Forbidden Liaison: They lived and loved for the here and now (9 page)

The week before Christmas the Beckmann family buried Wilhelm. It was a simple family funeral with a gathering above the shop afterwards, where Heinrich’s mother, with the help of Gerde, and Heinrich’s two sisters had prepared the food. Irme was also there. She had not attended the funeral but had offered to finish preparing the buffet meal whilst the family paid their last respects. She had everything set out and the coffee percolating when they all arrived back. The first thing Irme did was give Heinrich’s mother and father coffee then inform them everything was in hand. And when Irme left, Gerde took over. She, too, had to keep busy; keep herself together for the sake of her four children. Heinrich’s sisters had their three children around them, but not their husbands, who were themselves away fighting with the 6
th
Army.

Mathias took off his cap and immediately went to help Gerde in the kitchen. Heinrich sat with Anna and his girls, but conversation between the two adults was simply out of necessity. Heinrich adored his children, and they lavished their love and affection upon him when he was around. If he didn’t have to go back he would disappear with them, take them away, to the country perhaps, just disappear leaving Anna to do as she damned well pleased, with whom she damned well pleased. He didn’t care anymore what happened to her, as long as his children were safe and well cared for.

Later that afternoon after taking Anna and the children home, he stayed for a while to play with the girls. They asked him questions about Uncle Willi, and how he died. He answered them honestly, and when he put them to bed they fell asleep listening to his story about a fairy who lived in the forest. His made up stories amused them, and every time he was home he always made sketches of his stories which they would keep stored in a cardboard shoe-box which was now so full it had to be tied with a white silk ribbon.

Heinrich put on his cap and was about to leave.

‘You should not be so graphic when you tell the girls how Willi died. It might give them nightmares. And I do not want them to see you without a shirt,’ Anna said.

Heinrich stepped up close to Anna. She looked a little afraid. ‘Don’t tell me how to bring up my own children Anna. And don’t criticise me especially when you allow other men into the home, my home. We are still married, remember,’ he said. ‘And I could demand my marital rights.’

He paused as he saw the look of sheer terror on Anna’s face.

‘Don’t worry,’ he added, ‘It would be like fucking a piece of furniture, and get this one thing straight, Anna, I do not want the girls to think everything is sugar and spice and all things nice, atrocities are being committed out there, I have had to commit some of them myself, so don’t come over all sanctimonious when it comes to the war.’ He began to walk away, but he stopped and turned again. ‘And don’t believe all you read in the newspapers, Anna. I will be around tomorrow to see the girls again.’

‘What time?’ Anna shouted after him.

Heinrich just slammed the door shut behind him and stood on the other side reprimanding himself for being such an unpleasant bastard.   

Heinrich needed a drink. Mathias had taken Gerde and the children home so he went to the local bar alone for a couple of beers before he knocked on Irme’s door. It was about 9pm. He didn’t care if her husband was there, he simply wanted to thank her for all she’d done for the family that day. The smile on her face told Heinrich she was alone, and when she invited him in, he accepted.

‘I just wanted to thank you, Irme, we all appreciated you being there this afternoon,’ he said taking off his cap.

‘That’s what neighbours are for,’ she replied.

‘Your husband not around?’

‘He’s on fire-watch tonight,’ Irme explained. ‘Won’t be back until seven in the morning.’

Heinrich looked down turning his cap in a circle between both hands. ‘Will Mathias be coming to visit’ he asked.

‘No, what makes you think that?’

‘The other evening he said he was calling on you.’

‘He did, but he brought a bottle of Schnapps with him and became so drunk I had to sling him out. You’ve been drinking, too,’ she said.

‘Only a couple of beers,’ Heinrich replied. ‘I’m not drunk.’

‘No, I can see that,’ Irme said.

‘How long have you and Mathias been…?’ Heinrich wanted to know.

‘We’ve not been
anything
for years,’ Irme said. She didn’t want to tell him Mathias had spent rather a lot of time with Gerde and her children while Willi had been away. ‘I know what
you
need, though, Heinrich,’ Irme said smiling, unbuttoning his tunic.

