Fault Line (10 page)

16

I drove to Morton High School and sat in the parking lot trying to figure out what I was going to do. I couldn’t just go up to a random guy and ask what he’d heard about the Manhole. Whoever told Ani in gym class could’ve been wrong. And I didn’t think I could stomach talking about the things Ani had done or what had been done to her. But I needed to know the truth. It’d been eating away at me for too damn long.

When the final bell rang, people poured into the parking lot like thousands of carpenter ants. They sounded really loud to me, but it could have been because I’d been waiting in silence since I pulled into the lot. I watched a group of guys walking toward a beat-up white van. One of them started to hump the air like he had a girl pinned beneath him. In a quick move, I jumped out of my car and approached, my feet crunching over the remains of a broken iced tea bottle.

The other guys were laughing at his pantomime as I walked up. I narrowed my eyes and watched.

“I’m telling you,” the guy said, slapping the air and moving his hips, “the girl was so wet, it was like standing under Niagara Falls.”

My fists clenched at my sides and I bent my knees into an attack stance. I almost wished for the pain of a bloody fight. Someone to beat up or someone who’d beat me up so at least it was real pain, not the rotting ache inside my chest all the time. Christ. What was happening to me?

The guy finally noticed I’d joined the group. “What’s up, bro?”

“Who are you talking about?” My body pulsed with rage. My teeth gnashed together. I was going to break a crown and piss off my mom again.

“My girlfriend. What’s it to you?” he asked, taking a step back.

I relaxed slightly. What the hell was I doing? I was battling windmills.

“Nothing,” I answered, and turned to my car. I took three steps, stopped for a second, and finally swiveled back to them. “Has anyone heard of the girl they’re calling the Manhole?”

My knees nearly buckled from the weight of the word, but I locked them and searched each of the guys’ faces. They exchanged looks and finally the guy who’d been describing his girlfriend shrugged.

“ ’Course. The chick who fucked a bunch of guys at a party and got off with a lighter afterward, right? What about her? You know her?”

I shut my eyes and nodded my head. “Were any of you guys there?”

More glances were exchanged. They were trying to figure out my motives, obviously. I didn’t blame them. If any of them were one of the guys, I’d probably send him to the hospital.

“Not in the room with her,” the humper said. “Those guys were from the city, I think. I was at the party, though.”

“So you saw her?”

“Yeah, she was hanging all over the guys. She seemed pretty wasted. She flashed a bunch of them and then they took her upstairs.” One of the guys standing close to me nodded.

“
They
took
her
upstairs?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Well, yeah, I mean, she rode piggyback on some guy while another one held her ass from behind.”

“Was she conscious?”

He nodded. “Yeah, she was into it, man. She was wasted but she was into it.”

“Into it? You’re sure? Not passed out?”

“No. Not passed out.”

I didn’t say anything so he continued.

“Could’ve been roofies, though. I’ve also seen chicks act like that when they’re buzzing on Special K. There was a bunch of E going around the party too. You think this girl might’ve had some?”

I shook my head. “No. Not on purpose. Did you see them after?” My muscles were so tight, I didn’t think I’d be able to swim for days.

“Yeah, a couple of guys came down talking about the show. They were the ones who called her the hot little Manhole. So are you gonna tell us why you care about this, bro? Who’s this girl to you?”

I stared at each of them. They had formed a sort of semicircle around me and my gaze kept darting between their pale faces, trying to figure out if any of them were responsible for what happened to Ani.

“She’s my goddamn girlfriend,” I spat out finally before stalking to my car. I didn’t want to hear another “I’m sorry, man” and I didn’t want them to ask me why I wasn’t at the party. I kicked the half-broken bottle and ignored the mumbling from the guys behind me.

I slammed my car door and banged my head against the steering wheel. I couldn’t shake the picture of Ani’s arm linked around a stranger’s neck while her ass filled the hands of someone else. I started the car, turned on the radio as loud as it could go, and peeled out of the parking lot.

Manhole. I was dating the Manhole.

•••

I drove to Ani’s house. I’d already be in a shitload of trouble with my mom for skipping the last three periods of school and an even bigger shitload of trouble with Coach for skipping practice again. I figured an extra hour wasn’t going to make that big of a difference. Luckily, Gayle was teaching so I didn’t have to pretend everything was fine.

