Finding Ashlynn (8 page)

All those sweet, perfect words Ash said to Jenna, she meant every single one of them, but those flowery words didn’t do a damn thing for the feelings she had. No, she wanted Jenna in the worst possible way, even though she honestly had no clue how she would do the deed once they got to that point,
if
they got to that point. The only sex she’d ever had had been with a guy, and he’d done all the work. So while she played her silly seductive game and pretended to know what she was doing, she felt so lost and scared on the inside, probably just as scared as Jenna.

She watched as Jenna pulled her jeans down and kicked them across the room, watched as the girl who knew how to take her breath away climbed into the sleep pants Ash had handed her, watched as those beautiful thighs and colorful panties disappeared from her sight. Then Ash watched as that same intelligent, intoxicating girl climbed into bed and curled around her pillow, just like she had the first night they’d been together.

Ash wanted to be her pillow.

Ash wanted to feel Jenna snuggle against her.

Ash wanted….

“You look like you’re deep in thought,” Jenna said, derailing that train fast. “Is everything okay? I mean, this wasn’t disappointing to you, was it?”

With a soft smile, Ash climbed into the bed beside her and curled toward Jenna, sharing the edge of her pillow. She was close enough to smell Jenna’s flowery perfume, close enough to hear the subtle sound of her breathing, close enough to kiss those wonderfully soft lips.

Ash swallowed. “No, I’m not disappointed. I mean, I am, but I’m not.” She frowned. “Does that even make any sense?”

“Yeah,” Jenna said with a hint of laughter. “It makes perfect sense.”

“Don’t feel pressured, ’kay? Don’t take my disappointment as a bad thing. It’s not, I swear. I just… wanna be with you, ya know? So don’t, like… freak or whatever. I’m here and I don’t want anyone else.”
God, the rambling again.

Jenna didn’t respond, not with words, anyway. She only smiled and rolled a bit closer, curling against Ash’s chest. Her dark eyes met Ash’s stare for the briefest moment before her lids fluttered and her long brown lashes licked against her cheek. She looked so tired, and Ash couldn’t blame her. Jenna must’ve had a hell of a day after the way Ash had hung up on her last night.

“Tomorrow,” Jenna said, “will you stay and have breakfast with my parents?”

“If you want me to, sure.”

“I want you to.”

“Will you come to see my band practice?”

“Absolutely. I would love to see you play.”

“So it’s a date, then?”

“Yeah, it’s a date,” Jenna said with wide grin.

Ash kissed her forehead and hugged her tight. She said, “Get some sleep. You need it.”

But Jenna’s eyes were closed before those words left Ash’s lips. Ash listened to Jenna’s breathing, watched the way her chest rose and fell, and Ash couldn’t have been happier to be there, holding such a tender, loving girl in her arms. It sort of felt like a miracle, all things considered.

At one point, Ash had honestly believed she wasn’t going to find that special someone. She didn’t think there was anyone out there who could possibly be the “everything” she wanted in a significant other. At one point, she didn’t know if the person who would end up stealing her heart would be a boy or girl, but as she lay in the bed with the most incredible girl in the world beside her, she knew this was right. She knew beyond a shadow of doubt, Jenna was the one. If not forever, then for right now.

That last thought faded into dreams Ash didn’t remember having once the sun spilled into Jenna’s bedroom. She felt the bed shift, then felt the warmth she’d been curled around all night pull away from her. The absence of that warmth left behind a bitter cold intrusion, and Ash dipped deeper under the covers to save herself the agony.

“Are you waking up?” Jenna asked from somewhere across the room.

Ash peeked out from the edge of the bed. “Do I have to?”

“Don’t you smell the bacon?”

“I smell….” Ash took a deep breath. “I smell myself. I need a shower.”

Jenna laughed. “You smelled fine to me.”

“I don’t think you were smelling me. That had to be your perfume.”

Sitting up in the bed, the covers tumbled down Ash’s body. She stretched and yawned, then groaned and curled back into herself. She scrubbed her fingers through her knotted, sleep-tousled hair.

“You’re staying for breakfast, right?” Jenna asked.

“Yeah, but I gotta bail right after so I can shower and change for practice. You’re still coming, right?”

“Of course.”

