Frozen Hearts (Beyond Reality Book 3) (12 page)

Kina winced, knowing he wasn’t really talking to her, but feeling bad all the same. She knew she should’ve called Eddie yesterday as soon as the men said they wanted to get out of the house, but she hadn’t. 

Kina caught the sympathetic look in Jonathan’s eyes and looked away. She wasn’t ready to deal with him. She knew he’d done something, but couldn’t figure out what.

Jonathan was frustrated that he hadn’t been able to tend Kina’s face the night before. She was too pissed at him to let him into her room. He would’ve made sure she kept ice on it and hopefully that would’ve lessened the pain and the bruising. He hated that she had to take care of herself, but he’d had to go to the production house the night before. He just had to.

Jonathan winced at the condition of the four contestants as they entered the room after all the cameras were set up. They looked extremely hung-over and uncomfortable. He didn’t have much sympathy for them, but he could still feel for them.

Jonathan thought back to the night before. He hadn’t fought anyone, that wasn’t his style. But he’d slain them with his words. He made sure they knew wha
t
coul
d
have happened to Kina. He explained in great detail what a woman goes through when she’s raped. What it does to their self-esteem and what kind of life they had afterward. He made them think about their moms and sisters and friends. Would they sit around and watch as someone precious to them fought for her life or fought to protect herself? 

He’d ground them into dust with his words. He knew they’d never do it again, and that was what he was going for. He’d also sat down with Eddie and let him know all about the issues he and Kina had with Jeff. It wasn’t that he was a bad worker or necessarily a bad person, but the chip on his shoulder was huge and the night before had been the last straw for Jonathan.

              Eddie reassured him that he’d take care of the issue and Jonathan was glad to see this morning that the man
had
dealt with it. Jonathan had wanted to talk with Kina before breakfast and let her know what he’d done and how he’d dealt with had happened to her, but she wouldn’t talk to him. It disappointed him, but he supposed he couldn’t blame her. She’d been burnt before by a man who’d taken over and acted way too macho and controlling. He’d just have to give her time, she’d come to him when she was ready…he hoped.

Kina watched, with no sympathy, as the four men competed in the next competition. They were all miserable, but she couldn’t care less at the moment. Her face still hurt from the blow she’d taken the day before. She also knew she was sporting a nice bruise as well. Kina didn’t bother to try to hide it with makeup. She wanted the guys to see what had happened to her. The pain wasn’t anything that would keep her off the set and not working, but she still knew it was there nonetheless. None of the men would really look at her after seeing her black eye for the first time. She again wondered what Jonathan had said to them yesterday.

None of the four men looked like they’d been beaten up, at least from what Kina could see. It just didn’t make sense to her. She knew Jonathan had been over to the house last night, but she couldn’t fathom him just sitting down for a chat. Then again, that apparently seemed to have been just what happened. Crap. She’d expected Jonathan to beat the hell out of the men, that was what Matt would’ve done. She thought about how she’d obviously misjudged Jonathan…again.

Kina knew the competition today was geared toward punishing the men. Eddie was good at coming up with things like that. As he had Shannel explain, part of living in Alaska was being able to be self-sufficient. They were brought to a local homestead in the middle of nowhere. The owners, Mr. and Mrs. Morrell, had a pretty big farming operation, as well as an extensive garden. They were completely self-sufficient during the winter and had fresh eggs, milk, and enough vegetables to last them throughout the harsh season. They’d spent the entire summer working on killing enough game to freeze and growing the fresh food in their gardens.

Thank God, Eddie wasn’t going to have them go out and hunt for anything. Kina knew someone would probably have blown off a foot or something if they had to actually shoot live animals for the competition.

It seemed that today’s challenge would be to milk a cow and fill an entire bucket with milk, gather a dozen eggs, behead a chicken, and pull weeds out of a section of the garden. It didn’t seem that hard of a challenge, but with all of the men being hung-over, it’d be tough.

Kina was in charge of filming Darius. Overall, she found her attention wandering throughout the challenge. She kept thinking about Jonathan. She’d been so mad at him last night; mad enough to never want to talk to him again, but now she was second-guessing herself. He’d been so calm this morning, saying he wanted to talk to her. He hadn’t even tried to get her alone today. He was giving her space. She didn’t know if she should be upset about that or not.

In her experience, men would try to get her to listen to them and didn’t care if she wanted space or not. They just barged their way in and made her listen to what they had to say. Jonathan wasn’t like that. He was giving her space, space she wasn’t sure she wanted anymore. Oh, she figured she’d talk to him before the day was out, but for now she couldn’t think about him and do her job.

