For Myself Alone: A Jane Austen Inspired Novel (8 page)

Further remonstration proved pointless. I had no choice but to let the subject drop for the moment, hoping that my word of caution would serve to reign in my friend’s enthusiasm for Mr. Cox. Although my solicitude for Arthur knew no bounds, Mr. Cox would have to look out for himself, as Agnes suggested. I was unwilling to jeopardize my friendship with her by officious interference on his behalf.

12

Richard Returns

The additional diversions generated by Agnes’s presence went a long way toward consoling me for the absence of Mr. Pierce. Yet at certain times, I could not help but miss his particular attentions. A dance held less pleasure because he was not my partner. No one solicited my company half as earnestly as I had become accustomed to Richard doing. And when I was alone, my thoughts inevitably wandered back to dwell on him – the way I felt when he looked at me, his ability to make me laugh at the oddest things, my thrill of pride in knowing that he preferred me above any other. Only the fact that the separation was temporary made the deprivation tolerable. All these reflections added strength to my growing conviction that, indeed, I was in love with him.

I weathered the first fortnight of Mr. Pierce’s absence without too much consternation, but my courage wore more ragged with each succeeding day. I began to watch for him round town, to stare out the windows in the hope of catching the earliest possible glimpse of his return, and to examine the incoming post for word of when he could be expected. He would not take the liberty of writing to me directly, yet I reasoned he might send word to me through my father. At last, his letter came. My patience was tested to its limit as I waited for Papa to read it through.

“Good news, my child,” he said when he had finally finished. “Your Mr. Pierce has nearly concluded his business and will soon be free to return to us.”

“How soon? Does he say when we may look for him?”

“I apprehend that it cannot be soon enough to suit you, eh?”

“Do not tease me, Papa. When is he coming?”

“In two or three days, if I understand him correctly. He begs to introduce his father to me at the first opportunity.”

“What else? Is there more?”

“He gives some narrative about his travels, the nature of his business, and so forth. Oh, and he makes a particular point of sending his regards to my family, saying he will not be satisfied until he is back amongst us. Perhaps you would like to read the letter yourself, my dear. I make no doubt that it was written more for your benefit than mine.”

After I had spent fifteen minutes alone in my room with Richard’s letter, Agnes knocked and let herself in. “Well?” she asked. 

“Oh, Agnes, Richard will be here Thursday – Friday at the latest – and you shall meet him. Then you shall see for yourself why I love him.”

“So you
do
love him, then? And do you have your answer ready for him as well?”

I took a deep breath, in and out. “Yes, I am ready.”

~~*~~

I endured the torture of the next two days, which seemed to crawl by at a snail’s pace, in a state of heightened suspense. Had I been forced to confine myself to the house, the tension would have been unbearable. Fortunately, a break in the weather allowed me to relieve my restlessness by stalking the length and breadth of Bath with Agnes struggling along at my side.

“Pray, do slacken your pace, Josephine!” pleaded Agnes as we made our way up Bond Street. “I cannot keep up with you. Hurrying your gait will not bring him back any sooner, you know.”

“What? Oh, I am sorry. I did not realize.”

“Distraction, irritability, thoughtlessness – yes, these are all very promising signs. Now, if you should go so far as to forget your own name, the case for love will be settled beyond a doubt.”

“Agnes, really, you mustn’t mock me so! Surely you can understand how I feel, how eager I am for Mr. Pierce’s return. Have you not felt the same yourself in anticipation of seeing Arthur again after a separation?”

“Oh, Arthur and I have been acquainted so long that his comings and goings no longer inspire such severe agitation. Look,” she said, and I followed her direction. “Are not those your friends, Miss Graham and Mr. Ramsey, coming out of that shop at the turning of the road? Perhaps they will be good enough to engage you in conversation so that I may recover my breath.”

The chance meeting was very agreeable to me as well. Since Agnes’s arrival, I had seen little of Susan and Mr. Ramsey. I missed the easy camaraderie Richard and I had shared with them during the past month. After greeting the couple, I communicated the good news of our mutual friend’s impending return.

“Capital!” said Mr. Ramsey. “We shall have to celebrate. What do you say to a little party, Miss Walker, the first night he is back?”

“I would be delighted, Mr. Ramsey, but it does not depend upon me. Mr. Pierce’s father is coming with him; his plans must take precedence.”

