For the Love of Dixie (13 page)

Echo

“How are things with the old lady?” Shadow asks while pointedly staring at my neck.

I laugh. “’Bout the same as yours, I’d imagine,” I reply, nodding toward the scratches visible just below the sleeve of his T-shirt. “Looks like you got your own war wounds going.”

“You mean love wounds. Ain’t war I’m interested in when I’m home,” Shadow says.

His response makes me snicker. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Yeah, well I could say the same thing for different reasons,” Shadow remarks.

“Fair point,” I say, conceding defeat as I drink my beer.

“You ladies done gossiping?” Stone asks playfully.

Shadow rolls his eyes. “You want to tell us why we’re here?”

“Got some new prospects coming on,” Stone explains.

“New blood?” I ask.

“Yeah, think your old man is trying to get right with me,” Stone answers.

“Where the hell is Mouth getting guys who want to prospect?” Shadow asks.

Stone shrugs. “Not my business what your old man does on his free time as long as it’s not interfering with the club. Considering who we’re talking about, I’m very okay not knowing. Your dad ain’t right in the head, son.”

“Figured that out a long time ago, P.”

“Good, at least one of you did.” Stone nods his head. “That brother of yours is following right behind him and taking orders like Mouth is his commanding officer. You should talk some sense into him while he still has a shot at turning things around.”

“He’s not hearing anything I say right now,” I reply.

“Make him,” Stone insists.

“You know something, P?” I ask, worried. It’s not like Stone to get so deep in people’s business.

He nods. “Mouth hasn’t been himself for a while now. If he goes down in flames, I don’t want Charm going along for the ride. I like the kid. He’s an asset to this club. I’ve seen it before, some members can’t handle change. I’m thinking your old man is one of them.”

“I’ll do what I can,” I reply, wondering if it’s already too late.

“I hope you’re not just blowing smoke up my ass and you mean it. Might be his last chance. Mouth’s seemed squirrely lately. Watch him, Shadow.”

“On it, Pres,” Shadow says.

Stone bumps Shadow’s shoulder with his fist and walks off to talk to other brothers arriving.

“That was weird,” I say.

“No, that’s good. He’s telling you if it comes down to it, you’re the Spencer he’ll endorse and keep on with the Kings.” Shadow’s eyes are narrowed and his frown is stern.

I want to pick his brain, but I know better. Enforcers can be a secretive bunch. Seems like things are starting to change around the club. I wonder if Hoss and our very public falling out have something to do with it. Regardless, it’s got me feeling like other people have my old lady’s back. I like that.

My father walks in with Charm following behind him like some kind of baby duck incapable of guiding himself, and two other men I’ve never seen. I’d place them both in their late twenties. With dark blond hair, blue eyes, and almost identical features, I peg them for brothers. Lanky, and unassuming in blue jeans and plain T-shirts they shouldn’t set me on edge, but they do. They both look like poster boys for the shitty beliefs my father is trying to peddle.
What are you up to, old man?

I feel like a war is coming and we’re on opposite sides. We all file into church and I sit in the back, angled to see the center spot where the Pres is standing.

“Thanks for coming down, boys,” Stone speaks from the front of the room. “I’m here to make this short and sweet. It’s been a while since we had any fresh blood in here, and Mouth has found us two boys looking to join on. He says he can vouch for them. This here is Scott and Brett Brannon. Brothers and mason workers who own their own business. Scott is twenty-seven, and Brett is twenty-five. They have clean records, and a father who rides and taught them to respect the road from an early age on. Their Harleys are in tip-top shape, and they’re ready to pay dues, and be our bitches till we give them the yes or no vote. You’ll be seeing them around while they pledge.”

“Who are their sponsors?” Wizard asks.

“Mouth will vouch for Scott, and Charm is going to try his hand at sponsoring for the first time with Brett. We’re going to get them set up with a prospect vest today.” Pres turns to the boys and offers his hand. “Welcome to initiation, motherfuckers.”

We all burst into laughter.

