Fighting Redemption (15 page)

I love you,

Jake.

P.S. Don’t ever retire your Supergirl suit, okay? I want you out there saving those whales so your kids can grow up seeing them in real life, rather than in history books.

Ryan slumped against the door of his car, swallowing the lump in his throat. He’d let Jake die and then for three months he hid from the world. Why hadn’t she been angry with him for that? He would’ve preferred the spark of fury rather than the emptiness in her eyes.

Jake, you goddamn asshole! I want you to come back to life just so I can kill you all over again for leaving us without you.

Opening the car door, he put the envelope on the passenger seat and slammed the door shut. Hearing screams from inside the house, panic flooded his body, leaving him ice cold.

“Fin!” He rushed towards the house. “Fin!” He yanked hard on the front door but it was locked.

Breathless, he ran hard around the side of the house. Wild screams pierced his ears as he stormed through the back door. What he saw almost brought him to his knees.

Fin stood in the living room, her books—the ones she’d treasured reading her entire life—lay shredded on the floor, ripped pages littering every surface. Broken plates and smashed cups joined them. Even as he rushed the room, a plate spun past his head and crashed into the wall behind him.

“Fin!” he shouted as he ducked. “Stop!”

Held in the grip of rage, she didn’t hear or see him. She turned back to the side cabinet for more plates, chest heaving, her face twisted in anguish as she threw another.

Ryan came up behind her and locked his arms around her waist, trapping her hands by her sides.

“No!” she shrieked. She kicked her legs up wildly as he spun her around, walking carefully over the broken shards that would have torn her bare feet. “Let me go! Damn you, Ryan, let me go!”

Her cries cut right through his chest as she wrestled free, shoving him off her as they reached the hallway. “Damn you!” she shouted and he flinched. “Fuck you! Fuck Jake. How could he leave me?” She sobbed hard and loud as her back slid down the wall, her legs unable to support her slender weight, and it ripped him apart. “How could he leave me?”

Ryan sank down beside her and pulled her into his lap, rubbing her back as waves of grief split her open.

“He’s out there, alone, buried in the ground where it’s dark and cold. I’ll never look into his beautiful, smiling face again, and I can’t stand it, Ryan,” she sobbed as she clung to him. “I just want him to come home. I want him home,” she choked out.

“Me too, baby.” Tears blinded him as he pressed his forehead against hers, powerless to do anything but hold her. “I want him home too.”

Ryan wasn’t sure how long he sat there rocking her, listening to her sobs fade into small hiccups and eventually a deep slumber. Not wanting to disturb her, he stayed where he was, his arms holding her as night fell around them.

He pressed his face into her neck and breathed her in, allowing his lips to touch her skin. Feeling his blood stir, he closed his eyes, willing it away.

“Ryan?” she whispered hoarsely.

“Shhh,” he soothed and kissed her neck, letting his lips trail up her neck to her ear and murmuring, “Just let me hold you.”

Ryan took a deep breath as she shuddered against him. He pressed a kiss against her ear. Turning her head, his mouth trailed gently along her cheek.

“Ryan,” she breathed.

Twisting in his lap, she cupped his face in her hands. The emptiness in her eyes now sparked with craving, and the blood he felt stirring became a roar in his ears.

“Fuck,” he muttered, and ducking his head, took her lips hard. She whimpered under the pressure, her mouth opening to let his tongue thrust inside.

Ryan groaned at the hot, sweet taste of her. With Fin still in his lap, he stood up. Her long, slender legs wrapped around his waist, his biceps bulging as he held onto her, pressing her into the wall as he kissed her until they couldn’t breathe.

He tore himself away, rapidly sucking in air. “Fin, we can’t.”

She slipped her hands beneath his shirt and finding skin, moaned as they travelled up and over his chest. “Please.” She leaned in and bit down on his earlobe with her teeth until he shivered. “You once told me you wanted to fuck me until you were blind from it, so do it.”

“Not like this,” he said, his voice hoarse. “You deserve better than this.”

“Fuck me, Ryan. Make me feel.”

“No, Fin.” He stepped back from the wall and set her on her feet. “I won’t do this.”

She shoved at his chest, and he stumbled back. “Fine,” she growled. “Then I’ll find someone who will.”

Halfway into her room, he grabbed her wrist. “You aren’t going anywhere.”

“After three months, you don’t get to tell me what to do!”

Fin tried to shrug out of his hold, and fearful of hurting her, he let go.

“Fine!” he shouted as she stood there, chest heaving, hands fisted by her sides as tears rolled unapologetically down her face. “You want to feel?” Knowing she would fall apart all over again if he was gentle, he took control. “Take off your clothes. Right now.”

Ryan folded his arms, hating himself for taking advantage of her grief but he wanted her too desperately to stop now.

Fin’s hands fumbled at the buttons on her pretty, white dress. Head bowed, she slowly undid each one with shaky fingers until he could see she wasn’t wearing a bra. Finished, she slid the tiny straps off her shoulders. Her dress fell away, pooling at her feet.

His eyes consuming her, Ryan’s blood pulsed rapidly, making him hard enough to wince. Her breasts were small and firm, her nipples a pretty pink. As his eyes trailed down, his heart ached. Grief had taken its toll on her. Her ribs were pronounced and her hipbones sharp.

Realising she was waiting, he lifted his chin at her cotton panties. “Those too.”

She hooked her fingers in the waistband, her hands still shaking, and peeled them down her legs. Stepping out of them, she stood bare before him.

