off telling you, and maybe that was wrong of me. I hate that you found out like this. Maybe I should apologize, but I
won’t. I’m not sorry for loving Jaylin. As for what happened,”
he looked away again, but not before Chad saw the tears
that came into his eyes, “I guess you do know everything. I assume you’ve talked to the police and all.”
“I have. And I’m disgusted.”
“They were so vicious, Dad.”
“You gave them a reason to be. All of this is your fault.”
When dealing with Jaylin, he had happily laid the blame on
his shoulders, but he was playing the same card with Max—
and for a reason. He had it all worked out clearly in his
mind. “I believe Trent and Greg and the others went too far, but this isn’t completely their fault. I am certain you or
Jaylin or both of you have flaunted this so-called
relationship and Trent and his cousin were pushed to the
edge.”
“Dad….”
“What you have been doing is sick. It’s disgusting. It’s a
sickness.”
“No, it’s not.”
“But we will find a cure.”
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“A cure?” Max again shook his head, clearly ignoring the
pain. “I’m gay. I can’t help it if you do not like that, but the fact remains and I…I am in love with Jaylin. And he loves
me. He loves me without any conditions and I…. Dad, I need
to see him. I need him with me, because I…I can’t do this
alone.” He began to cry, much to Chad’s disgust, The urge to slap his son so hard his neck snapped nearly consumed
him, but he resisted.
“Let’s be reasonable, Max.”
“I don’t want to be reasonable. I want Jaylin! I need
him.”
Ignoring the frantic tone, the look of sheer panic in
Max’s eyes, Chad moved from the foot of the bed, to sit in the chair where Jaylin had sat only hours before. He already had what he wanted to say, worked out carefully. He knew his
son, knew his weakness, and given his current state, Chad
felt he would have no problem bending Max to his will and
getting him to agree to do just as he said, without rebelling or making a scene.
“Have the doctors talked to you at all?”
“What?”
“Focus, Max. Forget Jaylin for a moment. I want to
know if the doctors have told you about how badly you are
injured.”
“Yeah. I mean, just about an hour ago. I know I’m hurt
bad.”
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“So you know it will take some time for you to heal?”
“The doctor said it may take months. I won’t play sports
again. I might walk with a limp and I’ll likely have scars on my back….” He trailed off and swallowed hard. “I know there was other damage, a lot of it. Doctor said I will have some serious pain for a while.” His eyes lowered again and Chad
was glad to see it. If Max couldn’t look at him, that meant he had to be feeling some trace of shame, and Chad would use
that to his advantage.
He was a pro at getting what he wanted, regardless of
the means or method.
Jaylin Ryan thinks he will still be a part of my son’s life,
but that pretty boy fag has no idea who I am or what I am
willing to do to have things my way.
“It will take you a while to fully recover. College will have to be postponed.”
“Okay. I’ll start late….”
“What about Jaylin?”
“He can still start on time.”
Chad shook his head. “If he loves you as much as you
say he does, will he? Will he go off to college and leave you?
Or will he want to stay with you? Will he put his own dreams on hold to be with you during your recovery?”
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He watched the emotional play in Max’s eyes as he
considered the questions and he nearly smiled, but forced
himself to remain somber.
“You’re a mess, son. And you will be for a long time.”
“I know. But….”
“But what? If Jaylin loves you, he won’t leave you. He’ll
skip college. Do you really want to see him do that? Jaylin is depending on scholarships to pay for college and if he delays attending, it’s likely he will lose those scholarships. And then what? How will he pay for school?”
“Dad, please. Stop.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry, but you need to face the truth.”
“This isn’t the truth!” Max nearly shouted. “You’re trying
to undermine me and make me start doubting my
relationship with Jaylin. And don’t act like you care about Jaylin going to college. You have already made it clear you hate him and me.”
“You’re right. I don’t give a shit about Jaylin.”
“But I do! I love him.”
“You think you love him. And since you think that, you
need to put him first.”
Max sagged back against the pillows and Chad could
see he was getting tired, which meant he was getting tired
emotionally as well as physically.
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The pieces were falling into place just perfectly.
“If Jaylin skips college and ends up missing out on his
scholarship, he will resent you. Maybe not right away, but he will. He’ll miss out on something he really wants and once
you are well enough, you will go to college and what will
Jaylin do?” Chad leaned closer. “And what if you don’t
completely heal, Max? What if you need longer to recover
than the doctors anticipate? And what happened to you?
You do realize Jaylin witnessed all of that. He saw
everything. He saw you powerless and weak and that had to
upset him. It maybe even disgusted him.”
Max tried to shake his head again, but it was a weak
effort. “He loves me.”
“I still think that’s shit. And I refuse to accept you being gay.”
“Dad….”
“But if you truly think you love him, do the right thing.”
“And what is the right thing?”
“You know, Max,” he whispered, trying to appear
understanding. “If you love Jaylin, you need to let him go”
“I can’t….”
“That makes you selfish. If you love him, end it. Let him
move on.”
“Love doesn’t work like that.”
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He gave a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Let me tell
you something. And you might find it a bit hard to believe, son, but I did love your mother a great deal. But she only
married me because she was pregnant with you and, with
some effort, I convinced her marriage was the right thing to do, for not only us, but mostly for you. So she gave in and married me. And she hated it. She hated being a wife and a
mother and in the end, before she left she resented you and she resented me and you notice she hasn’t looked back once
since she left.”