‘How long has it been, Irme?’

‘Oh, does it matter, too long as far as I’m concerned,’ she smiled. ‘Let’s go into the bedroom, get more comfortable.’

The curtains were still drawn back so Irme didn’t flick the light switch. They both undressed with the light of the moon shining in and the occasional flash of exploding bombs somewhere in the far distance as British night-bombers dropped their load on their target in Frankfurt. Irme was now naked. For a forty eight year old woman she still had a body that was firm, but the years had brought about a curvier frame than before and that comforted Heinrich as he reached out to feel those motherly, womanly proportions. She knelt on the bed: Heinrich stood naked in front of her. A flash of light suddenly shot across the room and she caught sight of his injuries.

‘What has this country done to you, my beautiful, Heini,’ she breathed.

Heinrich just stood there letting her hands wash over his entire body. He knew she would take care of things, and she did after she’d taken his hard cock into her saliva filled mouth before slipping on the condom she took from the bedside table. Heinrich groaned and she lay flat on her back, her head on the pillows. She opened her legs and began to stroke herself. Heinrich watched, getting more and more excited until he lay on top of her, her breast in his mouth and his cock inside her consoling cunt, and the only sounds were the deep sounding thuds of distant explosions as they suddenly erupted to shake the floor like tiny earth tremors. Heinrich, lost in an attempt to forget about the past to just reach the point where his orgasm would erupt to leave him tingling with the sensation of coming, knew Irme wasn’t ready. He put his hand down and as soon as his finger began to make light circling movements she expelled an enormous scream. Heinrich grunted and groaned at the muscle tightening in his groin and the noise Irme was making, until they both lay side by side breathing hard and heavy.

Afterwards they sat in a warm bath, in the dark, facing each other. Somewhere along the line the electricity cables had been damaged leaving the town of Offenbach in total darkness.

‘Why did you marry a man fifteen years older than you?’ Heinrich suddenly asked Irme.

‘He looks after me, doesn’t mistreat me, and he makes no demands on me,’ Irme replied.

‘So you and he, don’t…?’

‘That’s none of your business, but yes we do, once a month, on a Saturday night,’ Irme replied.

Heinrich laughed. ‘Are there many men in-between?’

‘That’s also none of your business either, but no, I’ve been kept satisfied by those three brothers down the road,’ she grinned.

Heinrich grimaced.

‘Little Heini, always the sensitive soul,’ she remarked.

‘And stop calling me Heini, I’m not seventeen anymore.’ Heinrich smiled.  

‘No, you’re not,’ Irme stated, raising her eyebrows. ‘You’re a big boy now, and what a big boy.’

Heinrich burst out laughing, but he soon stopped when she asked, ‘Are you happy Heinrich?’

‘Define happiness?’ he asked.

‘What pleases you?’

‘Fucking pleases me,’ he replied, but he knew that was not what she was getting at.

‘It pleases you for a couple of hours, then it’s back to desolation,’ Irme replied.

‘Everything around us is bleak, desolate, gloomy, and depressing,’ Heinrich stated.

‘Don’t blame Anna, she’s always been a frail little thing, not capable of dealing with the unpleasantness that surrounds us.’

Heinrich became serious. ‘And that’s what makes her dangerous. She’ll agree and comply with anything. She’s got no backbone.’

‘That man she’s seeing, he’s SS,’ Irme informed.

‘That doesn’t surprise me,’ Heinrich stated. ‘As long as he doesn’t fill my daughter’s heads with his Nazi shit. It’s bad enough the crap they are taught in school.’

‘You will get yourself into trouble one day,’ Irme said to him.

‘Do you know what, Irme, I think I’ve past caring what happens to me.’

‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you selfish bastard,’ Irme spat.

Heinrich looked shocked.

‘You men are all alike, as long as you get your tail away, all’s right with the world. And just remember, it’s not you who’ll suffer, it’s the rest of your family.’ She paused. ‘Just put yourself in a woman’s position,’ she asked.

‘No, thanks.’

