Feels Like Love (10 page)

She
snuggled closer to him as a spray of gold and purple exploded in the valley.
They would definitely serve chocolate cake at the wedding.

“So,
he called it off?” Wade asked.

“Yeah,”
she lifted her face to his, impatient to get back to the kissing. “But, I’m
glad he did.”

Wade
didn’t respond. He stared out across the valley, his jaw clenched.

“What’s
wrong?” she ran her finger down the side of his cheek.

He
sighed. “I wanted
you
to end it because
you
were having doubts.”

“I
did.”

“No.
You said it was his idea.”

“Well,
maybe at first, but I agree with him. What does it matter anyway?”

“April,
last night I
begged
you to reconsider and you refused. Then he dumps you
and suddenly I’m looking like a much better option, is that how it is?”

“No!
It’s not like that,” she said, stunned.

“Yeah,
it is. It’s
just
like that.”

The
world tilted. The one thing she’d always been sure of was Wade’s love. Even at
their lowest point, she kept the knowledge in the back of her mind that he
really and truly loved her.

“Aren’t
you listening? I said I love
you
. I want to be with you, not him.” She reached
for his hand, but he pulled away. “What about what you said last night? You
said you loved me, wanted me to give it a chance.”

“That
was before I knew I was the backup plan,” Wade said bitingly.

For
a moment she was stunned into silence. “You’re not … that’s not true,” she
finally managed.

“Oh
really? The thing you want isn’t the thing you’re supposed to have?” he said
sarcastically. “Sorry, but I don’t want to be the guy you settled for because you
couldn’t have the one you really wanted.”

“That’s
not what I meant,” she protested.

He
didn’t answer and hot tears stung her eyes. “Are you doing this to get back at
me? Because of what I did to you in Twin Falls?”

“Give
me a little more credit than that,” he snapped.

She
threw back the blanket and jumped down from the tailgate. She hoped he would stop
her, say something … anything to give her a little hope. But he didn’t. He just
sat unmoving, staring at the fireworks as she drove away.

God
must have a sense of humor. Either that or he hated her. Because Twin Falls was
happening all over again, only this time in reverse.

“Where
have you
been? I’ve been trying to call,” Trevor demanded when she walked in. “What
happened to
you
?” he paused when he got a good look at her face.

“Nothing,”
April sniffed. “My phone was turned off, what’s wrong?”

“Ben
has a fever.”

She
drew a quick, anxious breath and hurried to Ben’s room.

He
was on his bed, his eyes glassy and listless. Emily sat in the rocking chair,
her feet drawn up and her chin on her knees.

April
brushed her fingers along Ben’s forehead, startled at how warm he felt. “Did
you take his temp?” she asked Trevor.

He
nodded. “It was one hundred.”

“He
seemed fine when I left,” April said. “When did it start?”

“I
heard him moaning about an hour ago,” Emily said. “Should we call the doctor?”
With Ben’s fragile health, even a fever could be serious.

April
glanced at the clock. After she left Wade, she had driven around aimlessly, crying
– the thick, ugly kind of crying. Now it was almost midnight. “We won’t
call him yet,” she decided. “Did you give him medicine?”

“No,
I didn’t know how much.”

April
measured out a dose of Tylenol and Trevor helped her prop Ben up so he could
swallow it. She sat on the edge of the bed, running her hand up and down his
arm. She should have come straight home; she shouldn’t have left them alone
this long. Actually, she shouldn’t have gone at all; she’d ruined everything. A
sharp ache pulsed through her.

“You
guys can go to bed, I’ll stay with him,” April told Trevor and Emily.

She
changed into pajamas and moved the rocking chair closer to the bed so she could
put her legs up on the mattress. Ben relaxed as the medicine started working
and when she took his temperature again half an hour later, it had dropped.

April
glanced at her phone. She had been wishing, hoping, for a text from Wade, but none
came. As Ben drifted off to sleep, April wondered bitterly if they would go
back to being strangers. Probably.

The
shaking woke her. Her eyes flew open and she looked around frantically. Was it an
earthquake?

Then
she saw Ben. He was on his back, head thrown to one side and his limbs locked.
He was shaking so hard he vibrated across the bed and crashed into the safety
rail. His eyes rolled back in his head and his lips were blue. He wasn’t
breathing.

She
shot to her feet.

“Ben?
Ben!” Her voice was shrill. The only answer was a low gurgle from his throat.

“Trevor!
Emily!” April screamed as loudly as she could. “Ben, wake
up
!”

