I stare at him like he has 2 heads… “What are you talking about? These are my pajamas.”
“Maybe we should go downstairs to the lounge to catch up?” he looks around wearily.
“Why?” I ask in confusion, but he doesn’t answer. “Jaxson I’m tired, I just want to stay here and relax.”
When I crawl on the bed to get under the covers I hear a pained groan. I whip my head in Jaxson’s direction to see him staring at my ass. Oh boy, the fierce expression on his face causes my stomach to clench.
I look at him now with confusion; turning on my knees to face him I ask the one question that’s been burning inside of me since our scene outside the bar tonight.
“Jax, you say I mean more to you than any other girl, but then why do they all get a part of you that I don’t?”
His gaze snaps to mine and before he can say anything I continue, “It’s no secret I’d give myself to you. I’ve wanted you for so long that some days I feel like I’m going to die a virgin because you’re the only one I want to be with. It’s you who doesn’t want me.”
“Julia! Are you fucking crazy? I want you more than I want anything in my life but I won’t do that to you, you deserve better. You ask about those other girls and it’s because I don’t give a shit whether they can do better. But with you, I care, I care too fucking much.”
My heart squeezes painfully at his tortured admission. I shake my head sadly, hating the pain I see in his eyes, “I’m not better than you Jaxson, I’m better with you.”
Do I push this? I’ve wanted him for so long and now could be my chance. Who knows how long it will be before I see him again. Can we have this night and still have our friendship? I feel like our friendship has already shifted anyways. With that last thought I make my decision. Standing slowly I walk towards him. He glances at the door nervously as if he’s going to run out any second. Once reaching him I wrap my arms around his waist and look up into his heated gaze, “I want my first time with you Jaxson, right now.”
He clenches his jaw and closes his eyes briefly before staring at me with so much torment. “Fuck Julia, don’t do this. You don’t know what you’re asking and I only have so much control.”
“I know exactly what I’m asking. I don’t want to be a virgin anymore.”
“What’s wrong with being a virgin?” he asks gruffly.
I glare at him, feeling irritated now, “Fine!” I say, unwinding my arms, the moment broken. “I’m not going to beg you, I’m not that pathetic. I guess when I get home I’ll just have to find the first willing guy to take me home,” I say sweetly.
I know this will get under his skin which is what I want. When I start walking back to the bed he comes up behind me, grabbing my hips roughly, pulling me snug against him. I suck in a startled breath feeling how hard he is. He locks one arm around my chest and the other around my waist. “Be careful Julia, you’re playing with fire. I’ve tried hard for a long time to do the right thing but you’re about to make me throw it all away.” His deeply aroused voice has shivers breaking out across my body. My breathing starts to speed up in anticipation for what’s about to happen.
Turning in his arms I stare up at him, “I want it to be you Jaxson, not someone else. I know you can’t give me forever but you can give me who I want it to be with.”
I see a war raging in his eyes and I pray I know what I’m getting us both into. With shaking arms I grab the hem of my tank top and pull it over my head dropping it to the floor. He sucks in a sharp breath and his eyes burn with desire as I stand before him in my lilac lace bra. I feel the urge to cover myself but don’t. Jaxson’s been with many girls and I hate wondering how I measure to them. I don’t get much time to think about it before he curses, jerking me to him, and crushes his mouth to mine. Jaxson’s taste mingled with beer floods my mouth and I moan from the erotic taste. I decide the next time someone asks me what I want to drink that’s what I’m going to get. Our kiss is desperate, one that’s hot and demanding. It consumes us both right from the beginning and causes my knees to go weak with need. Prying my fingers, that have a death grip on his belt buckle, I slide my hands under the hem of his shirt, gliding them over the smooth hard plains of his stomach. I swear his 6-pack turned into a 10-pack these past 6 months. I whimper, needing to feel more of him, needing to feel his skin on mine again. I start pulling up his shirt when he breaks his mouth free, whipping the shirt over his head and getting rid of it in record time. Before he can kiss me again I gasp.
Oh my god
! I slide my shaking hand up his hard chest and grab the St. Michael pendant my mother gave to me.
“You’re wearing it?”
“I promised you I would.”
