For the Love of Dixie (8 page)

Echo

Church has never gone by so slow. I sit back in my chair listening to the updates. There’s nothing big cooking, but Stone seems to want to rehash our year so far.
Fucking figures.
I do my best not to fidget and try to look attentive. He’s the type to call you out if he thinks you’re daydreaming. It’s a Friday night, which means a big party after this lets out.
So, I’m not the only one chomping at the bit.

“All right, any new orders of business?” Stone asks.

I stand, and all eyes fall on me. “I got an announcement.”

“Go ahead and speak your mind, brother,” Stone says, eyeing me expectedly. His lips quirk up.

Now, I
know
Hoss must’ve told him. If it kept the old man from slitting my throat, I couldn’t care less who he spilled the beans to. No brother likes to see his little girl grow up and get a man of her own. That makes them number two in her life and brings on a whole new potential set of problems. We love hard, and there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for our family. It makes shit like this a delicate thing. “I took on an old lady,” I say.

“No, shit? Who?” Stone says.

“Dixie Rose Dunn,” I reply, proudly puffing out my chest.

A chair slams to the floor. My father glares at me, hands balling into fists at his side. “What did you just say?” he asks.

“You heard me. I want all of you motherfuckers here to hear me. She’s taken. I’ve marked her and this bullshit against her ends now. If I see any of you so much as look at her funny, that’s your ass.” All the years I spent growing my power, making contacts and waiting for my father’s people to fall out, or ease up on his
cause…
it all culminates into this second. I see the rage burning in his eyes. I smile. There’s not a damn thing he can do about it.

Stone looks from him to me. “Take this shit into the ring, and leave it there,” he says.

“Gladly,” Mouth snarls.

My pop might be pushing sixty, but he’s fit. I’ll go easy on him. This is how we do shit around here when we don’t see eye to eye. Especially my father. The man has always had a taste for blood and violence.

“I think that’s church, unless someone else has a bomb they’d like to detonate,” Stone says sarcastically.

Silence answers him, the doors open and we all flood out.

Dixie Rose stands the minute I leave the doors. Her eyes are full of worry and she’s biting her lip.

I walk over and kiss her. “It’s done.”

“Then why does it feel so ramped up?”

“Me and the old man are going to squash our shit in the ring.”

“You can’t do that. You’ll hurt him,” she says.

“I won’t, but I will show him I’m done being under his thumb. This has needed to happen for a long time, D’Rose.” I give her a look that says we’re done talking about it.

Like a good old lady should, she nods her head and holds her hands out for my cut.

“Don’t go far, it won’t take long, I promise.” I shrug out of my cut, take off my shirt, and climb into the ring. I expected this. It’s why I’m dressed in a pair of casual sweats. I do a lap around the ring, keeping my muscles loose as I warm up. My father taught me well.

He does the same. The disgust in his eyes and the ugly sneer curling his lips have me about to see red.

“Just couldn’t leave that shit alone, could you?” he asks.

“Not your call to make…old man.”

“I raised you better,” he hisses.

I ignore his words. It’s going to take a lot to keep from hurting him. Years of anger and resentment are lodged inside me. I roll my neck.

The bell rings.

Mouth comes out swinging.

I use my speed to my advantage and avoid his right left combo, but he catches me with the third strike right on the chin. Pain explodes in my face. I shake it off and answer with a few blows to the body.

He maneuvers away, and we circle once again.

He throws a left hook that snaps my jaw back and from there, it’s an all-out fist fight. I return his left with a right as we face one another in the center of the ring, neither of us trying to attempt a real fight. Blood flies, my eyes swell, and his grunts and groans are music to my ears. My knuckles ache, but I can barely feel it. I’m fucking giddy. Finally, he’s no longer untouchable.

“That’s enough! You trying to kill each other?” Stone’s voice rings out. “That shit between you stays in the ring. You beat each other to a bloody pulp, now go get cleaned up and do something else to help you blow off steam.”

The Pres’ word is law, so we have to back down.

I spit blood out in the ring. “I’m done being controlled by you.” I walk away before he can reply. Nothing he has to say matters anymore. I’m not stupid, I know this isn’t the end of it, but it is for now, which is all that matters. I live my life from one moment to the next with tentative plans for the future, because isn’t that all we ever have? I climb out of the ring, feeling the bruises forming on my body.

Dixie Rose walks toward me with a huge grin on her face.

Suddenly, I’m twenty feet tall. This was for her, too.

She rises on her tiptoes and kisses me softly. “How about you let your old lady clean you up?”

“If you’re up to it. I don’t think it’s safe for me to shower alone. Have to be careful of concussions, you know?” I say.

“Guess I’ll have to get wet then.”

Her double entendre makes my dick twitch. I follow her down the hall to my room like she’s the pied piper. This is the start of us again, and nothing could dampen my happiness.

When we slip inside my door, she gazes up at me and smiles. “Were you defending my honor out there, Joel?”

“The way I should have a long ass time ago,” I answer, dropping my gaze to the floor.

“Hey.” She gently cups my face and forces me to look at her. “You don’t feel bad for the shit he did. You kept me safe. I hated your guts, and you never said a word against me or explained until you knew I wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire. You’re my fucking hero.”

