Finding Ashlynn (2 page)

Two boys immediately stood and went straight to the door together. They locked hands just as they were leaving. Another group left together as well. The only people left were the advisers, Jenna and her friend Stella, and Ash.

And Ash didn’t want to go home yet.

Stella and Jenna walked out of the small room, and Ash watched without tearing her eyes away from them. She quickly grabbed her backpack and popped up from the chair, ready to follow them out. Good grief, that made her sound like some freaking stalker or something. Really, she wanted to ask them if she could be a part of their world for a night, maybe longer, only because the world Ash lived in every day sucked so royally.

“Hey,” she said, jogging over to Jenna and Stella before they climbed into what she assumed to be Stella’s car. When Ash called out to them, they both turned around—Stella at the driver’s side, Jenna at the hood. “Can I hang out with you guys?”

The girls exchanged a quick glance. Stella said, “I think I’m going dancing tonight, but if you guys want to hang….”

“You’re my ride home,” Jenna reminded her.

“I can take you home,” Ash offered.

Stella gave Jenna a wink and a grin.

Ash worried her bottom lip.

A few too many quiet minutes passed before Jenna finally agreed to ride with her. A rush of happiness hit Ash like a bulldozer plowing through a brick building. It took everything she had in her not to hop up and down and squeal out into the stars. No way could Ash make a fool of herself in front of the girl she’d sort of been crushing on since the moment she’d laid eyes on her, like, what… three hours ago?

She didn’t, however, stop the grin spreading from ear to ear. She couldn’t, even if she wanted to.

Her car wasn’t the greatest. It barely got her from point A to point B. The body had been rusting for a while, and who knew the last time the tires were changed? They were about as bald as her third period Biology teacher. She couldn’t afford better, though. She didn’t have a job, and her dad’s paycheck barely got them by. The vehicle embarrassed the hell out of her; so much so, she almost regretted asking Jenna if she wanted a ride.

“Sorry,” Ash mumbled as she reached into the passenger side to clear some junk out of the seat. “People don’t normally ride with me.”

“It’s okay, Ash. You don’t have to apologize,” Jenna said as she waited for Ash to clean the mess from the seat.

It was mainly papers from school, books and a few CDs, even a pack of used bass guitar strings. Ash hugged it all tight to her chest, and when she swung around to put it in the backseat, she embarrassed herself again.

“Can you, um… grab the door for me?”

Jenna immediately reached for the back door and opened it wide; then she moved out of the way so Ash could put even more litter back there.

Jeez, she sooo needed to clean the freakin’ car.

When Jenna climbed inside, the door creaked badly enough to make Ash cringe, like fingernails raking down a chalkboard. She just knew she wasn’t making a good impression on this chick. She just knew Jenna came from money and comfort and a huge house in the ’burbs where people took care of their yards and had dogs named Spot. Jenna had that look about her—hair and clothes neat, perfect skin, perfect smile. She wasn’t from the wrong side of the tracks like Ash.

Ash hurried around the car and climbed into the driver’s seat. It took a few twists of the key before the car finally cranked, and when it did, it blared loud, raunchy punk music. Jenna flinched. Ash quickly reached over to turn the stereo down. “Sorry,” she said again, and she would probably apologize fifteen more times before the night ended.

“You don’t have to keep saying sorry,” Jenna offered.

“The music probably scared the hell out of you. I’m just not used to having people in my car.”

“I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Nothing’s wrong with your car. You don’t have to worry.”

“I….” Ash gave her a tight-lipped half smile, then finally said, “Okay.”

She pulled out of the community center’s parking lot and into traffic. Her little car jerked and sputtered but eventually found its happy place among the high-end SUVs and sedans cruising the nicer side of town.

“I live in Wood Grove,” Jenna said, and didn’t that just put the icing on the cake?

Wood Grove was a neighborhood full of split-level cookie-cutters—houses with three or more bedrooms, with backyards bigger than the apartment Ash and her daddy shared. They had multi-car garages and swimming pools. It was the neighborhood everyone went to just to see its Christmas lights. No one there drove a car more than a few years old, even the teenagers.

It was then Ash realized how far out of her league Jenna really was.