Wrapping my arms around his waist I press my body against his and place a tender kiss on the pendant, then another right over his heart feeling it’s fast beat on my lips. I hear his quick intake of breath when I run my tongue along his chest; loving the salty taste of his skin. He groans when I graze his nipple with my teeth. He leans down, grabbing my ass, then lifts me up. My legs wrap around his waist and my arms around his neck.
We stare into each other’s eyes while passion and need escalates between us. “Be sure about this Julia, because once we start I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. I’ve been restraining myself for far too long and I can’t anymore. I know I don’t deserve you but the thought of someone else taking this from you makes me fucking insane.”
I rest my forehead against his, “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. I need it to be you Jaxson. This is right, we are right.”
I kiss him tenderly as he starts walking us back to the bed. Laying me down he leans over me with his hands on either side of my head and stares down at me with an emotion that captures my breath, “I’m sorry, I know you deserve all that romantic shit. Like flowers and candles, everything that I don’t have right now, but I swear I’ll be good to you Julia. I’ll take care of you.”
My throat becomes painfully tight, “I don’t need any of that stuff. I just need you Jaxson.”
Shaking his head in disbelief he leans down, kissing the swell of my breast causing goosebumps to break out over my body. I sigh and thread my fingers through his hair, loving the feel of his soft lips on my skin. He trails his mouth over my taut nipple and grazes it with his teeth through the lace of my bra. I moan wanting more, wanting to feel to his mouth on my bare skin. Reaching around my back he undoes the clasp of my bra and pulls it slowly from my arms. He stares down at me with a fierce hunger that leaves me feeling breathless.
“You make me feel beautiful when you look at me like that.”
Jaxson’s gaze intensifies, “God Julia! If you only knew how beautiful I think you are you would never question it again.” He leans down and kisses me passionately till we are both out of breath, gasping for air. A soft moan escapes my lips when he cups both of my breasts.
“Jesus baby, your tits are fucking perfect. The memory of them torture me when I lay in bed at night, remembering how perfectly they filled my hands.” He rolls my nipples between his fingers creating a sharp ache between my legs. “I remember how good they felt against my tongue,” he leans down licking my nipple then closes his hot mouth over it, sucking roughly. I whimper, my body burning with so much need it’s almost painful.
He slides down my body, trailing wet kisses down my stomach and grabs the waist band of my shorts. Lifting my hips he pulls them down slowly, baring my matching lavender lace hipster panties.
“I think purple is my new favorite color,” he groans out roughly.
He pulls them all the way off then throws them behind him and kneels on the floor. Grabbing my hips he drags me to the edge of the bed and places a hot open mouth kiss to my shaking stomach. I run my fingers through his hair holding him to me tenderly, not wanting this moment to ever end.
Jaxson looks up at me and whispers: “You know what my biggest regret is from that night Julia?”
I stiffen, feeling fear when he says this, not wanting to hear the word ‘regret’ from his mouth. That’s until he says, “I regret not tasting you.” When he plants a soft kiss on top of my panties I start to feel trepidation.
“I smelled your sweet scent on my fingers that entire night when I got home and hated myself for not taking the chance I had to taste this.” He splays his hand on top of my panties, his eyes rage with an intensity that causes a shiver of arousal and apprehension through me.
“Tell me Julia,” he whispers hoarsely, “are you still bare?” He rubs his thumb up and down the middle of my panties skimming the spot that sends slight tremors through my body. My face flames from his question, embarrassing me, but it also turns me on when he talks like this to me.
I nod, worried my voice will portray my nervousness.
“That’s so fucking hot,” then he brings his nose against me taking a deep breath in. “You smell even better than I remember,” he groans sliding my panties off kissing while the inside of my thigh.
Getting to his feet Jaxson stands and stares down at my naked body. Feeling a little too exposed I go to close my legs but he grabs my knees stopping me. “Julia baby, I need you to stay right where you are. Don’t move, I need to commit this image to memory because you are the most beautiful fucking sight I have ever seen,” his voice is low and rough with arousal. Swallowing nervously I do as he asks and let him look.
After a few more seconds he groans then drops to his knees again. I stiffen when he starts trailing his tongue towards my center. I lean up on my elbows, staring at his head. The pulse between my legs is agonizing but I’m still feeling apprehensive about him doing this to me.