The two boys look around wide-eyed. It’s a shock being the center of attention when you’re up there seeing all the brothers you’ll have to earn respect from. It can be a daunting task. Each brother values different qualities. So, you have to be everything to everyone for at least a good year. With them walking in out of nowhere, it’ll probably take twice as long.

I shake my head as we adjourn the meeting and head straight for the bar. “Whiskey neat, Bubbles,” I say to the dirty blonde ex-stripper who frequents as a bartender.

“Sure thing, Echo.” She walks away swaying her hips.

Her ass is nothing compared to my, D’Rose’s. Unimpressed, I turn away.

The stools near me fill up.

“These boys are going to do me proud,” Mouth says.

“Good for you,” I reply.

“You’re going to regret crossing us,” Charm chimes in.

“Can you even talk on your own, or is Dad’s hand shoved so far up your ass it’s just a ventriloquist act?”

Charm’s nostril’s flair.

“It’s a real shame when a family falls apart,” the taller brother, Scott, says.

“What’s it to you,
Boy Scout?”
I ask, mentally dubbing him Cyclops from X-men due to his ‘do good’ attitude.

“Just making an observation. You’d never see anything like this go down in my family. We know what to put value on,” Scott says.

“Good for you.” Bubbles sets the drink down in front of me and I throw it back. “As much as I’m enjoying our conversation, I have better things to do.”

Charm reaches out and grabs my wrist. “You might want to think long and hard about which side you’re on.”

I frown. “Side? Thought we were both rolling with the Kings of Chaos. You change your colors when I wasn’t looking?”

“I’m not the one who has a problem being loyal.”

“You saying I do? I love you, brother, but you sure as fuck don’t keep me warm at night or satisfied.”

Charm scowls.

I see so much of my father in him it makes my stomach roll.

“Never thought I’d be ashamed of you,” Charm says.

“I could say the same thing,” I reply. Our gazes lock and our childhood flashes before my eyes. Stone’s previous words echo in my head. I don’t want to lose him completely. “Look, Charm, I don’t want to fight. You’re my brother figuratively and literally. We don’t need to follow the same philosophies. You respect me and I’ll respect you.”

Charms eyes flick from Dad to me. I can tell he’s torn.

“Humph, might be a chance for you yet,” Mouth says.

I ignore my father’s words and remain focused on Charm. I’m extending an olive branch to hang onto a chance to save the fool from himself.

Charm nods.

Just like that, I have my second chance.

“You want to prove you can respect me? Stay for a while,” Charm says.

Shit.
Last thing I want to do is stay here with my old man, and listen to him run off at the mouth, but this is about more than him. “Done. Bubbles, hit me again.” I settle back into my seat, and prepare to bite my tongue.

As I walk out of the clubhouse, I can’t help but feel like a traitor. I sat and bullshitted with people I know want me and D’Rose to separate. What does that say about me? Dad kept his racist mumble jumbo to a minimum, but he said it nonetheless.
Am I selling my soul to the devil?
I feel compromised and slimy. I’m supposed to meet up with D’Rose, but I’m wondering how the hell I’m going to look her in the eyes. Maybe she had a reason to stall on moving in with me after all.

I step out into the night, and peer up at the sky. I’m craving the road. That’s where things always make the most sense.
So… I’ll take her with me.
I tear out of the lot, and push my bike to its limits, weaving through the cars. The wind slaps my face, and the speed seduces me as it always does. Out here I’m free. I remember why I opted to join KOC. Yes, it’s in my blood and they’re my family, but more than that I can live on my terms.

Life is a fleeting thing. You can be here one minute and gone the next. Therefore, the only logical thing to do is squeeze every minute for all it’s worth. I pull up into her driveway and lean back on my bike.

As soon as the door opens she greets me with a wide smile. The flash of white highlights her velvet brown skin.

The look in her eyes chases away the anger and sadness I’d felt moments ago.

The floodlights surround her, forming a halo onto her dark curls. She’s dressed casually in a pair of ripped jeans, a black tank that stops a few inches above her belly, and an olive green vest. The vest tucked under her arm and the purse attached to her belt loops complete the book.