‘That response is very telling,’ Irme replied.

Heinrich closed his eyes. ‘I need to stop being a total shit towards Anna, don’t I?’ he said.    

‘Yes, you do.’

‘I’ll try and make it up to her tomorrow.’

‘Good, for the girl’s sake,’ she said, groping below the water line to find his groin. 

The days had moved by at an even slower pace for Izzy after Heinrich had left the island. He’d suddenly appeared in October, 1943 and had quickly left mid-December that same year. He had met Izzy soon after he’d arrived. The affair had started and ended so abruptly. Alone at the cottage Izzy would sit and cry, not knowing what she was crying about. She just felt this enormous sense of loss again. Alain had still not been in touch, even though a Red Cross ship was allowed to dock with parcels and mail for the islanders. And Heinrich, well, she’d not quite got him out of her system, trying to convince herself it was just a fling.

A few days into the New Year of 1944, Uncle Harry was released from his three month prison sentence for supposedly being a member of an anti-fascist brigade who posted leaflets on walls and trees. Even though he hadn’t been caught doing it, someone had to be seen to be punished and he was chosen, especially after a soldier who was billeted at the hotel had given evidence that he had heard Harry malign the Nazi Government. Henry came back a different man, not wanting to talk about the hardship of his incarceration.

Izzy was making her usual vegetable visit and was sitting with Harry by the fire when the telephone rang. Margaret went to answer it. She came back into the room a little while later, a look of bewilderment on her face.

‘What’s the matter?’ Izzy asked. ‘Has something happened?’

‘That room I have vacant upstairs is being filled,’ she said. Although it meant a little more money, the down-side was a German would be in it.

‘Another officer, no doubt,’ Izzy moaned.

‘Yes, and someone we already know,’ Margaret added.

Izzy’s stomach dropped to the floor. Her heart beat faster, she began to feel shaky. ‘Not Oberleutnant Beckmann?’ she asked.

‘The very same,’ Margaret replied.

‘Who’s he,’ Harry asked. ‘Not another sadistic brute?’

Margaret looked at Izzy as Izzy’s eyes scanned the carpet. She had to look anywhere but straight at her aunt.

‘No, dear,’ Margaret said now turning her head towards Harry. ‘He’s rather polite and makes sure his men take good care of the place.’

Harry huffed as Izzy got up from her chair to follow her aunt into the kitchen.

‘I suppose you want to know when he will be arriving,’ Margaret said softly as they stood at the sink.

‘No.’ Izzy remarked sharply.

Margaret turned full circle to face Izzy. ‘Now look here, young lady, you may be able to fool those parents of yours, but you don’t fool me. Something was going on between you two, I don’t know how far it had gone, but there was definitely something going on.’

Izzy began to cry.

‘Oh, my God, you’re not…’ Margaret exclaimed.

‘No,’ Izzy snapped.

‘You’re in love with him,’ Margaret stated.

‘No, I am not,’ Izzy quickly interjected.

‘Come to think of it, that last day...’ Margaret mused. She paused. ‘He’s in love with you,’ Margaret said, suddenly seeing what all the tension was about that day Izzy had fled the house.

‘No, he’s not,’ Izzy replied. 

‘Don’t be so naive, Izzy. What have you done,’ Margaret sighed.

Izzy turned to leave.

‘Turn your back on it all you want, but it will not go away,’ Margaret shouted after her.

Heinrich arrived the following day and Margaret invited him into her private quarters to introduce him to Harry who didn’t get up, nor even look at the person who had encroached upon his private little world.

‘I trust you are feeling well, Mr Wilfred?’ Heinrich asked.

‘Not particularly, being incarcerated in a damp prison cell for three months hasn’t done my arthritis much good,’ Harry mumbled.

‘Perhaps now you are home and in front of the nice warm fire it will ease the condition. And I trust you have enough coal for a fire every day?’

‘No, we haven’t,’ Harry retorted.

‘Then I will requisition an electric fire.’ And Heinrich turned to walk upstairs to his bedroom.

