Going Too Far (The Curvy Submissive) (4 page)

I knew Kelli’s place was pretty far outside the city, but the
further we drove into the forest, the more my anxiety threatened to smother me.

“Are you sure about this?” I asked quietly. Julie turned off
the radio and my voice grated in the silence.

“I’ve been looking forward to this for the last four months.
I’m going to be there if I have to walk.” She glanced at me, her soft blue eye
shadow glowing in the dark. “Are you nervous?”

“Oh my God, of course I’m nervous. The invite said
The
only thing better than a girl in a carnival mask is one wearing a ball gag.
XOXO, Kelli
. Holy yes, I’m nervous. Aren’t you?”

Julie grinned and shook her head, the little chandelier
earrings tinkling with each shake. “I know you’re not afraid of sex. It’s not
like everyone’s going to get naked and go at it. It’s going to be fun and we’ll
have each other’s backs.”

“You’re my best friend but I’m not sure I’m ready to see you
spanked by a man in a leather mask.”

“Oh shit, I didn’t think about that. Look, if I’m going to
share a man in a leather mask with anyone, it would totally be with you.”

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse, Jules.”

She laughed. “Kelli said you only participate in what you’re
comfortable with.”

“And how do you know for sure Kelli hasn’t set up a giant
orgy room?”

“Well…”

“I don’t think I’m ready for a giant orgy room.”

I ran my fingers across my stomach, pressed in my soft
bumpiness beneath my dress. Julie complained about her boyish figure, but she
owned it. I certainly didn’t
own
anything. And I didn’t want to be
rejected out here, already vulnerable, because no one liked what they saw.

Shit, what if no one liked what they saw?

“I still can’t believe I agreed to this.”

“Tyler Minear,” Julie sighed. “You agreed because you’re my
very loyal best friend and because I am so crushing on that man. And also because
you haven’t been laid in a while.”

“Thanks, Jules. You really know how to make a girl feel
special.”

She grinned and reached over the gear shift to squeeze my
knee. I tried to relax, but she was right. This night was half about reclaiming
some part of myself that Brian kept telling me I wasn’t entitled to, and half
about letting go of all that worry.

And yeah, I hadn’t gotten laid in a while.

Sometimes when a certain type of man walked in to the bar Kelli
said she knew he was looking for a certain type of submissive woman that night.
She said she could smell it, that they had a certain
thing
about them
that made them bigger and brighter than other men.

Once I’d noticed the bruises peeking out from beneath her shirt
sleeve one night and she assured me they were made consensually during a
particularly intense scene with a friend of hers. She touched them lovingly and
I didn’t understand it. Couldn’t possibly imagine it.

And yet, here I was. Not just imagining it. Doing it.

I understood these words,
submissive, dominant,
consensual, bondage
, but only in a conceptual capacity. My kink experience
boiled down to a few lonely nights on Google.

“Whoa, check it out.”

I glanced away from the night sky to see the bright glow of
Kelli’s place rise out of the darkness. Tiny firefly lights flanked the road up
to the driveway. There were already twelve cars outside and I suspected we were
one of the last to arrive.

The butterflies in my belly exploded until I could barely
breathe.

Julie pulled into one of the last open spots and turned off
the car. The outside sounds melted through to the quiet inside the cab and I
could hear crickets, the boats knocking on the lake on the other side of the
house, and soft music coming from inside.

“Here we go.” Suddenly Julie looked more nervous than I’d
remembered her ever looking, but she took a deep breath and pushed her door
open without hesitation. Not wanting to be left out in the dark, I followed,
but not because I was brave.

My boots crunched along the gravel drive up to the big front
steps. Julie had trouble walking in her heels and I had to grab her until we
reached the concrete. We looked a bit like little girls playing in their
mother’s grown up clothes. I felt ridiculous instead of sexy even though this
was my best dress and my favorite boots.

The double front doors opened and Kelli appeared between
them in a beautiful scarlet red cocktail dress paired with a black and red
carnival mask. A thick cascade of feathers and crystal beads fell along one
side of her face.

“There you two are! I was about to send out the search
party.” Kelli captured me first, her arms warm and strong threaded beneath
mine. I held her back almost as tightly. She smelled faintly of pomegranates
and lime.

“I considered turning back a few times,” I admitted and when
she pulled back, her red smile spread knowingly. “But Julie is a lot stronger
than she looks.”

“That’s my girl.” She wrapped her arms around Julie. “I knew
she’d get you here, one way or another.”

Julie’s dress cut sharply along the hem so that it appeared
shredded and soft, ethereal along the edges. It was an almost see through pink
and so light it could have blown away in a strong wind. She’d tied her hair up
in tiny fairy knots, loose curls pooling around her bare neck.

I wore a simple black strapless cocktail dress with a high
neckline and pretty, see-through flourishes above the heart shaped bust. The
fabric flared at the waist and rippled to my knees. I hadn’t bothered with
pantyhose, deciding instead to wear knee-high socks and calf-high boots.

Kelli stepped back when Tyler appeared and immediately swept
Julie up into his body. She squealed and clung to him as he lifted her off the
ground and spun her. For a moment my heart squeezed enviously. How would it
feel to be so tiny that a man could capture you so completely like that?