“What sort of a man is he, Jo?” asked Susan. “My father has known him for years, but I have never set eyes on him myself. What has Mr. Pierce told you about him?”

“Well, Richard says he is a good man at heart, but that his reserved nature tends to put people off at first. Still, I think there may be more to it than that. I gather that Mr. Pierce has very definite opinions about everything of consequence, and he will brook no opposition to his authority. I know Richard never dares to cross him, so he is clearly not a man to be trifled with.”

“Good lord!” cried Susan. “No wonder you look a bundle of nerves. With such a description in mind, I shall be more than a little intimidated to meet the man myself, though it does not signify in the least what he thinks of me. How much worse for you!”

“So much depends upon his approval that I cannot help trembling a little at the possibility of being examined and found wanting.”

“Take courage, Miss Walker. I am sure Pierce is right; you will win the old man over the moment he meets you,” said Mr. Ramsey, confidently. “My dear Susan faces a far more daunting trial. She must convince my contentious mother that she is worthy of keeping company with her darling son. Since my father died, my mother’s rule has been absolute. There is no one more fastidious where her children are concerned, no one more vigilant in guarding the nest against the undeserving. Even without meeting old Mr. Pierce, I can assure you that you have the better bargain.”

“They sound like two of a kind, your mother and the senior Mr. Pierce,” said I. “I wonder what would happen if two such strong-minded people ever met. They would either get on famously or, more probably, end at each other’s throats, I should think. What is your opinion, Mr. Ramsey?”

“I think you may be right, and we should perhaps take care not to attempt such a volatile experiment.”

~~*~~

By Thursday afternoon – the earliest moment that Mr. Pierce could be expected – my impatient wanderings necessarily came to a close. I refused to stir from the house again for fear of missing his visit. At about two o’clock, he came, his father with him. But in those first few moments, I had regard for Richard alone. I drank in the sight of him, anxious to reassure myself that he was the same man I had fallen in love with, and that he was truly mine. Our eyes met, my heart leapt, and all was confirmed.

It was far from the reunion of joyful abandon for which I might have hoped, however. The senior Mr. Pierce’s presence ensured that the meeting was marked by an awkward tension rather than the rekindling of more tender emotions. Unlike me, my mother and father had been given no reason to suppose Mr. Randolph Pierce unpleasant or to fear their own inadequacy. Consequently, they received him with more equanimity than I could boast on the occasion.

Mr. Pierce did not have the look of a man expecting to be pleased. Nevertheless, upon being introduced to me, he said, “I am delighted to make your acquaintance, Miss Walker. My son told me so many good things about you and your family that I made up my mind to come to Bath without further delay, in order to meet you for myself. Richard is not inclined to exaggeration, so I fully anticipate finding that his praise is well deserved.” His stern voice and grim countenance unfortunately detracted from this generous sentiment. Hence, the compliment was little felt.

“I am honored to meet you, sir,” I answered with tolerable composure. “I hope your son has not built us up too high. I would hate to disappoint your expectations, Mr. Pierce. We are a very ordinary set of people.”

“Your modesty does you credit, I am sure, Miss Walker.” He flattered me with a stiff bow and the faint intention of a smile before turning back to my father.

Conversation continued in the drawing room, the older generation supplying the lion’s share with periodic contributions from Richard and even less frequent offerings by Agnes and myself. The senior Mr. Pierce clearly lacked the easy, inviting manners of his son, but I noticed he took great pains to be courteous and civil at all times. I suppose such an exertion could not long be sustained; after only half an hour, the gentlemen took their leave, agreeing to return the following day for a longer visit to include dinner.

Before they departed, Richard managed to take me aside for a few moments. “He likes you already, my dear,” he whispered. “And your parents made a good first impression as well. I told you there was nothing to fear.”

“I am vastly relieved to hear it, although how you can be convinced of his approbation so soon, I cannot imagine. To me, he seemed aloof, almost cold.”

“That is just his way. He cannot help his reserved nature. He was trying to please, though, which is a good sign.”

“Then I yield to your better judgment in the matter. Will I see you later, Richard? Mr. Ramsey thought we might celebrate your return.”

“No, though I would like nothing better, believe me. I must spend the evening with my father. He would not take kindly to being abandoned on his first night in a strange place. We have made a good beginning here today, Jo. I daren’t risk turning the old man against us now.”