“Where’d you go?” Ani asked when she ushered me into her room.

“Morton.”

Ani froze. Her eyes enlarged and she wrapped her arms around her body. Little girl stance again. The one I’d hoped had gone away.

“Have you remembered anything more from the party, Ani?”

She shook her head and moved toward the bed. I sat down and pulled her next to me.

“Hasn’t your mom asked about all these big clothes you’ve been wearing?” I fingered the sweatshirt that she’d worn almost every day for the past two weeks.

“No, I don’t put on the sweatshirt until I get to school.”

I wrapped my hand around her ponytail and she tugged away. My hand dropped and Ani must’ve felt bad because she nestled closer to me.

“What’d you hear at Morton?” she asked quietly.

“I think we should stop talking about this,” I said, and tipped her face to mine. “We need to get on with our lives, and dwelling on whatever happened isn’t going to make it better. You don’t remember anything and I’m not going to trust a bunch of drunk guys at a party to fill me in on the details of the night.”

“That bad, huh?”

“No.” I took her hand and sandwiched it in both of mine. “Nothing we didn’t suspect. They said it might’ve been roofies. I guess there was a lot of E going around the party too. But trying to figure all this out isn’t going to help us move past it.”

She looked at me and rubbed her free hand along the stubble of my head. “What do you think will help?”

I drew her closer and rested my hands along her hips, my fingers tracing her bones. “I think you were right. I think you need to be touched in a good way. I think you need to feel loved.”

“Like have sex?”

“Yeah.”

She blinked at me. I held my breath and she finally nodded.

I started to lift the sweatshirt over her head and stopped when she trembled. “Do you not want to do this? Are you worried about your stitches?”

She shook her head and tried to pull the sweatshirt the rest of the way but the fabric kept slipping from her shaking hands.

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea. If you’re worried it will hurt, we can wait.”

“It’s fine. The doctor said the stitches dissolved and I’d healed fine,” she said, at last removing the sweatshirt so she was just in a small T-shirt.

“If you . . .” I started.

She put her hand over my mouth. “Shh . . . I’m fine. The doctor said I’m fine. I just got the shivers for a second. It’s kind of cold in here.”

She pulled her shirt off and I rubbed her bare arms. I tugged my own shirt off and grabbed a condom from my wallet. She started to unbutton her jeans but I stopped her hands.

“We can go slow. We don’t have to get right to it. I haven’t really kissed you in weeks. Maybe we could start with that?” I asked.

She nodded and I put the condom on her table and lay on top of her, recalling the feeling of her from all the times before. The smell of her swirled around me, sugary mints and a little tangyness from her grapefruit lotion. My Ani.

“You’ve lost too much weight,” I whispered, touching her rib cage.

“Food doesn’t taste good anymore.”

“You need to eat for me. I don’t want you to waste away.” I kissed her neck.

She turned her head and touched my chin. “Okay. I’ll eat. For you.”

I kissed her gently. My body couldn’t help reacting when she rose up to meet me and stuck her tongue deep in my mouth. But she didn’t flinch when she felt my hardness on her thigh, she just opened up and wrapped her legs around me. I could have cried in relief. I went as slow as I could, trying to forget the guys at Morton. Forget the lighter. Forget everything but the feel of Ani’s skin. And when I finally slid inside her, I kissed her tears and whispered, “I love you” over and over again.

•••

My mom stood at the front door when I got home.

“I thought you had class,” I said, dropping my backpack onto the ground and heading for the kitchen.

“I did, but I got a call from your coach on the way out. He’s worried about your chances of getting a scholarship,” she said, following me.

I pulled open the fridge and took a long gulp from the orange juice bottle. She pursed her lips and pointed to the bottle.

I tucked it back in the fridge and turned to her, crossing my arms.

“And?”

“And why didn’t you go to practice? Where were you?”

“With Ani,” I said, and didn’t break contact with her eyes.

“Do you think you might be spending too much time with this girl?”

I looked at her blankly. She let out a mom sigh.

