Figure 8 (3 page)

You need to pull yourself together Izzy.

Why is it so easy to say but doing it is so hard?

The bath finally fills and I climb in revelling in the warm soothing feel of the water and bubbles. I lay my head down on the small suctioned bath pillow and close my eyes.

“Isabelle, your tea is ready,” Carolyn shouts from outside the door. The woman’s voice goes right through me. I hate her. I know my hate for her is irrational, she has never done anything to make me hate her apart from marrying my father, but I still hate her. I draw my knees up into my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible. “Did you hear me Isabelle?”

“Yes.”
Just fuck off.
I look at my hands, they have gone crinkly and the water has gotten cold. I suppose I should get out.

My dad had cooked Salmon with vegetables smothered in hollandaise sauce, it’s delicious but my throat is still really sore so it takes me a while to eat it. Carolyn doesn’t say a word she just sits and watches me eat before clearing away the empty plates. She is a frumpy woman in her fifties, I think; I never did bother to find out exactly how old she was. She has a tight blonde perm and always has impeccable make-up, I swear she spends more time getting ready than some supermodels, but I guess at her age she needs all the help she can get to make her look half decent. When I finish my meal I excuse myself and go to my room. Slipping on an old t-shirt I found in the wardrobe I climb into bed and let the darkness take over.

I glance over at the clock 5.30 a.m. This is what happens when I go to sleep so early. The sun has started to rise and I can hear the sound of birds chirping in the distance. I smile, living in the city, it’s not often I get to hear bird song. I love the noises that the city makes but it’s always nice to come home and enjoy the peace and quiet.

This is not your home, Izzy; this is the hag’s home.

I lean across the bed and look out of the window, it’s raining, that’s nothing new it always rains in England. It’s so peaceful, not a single soul in sight, apart from a couple of stray cats walking down the middle of the road.

I really want to go back to my own flat today, I want my own space and I need to start getting back to some semblance of normality. I’m not sure how Dad will take the news. I know he thinks he can protect me but I don’t need protecting, I don’t need mollycoddling. I need to live my life and I can’t do that here. He will have to suck it up, I am a grown woman.

You weren’t being so grown up Friday night were you?

Today is Sunday and I am meant to go in to work tonight. I work at a local bar near to our flat in the city. I love my job; it was only meant to be a part time thing when I was at university, but even when I dropped out, I still kept the job. I love meeting new people, people who don’t know me and don’t know my life. My boss is amazing and my work colleagues are fantastic. It isn’t what I plan on doing for the rest of my life but I am happy, right now. I hope Jenny hasn’t told anyone why I have been off ill. But I know she wouldn’t betray me like that. A knock at the door startles me, it opens slightly and then I see my dad’s face peeking round the side.

“Hi princess, are you awake?”
Well if I wasn’t I am now.

“Yes Daddy, I’m awake.” He enters the room, sitting on the end of the bed.

“I just wanted to check that you’re okay, I need to head to work to deal with a technical issue at the site. Will you be alright whilst I am gone?” I could really do without him smothering me right now. I know he is scared of my state of mind, but it’s really not helping me. He fidgets with his fingers, twisting them and then rubbing them together. He does this when he is nervous.

“Yes Dad, go, please don’t worry about me. I am going to go home today anyway.” He looks up with a concerned expression. “I need to get on with things Dad, I am going to go and see the counsellor. To be honest I know it sounds terrible, but I think what I did was a wakeup call. I know now that I need to do something to sort myself out.” He looks down again at his hands.

“I feel responsible Isabelle, I should have given you more support. I’m your father I should protect you.”

“Daddy, there is nothing you could have done for me, this is something I need to deal with myself.” I crawl across the bed and hold my arms out, he turns and embraces me. “I love you Daddy.”

“Promise me if you need me you will call me? I can come straight to you when you need me.”

“I promise Dad, now go before you’re late.” I smile at him as he turns and heads out of the door. The good thing about my dad is that he doesn’t linger. He can smother me at times, but he struggles with his words.

I lie back down on the pillow hoping that I can drift off again, but all I can think of is Damon, his piercing blue eyes tapping into my soul, melting me from the inside out. I am actually really excited for our appointment.

You are crazy Isabelle. Don’t I already know that?

I close my eyes and slip into a state of unconsciousness.

I am sat nervously in Damon’s office in the city. He is sat at the edge of his desk, tapping a ruler lightly on the palm of his hand. I can see the bulge in his shirt where his big muscular arms are trying to get out. His eyes are on me, undressing me. He slowly walks over and grabs my arms, pulling me in closer to him. One hand is on my back the other is on my arse. The heat radiating through me is burning. He bends down to me his lips hovering over mine waiting for my silent answer. Kiss me! As his lips find mine he slowly sinks his tongue in circling mine, tasting me and loving me. His hands skim over my breasts to the front of my buttoned shirt, slowly and methodically he starts to undo each button. I glance up and look into his eyes. He is concentrating on the task at hand determined to get me naked. His lips curve into a smile as he reaches the last button and he pushes my shirt slowly off my shoulders. “Such beautiful skin,” he murmurs. I go weak at the knees and melt into him, nuzzling into his chest as his hands skim over my skin. He looks down and his lips find mine again, taking me with reverence. His fingers find my nipples and they harden at his touch, tweaking and twisting lightly. His lips leave mine and I feel empty until they move down and close around my left breast. Biting and sucking. I can feel a build up inside of me, an intense pressure begging to release. I whip my head back and cry out as the fireworks ignite inside me.