This is my woman, dressed to fit into my world and totally at ease.

“What?” she asks.

“Just glad to have you here.”

“Bull, it’s not like you to be so pensive.” She frowns. “Something happen today?”

“A lot. We can talk about it later. Right now, I just want you on the back of my bike with those long legs wrapped around me.”

She walks toward me. My eyes are glued to her swaying hips, lush body, and big breasts.

“I think I can handle that.” She drags her nails over the nape of my neck.

I pull her to me, kissing her hard. Her body relaxes into mine, and I savor the small victory. Little by little, I’m winning her back over and regaining her trust. We part, breathing heavily.

She wraps her arms around my neck and burrows her nose in my neck, inhaling deeply. “You smell good.”

I smirk and kiss her temple. “You smell good, too, babe.” I inhale her soft, feminine scent. “Best thing I been around all damn day.”

“That bad?”

“Hmm,” I say, noncommittally. If I get into it now, I’ll just get pissed all over again. “You up for a trip to Lucy’s Lookout?” The roadhouse is a favorite among KOC. It’s a biker friendly bar and grill with a killer view, good service, and decent prices.

“Yes, I haven’t been there in ages.” She climbs on the back of my bike.

I pull the bike away, enjoying her warm weight behind me. We navigate the streets, hit the highway, and I place my hand over hers. I never could stand any other woman riding bitch. Now, her silent support is something I depend on. Things are changing among the club, which always leads to a bumpy ride.

Dixie Rose

The view of the city below does nothing for me tonight. Echo is obviously otherwise occupied and agitated. I hate secrets; they come back and fuck up your world. We eat, pushing useless small talk back and forth, and now we’re nursing our drinks and allowing the silence to stretch between us.

“You want to talk about it now?” I ask. I’m not used to this sullen version of Echo. Even when we were dancing around one another, he was a direct and open.

“I’m not sure what to think right now, D’Rose. Dad brought some new guys in that give me the fucking willies. Scott and Brett, brothers with very blond hair and blue eyes. I have no proof yet, but they reek of the Aryan nation. Charm kept telling me I needed to decide whose side I was on. He said things were going to be changing. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

The words make me squirm.
Any Mouth approved change is something I won’t be on board with.
“What do you think he means?” I ask, gently nudging him to expand on the subject. Being an old lady you’re only allowed to know so much. But the burdens they carry can be heavy, and you want to help them as much as they’ll let you. They’re a proud breed.

“I’m not sure, and that worries me. Things are going to be changing around the club. Stone came right out and said it to me. If people aren’t on board with that, he’s going to show them the door. He told me to do what I could for Charm and see how into the racism shit he really is.”

The R word makes me flinch. One can’t understand what it’s like to be on the receiving end, until they’ve been in my shoes. People always say sticks and stones break bones and words can never hurt. But I think it’s the opposite. Bones can mend, yet words said enough times, bury themselves deep into your sub consciousness and become your truth. It takes long hours of work, honesty, pain, and rebuilding to escape that false reality. I curl my hand around my beer and bite the inside of my cheek. “Hmm.”

“You’re pissed,” Echo says.

I shake my head. “Nope. Just trying to listen objectively.”

“I can’t give up on him, D’Rose. If there’s a chance I can get him back on the right track before he crashes and burns with my father, I have to try. You understand, right? It’s not in any way a show of approval for the fucked up shit they say or do.”

“You want to save your brother, I get it,” I say, grinding my teeth. I’m not going to give him the go ahead to spend one-on-one time with rabid racists who want to see us parted.

“You hate this, don’t you? I knew you would.” He runs a hand through his hair.

“What do you expect? It’s an insult, Echo.”

“You want me to choose?” he snaps.