“Don’t get me wrong,” she continued, “I like her, but you’ve never missed practice over a girl before.”

“There’s never been an Ani before.”

She gave me another big mom sigh. “There’s a lot going on right now, Ben. Your father has that new business pitch at work and I’m busting my butt at grad school while still trying to work and be a room parent in your brother’s classroom. Please tell me I don’t need to be worried about this relationship.”

“You don’t need to be worried about this relationship,” I answered, and pushed away from the fridge, grabbing an apple from a basket on the counter.

“I don’t want to have to approach your dad with this,” she said.

I raised my shoulders. Dad protected his family above all else, but he was also fiercely loyal. If everything came out, he’d side with me. I had no doubt. Problem was, I didn’t want everything to come out. Not like this, not with them.

Mom rifled through her purse, grumbling before finally pulling out a wad of money and handing it to me. “Can I trust you to take your brother to and from soccer practice tonight?”

“Of course,” I said, pocketing the money. “I’m not a total screwup. But just so you know, Michael hates soccer. He’s only doing it because you’re making him.”

“Soccer is good for him. He needs to get some fresh air and exercise instead of playing those video games all the time. Too much of something isn’t good for anyone,” she said, catching my eye.

I took a bite of apple and walked out of the room.

“That’s twenty dollars for the two of you to grab dinner after practice. I expect change. I’m meeting your father after my class. We’ll be home by ten. Make sure you do your homework,” she called after me.

“Whatever you say,” I mumbled, and picked up my backpack before heading to my room.

•••

“How was soccer?”

Michael hopped in the Jeep looking way too clean and sweat free.

“Stupid. I might as well be the water boy. They had me play backup goalie.”

I shook my head. “Dude, you have to show some effort or they’re gonna keep having you do that kind of shit.”

“I don’t care. Maybe Mom won’t sign me up for it anymore, then.”

I started to say something but shut my mouth. What the hell did I care?

“We going for pizza?” Michael asked. He’d pulled out his DS and was already playing some Mario game.

“Yep.”

“Mom told me Tati Marie got a job.”

“Really?” I asked, throwing my car into first. I’d almost forgotten the conversation when my dad mentioned she was having a hard time. It seemed so long ago.

“Yeah. Dad found it for her. She’s working in a dentist’s office.”

“Huh.” One less thing for my parents to stress about, at least.

We drove the rest of the two miles in silence with the exception of the beeps and bings from Michael’s game. I pulled into the lot and flipped Michael’s DS shut.

“Can we eat here?” he asked.

I was about to nod when I saw Gayle standing at the counter of the pizza place. Guilt sucker punched me. Shit. Would I look like a complete idiot if I put the car in reverse and drove away?

Michael bounded out of the car and pulled my door open. He followed my eyes.

“Who’s that?”

I shrugged and pushed him toward the pizza place entrance. It reeked of grease and pepperoni and my stomach grumbled. Bubblegum pop music was being piped through the speakers and the girl at the register was frantically texting. We walked up to the counter as Gayle fumbled with her wallet. She was wearing one of Ani’s shirts.

“Ben,” she said. “What are you doing here? And who’s this?” She smiled in that preschool teacher way and Michael grinned back at her. At least he understood sucking up.

“This is my brother, Michael. We were just grabbing a pizza for dinner. Our parents are out tonight. Where’s Ani?”

“Well,” she said, and laughed, “she was in the midst of the world’s longest shower when I got home so I decided to grab us dinner on my own. That girl and her showers. I swear it’s gotten worse since she met you.” She looked at me pointedly and I blushed.

“I’m not sure why she’s so worried about smelling nice all the time,” she continued. “You’d think she’d take better care of her room and her clothes if it was that big of a deal.”

Doubt pushed its way into my brain, but I shook it off. Ani
had
always been into long showers.

“Well, I better go before our dinner gets cold. It was nice seeing you, Ben. And nice to meet you, Michael.” She gave him a little wink and smiled at me. I smiled back and ignored the truth gnawing at me, the desire to put all this on someone else.

We drove home with the music too loud to talk. Michael’s choice, so some classical station. It didn’t matter. It didn’t drown out the questions in my head. Or the memory of Ani’s tears when we had sex.