Authors: P. J. Belden
Me:
I’m never doing this guy again. He was fucking married!
Throwing the phone in the seat next to me, I let the tears fall.
“What have I become?” I sob as I start my car and head back home.
Logan
It’s been two months since I’ve seen Faith. It doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. Every day is a struggle to not run back over there to her house and beg her father to let her be with me. Every day, I have to convince myself all over again that it would hurt her more than help her.
Whatever was going on over there, she wants me no part of.
The hardest part was reminding myself that I don’t have the right to protect her. She wasn’t mine any longer. It didn’t matter if she held my heart or not, she wasn’t mine.
“James!”
I turn my head to see the second shift supervisor walking on site. “Hey, Lee. How’s things going?”
Joey Lee has been one of my top men since I really took over this construction company. Nothing that has been handed our way has not been conquered between the two of us. He was older than me, but didn’t have that attitude that most of the men here seem to have about working for a younger guy.
“Just checking in before you leave.”
“The shipment has been delayed on the timber, but the company is promising it by tomorrow with extras. It’ll work out fine because some of the guys noticed some inconsistencies in the walls on levels B and C. That will need to be addressed immediately.”
“I’ll make sure that we at least have a projection sheet of what we can do to fix it by the end of my shift. I’ve got the electrician coming today, correct?”
“Yes, and the plumbing, but because of the issues we are having they are going to find it hard to complete their jobs. At least get them to do the assessment for now.”
“Sounds good boss. Go on and get home. You look exhausted. All these extra shifts and hours you’ve been pulling is catching up to you,” he says, concerned.
“Thanks. I’ve got to get my brothers to their practices, but eventually I’ll do that thing you call sleep,” I joke.
“I think it’s amazing what you’ve done for your brothers.”
Feeling uncomfortable as I always do when people praise me on raising my brothers, I brush it off. “It’s no big thing. If I didn’t step up, who would?”
Quickly gathering up some plans and my briefcase, I start walking toward the door.
“It may be no big deal to you, but it could be a huge thing for them. Either way, I’m sure your dad would be real proud of you.”
Oh yeah, did I mention that the company I’ve now taken over is the same company that my father was working for. Joey here, was very close with my dad. My dad was his supervisor and taught him everything he knows. He was still pretty young himself, but not as young as me (which I remind him of often). Dad talked about him a lot. So hearing him say that, made my heart swell with pride.
“I hope so,” I mumble.
“He is. Now go get some sleep. If you need anything…”
“I know man. Thanks.”
Heading out the door, I climb into my car. Right there on the visor was a picture of the only woman I’ll ever love. She was lying down in my arms asleep after we made love for the first time. Her hair was messed up in a sexy way. Shaking my head, I start the car and head home.
“Landon!” I yell the minute I open the door. “Come on buddy, we’ve got to get you to wrestling practice. Lucas! Are you ready for basketball practice?”
Hurrying up to my room, I throw my stuff on my bed and head into the bathroom. A quick shower, I slip on some regular clothes. Running back down the stairs, I quickly slip my shoes on and grab a snack from the cupboard.
The guys are waiting on me at the door. Soon we are on our way.
“Are you mad at us for something?” Landon asks from the backseat.
“What?” I glance at him in the rearview mirror. “Why would you think I was mad at you?”
“You’ve been working a lot. We never see you anymore,” he says sadly.
My heart is breaking for my little brother. Landon is the only one out of all of them that can rip me to shreds in a single statement.
“Buddy, I’m just trying to keep us in the black is all. Everything that we do costs money and I want to make sure we have the money to do all that.”
“Well, I’ll quit wrestling if you want,” he meets my eyes in the mirror.
“No, buddy. You love wrestling. I’m not letting you quit. How about we go camping this weekend? I’ll take Friday through Monday off and we’ll go out and just be us for the weekend. How’s that sound?”
His face lights up. “Yeah! Let’s go camping!”
The rest of the drive was in silence, well as silent as I could get my brothers after announcing the impromptu camping trip.
Soon we are pulling into the recreation center. Thankfully, both Landon and Lucas practiced here. It made it easier attending both their practices.
Lan and Luke hurry ahead and run into their prospective areas. Bracing myself against the wall for a breath, I close my eyes.
“Logan?”
Opening my eyes, I find a petite blonde woman standing in front of me. “Yeah?”
“You don’t remember me, do you?”
“No, I’m sorry. I can’t say I do.”
She laughs softly. “I’m Tiffany Loots,” she smiles and ran her eyes up and down my body.
I remember her now. She was this lanky nerd in school. She’s really changed now if her breasts, curves and toned body were anything to say about it.