“Jenna,” Jenna’s mom called from outside the bedroom door.

The sound of her voice made Ash’s heart stop for a second. They were so totally busted for… for what? What had they done that was so improper and impure it warranted being in trouble? Nothing. Abso-freakin’-lutely nothing. They’d pretty much behaved like angels last night, well… almost like angels. There were those few minutes of naked time on the bed, but nothing happened. Jenna still had her virtue as far as Ash knew.

“Come on,” Jenna said, grabbing Ash’s hand. She pulled Ash with enough force to get her to her feet. Ash groaned and whimpered and tried to get back to the bed. “She’ll get upset if we don’t come down to eat.”

Magic words.
“Yeah. No. Let’s not upset your mom.”

They kept their hands locked together as they climbed down the stairs. Jenna led Ash through an obnoxiously huge living room and into an equally huge kitchen. The two rooms combined were bigger than Ash’s apartment, and she tried to keep her eyes from popping out of her skull as she took it all in.

“Did you two sleep well?” Jenna’s mom asked.

Ash quickly pulled her hand away before the woman looked up and caught them being a little more than friendly with their fingers.

“Yes, ma’am,” Jenna answered, though she was frowning at Ash.

“What about you, Ashlynn? Did you sleep well? Do you feel better?”

Ash blinked a few times. Obviously Jenna had talked about her when she wasn’t around, and the thought of the girl she adored so much having conversation with the parentals did something for Ash’s heart. It made her warm on the inside and warm in her cheeks. She bit her lip for a moment before giving a nervous reply.

“Oh, um… yes, ma’am.”

“That’s great. You two have a seat at the table. Your father should be down in a second.”

Jenna pulled one of the six chairs out from the overly elegant kitchen table and nodded for Ash to sit down. Ash did without question, assuming they had regular seats they sat in and Jenna was just doing her a favor. Then Jenna went back to grab a pitcher of milk and a carafe of OJ from the fridge while her mom set out the breakfast spread—biscuits, bacon, eggs, hash-browns, and something that looked like homemade jelly. It was more food than Ash had seen in a very, very long time and, as the different smells wafted up and filled her nose, her mouth started to water and her stomach started to growl. But she didn’t immediately dig in like normal. Ash didn’t know if Jenna’s family was the type to say a prayer before stuffing their faces, and the last thing she wanted to do was disrespect her prospective girlfriend’s family.

Heavy footfalls slapped against the floor behind them. Ash couldn’t help turning around, even though she knew she would find Jenna’s very large father walking into the room. She spun around in time to catch Jenna leaning up to kiss her daddy’s cheek. He smiled and gave her a hug before joining Ash at the table. Ash tried not to stare.

“Ashlynn, right?” Jenna’s father asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“Glad you could join us for breakfast,” he said.

“Thank you for having me.”
Remember your manners.

“You plan on eating that?” He nodded toward the pile of food in front of her.

When he picked up his fork and dug in, Ash silently said her thanks and followed his lead. She didn’t do well with breakfast table prayers, or prayers at all, for that matter. A bad experience at church as a child sort of put her off the idea of praying to any sort of god ever again.

By the end of breakfast, she realized she adored Jenna’s parents almost as much as she adored Jenna. They were both smart and funny and extremely loving. They accepted their daughter without question and seemed to love her unconditionally. What wasn’t to love about Jenna, though?

Before Ash knew it, noon was fast approaching, and practice started at three. She hated to say good-bye but really had no choice if she wanted to get to the garage on time. Jenna walked her out to her car, and she stole one last kiss and promised Jenna they would see each other again, then she tore out of there and headed home with the lingering taste of Jenna’s sweet kiss still on her lips.

H
ALF
past three, and Jenna still hadn’t heard from Ash. She tried like hell not to worry, but she couldn’t help herself. At this point, she thought she wouldn’t hear from the girl she only wanted to spend, like… every single waking freaking moment with.

She held her phone in one hand, worried her bottom lip with the other, and paced back and forth across the expanse of her bedroom—from the bookshelf to the bed, from the bed to the desk, then back again. Her happy little world felt like it was slowly crumbling away.

The sound of her phone chiming startled her so badly, not only did she jump, but the phone fell from her hand. Exhaling sharply, she bent down to pick it up, and when she looked at the screen, she had a new message from Ash. It was the address of the place where she was supposed to meet Ash for band practice.