Her
phone? Where was her phone? She’d been holding it when she fell asleep. She grappled
frantically through the blankets and finally found it; her hands were shaking
as she dialed 911.

“What’s
your emergency?” a dry female voice answered.

“This
is April Winston. I think my brother’s having a seizure,” April cried into the
phone. “Please, come right now, he’s not breathing.”

Emily
appeared in the doorway, wide-eyed. “Get Trevor,” April ordered and her sister spun
and darted away.

“I
need your address,” the dry female voice replied.

“Winston,”
April said frantically. “Glenn Winston’s farm.”

“I’m
sorry, but I need your address,” the woman said.

April
gave it. “Please, hurry,” she begged.

Footsteps
pounded up the basement stairs and Trevor rushed into the room. He took one
look at Ben and his face went pale. “What’s happening? What’s he doing? Stop
him!” His voice was sharp.

“I
can’t!” April cried. Were they going to watch Ben die right here?

“The
paramedics are on their way,” the 911 operator said in that same detached
voice. “If you can, please unlock the door and secure any pets. I will stay on
the phone with you until they arrive.”
How
could she be so calm?

Ben
suddenly stopped shaking and drew a long, tortured breath. Some of the color
flooded back into his cheeks, but his eyes stayed closed.

“Why
isn’t he waking up?” Emily sobbed.

It
seemed like forever before they heard the sirens coming toward the house.
Trevor ran out to meet them and a few seconds later, paramedics swarmed into
the room. April moved back to give them space, answering their questions as
best she could. They worked quickly, checking vitals, starting an IV, and
prepping Ben for transport.

“The
hospital in town can’t handle such a complicated case; we need to take him to Billings,”
a young man with an iPad told April. She nodded, numbly. “Is there someone who
can come with him?” he asked.

“I
can, I’ll come.”

“Go
get dressed,” he said, talking slowly. “Get your shoes, okay?” It was comforting
to have someone tell her what to do. She nodded and went to her room, barely
remembering to close the door before stripping off her pajamas and pulling on jeans
and a t-shirt. She got her shoes and at the last minute, remembered to grab her
purse off the dresser.

The
paramedics had lifted Ben onto the gurney and were tightening the straps over
his chest. He was still unconscious.

Trevor
stood with his arm around Emily.

“Will
you be okay?” April asked him.

“I
guess so,” he said tightly. “Should I call mom and dad?”

“Yes,
but try not to scare them.” She pushed a shaking hand through her tangled hair.
“Can you call Wade too?”

He
nodded.

April
followed the gurney out into the dark, cold air. The stars were still shining
brightly and there was no hint of the sunrise on the horizon. Goosebumps broke
out on her arms; she hadn’t thought to get her coat.

The
ambulance and two fire trucks were parked in front of the house. “You can ride
by his side,” one of the men said, offering his hand to help her into the back.
She got in and shrank out of the way so they could load the gurney and secure
it to the floor. They held a brief discussion at the back of the ambulance, then
two men climbed in with Ben while the third one got in the cab to drive.
Through the tiny window, April saw the other paramedics going to the fire trucks.

“There’s
a seatbelt on that bench,” the man with the iPad pointed. She sat down and buckled
the seatbelt across her hips. It was too tight and she had to lean forward
awkwardly to reach Ben’s hand, but she couldn’t think through the steps to
loosen the belt. Besides, if she tried, she’d have to let go of Ben’s hand and she
wouldn’t let go, not ever.

The
ride to Billings took an hour. “No lights and sirens?” she asked once in a
dazed voice.

“He’s
breathing on his own,” the paramedic replied. “If he stops again, we’ll go
lights and sirens.”

April
wondered if she should keep up a conversation with the two men, but they didn’t
seem to expect it. They talked to each other while she stared at Ben. His dark
eyelashes formed crescents on his pale cheeks and his pulse fluttered faintly
beneath the ashen skin on his neck.

Every
once in a while the radio on the younger paramedic’s shoulder would squawk and
he answered in a stream of words that made no sense to April, but were
apparently updates for the hospital.

Two
doctors and four nurses were waiting when they pulled into the ambulance bay. The
paramedics gave a rapid fire update as they unloaded Ben and hurried him
through the emergency room. April followed behind, her eyes focused on the gurney.

“Ma’am,
you’ll need to wait over here,” a woman in blue scrubs took her arm and pointed
to a row of chairs. She sat down woodenly as they took Ben into one of the treatment
rooms.