“Jaxson, I’m not so sure about this,” I say wearily. He looks at me now with his lips so close to my most sensitive part.
“Trust me Julia, you’re going to like this, and so am I,” then he places my legs over each of his shoulders.
My thoughts and hesitation vanish when he glides his tongue through me, “Ohhh!!” my arms give out and I drop to my back, my hips involuntarily lift to his mouth. Greedily seeking a pleasure I’ve never known. He splays his hand on my lower stomach holding my hips in place while his mouth devours me. His tongue is wet and warm and moves in me skillfully, knowing exactly where to lick.
“Jesus, you taste fucking incredible,” Jaxson’s growl brings me closer to the edge. Tangling my hands in his hair I pull it roughly, begging for something I don’t quite understand. My breathing increases as one sensation collides with the next. His tongue exerts pressure on my clit and I know I’m going to explode any second.
“Oh god, Jaxson, I think I’m going to come,” I whimper.
He groans right over my clit and that was all it took to send me crashing over the edge. Lights explode behind my eyes as sweet ecstasy fills my entire body. Somewhere, in the midst of all the sensations tearing through me, I realize I’m screaming incoherently, my voice becoming hoarse from it but I’m too lost in it all to care. When I slowly come back to reality, my breathing is harsh and my body is limp with pleasure. I open my eyes and see Jaxson undoing his belt, muttering things to himself I can’t quite catch.
I start to feel embarrassed, thinking how loud I was, “I hope the people next door didn’t hear that,” I say blushing.
Jaxson’s hot gaze snaps to mine: “Christ Julia, I’m pretty sure the whole fucking hotel heard you.”
I cover my face with my hands and groan from humiliation.
Jaxson grabs my wrists pulling my hands away and looks at me fiercely: “Don’t Julia! Don’t be embarrassed, not with me. It was so damn hot I almost came in my fucking pants.”
I look at him in surprise and give him a small smile. When I trace my fingers along his lips he grabs my hand and presses a tender kiss on the inside of my wrist. Amongst the stark hunger in his gaze there’s also affection.
I look at the condom in his hand, the reality of what we are about to do sets in and I start feeling fear. Not from giving myself to him, but of losing him. Concern darkens his expression, “What’s wrong baby? You change your mind?”
Relief flickers in his eyes when I shake my head.
I try to swallow past the lump in my throat. “Promise me Jaxson, that after this, no matter what happens, you’ll still be my friend,” my voice cracks and I close my eyes not wanting him to see the pain and fear that I’m sure is in my gaze.
“Look at me Julia!” his harsh demand has my eyes snapping open. An intense emotion has transformed his face, “I may not be able to give you the forever you deserve but I fucking promise you, I will never stop being your friend.” He kisses me hard and I wrap my arms around his neck, pouring everything I feel for him in the kiss.
Lifting his mouth from mine he trails kisses to my ear and whispers: “Are you ready baby?”
“Yes,” I say softly but with certainty.
When he stands up I scoot back to the middle of the bed and suck in a startled breath, watching as he sheathes himself with the condom.
Oh my god!! Is that size normal?
I’ve never really seen one before but that seems awfully big. I swallow, feeling fear now for what’s about to happen.
“Baby, I gotta tell you, seeing your horrified expression while staring at my dick is not good for my ego,” he says with a smirk. I know that my expression does nothing to his ego, he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
I clear my throat, “Um Jax? I don’t think this is going to work. I don’t think you’ll fit,” my face flames while my body spikes with anxiety.
The smirk on his face vanishes and a look of seriousness passes over it. He lays over me, leaning on his elbows and I feel his erection on the inside of my thigh.
“It’ll fit!” he says with certainty, “I’ll go slow, but you have to know Julia, it’s going to hurt.” I can tell it bothers him knowing I’ll feel pain and I don’t want him to change his mind. So with a big breath I nod and give him a shaky smile. Grabbing the back of his neck I bring his lips down to mine. He kisses me back aggressively, making me forget my fear.
Rising up he slowly slides the tip of himself inside me and lets out a tortured groan. Although it’s tight and uncomfortable, I think ‘ok this isn’t so bad, I can handle this’. But then I suck in a harsh breath when he slides in another inch- holy shit, OUCH!!! I reach up, wrapping my arms around him, burying my face in his neck.