How many long, painful years had he dreamed to see Fin like this?

“Baby, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered gruffly. He tugged off his shirt and her eyes fell on his chest. He crooked a finger. “Here. Now.”

She walked towards him, not stopping until her breasts pressed against his chest. Ryan moaned deeply at the feel of her smooth, naked skin rubbing against him. He tucked his thumb and forefinger under her chin, tilting her head until she met his eyes. Seeing the need that mirrored his own, he slammed his mouth down on hers. Gasping softly under the onslaught, her lips parted and he took advantage, his tongue thrusting inside to taste her. Wrapping his arms around her, his hands slid down her back and gripped her ass. Pulling her tight against him, Ryan ground his hips into hers.

Fuck.
He was going to come in his pants if he didn’t calm down.

He broke the kiss. Breathing heavily, he nibbled a path down her neck. Fin’s hands grabbed his shoulders, her head falling to the side to accommodate him.

“Sit down on the bed,” he commanded.

She stumbled backwards, Ryan following her as she sank to the edge. Nudging her shoulders, she fell on her back and he hovered over her, taking a small pink nipple and sucking it deeply into his mouth.

“Oh God,” she moaned, her hands running through his hair.

Ryan shifted his mouth to the other, fighting to control the urge to ram himself inside her and fuck her hard.

Kissing his way down her torso, his tongue delved inside her belly button. Kneeling at the end of the bed, he ran his hands up Fin’s thighs and spread her legs, baring her to his gaze.

Taking a deep shuddering breath, Ryan groaned as his tongue came out and stroked her. She bucked beneath him and he grabbed at her hips. “Hold still,” he ordered.

“I don’t know if I can,” she breathed.

Ryan held onto Fin as he licked her, focusing on making her feel good. He slid a finger inside her and she gasped, her hips moving wildly in time with his tongue and hand.

“Now, Ryan, please,” she panted. “Don’t make me wait.”

“Fuck,” he muttered. The taste and smell of her had his dick jerking violently in his pants. With his mouth still busy, he undid his belt with one hand.

She bucked again, whimpering, moaning his name.

Blind with need, he undid his zipper and pulled himself free. Grabbing her thighs, he positioned himself carefully and slammed his way inside her.

She cried out and he stilled, licking his lips, tasting her on his tongue as her body pulsed around him, burning him.

Ryan buried his head in her neck, shuddering at the tight, wet heat enveloping him. The urge to thrust was overwhelming, but he remained unmoving, a sweat breaking across his brow from the effort. “Did I hurt you?” he rasped.

She shook her head and wrapped her legs around his hips, squeezing him. “Fuck me, Ryan.”

Ryan drew back and looking into her eyes, slammed in again. “Nothing, Fin …” he breathed.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing…” he slammed in again “…has ever felt more beautiful than you do right now.”

Christ. He didn’t just love her, he fucking
adored
her. He’d give his life for her if he had to.

He thrust hard into her, over and over, the pleasure intense and out of control. Shuddering, she cried his name, clenching around him, and he let go with a wild groan. Gritting his teeth, he flooded her body, pumping himself into her until there was nothing left.

Hovering above her, Ryan ducked his head and kissed her, tugging her lower lip into his mouth and sucking on it. The taste of Fin was like the purest Heaven and the hottest Hell.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, he started pulling out and she winced.

“You okay?”

Fuck.
Tears were pooling in her eyes. They spilled over, rolling down the sides of her face and into her hair.

And there it was—the guilt—swallowing him until he was drowning in it.

“Baby, please don’t cry anymore.” He looked down as he slid out of her. “Oh fuck,” he breathed.

You dumb, stupid fuck.

“What?”

He looked at her. “I didn’t use a condom.”

Ryan hovered above her, his hands pressed into the mattress over her shoulders. His dark eyes were wide with panic when just moments ago they’d been consumed with a fire so intense she’d felt almost branded.

“Fin? I’m sorry.” Guilt swept across his face. “I didn’t mean t-to—”

Fin shoved him off and rolled over, curling herself into a little ball. Her hands shook as she clutched them to her chest, her shame palpable. What had she done to him?

She’d read the letter from Jake and suddenly the world had turned black, as though his words had blocked out the sun. Anger for the both of them leaving stabbed at her like a sharp blade, but it felt good—the wild rage giving her life. When Ryan grabbed her, the spark flickered out and as she slid down the wall, all the pain she’d buried deep inside had bled out over both of them.

Then she’d done the unthinkable and begged Ryan to take it away. And he had. He’d widened his stance, tattooed muscles bulging as he folded his arms, and ordered her to take off her clothes. His eyes had been bleak, his jaw tight, as though already forgiving her for what she was doing to them.

But his face. Oh God. He’d rammed himself inside her and she watched his hurt transform into beautiful agony. She felt his muscles flexing as her hands roamed down his back, cupping his firm ass as he thrust deep enough, hard enough, to have her gasping for air. He obliterated her pain with each wild stroke, over and over.

Now, after so many years of longing, their first time had been filled with pain and grief, instead of being sweet and special. Had she ruined that between them for one brief moment of feeling something? She didn’t want brief moments. She wanted what she’d yearned for right from the start—the very moment she’d tripped up the school steps and lost her heart. But even now, with Ryan lying naked in her bed, he still wasn’t hers. The Army, and the war, owned him—body and soul. Fin never stood a chance.

Ryan’s palm scraped over her shoulder. “Fin?”