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Fuck yes.” She takes a deep breath. “I love you, Joel. I always have and I always will.”

Her words are the best numbing agent to the pain I’m feeling. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close, inhaling her sweet scent and enjoying her soft curves.

This life is a hard one, but with an old lady like her at my side and my brothers behind me, I can swing it without the support of my blood born family. Family doesn’t stop with blood and soon enough, I’ll be creating my own. The thought makes me smile.

“Love you, too, girl.” I kiss her forehead and take a moment to enjoy it before it’s gone, and a new crisis rolls in.

Dixie Rose

“What’s going on, girl? You look stressed to the max,” Blue says.

I glance up at her and sigh. We’re camped out on the lawn furniture in her backyard with a six pack of beer between us.

Shadow and Echo are off on a run, Bolton is off with friends, and my father is well enough to leave to his own devices at the clubhouse. After two months, I’m impressed by the improvement in his health and routine. The depression that set in on him during that first month away from the clubhouse was a bitch. If anyone had ever doubted his commitment, they would’ve been silenced. The boys stopping by were his bright spots.

I take a long drag of the dark brew. “Truthfully, I’m nervous for Dad. I know one night won’t undo all the work we’ve put in, but I’m like a parent who sent their kid off to school for the first time. I wonder if he’ll behave while he’s out of my sight. I don’t want to lose him, you know?”

“I understand. But one thing I know about Hoss, he’s not going to do anything that’ll take him away from you if he can help it. He just got you back up here,” she says.

“Yeah, I guess you have a point there,” I reply, toying with the damp label around the brown glass.

“What else is bothering you?” Blue asks.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, I know you.”

I meet her inquisitive gaze and let down my guard. “I don’t know. I should be happy, but I’m terrified. Dad was a buffer between me and Echo. He knew not to ask me for anything more while he was still getting on his feet. Now that he’s headed back into the clubhouse and settled into his new way of life, I have no reason to drag my feet.”

“Drag your feet, how?” Blue asks. “What’s he pushing you for? I know he did what he had to back then to keep you safe, but you’re still trying to re-establish trust with that.”

“See, you get that. He doesn’t. He’s all full steam ahead. Like he can make up for all the years lost. He wants to live together. I get that. But I’m not ready, and I don’t know what that says about me.”

“That you’re cautious, as you should be. Up until a few months ago, he was the boy who broke your heart and left you at the altar. Your head knows that’s not true now, but your heart is going to take time to mend,” Blue says.

The anger in her voice makes me smile. My best friend has always been on my team. “What would I do without you?”

“You’ll never have to know. Have you told him how you feel?”

“No. I’m afraid he’ll freak out.”

Blue frowns. “I don’t like this. You can’t stifle your words because you don’t want to rock the boat. You’ll end up hating him in the long run if you hold it all in, until you can’t anymore.”

“I know you’re right, but it’s been good between us. I’m not just okay, I’m happy for the first time in a very long time.”

“And you will be. He might be butt hurt for a second, but he’ll get over it.” Blue shrugs.

“Will he? He’s risked everything for me. I owe him,” I whisper.

“Oh, bullshit. He made you his old lady. That means he takes care of you. He’s doing his job, finally. I won’t forget he sat back and let all this disrespect slide for years. He’s not a saint or martyr in all this.”

“You’re right. I know. It’s so much at once. Between my dad, the fall out with Mouth, which I’m still waiting for that to bite me in the ass, and being back with Echo, I’m drowning.”

“Well, let me throw you a lifesaver, babe. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Take it from me. Doing everything to make others happy while your ignore yourself only leads to misery, and a life half lived.” She glances over my shoulder and her eyes go unfocused.

I know she’s thinking about her sister, Calla. “Hey, you had a reason for putting yourself last. His name is Bolton, and he and his father, Shadow, are eternally grateful for everything you’ve done.” I reach out and grab her hand. “He didn’t start calling you mama just because you and Shadow are getting married.”

She smiles. “Yeah?”

“Fuck yes, woman. For all intents and purposes, he’s your son. Not hers. She carried him, brought him into the world, and proceeded to fail him on such a deep level, I can’t even wrap my head around it,” I say, sneering as the disgust turns my stomach. I never understood people who had children, and put them last. Like they were an afterthought. “You’re already a better mother than she will ever be. Bolton’s grown, Calla’s lost her chance to make things up to him. By the time she gets out of prison, he’ll be pushing twenty-one.”

Blue frowns. “It’s sad.”

“It is, but it was her decisions that got her where she is, and she is the only one who has to deal with that. Not you,” I say, refusing to let her slip back into her toxic cycle with her sister for even a second.

“I think about her sometimes, you know. I wonder how she’s doing, and if I was too harsh with her. I was hurting when I came to her. I should’ve let someone else deliver the news. He was her father, too, regardless of if their DNA was different.”

I can hear the regret in her voice. “Blue, you been putting up with her shit for too long. Everyone has a breaking point, and we both know if she’d bucked up and handled her shit, Psycho would be alive right now. It’s okay to be pissed about that, and be upset with her.”