With Jenna’s guidance, they finally arrived at the posh suburb, and just as Ash expected, Jenna lived in one of the most gorgeous houses on the block, with the most immaculate landscaping and uplights to show the whole palace off.

Ash gripped the wheel tight as she pulled up to the curb—brakes squealing, motor humming a little too loudly. She put it in park, and her little beater backfired loud enough to knot Ash’s gut. She didn’t unfasten her seatbelt and climb out, didn’t assume Jenna wanted to be caught dead with the likes of someone like her, and she was just about to say “forget it” and drive back to her own side of the tracks, when Jenna said, “You wanna come in?”

“Is it okay?” Ash asked.

“Sure. My parents don’t mind me having company.”

“I meant….”
Shut up, Ash. Shut. Up.
“Never mind. I’ll come in.”

“You won’t get in trouble, will you?” Jenna asked. “Do you have a curfew or something?”

“Or something.” Ash climbed out of the car, the door squeaking so loud it echoed through the quiet, empty streets of suburbia. Jenna followed suit, then started toward the driveway. Ash kept talking. “My dad is probably still at work, and when he gets home, he usually goes right to bed. He works like… three jobs now, I think.”

“Oh wow. Do you ever get to see him?”

“Not really.” Ash shrugged. “Between school and the band, I’m gone all the time anyway. And when he gets home, I’m usually in bed already. Sunday is my best chance to see him.”

“That has to be hard.”

“Eh.” Ash shrugged. “It is what it is.”

Jenna dug around in her purse, probably searching for a key. She muttered quiet curses about how her purse sucked and she could never find anything in that black hole of a handbag. Ash only half-listened. Her attention stayed on Jenna, but more the way Jenna looked under the coppery streetlight—the way it made her creamy skin look a lot more tan and almost glowing, the way the light shimmered in her hair. Ash sighed

God, I want to kiss her.

“Found it!” Jenna proclaimed as she tore the key from the mess inside her purse.

She bounced up the concrete steps. Ash followed her down the path, past the little arrangements of colorful flowers, past the proud American flag whipping in the wind. For a moment, just one brief moment, Ash wished she had a life like Jenna’s. She wished she lived in this kind of neighborhood and came from money. She wished she didn’t have to fear for her life every time she got near her apartment.

She kept telling herself this was a huge mistake. She didn’t belong there and shouldn’t have gone there. Fate might’ve put them in the same room, but it wouldn’t take away all their hurdles, the things that would drive a wedge between them if they ever tried to spend any real time together. Kids like her and Jenna didn’t become friends, and they damn sure didn’t date each other. Not that she wanted to date Jenna or—or did she?

“You coming in?” Jenna asked.

Ash hadn’t even noticed her opening the front door. Now Jenna stood in a halo of white light and cream-colored walls. The scent of cleanliness—like sandalwood and furniture polish—wafted out from behind her.

“Maybe I should go,” Ash finally said.

“Why?” Jenna asked as she stepped back out onto the porch.

“Because I don’t belong here.”

“What do you mean?” Jenna frowned. She looked sincerely disappointed, and for a moment, Ash thought she could push aside her concern just to be close to the other girl.

“I gotta go, Jen. I….” Ash shook her head. “I’ll see you Friday, ’kay?”

Before Jenna could say another word or ask her to please stay, Ash spun on the hard soles of her heavy boots, then quickly took off down the driveway.

She reached her car and immediately climbed inside, swearing to herself she wouldn’t look back up at Jenna. But the moment the girl’s name flitted through her brain, she turned her stare toward the house.

Jenna still stood in the doorway, beneath the glow of the bright white light behind her, arms crossed over her chest. She kept her eyes on Ash, and Jenna’s stare made her feel ten times worse. This cowardice and weakness, this stupid envy, wasn’t like Ash. She was the strong one in her crowd of friends, the fun one, the social one, the one everybody adored. She was the free spirit and the comedian.

This shy, scared little girl had to go.

Admittedly, watching Ash drive away hurt a little bit. Jenna didn’t know if it was something she’d said or done. She didn’t understand why Ash would think she didn’t belong there. Why Ash would get all the way out to Wood Grove, then speed away before they had a chance to hang out or talk or—anything, really? It just didn’t make any sense.