“Wow, you’ve changed,” I mutter. “Sorry that was rude.” I say shaking my head.
“No, it’s okay. I know I have. You’ve changed a lot too. What happened to you?”
“After my dad died, I had to raise my brothers. School got in the way.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. You know, I always had a little crush on you in school,” she says shyly.
My stomach turns. “Oh. Hey, I’m not trying to be rude here, but I’m in love with someone and really am not on the market.”
She giggles, tossing her wavy blonde hair over her shoulder. “I’m not wanting to date, Logan. Honestly, practice will be going on for a little while. We could have some fun.”
I cough. “You’re serious? You’re asking a guy that didn’t even recognize you to have sex with you because you had a crush on them in high school?”
It was rude yes, but frankly it shocks me that she’s asking me this. The fact that her barely contained breasts weren’t springing my dick into action shocks me even more. To go nineteen years without sex, it didn’t faze me then. But after being with Faith, she’s all I see and now it’s not working right.
“Come on. This girl you’re in love with isn’t your girlfriend is she?”
“I don’t know right now. It’s complicated. I’d like her to be.”
“Then you’re unattached.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Then what’s wrong with it.”
“Because,” I look down at my cock. “I’m not in the mood.”
I move past her and into watch Landon practice. It was the first of my back and forth trips tonight.
# # #
Camping has been a blast. Levi has taken the boys off to go swimming and give me some peace and quiet. I pull out my Kindle and start to read the latest thriller. It was nice out here in the woods.
We definitely need to do this more.
“Excuse me?”
I look up and there was a woman standing before me. I couldn’t really make out who she was because of the sun behind her.
“Yes? Can I help you?”
“I don’t mean to bother you, but I need some help and you’re the first person I’ve seen.”
Setting down my Kindle, I stand up. “Sure what do you need?”
“Help setting up my tent if you wouldn’t mind?”
“Oh sure, where is your site?”
We walk down about a half a mile from where we were to her camp site. She shows me her tent and I immediately go to work on setting it up.
It was hot out today. A lot hotter than normal it seems. Finally, I finish setting up her tent and dust my hands off.
“There you go ma’am,” I say politely.
“Oh, thank you so much. How can I ever repay you?”
“It was no problem really.”
She steps closer to me and her hand finds my dick. “Let me thank you.”
Meeting her eyes, lust was all I saw. Before I could even protest further she had my pants down around my ankles, my shaft in her hand and the head of my cock in her lips.
“Oh fuck,” I moan, my fingers pushing into her hair.
“Mmmm,” she hums as she pulls off my cock. “Do you just want a blowjob or do you want to fuck me too?”
“I don’t have a condom,” I breathe as she goes back to work on my cock.
“Blowjob it is then,” her hot breath against the tip of my dick.
Her hand begins to work my shaft, tightly squeezing as she strokes it. Her other hand massages my balls while she bobs up and down. My hips slowly start to thrust into her mouth, pushing my cock further and further between her lips.
She pulls off my cock and starts to nibble and lick down my shaft before pulling my balls into her mouth.
“Oh shit,” I groan.
When I look down, I can see her playing with herself. The sight and the feel of her lips wrapped around my cock send me overboard, I groan loudly as I push into her mouth urging my release to come.
“I’m gonna cum,” I whisper.
She works harder and suddenly she’s moaning and groaning around my cock. The vibrations send me overboard and I feel the first of my release shoot into her mouth. As she continues to suck, my release comes to an end.
It wasn’t as satisfying as my releases with Faith, but a lot of the tension left my body. She pulls off and looks up at me.
“Next time you come camping. Bring condoms. This huge cock of yours would have felt real good in my tight pussy.”
I smile at her. Fixing myself, I tell her thanks and goodbye and head back to my camping site. Arriving back at the site, the guys ran up over the hill from swimming.
“The water was great, Lo. You should have come.”
“I had nice relaxing moment here,” I tell Landon.
“Who’s ready for campfire songs?” Levi asks.
Levi and I set up everything for the camp fire complete with little stumps to sit on. Landon has always loved these moments. I have to say I quite enjoy them too. It’s nice to get uninterrupted time with them. Levi singing was also a bonus.
I thought back to what happened with that girl just now. In that moment, Faith didn’t tear me up or rip me apart. It was a single moment where I can say she wasn’t even in my head. A break from the torment, you could say.
That was all it took. I was hooked to those moments of peace. My mind was already wondering when I should start looking for the next moment of peace.