She focused on Darius as he chased a chicken around a pen. He had to catch the thing then bring it to the block of wood they were using as a chopping block and cut its head off. Kina didn’t even want to watch it through the lens of her camera; she couldn’t imagine what the men felt like, actually doing it. The worst thing about it was the chicken running around without a head after the axe had been used. Kina always thought that was just a saying, ‘running around like a chicken with its head cut off’, but it was apparently true… Gross.

The competition was a timed one, as all of the men were expected to finish all of the tasks. The slowest man to finish would be the one to leave. Kina swore the men were deliberately trying to throw the competition. What did it say for your show when no one wanted to stay and they all wanted to be kicked off?

Kina watched the other men with only half an eye. She barely noticed when Roger went off into the bushes to throw up, after watching Nash cut the head off the chicken and get sprayed from head to foot with its warm blood.

Finally, the torturous day was over. All four of the men had finished the tasks. Shannel and Eddie lined the men up next to the pen which held the cows. Now they had to stand there and smell the cow manure and wait for Shannel to finish with her speech. Kina swore the hostess made it extra-long on purpose. Finally, she was done and it was time to name the slowest competitor for the day. Benedict had completed all of the tasks the slowest and would be leaving the show. Kina tried not to laugh at the look of relief that crossed his face. Even funnier was the looks on Roger, Darius, and Nash’s face when they realized they’d be staying for at least one more competition.

The ride back to the production house was quiet. Everyone except for Eddie and Shannel were now traveling in the same van, since they all fit.

Kina put her head on the seat behind her and closed her eyes. She was tired. Tired of trying to figure out where she and Jonathan stood, and honestly just tired of the whole camera operator gig. She never thought she’d feel that way. She remembered how much of a high it used to give her and the way she’d loved moving from show to show and getting the best shots. She thought about the joy she felt, watching the shows she’d worked on when they aired on television, recognizing her filming, being able to tell it apart from that of the other camera operators.

Now she never watched them. She’d lost the excitement she’d used to feel about her job. That made her sad. She felt lost. If she couldn’t do this, what could she do?

Nash’s words broke the silence in the van.

“I’m really sorry, Kina. We shouldn’t have broken the rules, but more importantly we shouldn’t have dragged you along to that shithole.”

Darius chimed in when Nash quit talking. “We had no idea what was going on. We wouldn’t have left you to deal with those assholes if we weren’t so drunk. I know it’s not an excuse, but we’re sorry.”

Kina expected it and wasn’t surprised when Roger added his apology to the others’. “We hope you can forgive us, Kina. We were stupid and you paid the price.”

The mood was solemn in the van until Nash broke the tension. “Although, we heard you kicked their asses.”

Kina smiled. Sh
e
ha
d
kicked butt. She just wanted this all to be done. She didn’t want them to keep bringing it up. She wouldn’t lie; she was glad they were sorry and that they’d apologized. Hopefully they’d learn from it, but she also wanted it done.

“It’s okay, guys. I know how stir crazy it can be, cooped up in the production house. If you ever do anything like that again, I’ll bring out the pictures I took of you all with those skanky strippers.”

At their horrified looks, she let them off the hook. “Kidding. But you’d better hope Eddie doesn’t want to use the footage w
e
di
d
take before the day got too crazy.”

Everyone got out of the van after arriving at the house. Privacy was at a premium since everyone was now staying at the set. Kina knew she had to talk to Jonathan. He’d been quiet, too quiet. She didn’t like it. She’d prefer him to be talking to her and joking. She missed it and she didn’t like the awkwardness that surrounded them both. 

“Can I talk to you, Jonathan?” she asked as they walked towards the house, honestly, not knowing what he’d say.

“Of course.”

She should’ve known he wouldn’t play games with her. “My room, after we get our cameras put away?” Since she was the only woman on the crew she had her own room. The guys all had to share a room. It was the only place she could think of that was guaranteed to be private. She desperately wanted things back the way they were between them, but wasn’t sure how to get them there.

* * *

Jonathan took a deep breath. Thank God, Kina was going to talk to him. The day had been torture. He was glad the men had apologized. He knew he’d guilted them into it last night, but it was the right thing to do. He just hoped he could get Kina to listen to him, because he’d never be able to sit back and let her get hurt or disparaged and not do something about it. It’d be a change for her, but that’s just the way it was. He couldn’t change the person he was, just as he didn’t want to change who she was.