The room was as he had left it, clean, tidy, and the bed made ready. He put his things back where he had originally positioned them, then took his writing pad out of his bag to place it on the table, and pulling a pencil from his breast pocket he began to sketch. From memory a picture soon appeared on the bright white page. It was of the sea, a beach, a woman, and a dog. He wondered if she had been down there since that day he had told her not go to the beach anymore. Then he had to leave, hastily, under a cloud of ambiguity: a blanket of misgiving. Like Izzy, he, too, had been reluctant to admit how he felt, and after being away, any doubt he had, had been dispelled by spending that couple of hours in the company of Irme.

For the following few days Heinrich was kept busy. Izzy still delivered the under-the-counter vegetables but left them by the back door if it was locked, and on the table if not, trying, at the same time, to avoid contact with anyone who might be there, even her aunt and uncle. In the two weeks Heinrich had been away not a lot had happened on the small island, and one of his first pastoral duties was to make sure Steiner was free of his embarrassing problem, which he was, and that Busch’s wife had been receiving her money every week, which she had. The only real problem he had left, was to face Izzy, so he kept his eye on the delivery yard at the dairy.

He had spotted the lorry a few times, but a middle aged man was driving. On observing the comings and goings on the fifth day, Izzy finally appeared. He waited for them to off-load, before going into the office to look at the tally-papers. Heinrich then walked into the yard and over to the office. He knocked on the door; walked straight in. Izzy was standing with her back to the door, and she turned her head when she heard someone enter. Her face paled when she saw him. Heinrich’s froze, giving him an unyielding, stiff appearance as if he was displeased with something or other. Walter, the dairy manager, looked worried. But Heinrich didn’t allay that unease as he abruptly asked for the milk-tally papers. Walter gave them to him and Heinrich feigned scrutinising them for some time. He just stared at the papers, turning the page every now and then, as if he had found a discrepancy.

‘There’s nothing wrong with them,’ Izzy eventually said, a frisson of friction edging into her voice as it punctured the intense atmosphere.

Heinrich folded the papers, and gave them to Walter. ‘All appears in order,’ he said.

‘May I go now?’ Izzy asked.

‘No, come with me,’ Heinrich asked sternly. ‘I want to see the vehicle’s papers.’

Izzy began to think that Heinrich’s disposition was because she had spurned him, and he would now criticise every little thing she did. What a fool she had been. What a stupid, naïve, idiot to think she could lead him on then reject him because she felt so guilty.

Izzy climbed into the lorry. Heinrich stood directly behind her, and as she leaned in to get at the papers her overalls pulled taut over her backside and her hair broke loose of the clip to hang down over her face. As she jumped down, her fingers tucked the loose hair behind her ear.

‘Here they are,’ she said. ‘You will find everything in order.’

Heinrich didn’t say a word as he took hold of the papers. He put his hand into his breast pocket to pull out a sheet of paper. It was the sketch he had done those few days before. He then took his pencil to write something along the bottom. He gave a cursory glance at the lorry’s identification papers before giving Izzy the folded drawing. She opened it up. Tears began to gather in the corners of her eyes as she looked down at a picture of herself on the beach with her dog. Heinrich had signed the bottom, but had written underneath his name those three words that he couldn’t say before:
I love you.

Izzy scrambled up into the lorry to sit behind the wheel. She was about to close the door, when she said, ‘You can’t.’

Heinrich stopped her from slamming the door, and as he looked up at her he replied, ‘I can, and I do.’

‘You simply can’t, we’re married to other people.’

‘That does not change the fact,’ he replied. ‘May I come and see you?’

‘No, you can’t, not ever.’ And Izzy slammed the door. But she suddenly remembered she had to crank the engine.

‘Hand down the cranking handle, I will start it for you,’ Heinrich said.

Izzy lifted it from the well under the passenger seat and handed it through the window which had been wound down. Heinrich cranked the engine and handed the handle back to Izzy.

‘If you change your mind…’ Heinrich began to say.

‘I won’t,’ Izzy interjected as she slipped the clutch to quickly drive off.