Faith
Walking in the door, my face still flushed from my tears. I head to my room. Today, I came in the back entrance. It was less chance of seeing my father. Peeking around the corner, I make sure no one is around.
Right now I just want to get to my room without being stopped and reminded how pathetic I really am. Pathetic is not exactly how I see myself right now, but no matter how shitty I’m feeling with my whoring ways, it’s helping me deal with the loss of Logan.
Just the thought of him brings tears to my eyes. Peeking once more around the corner, I come face to face with a hard chest. Throwing my hand over my mouth, I muffle my scream.
Beau looks down at me with a smirk on his face.
“Trying to sneak around?” The laughter in his voice evident.
“Trying to give me a heart attack?”
Suddenly his face drops and cups my shoulders with his hands.
“What’s wrong?”
I pull from his hold and start heading to the stairs. He follows behind me like the overprotective brother that he is.
“Tell me Fay. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I hiss. “Just drop it.”
He pulls me to a stop at the top of the stairs. “I can’t drop it and you know that. Please tell me. You used to talk to me, but you don’t anymore. You’ve really shut me out and that hurts.”
I sigh. It was true, I had been shutting him out. But in my mind, it was for good reason. If he didn’t know all the details of what I was now doing the less chance I have of him looking at me like the piece of fucking trash I was.
“I was thinking about Logan,” I say in lieu of the truth.
Well, it wasn’t a complete lie actually. It wasn’t the whole truth either.
“Oh, sweetie,” he pulls me into a hug. “I’m sure he’s thinking about you just the same,” he speaks softly.
It was his attempt to make me feel better. But I’m sure Logan isn’t being paid for sex and picturing me the whole time just so he could make it through the act. No, that’s what I had to do.
“FAITH!” My father’s bellow came from the other end of the hall.
I hurry around the corner to find my father stomping toward my door. Oh, he looks livid. Is there something beyond livid, because if there is, that’d be my father right now?
“Yes,” I say standing outside my door.
“Get in your room,” he seethes. “Now!”
Jumping slightly, I turn and enter my room. I’m expecting the door to slam, but instead he paces in front of the little entry way. His hands in his hair, he mumbles to himself. Something about wishing his life wasn’t this way, or something like that.
Just then my mother and Tony walk in. I swallow hard because
then
the door shuts and I hear the lock click in place.
Oh fuck!
I muster up my courage and stare down the three devils before me.
“Can you all tell me why you’ve barged your way into my room?” I hiss.
“Where were you a week ago?” Tony steps closer to me and I have to work hard not to step back.
“Ugh!” I fan my hand in front of my nose and step back. “Geez, brush your teeth much. Gross.”
He back hands me. My head snaps back to them and to my horror, my father has a smirk on his face.
“Answer the fucking question,” Tony demands.
“I was out.” I answer flatly.
Tony hits me again. This time I feel my teeth dig into my lip. The metallic taste of blood floods my taste buds.
“Where the fuck were you, you little whore?”
“Out with friends.”
Another hit and then he shoves a newspaper in front of my face. There on the front page of the paper is the headline,
Heiress Faith Harper seems to be having fun while her fiancé is out of town.
Right below that is a picture of me with another guy in a side alley. The guy wanted the experience of public sex. The picture, though you can’t tell unless you were me or the other guy, was mid-frantic sex. Actually it right before he bit my shoulder and said he was cumming.
“Like I said out with friends. Having a lot of fun too,” I smirk.
This was what I wanted. Having my father’s precious, perfect daughter tainted. Yeah it may make me look bad in the process, but it’s not like I have someone that I need to be good for.
Just like that he back hands me. I fall to the floor, but am quickly pulled up by his hand around my throat and he slams me against the wall. My eyes dart to my parents, who simply turn and walk out of the room, shutting the door behind them. Leaving me to be… whatever he was going to do to me.
“Looks like you need reminding as to who you belong to,” he hisses in my ear.
Yanking my skirt up, he quickly shoves down his pants. I watch as he rips open a condom wrapper and I close my eyes tightly. He slams into me tightening his hand around my throat.
It became harder and harder to breath. For the first time in my life… I pray to die.
Just kill me now…
# # #
Five years later…
This was my life now. This was never the life I’d picture myself living, but in the moment of making a decision when I was hurt, I’m stuck. I’m stuck for good, it seems. I’ve tried several times to back out, but Lia has already booked me. I may never go back to a regular life.
I’ve been doing this for five years now. Five long fucking years. Tony still rapes me, only now he’s upgraded to beating the shit out of me in the process. We’ve yet to marry because I keep ‘running away’ every time they set up the date. I’m not marrying this fucker! The bastard has the nerve to talk down to me when he’s got a wife (ex-wife for now) and kids waiting for him to come home.