“Of course. It is only that you were away so long. I had hoped…”

“I know. It was deuced difficult to leave you in the first place, and nearly as hard to be back now without yet being free to… But we must be patient a little longer. It will be worth it in the end.” With that, he quickly pressed my hand to his lips and was gone.

Richard’s confident words notwithstanding, I was far from sanguine after this brief, first meeting. I soon turned to my friend for reassurance. “What is your opinion, Agnes? Do you like Richard? What did you think of his father? Do you really believe he approved of me?”

“I daresay the old man likes you as well as he does anybody.  He’s a bit of a cold fish, though, is he not? As for your Mr. Pierce, he is just what a young man ought to be – handsome, charming, clearly devoted to you, and conveniently rich into the bargain. You are a lucky girl, my dear. I am sure you will be very happy.”

13

An Offer

The gentlemen arrived punctually in Pultney Street next day. Although there was still an air of formality in our discourse, the senior Mr. Pierce seemed less constrained on this second visit, and consequently, so did we all. The topic of our mutual friends, the Grahams, went a long way toward easing the lingering awkwardness and facilitating conversation. On that agreeable subject, everyone present could contribute a good opinion. Mr. Randolph Pierce had called on them earlier in the day, to pay his respects and renew the longstanding acquaintance. So he was in position to confer their warm regards, and to relate the latest news of their activities to the rest of the company.

Dinner passed uneventfully, after which we three women withdrew, leaving the men to their tobacco and port. Before long, Richard joined us in the drawing room. “I have been dismissed as well,” he told us in good humor. “I must have said something amiss, or perhaps my elders have subjects too substantial to discuss in my presence. No matter. My instructions were to join you and make myself as charming as possible. I will certainly do my best to entertain but, as I told my father, it is you ladies who have the upper hand when it comes to captivation.”

By so disclaiming his own talents for the social graces, Richard once again showed himself master of the art.

When Papa and Mr. Pierce finally emerged from their conference in the dining room, they were both in excellent spirits. Mr. Pierce gave a meaningful nod to his son and bestowed upon me a more convincing smile than I had seen heretofore. I took it to mean that he was now prepared to give his blessing to an alliance between his son and myself. Richard and I exchanged a look of satisfaction, each of us apprehending that the only potential obstacle to our union had just been cleared away.

After our guests had gone, my father invited me into the study and closed the heavy doors. “My dear,” he began, “I believe you will soon be hearing something serious from your young man. I trust that such an offer will not be unwelcome.”

“No, Papa.”

“I thought not. It is a good match for you. I shall be proud to see you married to a gentleman of consequence, and installed as the mistress of a fine estate such as Wildewood.” Before continuing, he gestured for me to take a seat next to him. “Well then, as you may have guessed, my private discussion with Mr. Pierce concerned that very topic. He told me of his son’s intentions, and recommended that we come to an understanding without delay. Apparently, nothing can go forward without his approbation.”

“That I can well believe. I imagine he wished to be assured that I would do the family credit; he wanted to know how much wealth I would bring to the union by my dowry, no doubt.”

“Exactly so. But there is nothing unconventional in that. Mr. Pierce is well within his rights to make such an inquiry. No need for false delicacy about it.”

“What did you tell him? You did not divulge my inheritance, did you?”

“Well… yes, I’m afraid that I did, my dear.”

“No!” I protested, coming out of my chair. “Little wonder, then, that Mr. Pierce left so cheerful! Papa, how could you?”

“Now, Josephine, you mustn’t blame me too severely. I only acted in the interest of your happiness, I assure you. Sit down again, my dear, and let me explain,” he said, patting the chair beside him.

I reluctantly complied.

“Now then, I could see that Mr. Pierce was none too impressed with what I disclosed to him at first: the amount of your dowry and what you will receive from your mother. He hemmed and hawed, making sour faces of a most unpromising nature, and muttering something about it being far less than what his son had the right to expect. In short, I am convinced he would have denied his consent altogether if I had not offered him something more to go on. And after all, the young man had already made up his mind to marry you without knowing about your fortune. What possible harm could it do to reveal it now? It would have come out soon enough anyway, when the engagement became official.”

“I suppose that is true enough. It galls me that Mr. Pierce could not be satisfied without the money, but so long as I can be sure Richard has not been influenced by it, I shall be content.”

