Fighting Redemption (17 page)

“Then why are you here?” she shouted.

A beat of silence passed as his eyes locked on hers.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Fin’s heart tugged painfully. “I don’t need you, Ryan,” she said wearily. “And I don’t want you here. You should leave.”

He stood there, clenching and unclenching his fists. “You want me to leave?”

Damn you, Ryan. I’d take you, Army and all, even knowing you might not come back just like Jake, but you won’t let me have you, so yes, I want you to leave.

But she didn’t say any of that. She couldn’t choke the words out. Instead, she nodded wordlessly.

He turned around and strode back out the door, slamming it hard behind him. She flinched, and soon after Fin heard the deep rumble of his car start up. Eventually the noise faded, replaced with a silence that had her ears ringing and the red haze of anger lifting.

What did she just do?

Stupid girl!

She rushed to her room, scrambling for her phone on the bedside table. With frantic fingers, she fumbled over the keypad until she found Ryan’s name. As the phone rang, she started pacing, one hand pressed to her forehead.

It rang endlessly until his voicemail answered.

Dialling, she tried again.

“No,” she whispered, her stomach rolling when it rang out again.

The beep came through loud and clear to leave a message.

“Ryan? I didn’t mean it,” she choked out. “I’m sorry.” She sank to the floor. “I don’t know why I’m so angry. Please come back,” she whispered hoarsely. “I’m sorry.”

She sat on the couch in the living room all day long, but he never returned her call, and he didn’t come back.

Rachael dragged Fin out of the dressing room and stood her before the mirror. Fin swept her eyes over her reflection as techno music pounded heavily through the store. The short gold skirt, the slinky black top cut so low there was no way a bra could be worn—it wasn’t her.

“It’s not me,” she announced, tugging the top up to cover a bit more of her chest.

Rachael tweaked it so it fell back down and looked at her in the mirror. “Stop fussing with it. Double sided tape will hold it in place. And exactly. It’s not you. That’s the point. You’re living in a bubble of grief. Tonight you can be someone else. You need that, Fin.”

She needed Ryan. Nothing else. Just him, but two weeks and she’d heard nothing. It didn’t surprise her. He’d told her he’d always wanted her, that he would never stop wanting her, and the next morning she’d thrown it in his face because for one blinding moment she thought he was there as an obligation to Jake, and it had
hurt
. Who could blame him for staying away?

“I’m not sure I can go out tonight, Rach.”

Rachael stood in front of Fin, blocking her view of the flimsy outfit as she took hold of her hands. “Jake would be furious with you right now,” she said with tears filling her eyes. Blinking them away, she straightened her shoulders. “I’m furious with you right now. This is not living, Fin. You’re just existing inside a vacuum and you can’t go on like this forever.”

“Yes I can.”

Rachael let go of her hands and fussed with the gold skirt. “No. You can’t.”

Frowning, Fin batted her hands away and tugged the skirt down. She sighed when her hipbones came into view. “Send out a search party, Rach. The rest of the skirt is missing.”

Rachael folded her arms in reply.

“Fine.” She threw up her hands. “Whatever.” Shifting backwards, she sat down on the little button leather couch in the dressing room area. “I have all this anger inside me and it keeps spewing out everywhere. I keep hurting people with it.”

Rachael paused and looked at her. “You mean you hurt Ryan with it.”

“Ryan’s hurting enough as it is. He was the one that was there. He was the one that saw… th-that saw…” Her fists clenched. “Fuck.”

Standing up, Fin strode back to the dressing room, shut the door, and took the clothes off. In just her underwear, she eyed her body critically. She’d always been slender like her mother, but her bones were sharp now, and prominent. Ryan was right. She needed to eat. Jake would hate seeing her this way.

“Fin?” A light tap came at the door as Fin held her jeans out, ready to slip them back on. “Are you okay? You know it’s okay to be angry. You have to let it all out.”

Her hands went slack as she slumped against the dressing room wall. “I know.”

“You’re angry because you know he’s going back, and that scares you. You and Ryan—you’re both like one half of each other. Neither of you will ever really be complete without the other.”

Pushing away from the wall, she dressed quickly and opened the door. Rachael met her eyes. “I was a bitch.”

“You’ve just lost your brother, Fin. You’re allowed to be an emotional whackjob right now.”

“Ryan isn’t.”

“Men like him are trained to lock that shit down.”

Fin frowned. “But then … where does it all go?”

“My guess would be wherever he goes,” she said softly. She snatched the clothes out of Fin’s hand and smiled. “Now let’s go spend some money.”

Fin shook her head. “Rachael.”

“Fin,” she sing-songed, turning around and heading for the front counter.

The salesgirl gave them both a bright smile as she rang up the purchase. “Do you have Hollywood Tape?”

Fin looked at her. “Do I have what?”

“Boob tape,” Rachael said loudly. “And yes, we’ve got some, thanks.”

The salesgirl gave another bright smile as she handed over the bags. Rachael took them, thanking her, and they headed out of the store. Fin looked at Rachael over her shoulder as she walked down the small set of stairs and onto the street. “I can’t believe you have me wearing boob tape of all things.”

Not watching where she was going, her heel caught on the bottom step and she pitched forward. The hard chest she smacked into stopped her from falling into a heap on the sidewalk.

“Oh shit,” she mumbled.

Strong, tanned hands came out to steady her. “Did someone say boobs?”

Her arms caught in a firm grip, Fin looked upwards into rich, hazel eyes that went wide with recognition as they focused on her face.

“Kyle?”

“Fin!” Grief swept briefly across his face before it was wiped away by a broad grin. His arms came around her and he lifted her up, her feet dangling off the ground until she was looking directly in his eyes. “How are you doing?”

