Authors: Kate McCarthy

Fighting Redemption (40 page)

“We did.” Julie paused to nibble on Jacob’s fingers. “But it’s bath time, isn’t it, my little darling?” she said to Jacob.

Fin’s mum started walking away, her grandson tucked securely on her hip.

“Well I can do it,” Rachael told her, hot on her heels, her voice fading as they trailed inside and left Fin alone.

She sighed, splaying out on her back on the blanket and staring up into the blue sky, feeling a pang at the knowledge this was her last night with Ryan.

Deeming him fit for duty, the Army were deploying him to Afghanistan, so he was trying to do too much, wearing himself out around the house in the need to fit the coming six months into just a few days. Fin tired easily now—her heart too damaged to function normally—and though she never said, she knew he could see her exhaustion, and it only pushed him harder and wore him out faster.

How could they send him back? Hadn’t they suffered enough? When would this war torn country be ready to stand on its own two feet and give her back the man she loved? They’d had him long enough, using him up until there was nothing left for the rest of them.

Fin closed her eyes and an icy breeze dusted her skin gently, causing goose bumps to skate down her arms. She shivered.

“Jacob’s beautiful, Fin.”

“Jake?” she breathed, her heart clutching at the sound of her brother’s voice.

“You’ll tell him about me, won’t you? I want him to know the person who’s watching over him.”

Her bottom lip trembled. “Every day. I promise,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “He looks so much like Ryan but already he reminds me of you. He has your smile, Jake. It hurts Ryan to see it. He still cries your name sometimes in his sleep, but I don’t think he knows.”

“He knows, Fin. He’ll always have scars, but he’s accepted them because he has you, and you make his world beautiful.”

“You did too, Jake. The world doesn’t shine as bright without you in it. I miss you.”

“You can’t miss what’s already in your heart, honey.”

The cool breeze chilling her skin began to die off.

“Wait, Jake!” she cried out, choking on a sob. She wanted to see him one last time, but there was nothing tangible to hold on to except empty air.

“Don’t be scared. Just remember to smile when you think of me.”

The warmth of the sun began shining through, creating dappled sunlight through the trees.

“Jake?”

Nothing but silence greeted her.

“Fin?”

Her eyes flew open. Ryan was hovering above her as the sun set on the horizon. “You’ve been asleep for over an hour.”

“Oh,” she murmured, pushing up on her elbows. She rubbed at her eyes, echoes of Jake’s voice still lingering in her heart.

“Are you okay?” His brow was furrowed with concern as he reached down and picked her up effortlessly in his arms.

“I’m fine. I
can
walk you know.”

“I know that. I remember a girl once telling me that she
did
have legs …” he told her, hugging her to his chest as he carried her over to the deck table where everyone was starting to sit down. “But if I wanted to carry her around forever, then she’d let me.”

“Ryan,” she replied softly, reaching up to cup his cheek in her palm. “You could carry me into Hell and I’d go with you.”

“I’ve been to Hell, baby,” he replied. “It’s the one place I’ll never take you.”

The next morning with Jacob tucked in her arms, Fin watched Ryan, dressed in his fatigues, walk out on the tarmac towards the plane. She tried blinking rapidly to clear her blurred vision, desperately wanting the last image of him to be perfect, but the tears were spilling out faster than she could control them.

Holding her breath, Fin watched him reach the stairs of the plane. He took the first step, and then the next, until he turned, as though looking right at her. She knew he wouldn’t be able see her from outside—the tint on the windows was dark to keep out the glare of the sun—but she pressed her hand flat against the glass anyway.

“I love you,” he mouthed silently.

“I love you, too, Ryan,” she choked out through tears.

Then he was gone.

Fin watched the plane eventually taxi off the runway and lift into the sky. When she couldn’t see it anymore, she turned and walked away, Jacob held tight in her arms, her heart broken, and knowing it would stay broken until he returned.

As she stepped out into the bright, morning sun, she knew the world would never know her brother, or Ryan, or any of the other silent heroes of the SAS. No one would ever hear their story—what they did, what they gave, and how much they lost. But that was okay, because the world hearing their story was never what it was about.

Present day…

“What is it about, Mummy?” Jacob asked her, placing his chubby hands on her cheeks as she was nearing the end of her story.

“It’s about being the best you can be, Jacob,” she told him, turning slightly to kiss his palm before taking both his hands in her own and squeezing lightly. “It’s about being brave enough to stand up for what you believe is right, giving everything you have to see it through, and finding peace knowing that what you did mattered to someone, somewhere.”

“Did Daddy give everything?”

Fin’s bottom lip trembled. “He gave so much, sweetie. So much.”

She shifted Jacob in her tired arms, trying not to let exhaustion get her down. After years, her body still had not fully recovered. It never would.

“Daddy’s heart beat for us, didn’t it? Just like he told you it did in the story.”

“It did,” she murmured softly, trying desperately not to cry in front of her son. “And you know what?”

“What, Mummy?” Jacob’s dark eyes, so like his father’s, were wide as they peered up at her, waiting.

Fin didn’t immediately reply to his question. Instead, she pointed through the crowd at the airport, her broken heart once again finding peace as her gaze fell on the man she loved with every breath in her body.

“It still does, my baby, and it always will.”

Following her direction, Jacob’s eyes lit up. He wriggled in her arms until she set him on his feet and he ran towards his father.

Ryan’s eyes were bright with love, meeting hers across the crowded airport as he lifted their son into his arms and hugged him hard.

Her husband was home, and with Australian troops finally being pulled from the Afghanistan war, maybe she could hold him a little longer this time, and a little harder.

To my readers. I write for my heart, but I publish to share these stories, and these characters, with you. Thank you for reading what means the world to me.

To my husband, my daughter, and my son. I’ve found my happy with you and I’ll love you all longer than the stars that live in the sky. Thank you for your never ending support.

My editor Max. You fought for this story. When I was struggling I remembered every word of support, every comment of encouragement, and I remembered that you believed in me. I love your honesty. I love that I can be myself with you, that I can speak freely, that I can laugh, argue, and be stupid, and in the end, pull something together that makes you proud. I love you.

My amazing team of betas and critique partner BJ Harvey. You work behind the story, spending countless hours of your time helping, supporting, and promoting me. Why? Because you believe in me. You help me believe in myself. You are honest, and you care. You put up with me when I drive you crazy, and when I change things and make you read it all over again. I laugh with all of you, and I cry when it gets hard, and when the book is done, it feels just as much yours as it is mine. Thank you Tammy, Kylie, Kim, Trisha, Barb, Shelley, Natalie, Orchita and Jo.

To Claire, my proofreader and one of my closest friends. I make your job easy! Thank you for being a perfectionist and making sure my words are seamless.

To Keith Fennell, a former Australian SAS soldier, and author of
Warrior Brothers
and
Warrior Training
—stories about his life in the Army. Australian SAS soldiers are notoriously private, and I’m not sure I could have written this story the way it needed to be told without you. Thank you for sharing your stories from your time in the military, and for your words of encouragement.

To the ladies in the Australian Army who beta read this book. You gave your time helping me and answering questions, and there were lots! Thank you.

Thank you to all the bloggers who have supported me. You work tirelessly—reading, reviewing, promoting—and I’m eternally grateful.

Website:

http://katemccarthy.net

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/KateMcCarthyAuthor

Twitter:

https://twitter.com/KMacinOz