Glass Hearts (24 page)

While Dane is off in the kitchen having a heated discussion with Tyler, I corner Gwen. This might not be the time to talk about Reid, but I don’t know when I’ll get to see her next. She needs to know what happened; maybe she can make sense of it.

“Gwen, can we talk?” She nods and follows me to the bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed, patting the space next to me. I’m not sure how to approach this, so I just go all in. “My boss, Reid Murphy, claims he knows you.” I stop for a second, watching her eyes widen. “He came onto me the other night, saying I remind him of you and that you guys had a thing after high school.”

She closes her eyes. “It was more than a thing. We were in love.”

“Why did it end?” I ask.

“I let Mom and Dad come between us. I wasn’t as strong as you are. I loved him a lot, but I was even more scared of them. I regret letting him go every day.”

Hearing this makes my heart heavy. I know exactly what that moment was like for her, what it felt like to let Reid go, what it feels like to try to move on from the love of your life. I wish I would have known what I know now so that I could have helped her through. Maybe it’s not too late for her to find it again. I hope it’s not.

“When was the last time you saw him?” A large part of me doesn’t get what she sees in him. Maybe I don’t get to see that side. I’m sure there are a lot of people who say that about my relationship with Dane.

“I ran into him a couple years ago at a charity function. His family has money, but they made it by opening bars and clubs. Mom and Dad didn’t approve, said they weren’t our type of people,” she says sadly, running the fabric from her skirt between her fingers.

“It’s never too late to find love. Maybe you should give it another chance,” I say, taking her hand in mine.

“Alex, I’m married,” she replies, pinching her eyes shut.

“Yeah but are you in love?” She remains silent, pulling her hand away from mine so she can stand up. The situation she’s in is even worse than the one I had with Ryan. I adored Ryan, but I think she just tolerates her husband. He’s never with her, and I never see her smile.

“I need to get home. Phillip and I have an event later tonight.” She walks toward the door, but stops before opening it. “You’re lucky you know. Dane loves you.”

She walks out, leaving me feeling helpless. She’s worth so much more than what she’s allowing herself to have, and it hurts me to watch her. Maybe some day she’ll open her eyes.

When I walk back into the living area, Dane stands alone, staring out the window. “Where is everyone?”

He startles, looking over at me before turning back to the window. “Jade said something to Tyler, and then left, so of course he went running after her. I haven’t seen them since.” He stops and looks at me again. “What happened with Gwen?”

“I sat her down to talk about Reid. It didn’t go very well,” I sigh. “There definitely have unresolved issues.” I make my way over to the window. The apartment is dark except for a small lamp by the couch and the light from the window. Dane’s been stoic all day, only shedding a few tears during the service. I’m worried about him, but he told me over and over that he’s cried so much the last few days and he just doesn’t have it in him. I understand; I’ve watched every tear fall and caught most of them, but I’m worried that he may be bottling some of this up and what it will do to him.

He pulls me in front of him and wraps his arms around me, resting his chin on my head. Home is not just a roof over your head and a bed to sleep on. Home is where I am right now. Content in Dane’s arms. We’ve been through so much in such a short period of time, but he’s still it for me.

“I talked to Reid today. I convinced him to give us both a few days off.” I’m completely confused.

“I thought he fired us,” I say, tracing my fingers over the window. Even if he didn’t fire us, I don’t want to go back there. I don’t trust him, and all he has done is cause trouble for me.

“He did, but when I talked to him today, he apologized. He says if we come back, he’ll stay out of there. He’s transferring to the Hamptons.”

“What are we going to do with our time off? Work in the studio?”

“No, I want to take a trip. Just you and me, on the bike, no place to be. I thought we could bring the tent and sleep under the stars like we talked about.” I turn around and watch him. He’s serious. “What do you say? Let’s get out of here and forget for awhile.”

I nod, jumping into his arms. Going on a road trip sounds exactly like what we need right now. We can’t run away from real life forever, but we can escape for a little while.

Five days alone on my bike exploring the Northeast with my girl. No plans. No map. Just the two of us doing whatever we want to do. I’ve wanted to do it for years, but never took the time for myself. Alex finally gave me the push I needed. This trip will make me better, and when I’m at my best, I feel like I’m good enough for her.

“Are you ready to go?” I ask, zipping up my small bag. She complained for hours after I handed her the bag that she’d have to fit everything into. It’s not any bigger than a school bag, but it’s all we can carry on my bike. Her nose crinkled up when I suggested she wear the same shorts a couple days in a row here and there. She may have also earned me a smack across the arm. I may never understand women.

This morning I showed her how I roll my clothes to fit as many as possible in my bag. I even offered to put her shampoo in my bag and told her to leave her makeup at home. Yeah, that didn’t go so well, either.

She’s still in the bedroom, trying to get it all sorted out. She’s struggling, and I’m not far away from offering to leave my clothes at home, so she can put hers in my bag. She would probably crinkle her nose up at that too. She doesn’t realize how fucking cute she is when she does that.

“Give me two more minutes. I think I might have it figured out,” she yells. She sounds a little flustered, but I’m not going in there. I think it would just make things worse. “Do you think I need a jacket?”

Oh, hell no! There’s no way she’s fitting a jacket in that bag. “Alex, it’s August. You don’t need a coat.”

