Falling (Bits and Pieces, Book 1) (8 page)

“Yeah. I just didn’t see you.” How did I miss him? I had been constantly scanning everyone around me. It was as if he had some cloaking device and I didn’t notice him coming toward me.

“I walked straight at you. Everything alright? You didn’t seem… I don’t know… here.” He looked at me concerned.

“I was just thinking. My perpetual state of being. That’s all.” I tried to shake it off. That seemed to satisfy his concern. I realized he had to come up to me for a reason. “What’s up?”

“Did you get a chance to read Mr. D’s handout?”

I nodded.

“Well, I had an idea of what we could do. I think it would be fun and really cool.” His eyes lit up with excitement.

“Okay… what do you have in mind?” I hadn’t thought of anything concrete yet.

“We could go to the carnival. It’s in town starting next weekend. There are lots of things we could do there. I thought we could show some rides and games and do write-ups on them. You know?” He seemed be having so much fun just telling me about it.

“Actually, I’ve never been to one.” I was solemn.

“Really?” He was surprised.

“Yeah. Never had a reason to go.” I shrugged.

He could have said ‘Who needs a reason?’ or ‘Fun is the reason.’ In which case, I’d have to explain how I didn’t know how to have fun. He could have given me a hard time and made fun of me. But he was Patrick and he didn’t. Instead, he said, “Well, now you do.”

“Don’t you want to go with your girlfriend and have fun, instead of doing a class project there with me? What’s the catch?”

“Well, first of all, Becca doesn’t want to go. I promised my kid brother that I’d take him and she doesn’t want to spend her Saturday
babysitting
as she puts it
.
So, I guess there is sorta a catch. If you don’t mind Andy coming with us… We could have fun and get the project done at the same time.” He explained casually. It didn’t seem like a catch to me though. It seemed… nice.

“Well, I’d have to ask my folks.” At least I’d have about a week to work on them. If it was for a school project, I might stand a chance. I’d have to show them the assignment. Wait, next week, I think there was something my mom wrote on the kitchen calendar. Maybe they would be gone. That would make life easier.

“Earth to Liz.” He waved his hand in front of me.

“Oh, sorry. Umm… What time would you want to go?” I need as many details as possible to feed my parents.

“Around 2:00. Andy has piano lessons on Saturdays.”

“’Til?”

“I don’t know. Maybe around 8:00 or 9:00.” He suggested.

That long? That was late. It would definitely be dark then. Suddenly, I felt scared. “There’s… there’s that much to do for like five hours? I mean, doesn’t your brother have a bedtime? Wouldn’t it be too late for him to be out?” It definitely is for me.

“Oh, yeah. There’s lots to do! You’ll see. You’ll have fun. Don’t worry about Andy. The carnival is a treat, so he can stay up later than usual.” He was excited again.

Great. The kid probably has a better night life than me. Well, not probably. Definitely. “If you say so.” My voice was flat.

“Trust me.” He smiled.

“I guess we can let Mr. D know about our plan after school.” I said hesitantly.

“That’s what I was thinking. We can lock it in and if we have to change it, we can.” He seemed to understand that I had to clear it with my parents first.

The bell rang to signify that we could go back class. So much for choir class today, that period was shot. It was time for the claustrophobic walk back. I was stuck in a paradoxical loop. I didn’t want to stay and walk to class alone, but I didn’t want to walk in such a dense crowd. The thought of it unnerved me.

He started walking but stopped when he noticed I hadn’t moved. “You don’t look so good, Liz. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I was planted against the fence. “I just don’t like walking up the hill with everyone so close together. I always wind up stepping on someone’s foot.” There was truth to that.

“No big deal. It’d still take us forever to get up there. So, we might as well wait and take our time until it isn’t so crowded.” He seemed fine with waiting with me.

When the majority of the crowd had made their way up the hill that connected the main campus to the athletic fields, we started walking to English class. He talked to me about the carnival and different things we could include in our project. Mr. Ludlow hadn’t started class yet since about a quarter of the class still hadn’t arrived back yet from the evacuation.

As each class ended, getting me closer and closer to when I was supposed to sing for Patrick, I got more and more nervous. Why did I agree to it? What if Mr. D heard me? Wait, Patrick said he’d deal with Mr. D, so I’m not going to stress about that. There’s plenty of other things to stress about. What if he thinks I’m awful? I guess, better to find out now than later in front of strangers. That’s how I could rationalize this. I had to. Somehow, otherwise I’d talk myself out of it. But, for some reason, singing in front of a bunch of people seemed easier than in front of one. You didn’t have to look at anyone in particular if there were many of them. But if it was just one person… you
had
to look at them. Or at least, it was harder to fake looking at them. I felt sick.

* * *

After school, I headed to Mr. D’s room. I was nervous. Just like before, Patrick was already in there talking to Mr. D. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about. I wanted to turn around and leave. But there was the project we needed – okay, wanted – to finish up today.

“Hi, Mr. D.” I felt my voice shake.