He knocked on Kina’s door about ten minutes later. He opened it when he heard her call for him to enter.

Kina was sitting on the edge of the bed looking uncomfortable. He opened his month to say something, he wasn’t sure what, when she beat him to it.

“I’m sorry, Jonathan. I was out of line.”

He shook his head. “No, you really weren’t. I don’t want you thinking you can’t disagree with me. There’ll be times when we don’t agree, hon. Hell, I love that you can stand up to me. I don’t ever want you to think that you can’t. I’d even venture to guess we’ll probably disagree a lot. You’re passionate and I love that about you.” When Kina opened her mouth to say something, he interrupted her again.

“But, you have to understand the way I am.
I
kno
w
you can take care of yourself, if you couldn’t,you’d most likely be in the hospital because those guys would’ve done unspeakable things to you. But you don’
t
hav
e
to do it all by yourself anymore. I know you’re independent and strong as hell, but that doesn’t mean I won’t protect you. I still don’t think you understand this yet, but you’re mine. No one disrespects you and gets away with it. Let that sink in. I told you before and I’ll keep saying it, until you get it.”

Jonathan watched Kina as she sagged back on the bed. He stared at her, willing her to understand.

“When I was with Matt, we went out one time to have dinner. The waiter was cute and was harmlessly flirting with me. Matt didn’t like it. He yelled at me all the way home, about how I was acting like a whore and didn’t I know I was his? When we got home, he said he was going out and would be back. When he got home later that night, it was obvious he’d been in a fight. I found out later he went back to the restaurant and waited for the waiter to get off work. He beat the hell out of him right there in the parking lot, just to prove to himself that I was his and that no one flirted with his property. It embarrassed the hell out of me and I felt so bad for that poor waiter. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It made me feel like I’d done something wrong, when I hadn’t. It also made me realize I never wanted to be in a relationship like that again.”

As much as he hated to hear her story, Jonathan got it. “I didn’t touch them, Kina.”

“I know. I figured that out, but I didn’t know that this morning when you wanted to talk. I should’ve known you weren’t like Matt, but I was stuck in the past. I heard you call me ‘yours’ and I was afraid you’d be like him. I’m sorry, Jonathan. I know you aren’t like him. I do. I swear.”

Jonathan walked over to Kina and knelt in front of her. He took her hands in his and stared up at her. “I’m not like him, hon. But you have to know, I’ll protect you with my life if I have to. I want to stand next to you, not in front of you, but again, if I need to, I’ll shove you behind me so fast, you won’t know what hit you. If you want to flirt with a waiter, go for it. It’s not going to make me lose control. I’ll just know at the end of the night, you’re going home with me, and you’ll be in
my
bed. In fact, I encourage you to flirt with whoever you want, just know any time you do, I’ll find a way to remind you that you’re mine, while you’re flirting.” He smiled at her, imagining running his fingers up her thigh under the table while she smiled at a waiter.

He got serious again and repeated what he’d just told her. “I didn’t touch them last night, Kina. I made it very clear that what they did was seriously messed up. They weren’t too happy with me, but they understood where I was coming from. They were mortified about what happened to you and what could've happened to you. They had no idea what you went through and I think that was what finally got to them the most.”

“What about Jeff?”

He sighed. He figured this was coming. “I had a talk with Eddie as well.” He put his finger to her lips, knowing she’d protest. “Listen, please. Jeff had it coming. You know it as well as I do. He wasn’t fired for good. I just explained to Eddie, how Jeff had no respect for any woman. That he wasn’t good for the camaraderie of the camera crew. Since it’s the end of the show and he didn’t really need him, Eddie agreed to move him off the show. I should’ve shared this with you before I did it, but I saw red when I saw you’d been hurt and I hadn’t been there. Not only did Jeff not do anything about it, but he’d joined the other idiots in getting hammered. It wasn’t cool of him and although on some level, it wasn’t cool of me to do what I did, again, I couldn’t just let it go. I hope you understand.”

He held his breath until Kina nodded. She opened her lips and licked his finger still resting there. Jonathan moaned, actually moaned. God, she was so sexy and holding himself back from her was killing him.

Kina smiled. She knew they had more to talk about. She was putting off having the conversation about what she was going to do after the show was over. She desperately wanted to let Jonathan know she’d come to Arizona with him, but she was scared. She wasn’t a hundred percent sure it was what she should do, but at the same time she finally knew she wanted a change. She was ready to get away from filming reality shows.