I wake with a start.

Holy fucking cow!

I feel dampness in between my legs. That’s what has woken me from my erotic dream, a mind shattering orgasm. That has never happened to me before. I get up out of bed, my legs still feeling slightly shaky from the eruption and head for the shower. This is crazy, how can I be feeling these things and having erotic dreams over someone I have met only once?

I told you Izzy, you’re a nut case and you need sectioning.

I laugh at myself in the mirror.

Get a grip woman and sort your head out.

I shower quickly and get dressed. I pack my bag up; put my phone and charger in then head downstairs. The hag isn’t awake yet so I quietly sneak out the front door and head down the road. I head towards the tram station and jump on the first tram heading to Deansgate station. As I sit on the tram I remember my dream, squirming in my seat I try to forget all about it
.
That is easier said than done though; it was just so intense, so new and so damn hot. The ding of the announcer informing me that we have arrived at my stop pulls me out of my reverie. Once I get off it’s just a short walk to the studio flat that I live in with my best friend.

I pull my keys out of my bag as the front door flies open. Jenny grabs me and hauls me into her for the biggest hug I have ever had.

“Oh my god Izzy, you fucking crazy, crazy girl. I thought I had lost you.” She is angry with me, but I can sense the relief in her voice. She smacks me lightly on the arm.

“Jenny, it’s so good to see you too.” I smile “Please forgive me,” I beg. I look up at her; she looks stunning even in her pink flannelette pyjamas, her wavy blonde hair pulled up into an unkempt bun, her light green eyes bright and wide.

“Of course I forgive you, but don’t you ever, ever put me through that again. I was going out of my mind. I wanted to stay at the hospital with you but your dad made me come home and then you went to his house I didn’t want to intrude, your dad seemed really distraught and work has called for you and I didn’t know what to tell them if you wanted people to know so I just told them that you had been really poorly and ….”

I sigh, “Breathe Jenny, breathe, I’m here now it’s okay.” I snigger slightly. She has a habit of just rambling on and not coming up for air.

“Are you going to let me get into the flat or am I gonna stand in the doorway like a lemon all day?” I smile

“Sorry,” she splutter’s holding the door open so I can get into the warmth of the flat.

I head over to the kitchen island and flick on the kettle, I am dying for a cuppa. I knew that I would have to contend with over protective people for at least a few weeks. I know I have been so stupid, but I couldn’t see another way out, I felt so alone and I wanted my mom so badly, I just thought if I could be with her again everything would be so much better. I shake my head remembering my pep talk.

New Beginnings.

“Here’s your tea.” Jenny offers me the cup “I have to go to work for a few hours, do you need anything whilst I’m gone?” I roll my eyes at her “I’m fine honestly, stop being such a worry wart. I will be here when you get back,” I sigh. She looks at me and I can sense the worry on her face.

Nodding she turns and heads to the bedroom, twenty-five minutes later she comes back, hair and makeup perfect and dressed in jeans and her works t-shirt. I hate that she can always look so amazing with minimal effort. I watch her leave the flat and give her a half-hearted wave as she closes the door behind her. I head to my room, grabbing my duvet and pillow from my bed and take them back to the sofa. This is what I need a duvet day. I turn the TV on and start flicking through the channels, eventually settling on some trashy film. I lie back relaxing and drift off into a dreamless peaceful sleep.

The Monday morning sun creeps into my room through the curtains. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world after a wonderful night’s sleep. I glance over to my alarm, 7.30am; I’ve slept for 12 solid hours. After spending most of yesterday asleep and then watching trashy TV with Jenny for most of the evening when she arrived home from work, I am feeling a lot better and happier than I have in a while. I get up out of bed with a spring in my step and head out of my room. Jenny sits at the breakfast bar nursing a cup of tea and a hangover. I think she had a few too many glasses of wine last night, whilst I abstained from drinking due to the painkillers I had taken for my sore throat.

“Good morning, Jen,” I say maybe a little too chirpily. All I get in return is a snort and a grunt. “Pain killers are in the cupboard.” I chuckle to myself.

Heading in to the bathroom I glance at my reflection in the mirror. Maybe I should have a pamper day today. My nails are cracked and broken, my hair is messy and my skin is too pale. Shouting out of the door, I ask Jenny if she fancies joining me. Her green eyes sparkle at the sound of a spa day and she nods in appreciation. I turn on the shower revelling in the warmth of the water. I wash my hair and lather soap into my whole body, I don’t bother shaving I think I will have a wax. I get out, brush my teeth and head to my bedroom to get dressed and blow-dry my hair. Putting my wavy brown locks up into a messy bun I head out of my room to see if Jenny is ready. Four hours later and feeling amazing we burst back through the door of our flat.