The wave of relief that hit her wasn’t like anything she’d ever experienced. She’d never worried about something so much before, never had that nail-biting, waiting for word, heart-stopping moment where everything in the world hung from a tightly pulled string and one gentle pluck had the potential to ruin it all. Sure, the world wouldn’t have truly ended had Ash not texted her, but that’s how it felt right now. And that’s when Jenna realized how badly she’d fallen for Ash.

On her way out the front door, she sent back a text saying she was on the way and would be there within twenty minutes. Ash didn’t respond, but she didn’t need to.

The entire drive over to Ash’s practice space, Jenna processed the truth about her feelings for the purple-haired punky bass player who’d waltzed into her world about three weeks ago, who never left despite them being worlds apart. It seemed so damn ridiculous and so freaking immature to have feelings for someone so fast, but Jenna couldn’t help herself. She’d had that moment where time froze and nothing around her existed because the other part of her soul had walked into the room, and Jenna had recognized it immediately. It was that love at first sight fairytale crap that—until this point—Jenna didn’t really believe in. She’d hoped, but never really had faith that such a thing actually existed.

The GPS on her phone chirped, saying her destination was on the right. She saw Ash’s little car with all the stickers littering the back window. Jenna didn’t know what half that stuff meant but thought them cute nonetheless, simply because they were such a big representation of everything Ash.

Music poured out of the little house. It sounded like it was coming from inside the attached garage, but Jenna couldn’t be certain. So instead of assuming, she stood in the driveway and sent a text to Ash saying she’d arrived.

It only took a few minutes before the music died down and the side door cracked open. Ash stepped out into the sunlight, face glistening with sweat, hair plastered to her face. She still looked beautiful, as gorgeous as Jenna had ever seen her. And the smile on Ash’s face shone as bright as the full afternoon sun beaming down from the sky.

“Hey,” Ash said as she approached. She didn’t hesitate, stepping right up to Jenna and planting her lips over hers.

For Jenna, kissing Ash felt as natural as breathing. It was comfortable and she welcomed the touch of Ash’s mouth, welcomed that sincere, intimate moment with everything she was. Jenna became so lost in the kiss, she hooked her fingers on the belt loops of Ash’s jeans and pulled her closer—forgetting there could be anyone to witness their more-than-friendly moment, forgetting Ash hadn’t come out to anyone, and that little rendezvous beneath the sun would totally give her away.

With a gasp, Jenna pulled away and quickly looked around. There was no one there. She hadn’t outed anyone. Ash’s secret was still safe, and the world could continue to spin on its axis.

“What’s wrong?” Ash asked. A frown contorted her beautiful features.

“I didn’t want you to get caught,” Jenna breathlessly admitted as she wiped the kiss from her lips.

“It’s okay out here. The band knows. Robbie, the singer, was the first person I came out to. She’s the one who told me about the group.”

“So I guess I should thank her, then?” Jenna smirked.

“Depends on how this thing between us goes, I suppose.”

“How would you define this ‘thing’ between us?”

“I don’t know. How would you define it?” Ash countered as she leaned against the trunk of her little red beater.

Jenna took a step forward, closing the hint of distance between them. She pressed against Ash, hooked her fingers on her belt loops again, and leaned up to Ash’s ear. She whispered, “I want to call you my girlfriend. Is it too soon for that?”

Ash finally said, “I want to be your girlfriend.”

When Ash spoke, Jenna felt her warm breath caress the side of her neck. Jenna’s lips dried and her eyes closed. Her heart skipped a beat.

Ash’s hands splayed over the small of her back, pulling Jenna so tight against her body their breasts pressed together through layers of T-shirts and padded bras. Jenna could pretend all that cloth wasn’t there. She could pretend they were back in her bed with no clothes keeping them apart, feeling the warmth of Ash’s flesh against hers. The thought stole the breath from Jenna’s body.

A chorus of whistles and catcalls finally mercilessly shoved them back into reality. Jenna immediately pulled away, tugging at her clothes just in case her fantasies had somehow wrestled them out of place. She nervously tucked ringlets of hair behind her ear as Ash shot a glance over her shoulder.