusting. Still been afraid of this life and truly giving her heart with no strings attached. She sat there in the deafening crowd that didn’t even realize she was there and cried and let the heartache go. It was all going to be all right.

Finally, Jason hit a chord on his guitar and the crowd screamed again when they recognized it and then started to settle down and Kate’s tears distilled into even more emotion as he began her song. The song he had sung for her that night at the lake after that tender pinky promise that had channeled her life since she was sixteen years old. The song that spoke of forever and friendship stronger than this life and a love deeper than eternity.