“Fine, I’ll be out in a minute.”

My mom’s death, and the days between that and her funeral wore me down. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’m a little depressed and need a pick me up. That’s why I planned this. Alex and I work well together when we don’t have the outside world plotting against us, but we haven’t been able to escape it since we started our relationship. I want a chance to bring a smile back to her face, and then I’m going to work to keep it there for as long as possible.

I know I caused most of this trouble for us. We’re both working on ourselves a little bit now. Not that I thought I was perfect before, but I realize now that I can’t take care of everyone. I can’t hold everyone up when I’m not even standing myself.

That’s my main goal now…standing on my own. But I want Alex standing right beside me.

Alex accepts me for who I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be better. I always want to be better for her.

She finally steps out of the bedroom looking like she just finished a five-mile run. Watching her in her current state of hot and bothered just makes me want to pull her in the bedroom and give her something to be really hot and bothered about, but I don’t. She looks cute in little cutoff jean shorts and a white t-shirt. Maybe I should tell her that white isn’t the best color to wear on the road, but I don’t want to wait another thirty minutes for her to change. At least she was sensible enough to wear black chucks instead of sandals. Knowing her, she snuck a pair of sandals into her bag for later.

“Don’t forget we have someone to meet at 3,” I remind her.

“Why won’t you tell me who?” she asks again. We’ve been going over and over this since I told her about it early this morning, but I can’t tell her. I’m afraid she won’t go then.

I close the distance between us, wrapping my arms tight around her body. “I’m nervous,” she whispers.

I pull back and look into her face. “About what?”

“About taking the bike on the interstate. What’s the speed limit? Ninety? And I’m nervous about this meeting you won’t tell me anything about. Why can’t you just tell me who we’re meeting with?”

My body tenses. I’m not sure how she’s going to react. A part of me wants to tell her, but the other part of me doesn’t want her to have time to think about it, or back out. She might hate me for this, but I have to do it…if I don’t, she will regret it later. I know that from experience.

I pull back, pressing my forehead to hers. “Just trust me on this one, okay?”

“Okay.” She lightly brushes her lips on mine. “We better get going then.”

I hold her hand in mine as we walk out of the apartment. I grip her a little tighter than usual, knowing she’s going to need me later. I hope I’m doing the right thing.

I think I am.

We strap my bag and the sleep gear on my bike, leaving Alex’s bag on her back. I can feel the tension in her body as she climbs on behind me, pressing her body close to mine and wrapping her arms tight around my waist. I turn to make sure her helmet is strapped on correctly, and she smiles tightly at me. I smile at her one more time before easing my bike out of the parking garage and onto the street.

The city has settled down from the morning rush, and we ease down the streets without much trouble. Alex may not realize this, but I haven’t been out of the city since I was nine, with the exception of rehab, of course. I sometimes think to find yourself, you have to leave your environment, go where you know no one, and just live. You can do what you want and say what you want because you’re not being judged by anyone you’ll ever see again. I’m hoping to learn something about myself during this trip, and hopefully Alex and I can learn something about each other. About us.

The funeral was two days ago, and I still haven’t seen or heard from Nolan. I know what he’s doing; he was high that day. What kind of man goes to his mom’s funeral high as a fucking kite? The day of the funeral he asked for money, but I didn’t give it to him. He’s really on his own now, so all I can do is sit back and wait for him to hit bottom. I can’t lose him, but I can’t watch him kill himself either.

As we pull toward Greenwich, I feel Alex’s arms squeeze me tighter. I know if she thought I could hear her right now, she would be panicking. I’m panicking for her.

When we enter town and stop at the first stoplight, she leans in close to my ear. “What are we doing here? Dane, who are we meeting with?” Her voice is full of edge, teetering on panic and anger.

“Calm down. It’s going to be okay,” I say, rubbing my hand over hers. The light turns green, and my bike rumbles to life again. I feel her cheek resting against my back as we pull into the parking lot of the coffee shop. I look around for any sign that he’s already here, but I don’t see him. I park, putting the kickstand down, and wait for Alex to disconnect herself from me. When she finally does, I say a little prayer that this goes the way it’s supposed to. That he’s here to do what he told me he was going to do, and nothing more. I’m not a very trusting person, but for Alex I have to believe him.

I help her pull her helmet off and hook it on my bike with mine. Her eyes are scanning the parking lot, but she doesn’t say anything. I think she knows I’m not going to tell her any more than I already have. Grabbing her hand, I lead her toward the front door. Through the glass, I can see him sitting at a table in the back corner. He waves at me and I feel some of the pressure on my chest ease. He doesn’t look like a man who came here to tear his daughter in two. He looks like a man who feels broken and wants forgiveness.

I open the door and pull Alex in with me. The moment she sees him, she stops dead in her tracks, looking back at me with her mouth hanging open. She seems to be searching for words, but unable to find them.

I grab onto her hand again a little tighter this time and walk her over to the table. He’s called me almost every day for a couple weeks. He wants to talk to Alex, said he has something to tell her and that he needs her forgiveness, but he doesn’t want to do it over the phone. After what happened with my mom, I couldn’t let Alex have the same guilt someday. I’m not a guy who doesn’t make mistakes, but I am one that learns from them.