~~*~~

Richard came next morning to state his case in form. No one was surprised at his arrival or shocked at his request for a private audience. Elated and suddenly embarrassed, I led the way into the study and slid the doors closed with trembling fingers. Richard lost no time on preliminaries; he proceeded to the business at hand as soon as I seated myself. With his characteristic flare, he dropped to one knee before me.

“My dear Miss Walker,” he began, taking my hand in his. “Josephine. You can hardly doubt the purport of my discourse. I’m sure my attentions have been too marked to be mistaken. You know that I love you, and you have given me to believe that you are not completely indifferent to me. So, let us delay no longer. Tell me now. Will you do me the great honor of consenting to be my wife?”

It was the moment I had pictured in my mind a hundred times over the course of the last few weeks, still somehow, never quite like this. Instead of the dream-like quality of my imaginings, this had the unmistakable stamp of cold reality upon it. I had prepared my answer, and yet, now that the time was at hand, I wavered, feeling the weightiness of the question before me. From this day forward, my life would be changed forever; it both thrilled and terrified me to consider it. But when I looked into Richard’s dear face, as he waited in calm anticipation of my answer, all reason and hesitation melted away.

“Darling boy,” I said. “Yes, of course I will.”

With that, Richard rose from his genuflection to demand what was due him in his new position as my betrothed; he enfolded me in his arms and claimed his first kiss – his first kiss from
me
, that is. He performed the maneuver so proficiently and to such dazzling effect that I suspected he had some prior experience in the field… or a very natural talent. At that moment, I did not much care which.

A party of three waited to offer the first round of congratulations when we issued forth from our brief tête-à-tête. I embraced my father and mother in turn, and then received the most enthusiastic reception from Agnes. Richard and Papa retreated briefly to the study to execute the ritual of begging the father’s permission. In this case, it was a mere formality comprehending no suspense or trepidation on either side.

Mama took the opportunity afforded by the absence of the men for a few personal words. “I am so happy for you, my dearest girl! What a fine young man he is – so handsome and obliging. And you are quite certain that this is what you want?”

“As certain as may be, Mama.”

“Then, I am satisfied. Oh, but how shall I do without you when you are married and settled so far away? I have come to rely on you so.”

“We shall see each other often. It cannot be more than forty or fifty miles from Fairfield to Wildewood, and what is that in this day of improved roads? Yes, I call it a very easy distance.”

After the initial excitement, Agnes had grown quiet. Now, with a touch of melancholy, she said, “You must visit Wallerton regularly, Jo. Your friends shall miss you as sorely as your family will.”

“Do not despair, Agnes. I shall be there very frequently; depend on it. And you must come to Surrey. Now that county will hold two points of interest for you: Wildewood and Millwalk. Remember, we all agreed to visit Frederick at Easter. There is no reason to abandon the outing. We shall simply invite Richard to join the party.”

When Richard reappeared, I suddenly wanted nothing more than to be alone with him, to revel in our mutual joy and make plans for our future. Accordingly, the two of us embarked upon a protracted walk, taking a circuitous route to his lodgings in order to announce our news to his father.  The bite of winter freshened the air, but I felt no chill wrapped in my woolen cloak and snug on Richard’s arm. In my euphoria, my feet barely touched the pavement as I made my first public promenade as an engaged woman. My heart brimmed with emotion, and my mind overflowed with ideas to discuss with my beloved. Yet, now that we were alone, neither one of us seemed in a hurry to break the companionable silence.

Finally, Richard commenced, saying mildly, “You might have told me, Jo.”

“Told you what?”

“About your inheritance. There was no need to hide it from me, surely.”

“Pray, do not take offence, Richard. I did not conceal it from you in particular. Long before I came to Bath, I made the decision to tell no one about it.”

“It would have made no difference to me.”

“Unfortunately, that is not the case with most people. I am glad you proved yourself the exception, however.” I continued in a lighter vein. “And I trust you were not too displeased to learn of it.”

“Not at all. I only hope that everything I henceforth discover about you is equally pleasant, my dear. Do you have any other wonders in store for me?”

“One or two perhaps, but no more fortunes hidden away if that is what you mean. And lest you think me in the habit of keeping secrets from you, I should tell you one other bit of news. I shall soon have the honor of introducing you to my brother Tom and our dear friend Arthur, of whom I have told you. We have just had a letter to say that they are both coming from Oxford to celebrate my birthday. Now it shall be a celebration of our engagement as well.”