“Jaylin’s different.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But if I had been strong enough, I
would have let your mother go. But I held on and she felt she had to run.”
“Dad….”
“Do you want Jaylin to run away from you? Wouldn’t
you rather save some pride? Do what’s right, Max, and let
Jaylin go and allow him to go on and live his life, because you don’t belong with him and even if you did, at the
moment, you are no longer the guy he supposedly loves. And
there’s a very good chance you never will be again.”
He reached out and laid a hand on Max’s arm. “I found
a place, a rehabilitation facility in Seattle, and you can leave for it tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“A clean break.”
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“I need to tell Jaylin….”
“So he can talk you out of it? Make promises he will one
day resent? Forget a face-to-face goodbye. You just write him a letter, letting him know it’s over.”
“He’ll try to find me.”
“Make certain he doesn’t. Or you’ll both regret it.”
Max lifted his eyes. “That almost sounds like a threat.”
“It could be.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means Jaylin won’t get to school without a
scholarship. And his mother, she depends on her job with
that law firm.” He smiled coolly. “I am trying to help you, son, even if you don’t believe it, but you are making it very difficult.”
“I love him. Don’t do anything to hurt him!”
“If you cling to him, you will be the one hurting him.”
He watched, as Max turned away and stared at the wall.
Chad waited, feeling confident he had made his point.
I always win. Max and Jaylin need to realize that and
accept it and never forget it.
“I’ll go.”
“What was that?”
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Max turned angry, tear-filled eyes in his direction. “You
heard me. I said I’ll go. I’ll go to the place you found and I…I’ll leave Jaylin, because I love him too much to hold him back and that is the one thing you need to understand. I
really do love him. If you can’t accept that, fine. But I won’t deny what I feel or who I am, and I am doing this, I’m
leaving, for Jaylin’s sake. Not mine and not yours. He’s all that matters to me.”
He turned away again, back toward the wall, and Chad
stood, not bothering to offer comfort or even acknowledge
Max’s words.
What Max said, what he felt, what he believed, none of
that mattered, because he had given in and agreed to do just as Chad wanted him to do.
He had won.
He always did.
AT eight o’clock that evening, Jaylin returned to the hospital, determined to see Max and determined to face down Chad
Sydney, if necessary.
He had managed to sleep for a few hours and he had
even forced down some food, to keep his mother from
worrying. His nerves were still raw, and he felt anxious and on edge. A police officer had called and asked him to come
down to the station tomorrow to deal with some follow-up
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had already decided he was willing to do whatever it took to make certain Greg and Trent paid for their crimes.
Lane and Hank were in jail as well, but it seemed they
were willing to testify against Trent and Greg to save
themselves and, while Jaylin still hated them for not having stepped in and put a stop to the hell Max had suffered, he
knew he owed them, to an extent. In the end, Hank and Lane
finally did the right thing in calling for the police and
confessing everything, but Jaylin wasn’t ready to forgive
them and he was honest enough with himself to admit he
might never forgive them.
As far as he was concerned, all four men deserved to be
punished, but Trent and Greg more so, considering they had
actually carried out the violent acts.
Hank and Lane just watched.
Like I did. All I could do was watch. I couldn’t do a damn
thing to make them stop.
Shivering at the memory, he paused outside of Max’s
door, gathering his emotions and willing himself to be
strong.
Max needs me and I am not going to fall apart on him
.
That thought in mind, he stepped into the room, the
smile he had gathered fading when he saw the bed was not
only empty but freshly made. The room appeared spotless.
He could see not a trace of Max or any sign that Max had
ever been there and he was about to panic when a note on
the edge of the bed caught his attention.
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His name was written on the envelope and with
trembling hands he ripped it open and pulled out the letter inside.
Jaylin,
First, I want you to know I love you. Please,
don’t doubt that. I love you more than I can say,
far more than you will ever really know, and it’s
because I love you so much that I had to do this.
I’m leaving tonight for a rehabilitation facility. I
won’t tell you where. I don’t want you to know
and I don’t want you to try to find me. I have a lot
of healing ahead of me and there is a chance that
I will never fully heal and I certainly can’t think
about college or any of the plans we made in the
condition I’m in now.
I’m letting you go, Jaylin.
If you want to hate me for this, I understand. I
don’t blame you. But things are different now,
and the truth is, I’m different.
After what happened with Trent and Greg, I
don’t think I will ever be the same, and there is a
good chance the person you loved didn’t survive.
Go to college and have your life and know I
will never forget you. And please, don’t look for
me or try and find me. I’m letting go and you have
to do the same.
I’ll never forget you.
My love always, Max
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He read the letter and then reread it twice more, trying
to make it make sense, trying to understand how Max could
do this to him. He loved him. And he knew for a fact that
Max loved him. He knew what they shared was real, but Max
was gone. He was gone and he didn’t want Jaylin to try to
follow him or find him.
He set me free? What the fuck? I don’t want to be fucking
set free! I want Max.
Unaware that he was crying, he felt his strength leave
him and he sank slowly to the floor, letter still gripped in his hand. He couldn’t make himself believe this was real. He and Max had plans, plans to be together, plans for their future.