She
waited, fear writhing in her stomach. Her hands were still shaking so badly she
could barely hold her phone to see Trevor’s text. Their parents were trying to
catch a flight.

Finally,
a doctor emerged from the room and took a seat at her side. “He had a seizure,”
she said and April nodded. “He’s still unconscious so I’ve ordered an MRI of
his brain to help us determine what’s going on.”

“Will
he be okay?” she rasped.

“It’s
too early to tell,” the doctor said gently.

There
was nothing to do but wait. They took her into Ben’s room and she sat by his side
her hands clamped around his arm, her head pressed against the bars of his bed.
Why were hospitals always so cold?

“April?”

Her
head jerked up as Wade opened the curtain in the doorway. His eyes swept the room,
taking in Ben, the tubes, the lines, the beeping equipment, and finally coming to
rest on her.

He
closed the curtain and with a strangled sob, she leapt up and ran to him. He
pulled her close and she pressed her face against his chest while her tears
soaked his coat.

“I
would have been here sooner but I had to find someone to milk the cows; didn’t
want to ask Trevor to take over,” Wade apologized when she had calmed down. He
kissed the top of her head and looked over at Ben. “How is he?”

She
kept her arms locked around his waist while she gave him the update. As she
talked, she felt some of her panic and fear subside. Wade did that to her.

“How
are
you
?” Wade asked when she’d finished.

“Okay,
I guess.” She looked up at him with a rueful smile. “Sorry.”

“For
what?”

“Crying
all over you … making you come all the way here … acting like an idiot last
night … take your pick.”

“Don’t
worry about any of that,” he said softly. She shivered and he let go of her long
enough to shrug off his coat and drape it around her shoulders. “You’re
freezing, where’s your coat?”

“I
forgot it.” His coat felt heavy and warm. She gave him a smile of thanks and
sank wearily onto the hard plastic hospital chair. Wade sat down and put his
arm around her, pulling her close. They sat in silence for a long time,
listening to the beeping of machines and Ben’s deep even breathing.

Finally,
a stout nurse with short blonde hair came to get Ben for the MRI. “It will
probably be about an hour,” she told them briskly. “The cafeteria is on the
second floor if you’d like to get some breakfast.” She pushed Ben’s bed out of
the room.

“Are
you hungry?” Wade turned to April.

“A
little,” she admitted. “I’m such a mess though,” her hand went to her puffy
eyes.

He
smiled. “We can work with it.”

Wade
got hot chocolate and bagels from the cafeteria and they found an empty
stairwell with a window that overlooked the parking lot. They sat on the steps
and watched the sunrise as they ate breakfast.

“I’m
sorry,” Wade said when they finished eating. He sat one step below her, so they
were almost eye-to-eye.

“For?”
April asked.

“For
Twin Falls. I proposed for all the wrong reasons and then tried to pressure you
into going along when you didn’t want to. That was … despicable.”

“I
don’t know if I’d go
that
far,” April said. “What were the wrong
reasons?”

He
sighed and scratched his thumbnail along the side of his foam cup. “I knew a
farm wasn’t your dream. I was afraid you’d find someone else, someone who could
offer you much more than I could. I started imagining you meeting another guy and
it made me crazy. I wanted to marry you, so I could keep you. It was selfish,
and I’m sorry.”

“I’m
sorry too. I know I hurt you.”

“Don’t
apologize. You were only doing what was best for you,” Wade said.

April
gave a small, bitter laugh. “Who says I know what’s best for me? My track
record isn’t exactly stellar. All this time I’ve been trying to play the sophisticated
college student, when I’m really just a small town girl trying to pretend
Boise,
Idaho
is a grand adventure.”

“Not
so much, huh?” Wade smiled.

“I
never realized how much I missed Snow Valley,” she admitted. “Coming home this
time has been different.”

“Because
you were engaged?”

“No,”
she said. “Because of you. You’re as much a part of home as my family or the
farm.” Tears welled in her eyes. “You were
never
the backup plan, Wade.
I got all flustered last night and messed it up. What I meant to say was I’ve
been focusing on the wrong things and ignoring the important ones, even though
they were … even though
you
were right in front of my face.”

He
smiled slightly and dropped his gaze to the concrete floor. April felt a surge
of embarrassment; she was throwing herself at him. Had she been assuming too
much?

“I
think we’d better get back,” she stammered. “I think I can handle things now if
you need to get home.”

“I’ll
stay a while longer,” he said.

April’s
heart clenched when the nurse wheeled Ben back into the room. He was so pale
and limp.