“Hi, Liz. How was your day?” Mr. D was always polite.

“Okay.” I looked down and mumbled.

“Only, okay?”

Huh? That answer was always fine with my parents. It got them to leave me alone without offering any information that could get me yelled at or lectured to. It was a safe answer. He wanted more? Leave it to a teacher to want you to expand on your answer. “Well, I hate fire drills. So, that sucked.”

“You are the only student I know that hates fire drills. Hopefully, your day got better from there.”

“The fire drill wasn’t
all
bad.” Patrick interjected. “Was it?”

“No. It wasn’t.” I conceded. I looked up at Mr. D. “We talked about an idea he had for the Physics in the Real World project.” I glanced over to Patrick. “You told him, right?”

“No. I was waiting for you.” He sat on one of the table tops. “Go ahead.” He rolled his hand in the air, motioning for me to continue.

“No. It was your idea.”

“No. I want you to. Only if it’s an idea you want to do. If not, then don’t worry about it. We’ll think of something else.”

“Will someone tell me?” Mr. D finally interrupted.

Patrick looked at me, waiting. I did want to do it, so I guess I was going to tell Mr. D. I shared the concept behind our project. Mr. D seemed intrigued and excited. We were the first to register our idea, so no one else would be allowed to use the carnival in their project. Now, I just had to get my parents to let me go.

We got to work on our lab. After a few minutes, Mr. D stood up from his desk. “I’ll be back in a few. I’ll be in the copy room if you need me. The door is locked, if you guys leave before I get back, just make sure the door is completely shut.”

“Okay. Thanks, Mr. D.” Patrick turned and waved at him. Mr. D left and shut the door behind him.

My eyes widened. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t think that a teacher would leave the room when there were students there. I knew Patrick said he would take care of it, since I didn’t want Mr. D to hear me. But, I guess, on some level, I thought it wouldn’t happen so I didn’t have to sing to begin with.

“I held up my end of the deal.” He looked at me. “But, if you don’t want to. It’s okay. I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to.”

I thought about it for a second. I was thankful he was giving me an out. But, I needed to get feedback. There was no one else who seemed remotely interested in doing it. There was no one I could ask or even trust a little. “No. I said I would. I need to. Want to.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

I grabbed my MP3 player out of my bag and stared at it. “Just nervous. Remember, you promised me you’d be honest. I need you to be honest. That’s the whole reason why I’m doing this.”

“I would never lie to you. I’ve been working too hard for you to trust me to blow it like that.” That made sense.

I knew he had. And I appreciated it, more than he would ever know. “Uh… speakers? You think Mr. D would mind if we used his?”

“No, I don’t think it’d be a big deal.” He went to Mr. D’s computer and disconnected the speakers. He held out the speaker jack to me. I plugged it into my player and scrolled through to find my song.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. “You can tell me to stop whenever you want. I’ll understand. Okay?”

He rolled his eyes. “I won’t. But, okay.”

There was no more stalling. I didn’t want to chance Mr. D coming back in the middle. I hit play and the song started. It filled the room. At first, I started singing softly, until I was able to forget what I was doing and get lost in the music. Once that happened, I sang at full volume. I pushed out of my mind that I was standing the middle of my physics classroom with an audience of one. I didn’t focus on anything specific. It was like the whole world was blurred in the background. The only thing in the foreground was the music.

After the song ended, I focused on Patrick. I didn’t remember him asking me to stop. I unplugged my player from the speakers. He didn’t say anything. Suddenly, I was self-conscious again. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have talked myself into it.

I didn’t know how to read his reaction. It looked like he was thinking. “That bad, huh? That’s what I thought. Thanks for putting up with it. Sorry I wasted your time.” The words tumbled out in a whisper.

I turned away from him. I ran over to my backpack and shoved my stuff in it. I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

“Wait. Liz! Don’t go. Stop!” He stepped in my path so I couldn’t go anywhere. “I thought you wanted to know what I think.”

“I already know.” I shook my head trying to get a grip on myself. My words rushed together. “There’s only one reason why you weren’t saying anything. I was awful and you were trying to think of something nice to say, but still be honest. Problem is… you couldn’t. You’re a nice guy and your parents told you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It’s okay. It’s better for me to know now, than at the audition.”

He stared at me. It felt like his eyes were burning through me. I had to look away, so I stared at my feet.

“You really think that. Don’t you? You’re not one of those people that fish for compliments. You expect the worst. Wow.” He scratched his head. “Liz, sit down.”

I didn’t want to. I felt frozen. I wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor and disappear.

“Please?” His voice was soft. He pulled out a chair for me to sit in. I sat down on the chair. I slumped in the seat and stared at the table.

I braced myself for his comments. Just because I wanted constructive criticism didn’t mean that I liked it, especially when it was something so personal to me. “Go ahead.”

I heard him exhale before he started speaking. “You know, you were right about one thing. You don’t hear yourself like others do. You have an amazing voice. I’ve seen
Les Miserables
and you are so much better than the person that I saw on stage.”