Sighing, Jenna turned and went inside, then locked the door behind her. Her parents were sitting on the couch, watching one of those Discovery Channel shows they both loved so much. Jenna wouldn’t bother them. She planned to sneak on by and head up to her room, but then her father called her name and stopped her before her foot hit the first step.

“How was your night?” he asked when she appeared in the arched doorway leading into the more than abundant living room.

“Good, Daddy. Same old thing, really. We had a new girl come in.”

“Yeah?” They both sat up on the couch, curiosity painted all over their faces.

“Yeah, she actually brought me home.”

“What happened to Stella?” her mother asked.

“She wanted to go out dancing. Ashlynn was going to hang out, but she decided not to.” Jenna shrugged. “I don’t know why.”

“Hmm….” Her dad frowned. “It is pretty late. Maybe she had to go home.”

“Maybe. I think I’m going to head to bed.”

“Okay,” he said. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Daddy. Love you, Mom.”

“Love you too, sweetheart. Don’t forget you’re going shopping with me tomorrow,” her mother added as Jenna headed out of the dimly lit room. She acknowledged her mother with a nod and a smile, then took off up the stairs to her bedroom.

She didn’t really think about shopping with her mother. In fact, she didn’t think about anything or anyone other than Ash. The purple-haired doll should’ve been there right now, should’ve been following Jenna up the stairs to her bedroom, where they would’ve watched movies and hung out. They would’ve gotten to know each other and made plans to hang out again. What sucked the most was she hadn’t thought to get Ashlynn’s number before the girl had taken off.

Epic-freakin’-fail, Jenna.

Eh, it was probably for the best anyway. Usually, when people found out about Jenna’s true ethnicity, they freaked a little. Some bolted. Some didn’t. The black kids didn’t really accept her because she looked so white, and the white kids didn’t accept her because her hair wasn’t like theirs and her skin had a sheen to it they didn’t understand. People tended to fear what they didn’t get.

There were a few exceptions to the rule—Stella being one of those special few, and the second she thought about Stella, a text came through. It said,
Hope you’re having a good time
, with one of those little winky faces Stella always loved to use.

Jenna debated not replying, but she almost never left Stella hanging like that. They shared absolutely everything, news about girlfriends—or rather, potential girlfriends—included.

She didn’t stay
, Jenna replied, and almost immediately, the phone rang.

“What do you mean ‘she didn’t stay’?” Stella asked. The surprise in her voice wasn’t lost on Jenna. In fact, her bestie almost sounded a little disappointed.

“She got out of the car, acted like she was going to come in and hang out, but she didn’t. She said she had to go and she would see me Friday night.”

“What’s that all about?”

“I don’t know.”

“Damn, sweetie, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Jenna said with a sigh. “Me too. She acted like she needed someone to talk to, and I thought I was going to be helpful or whatever. I planned on listening and answering any questions she might’ve had, but she didn’t give me a chance to, like… be there for her or whatever.”

“Maybe she wasn’t ready yet,” Stella suggested. “Maybe she didn’t realize how late it was. Maybe she had to get home.”

“Maybe. Hey, I don’t hear music. I thought you went dancing.”

Stella didn’t immediately say anything. Jenna heard the door close and what sounded like sheets rustling. She heard Stella take a deep breath, then exhale sharply. “I went to the club, but I wasn’t really feeling it. Besides, I wasn’t dressed for dancing, ya know? I ended up going to Starbucks to grab a coffee and change in the bathroom. The place wasn’t busy, so no one noticed a boy stepping out of the women’s restroom. I came on home and decided to go to bed early.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. It’s fine,” Stella said, but she didn’t sound fine at all.

“You can always spend the night here if you want to.”

“Maybe tomorrow night. I’m already in bed.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Night, baby girl.”

“Night, Stella.”
Or was it Steven now?

S
O
,
so very, very stupid
, Ash silently repeated to herself all the way home. For thirty long minutes, she beat herself up for running away from the first girl she’d been genuinely interested in, like… ever. Jenna was so beautiful and the exact type of girl Ash once wanted to be—actually
still
wanted to be. Not to mention Jenna had to be the most interesting person Ash had ever met. Jenna had already been through and dealt with all the things Ash now faced. Yet Ash still ran away like a scared little girl.