Oh yeah, I found out this little gem when I walked down to the river in hopes that maybe, just maybe, Logan would be down there waiting for me.
Staring down at the water, I thought about Logan and all our times we shared down here. He never once got upset at the fact that we had to stay there. Logan always said if he was with me that was all that mattered to him.
Tony’s annoying, irritating voice, broke through my memories, a woman giggling following it. Hurrying behind a tree, I hide from view. No one knows I come down here. As far as everyone is concerned, I was meeting Logan in the flower garden on the other side of the estate. Which of course I’m not allowed to go to now.
The voices draw closer.
“Baby, I miss you,” a female says in between the sounds of kissing.
Pulling out my phone, I press record on the video and hold it out fully catching the man that I’m being forced to marry with another woman.
“I know sweetheart, but you know how complicated things got.”
More kissing noises and moans. My stomach turned again.
“How much longer baby? The kids and I miss you.”
Kids?
“I know my love. I miss you guys too. Having to feign interest in this dog is hard.”
“Are you having sex with her?”
“Baby…”
“Let me remind you how good your
real
wife is.”
They proceeded to have sex right there in the same area that I fell in love with Logan. Our happiness tainted by their stench. Once they were gone, I step out of the trees, watching them holding on to each other as they left the hidden area.
That was the day that I called Lia up and drastically changed my life forever. I’ve lost track of how many men I’ve fucked over the years. I’m not proud of myself, but what can I do. Yes, it was stupid to have made this kind of decision when I was upset, but I can’t change it now.
One month ago, I had a private party with Lia and Hazel. It was a masked party. Basically we all had to wear masks, only our eyes and mouth were allowed to show. Lia says that kind of thing happens a lot. It’s men embarrassed by the fact that they are paying for sex.
Whatever…
I swear at this party, it was Logan I had sex with. The reason I think this is because my whole body came alive. It’s never done that all these years. I allow myself to believe that it’s true. That it was Logan. Lia says she knows every man that was at that party. She’s going to have to come clean because I need to know who I had sex with.
“Fay, what’s wrong?”
Lia wasn’t late like she normally was. Maybe it was my flip out call that got her to show up on time?
“I need to know who it was I had sex with last time.”
I’ve not had sex with anyone since then. Tony is gone, no doubt with his
real
family.
“Why?” She looks genuinely confused. “I told you before that I couldn’t reveal their names.”
“Well, you need to make an exception because I’m pregnant,” I say flatly.
Lia starts coughing before looking up at me wide eyed. “What?”
“I’m… pregnant,” I say slowly knowing she understood me the first time.
“It’s a guy at the party?”
“Yes, it has been four months since Tony has forced himself on me and before last month it was two months before that since I had sex. Without a doubt, I know for sure it was the guy from last month. I’m six weeks along.”
“I’ll have to go back and look at who you had sex with that night and I guess either tell him or give you his information to tell him. I’ll figure it out.”
“You know it’s funny because I swear the guy I had sex with was Logan.”
“Why would you think that?” Lia asks as she digs around in her overlarge purse.
“Because for the first time in all these years, my whole body came alive, I even had several orgasms. It’s only ever felt like that with Logan.” Sighing, “Do you think I’ll ever quit thinking about him?”
She stops digging in her purse and meets my eyes. “Do you want to?”
“No,” I whisper.
“Then who cares if you don’t,” she turns back to digging in her purse.
We talk about everything and anything, like normal, she was on her phone texting up a storm while she was talking to me. Finally she looks up at me.
“Okay here’s how things are going to go. I have one more party booked where you were requested. After that, I’ll no longer book you. I’ve saved all the money you’ve made over the years and I’ll give that to you after the last party so you’ll have all your money. Maybe I can get you to do the books?”
“Wait a minute. You saved my money? Why? You are supposed to be paid right?”
“I never intended on taking any money from you Fay. I figured with whatever you made you could finally get out from under your family.”
“I love you!” I say as I hug her tightly, tears springing to my eyes.
“So pregnant, huh?” Lia says sounding uncomfortable.
I laugh and wipe the tears from my eyes.
“Yeah. But I guess it’s okay. Logan and I are obviously not meant for each other or we’d be together right now. Right?”
“Oh sweetie, don’t ask me about love and fate. I’m pinning over a man that sees me as a friend so…”
“Oh? This is news. Care to tell?” I ask, happy to get off the subject of me.
“Maybe one day.”
“Oh you suck,” I pout playfully.