“I don’t want you to do shit, other than understand this puts me in an awkward ass situation. I understand you want to do what you can for your brother. But what if he doesn’t want to be helped or saved? Hmm? Then what?” I slam down my beer and lean forward, gripping the table. “How far are you going to let this go? Where do you stop? What are you doing with them? Sitting there, while they tell you why black people are despicable pieces of shit. Or do you pretend you agree? God, that makes me sick thinking of you coming home and lying in my bed while you bad mouth my people behind me back.”

“Your people? When have they ever been your people, D’Rose? Your father raised you and you never saw your mother—”

“So that makes me less black?” I ask, furious that he brought up my sore point.

“No, I’m saying we’re on your side. Me, your dad, the whole of KOC with the exception of my fuckwad father. Don’t turn this into us against them. Because it’s not what it is.”

“It sure as hell feels like that. None of you understand what this did to me.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I was there for you.”

“Oh yes, those last two years made up for everything. You don’t even know how much dealing with this fucked me up. I was a ten-year-old basket case, wondering what I did wrong to deserve the treatment I was receiving. My entire self-image was wrecked. And worst of all, no one did a damn thing about it which further enforced that
I
was the problem. If it wasn’t for my field, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me.” The words are tumbling out of my mouth before I can stop them.

“You got something to tell me, D’Rose?” Echo asks. His eyes are too sharp. He knows I’ve been hiding things.

I shake my head. “No, this won’t get us anywhere.”

“But ignoring it will?” Echo asks.

“Tonight is about you.”

“No…it’s about us and our survival or demise as a couple. You always glossed over the bad blood between you and my old man. I see now that there’s a lot you never told me. It makes sense now. Why you don’t want to move in yet. We still have a lot to talk about.”

The tables have flipped on me in an instant, and my head is spinning. “This is not about me.”

“Yes it is, and me. The both of us, growing up, talking up the hard shit and getting it together,” Echo says.

The bass in his voice and the tone in his words fulfill a need I didn’t realize I had. We’re not tiptoeing around the racism in the club or how it affects me any longer. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m so used to sacrificing for the greater good, I’ve been trying to repress my true response to the situation. I understand it and I know it’s wrong, but it doesn’t make it any easier to stop. Everything for the good of the club is my default mode. My eyes water and I blink to keep the fluid in check. I’ll be damned if I show my weakness. I clear my throat. “So what do we do next?”

“We leave and go somewhere we can talk, until we get this sorted. I can’t keep walking this line, uncertain about both parties. I need you with me for this, Dixie Rose.”

The use of my full name speaks volumes. “And I want to be there, but it can’t be at the cost of myself.”

“It won’t come to that,” he says.

“You can’t make that promise.”

He reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Babe, look at me, listen, and hear what I’m saying. It won’t come to that.”

I close my eyes. I want to believe him, but I’ve been in this life too long. Shit spirals before you can wrap your mind around what’s happened.

He squeezes my hand. “If I wasn’t ready to follow this through, I wouldn’t have claimed you in front of everyone. I’m not telling you it’ll be easy, but we can do this, babe.”

I open my eyes and meet his intense stare. “Okay.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here and hit up the cabins. No one’s there and we could use some time away.”

“I have a few days, but that’s it, and I need to let Pops know. If I don’t show for a few days with no explanation, he’ll freak.”

“Yeah, I don’t want a pissed off Hoss coming for me.” Echo stands, throws a few twenties on the table, and holds out his hand.

I want to prolong the inevitable, but I know it won’t be possible. He’s got his mind set on talking things out now. He’ll be like a dog with a bone. I rise reluctantly, and follow him back through the restaurant and out the front to his bike.

~~

A few hours later, we’re pulling up in front of the cabin. We have enough clothes and supplies to last us for the next couple of days. The three bedroom, two bath structure was painted slate grey with navy shutters. It has a nice deck with patio furniture I’ve spent many summer days lounging on. I climb off the bike, and gather our groceries from the saddlebag. The cold cuts, bread, mayo, and instant oatmeal are more than enough.

Echo hefts the saddlebags, tosses them over his shoulders, and follows me up the wooden walk way to the front door. After entering a code on the box hanging off the doorknob he retrieves the key.