“Then why does it feel so wrong?” Blue whispers.

“Because you’re too good of a person.”

Blue laughs. “Dixie Rose!”

“What? It’s the honest to God truth. I swear, you were put with us as some sort of neutralizer to make up for all the bad shit done.”

“Oh, please. What bad shit have you done?” Blue scoffs.

“I’ve done some dirt,” I reply, offended.

“What? Smoking joints under the bleachers?” she teases.

“Hey, I’ve done other stuff,” I remark, exasperated.

“Underage drinking is a given with us. I think you get a pass.”

I stick my tongue out at her and we both dissolve into laughter. I’ve missed this. Spending time with someone who really gets me, and the life I’ve lived. Despite how it came about, I’m happy to be back here. “Hey, I just realized we’re missing one. Where’s Ruthie?”

“Out of town with her sister. She’s been scarce recently.”

“Are things that good with Skull, or that bad?” I ask.

“Still trying to figure that out. I think it’s that crazy. There’s a lot of back and forth, off and on with them. I think they’re both scared. She’s never been the type to do commitment until recently, and he’s…well, he’s Skull.”

I snicker. The playboy had never been much for repeats unless it was a club girl. “I was shocked when they took their fun to a semi-permanent level,” I admit.

“Yeah, I think they were too, and they’re still reeling. I wish they’d just get their shit together,” Blue adds.

“Pretty passionate about that,” I say.

“They’re good for each other and if they got their heads out of their asses, they might be able to go the distance. When they’re on the outs, its hell on everyone. And by everyone, I mean me. Shadows flips between being amused and irritated.” She rolls her eyes.

“I can imagine he would be. Shadow’s…got a way about him,” I say, trying to think of the polite way to say he’s damn scary.

Blue laughs. “You were one of the few who were never scared of him.”

“He was always nice to me because of you—”

“That’s not why.”

I laugh. “Keep telling yourself that. I remember calling this outcome a long time ago, Bluebell.”

“Blah, blah… I could say the same thing, but I hated his guts after he did you dirty. Switching gears has been hell on me, so I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like for you.”

“Like being in the midst of a game of red light, yellow light, green light. Sometimes, I’m completely content with us and how we’re progressing. Then in an instant, I’m wondering if I was right to give him a second chance. What am I going to do if he grows to resent me? When the loss of his family, his father, who we both know he once lived and died for, can’t compare to whatever I provide him?”

“You can’t think like that. It’s so clear, you’re his world—”

“Wasn’t I before, too?” I ask.

She pauses and sighs heavily. “That was different.”

“Why? We both know Mouth isn’t done, not by a longshot. What if he finds another Achilles heel? Then I’m a fool, and off limits. I wouldn’t be able to stomach myself. I should’ve thought all of this out, but I was so relieved to hear he hadn’t stood me up. When I learned my feelings weren’t misplaced or unreturned, logic left.”

“Come on, Stone told him to squash it. You think he’d risk getting ousted from KOC?”

“Yes. I know he would. If anything, he hates me more now. I soured his son, and turned him against the family. He’s sleeping with the enemy. In his mind, once he removes me, things will go back to normal. Hate like he has isn’t rational.”

“You’d know, Ms. Psychiatrist.”

“Psychologist. I need more years of school under my belt, to be able to prescribe the good stuff.”

She snickers. “Whatever… You know what I meant.”

I grin. I’m proud of my degree. There aren’t many of us who went to college and got legit jobs, and I’m in love with my profession. It’s fascinating to delve into the human mind and all its idiosyncrasies.

“How the hell did you end up as shrink, anyway?” Blue asks.

“Understanding ignorance in all its shapes and shades, really helped me heal and move forward. I think deep down, I thought maybe something was wrong with me.”

Blue’s eyes take on a sad look.

“When you’re young, you don’t get that adults can be wrong. Not really. You tell yourself it’s them not you. But underneath all that angst and rebellion, you fear there’s a flaw inside you, they can see.” I shudder as the memories of depression and self-doubt return. “It fucked me up more than I let on. We hide things, it’s our way, you know? I could never even tell you how deep that shit cut me.”

Blue moves over and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Is that why you decided to focus on kids?”

“Yes, they need someone who’ll listen to them and look out for them.”

“The way no one did for you?” Blue asks.

I shrug. “Water under the bridge now, for me at least. Seeing Mouth get his ass handed and Stone come down on him was my teenage dreams multiplied. Well…the less gory ones.”

“I knew somewhere inside you lurked a bloodthirsty bitch,” Blue teases.

“Shut up. How else could I be your ride or die?”

Blue smiles. “And you know I got your back for life.”

“I know.” This is what I missed: the camaraderie and support. Club kids stick together. It’s what we’re taught to do from birth. No one can understand my life, like this woman beside me. She’s seen the same things I have, and understood that despite the bad that comes with this life, the good shines through. This was what I needed, a night with my girl to clear my head, and rediscover my spine. I should make him work for it. It’ll prove to us both how much he wants to be with me. After the hell he put me through, intentional or not, I’m entitled to at least that much.