Fin held onto his shoulders as she was suspended in his arms. “You know.”

His eyes softened. “I do.”

“Should you be lifting me?” she asked.

“I’m fine, honey. It was just a scratch.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I’m glad you’re okay.” She blinked them away as Kyle looked at Rachael standing to her left. “You remember Rachael, don’t you?”

He gave Rachael a wink. “How could I forget?”

High colour hit Rachael’s cheekbones, and Fin smothered a laugh. Clearing her throat, she looked pointedly down at the ground.

Kyle ignored the silent demand to put her down. Instead, a cheeky glint lit his eyes as he arched a brow at her. “Where’s my penguin?”

Laughter bubbled out of her. “Are you serious?”

“You’re holding out on me, honey. I’ve never seen a penguin before. I was looking forward to having one of my own.”

“I don’t believe you. You haven’t been to Penguin Island?”

“That depends.”

She raised a brow. “On what?”

“Are you going to take me?”

Fin chuckled and pushed at his chest. “You can put me down now.”

She slid slowly down his body as he let her go. Reaching for her hand, he grabbed hold. “What are we doing today, ladies?” He looked at the bags Rachael clutched in her hands. “Shopping?”

“Brooks!”

Kyle turned and Fin peered around him, seeing a car parked farther down the road. One guy was leaning his back against the passenger window, another was resting his forearms over the open car door on the driver’s side. Both were looking at them.

He waved them off and turned back to look at Fin and Rachael.

“We’re taking Fin out tonight, so we needed to get her something to wear,” Rachael said in answer to his question.

He looked at Fin, the bright midday sun shining through his golden brown hair. “Out, huh?”

“Maybe,” she mumbled.

“We’re going,” Rachael said firmly. “Fin needs to get out.”

“Where are you off to?”

Fin sighed as Rachael told him.

“Hurry up, mate!” came another shout from the car.

Letting go of Fin’s hand, Kyle turned around and waved off their impatience. “Gotta get going,” he told them and took Fin’s chin softly in his hand until she was looking at him. “Take care of yourself, honey.”

“Of course,” she murmured.

He nodded at Rachael and walked off.

“Oh, Fin?” he called out. Rachael and Fin, already walking off in the other direction, stopped and turned. “I’ll call you, okay?” he shouted, walking backwards. “You can take me out to Penguin Island like you promised.”

She shook her head, fighting a smile. “I didn’t promise you anything,” she shouted back.

Kyle grinned. “Are you sure about that?”

Reaching the car, he swung open the door as his friends hopped inside the car. He gave a brief wave before disappearing.

“Kyle’s huge,” Rachael announced. “And hot,” she added.

Fin looked at her. “Don’t go lusting after a soldier, Rachael. They’re not good for your health, particularly that one. I hear his package is footloose and fancy free.”

Rachael grinned and linked her arm with Fin’s. “Of course it is.
Now
. But that’s only because he’s waiting for the love of his life to just happen along.”

They started walking down the street. “And that’s you?”

“Well … yes,” she conceded. “Though by the way he was looking you over, it could possibly be you. Don’t be greedy. You have Ryan and he’s the hottest of the hot.”

“I don’t have Ryan,” she pointed out.

Rachael stopped them both and looked at her. “What are you talking about? You’ve always had Ryan.”

“I haven’t. The Army has.”

“Fin.” Exhaling irritably, Rachael looked away for a moment before meeting her eyes. “You’re his heart. You. That’s his sacrifice for whatever demons he’s carrying around inside him. But he needs to wake up and realise that it doesn’t matter where he is, or what he does, you’ll still make being together work, because both of you share something that is so far beyond love it won’t ever die.”

“What about in here?” Kyle said.

Ryan stopped in front of the open deck nightclub he was walking past with Kyle, Tex, and Galloway. He was already unsteady on his feet. Alcohol had done its promised job tonight, and he was almost numb. He just needed one night without having to feel anything.

Putting his hands in his pockets to keep himself balanced, he looked at Kyle. “This place?” he shouted over the loud music. From the street outside, the beat was already thumping through his system. “Are you high?”

Kyle gave the club a once over. “If I was, I wouldn’t be here with you girls.”

“Yeah? Where would you be?” Galloway asked.

Kyle paused and looked at him. “Fucking of course. That’s my high.”

“Fucking anything that moves,” Tex muttered.

Kyle raised a brow, insulted. “Just women, asshole. Tall ones, short ones, slim ones, curvy ones.” He licked his lips and grinned.

A group of girls sat on the deck talking and laughing. One of them broke the huddle and glanced their way. She winked as she brought a glass to her mouth.

“Jesus,” Kyle muttered. “Yep. This is the place.” He nodded towards the entrance. “Time’s wasting.”

Galloway followed Kyle’s line of sight and frowned. “Hey, isn’t that Laura?”

“Laura?”

“Yeah, you know … Jake’s cousin.”

Goddammit
. The numb haze floated away at the mention of Jake’s name, ruining all the effort he’d put into drinking so he could forget. Laura’s eyes widened when he looked her way. She glanced quickly towards the bar and following her movement, he froze.

Fin stood there looking like nothing he’d ever seen before. His breath lodged in his throat as his eyes wandered over her. She was wearing a skirt that shimmered under the bright lights of the bar. Her beautiful long legs—the ones that felt like heaven when they wrapped around him and squeezed—were on display to the world, and her top?
Fuck
. Was it a top? Whatever the fuck it was, it exposed a long V of her chest that made him hard instantly. He wanted to drag her away, lick his way down that tantalising display, and then rip that thing in two.