My palms are clammy, and my throat is constricting—this is the moment I’ve been dreading for years. When I have to come clean about my past issues, and just how his father and our relationship had affected me.

He opens the door and stifling air greets us. “Let’s open up the windows, turn on the AC, and put away the groceries,” Echo says.

I jump on the chance to immerse myself in busy work, taking my time walking through the rooms and opening the windows on one side of the home. Once I fill the fridge and cabinets, I sit on the black leather couch and rest my hands in my lap.

Echo walks over waving two bottles of beer. No matter what, there’s always drinks in the cabin.
The priorities of men.
“I figure we could use this.”

“You figured, right,” I reply, holding out my hand. I grip the cool bottle, dragging my finger through the condensation.

“Where do you want to start?” Echo asks, sitting in the seat beside me.

“I guess at the beginning. What you all thought of as a small thing easily ignored or overlooked was soul destroying. It was more than disdain, glares, and sneers. I never understood him when I was younger. Then I got old enough to get it. I’ll never forget the way Stone punished them both the last time Dad got into it with Mouth. I didn’t want to get him in trouble, or make him lose standing with the club. It went against everything I’d ever been taught. Club comes first, and women don’t get involved in club business or come between brothers.”

“It’s different when it’s a child, D’Rose. You had to know that.”

“Why? I knew I was different. That the rules were different for me. I feared the consequences, so I kept quiet. It became my normal mode of operation.”

“Jesus, what did he do?”

I swallow. “He never put his hands on me. I think we both knew that was a line he couldn’t cross. I would’ve had to tell then. But he did intimidate the hell out of me. He would wait until he caught me alone and unleash hell. I’ll never forget the way he crowded me, ignoring the personal space rule. My nightmares are full of him larger than life, hovering over me, his tepid breath blowing against my face while I made myself as small as possible. Sometimes, his racial slurs would chase into my consciousness. I wondered if everyone felt that way.”

“Fuck, babe,” Echo says. He covers his face.

I glance away as the shame threatens to roll in. I know it’s not my fault, but this is the first time speaking of it with someone inside our circle. It feels taboo. In many ways, our rules are damn near a religion. There are rules we don’t break. It’s imbedded in us so deeply from the minute we’re cognate, going against the grain feels wrong. Even if it’s self-persevering.

“Once I got it in my head everyone was against me, I felt alone and isolated. I had Blue, and she understood somewhat. Yet, it wasn’t the same. No one else in the Kings has brown skin. I could see it with my own eyes, so the thoughts in my head didn’t seem that far-fetched. When I got to high school, things reached a boiling point. Kids are cruel, and the boys seemed to think we were strippers in training. It was a hell away from home. Having that last haven destroyed did something to me. I hit my breaking point. I grew reckless, and started acting out, doing anything I could to find release from the never ceasing pressures, doubts, and self-loathing built up over the years.” My mouth grows dry. I take a long pull from my longneck bottle.

Echo shifts beside me.

I can feel his gaze on me, but I can’t look at him. I have to purge. To get this secret out. “When I was teetering on the edge, I found a way. A patch to fix the gaping hole threatening to consume me. I started to cut.”

“What?” Echo says.

“Please let me finish. If you interrupt me, I won’t be able to,” I whisper.

He growls, but goes silent.

“It started of small a cut here, a cut there … always some place no one would see. On the inside of upper leg, my arms when it was cold out and I could justify long sleeves. I was careful. Then it grew and I started being marked up with linear lines. My dad—he caught me and got me some help. It got better for a while, but I was close to relapsing when you came and got me at the party. God, you changed so much without knowing. It was like, you made it okay for me to fully embrace myself as I was. It’s silly now, saying it out loud. How could one person do that? You knew me, from the beginning and yet, you saw value. It helped reinforce the same concepts I was working on with my counselor.”

“How did I not know any of this, D’Rose?” Echo asks.

“Because I didn’t want you to. It was before you, and you know how the club feels about shrinks. There’s too great of a risk something will slip through in the sessions. Dad and I kept this wrapped up tighter than a drum.”