Hannah was becoming more worried about her daughter. She’d had her head in the clouds for some time, but lately she was forgetting to do the mundane things about the farm that should have come second nature to her. Something was on her mind and Hannah wanted to know what. So avoiding any confrontation she knew she would have with Izzy, she decided to visit Margaret, someone who had always been good at giving advice.

Hannah stood on the front door-step and rang the bell. Heinrich answered. He had, just a few seconds before, got in from his shift.

‘Oh,’ Hannah said.

‘Are you wanting Mr and Mrs Wilfred?’ he asked.

Hannah stood with her mouth open and before she could answer, Margaret appeared.

‘Hannah, what a lovely surprise,’ Margaret said smiling at her sister.

Heinrich stepped out of the way to disappear into the kitchen.

‘Who’s that?’ Hannah mouthed, as she was ushered in to the living room where Harry sat by the fire.

Margaret shut the door. ‘He’s that new officer,’ she replied. ‘What brings you here? Thought you’d have too much to do up at the farm.’

‘There’s always too much to do, but its Izzy I’m bothered about. I just wanted to talk, that’s all,’ Hannah replied, knowing she would get some sound advice from her older sister, even though she’d not had children of her own, she did appear to know Izzy better than she did herself sometimes.

‘Come and help me make some tea,’ Margaret said as she took Hannah’s coat. ‘Leave Harry to have his afternoon snooze.’

‘How is he?’ Hannah asked as they entered the small galley kitchen.

‘Just sits there, saying nothing,’ Margaret replied filling the kettle.

‘Was he… you know… tortured?’

‘There’s not a mark on his body, it’s the mental scars that can be far worse.’ Margaret sighed.

‘So he just sat there all that time in a cell?’

‘Apparently, but he does wake up in the night. He says he can hear others being tortured and killed.’

‘Poor thing,’ Hannah said. ‘It must have been so frightening wondering when it might be his turn.’

‘They certainly know how to mess with your head,’ Margaret said. ‘Anyway,’ she sighed again, ‘he’s home now, safe and warm.’ She paused.  ‘So, what’s the matter with Izzy?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Hannah snorted. ‘She’s so tetchy, lately. Can’t say a word without her biting my head off.’

‘She not heard from Alain, yet?’

‘No.’

‘Has it occurred to you she might be missing him: she might be lonely,’ Margaret offered.

‘It has been three years,’ Hannah nodded.

‘Can you remember how you were, being without a husband?’ Margaret asked.

‘She’s got too much to do to feel lonely,’ Hannah replied. ‘And I’ve asked her time and time again to shut up the cottage and come back to live at the farm.’

Margaret smiled. ‘You’ve no idea have you, Hannah.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You are an exceptional woman, Hannah, you can do without a man. Some women can’t.’

‘Are you saying she’s seeing someone?’

‘No, I’m not saying that, I’m just explaining to you she is
missing
her husband.’

‘Oh,’ Hannah said, suddenly realising. ‘You mean…? I thought only men got… you know…’

Margaret laughed. ‘I think you were the last in line that day when God was dishing out sexual desire.’

‘Margaret!’ Hannah exclaimed.

‘Stop being such a prude, Hannah,’ Margaret said to her sister.

‘Is that all it is then, she’s missing Alain,’ Hannah asked.

‘Yes, nothing more than that,’ Margaret lied.

‘Oh, that is a relief. The troops are always whistling at her, I thought she just might… That officer who opened the door, he’s rather good looking. The likes of him could turn any woman’s head, I suppose.’

‘But not yours.’ Margaret laughed.

‘It’s no laughing matter,’ Hannah rounded on her sister.

‘No, it’s not, I’m sorry.’

‘You know Connie Burton’s about to give birth?’ Hannah reminded.

‘Yes, I do know,’ Margaret replied, also fed-up with the continual gossip that floated around.

‘And what I hear, Odette is pregnant, but no-one seems to know who the father is. What are these women going to do when their babies are born? Will they put them in the orphanage like all the others?’ Hannah said appalled.