Tyler set her back on the ground when Kelli ordered him to
be gentle with her friend. He towered over the sprite of a girl, dark, neat
hair a little ruffled from his enthusiasm. He tilted her chin gently and kissed
her cheek as if Kelli and I weren’t there at all. The moment was sweet and when
he pulled away, Julie swooned.

Kelli had brought Tyler into our lives when she invited us
to her party. He co-hosted these soirées with her and she’d wanted us to know
one of the men so we would feel some familiarity. When he made eye contact with
Julie for the first time, Kelli and I might as well have ceased existing. They
spent the evening in constant whispered conversation.

“Her mask, Kel?” Tyler asked.

“This is my favorite part!” Kelli clapped and rushed back
inside and returned with two masks. The first was wrapped in a baby pink satin
with white beads creating a swirling pattern. Ribbons twisted prettily down
both sides of the mask. Kelli let Tyler tie it on Julie.

“This one is for you.”

Kelli presented me with a mask of deep gold and velvet
black, a carnival design, with a blushing of glitter and delicate ribbons like
spun gold. When Kelly stepped behind me and drew the mask over my eyes, the
world disappeared but for the space between us. It felt heavy but comfortable,
like a second skin.

Julie breathed. “Gorgeous.”

“Agreed. Allow me to escort you in and introduce you to a
whole roomful of people who very badly want to fall in love with you tonight.”
Tyler presented his arm and in his fancy suit coat with tails and top hat, I
could hardly say no. Behind me I heard Julie and Kelli giggle conspiratorially.
My butterflies fluttered and I held onto Tyler maybe a little tighter than
necessary.

And for the first time that night, I did not feel completely
over my head. With Tyler next to me, I felt grounded. I felt like maybe I could
belong.

The doors shut behind us, but the mask made it difficult to
see much but what was right in front of me. The perspective and limitations
made me feel a little hobbled, but there was something exciting about that,
too.

Kelli’s place was sparsely furnished, but what there was
felt plush and opulent, deep chairs and lounges created around intimate spaces
tucked away with dimly lit views of the lake. Several people called for Tyler’s
attention and he lead me in their direction towards a sunken living room, one
wall completely covered in windows.

Tyler introduced about 12 people, a mixture of women and
men, all mostly around Kelli’s age, a few over 30. They were all eager to make
my acquaintance, just as promised. Tyler kept Julie somewhat separated from
them after he introduced her as if to say,
this one is mine
.

We all shared that same eager, terrified brightness. My
guard dropped, the butterflies settled. I could do this. I could love this.

And then I heard his voice and the whole night crumbled
around my knees.

“Oh my god. Katrina?”

I spun towards the voice as the butterflies became a
psychotic tornado and tried to escape through my heart.

Josh stood at the edge of the living room with a look of
shock quickly dissolving into horror. He stumbled back a step, blue eyes
widening with each terrible second. The man who was as familiar to me as my own
brother vanished and left this stranger standing there, lost and embarrassed.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing
came out. How could it? We both knew what kind of party this was. We both knew
what it meant to explore this world of wish fulfillment and power.

No. No that really wasn’t true. Only the girls were new to
this. The boys…

“Excuse me,” I murmured to Tyler who had sense enough to
release his hold on me so that I could flee the curious gazes of those already
lounging around the common room. I heard Julie call my name but I was already
out before she could stop me. I dashed down dark hallways, made a quick turn
before the kitchen and somehow made it onto the lanai, a cool lake breeze
drifting in through an open window.

Goosebumps broke out across my arms. I planted my hands on
the table top in the middle of the room and took several, deep breaths. How
could Josh be here?
Boring Josh
. That was what I’d called him when I
poked through his freakishly clean apartment and found nothing shocking.

I could remember doing my homework at the bar when he was
learning to bartend. I remembered him flipping grenadine bottles and slipping
me extra cherries when his dad wasn’t looking. He knew my favorite ice cream,
my favorite movies. He knew me inside and out. We were practically family.

Shit. I didn’t really know Josh at all.

But now I knew why he never had girlfriends. I teased him
about it, but I never understood how someone so good looking, so charming, so
easy to love could remain so completely unattached.

Now I knew the secret part of his life he kept from us. I
knew why it felt like he was only half ours.

“Katrina?” I felt him fill the doorway behind me. God, I
recognized the way he smelled and his familiar heaviness hesitating on the edge
of my space. The shock had edged out of his voice, but caution replaced it. I
didn’t turn around.

“Kat? Please look at me.”

My hands shook as I pushed myself up. I inhaled,
straightened, and slowly turned to meet his disapproving gaze and whatever
judgment he wanted to cast down. There really was no avoiding it anyway.

In my head I heard his voice as Brian’s. Disappointed.
Disgusted.

You’re sick.

What’s wrong with you?

Grow up.

Who would even want you anyway?

He’d promised me earlier that day that I never had to know
what it was like without him, but I knew deep in my bones that he’d take it all
back now. How could he not?

But to my surprise, he didn’t look at me like that. He
looked worried, scared maybe, and curious. Like the other men in the room, he
didn’t wear a mask, but he was dressed to impress in a black button down shirt.
Or had been, anyway. He’d unbuttoned his sleeve cuffs and rolled them up his
forearms. His shirt was untucked and a little bit wrinkled. He didn’t quite
match the black tie crowd I’d seen earlier, but he looked very
Josh
.

He shoved one hand into his pants pocket.

“I had no idea you were going to be here,” I answered his
searching eyes quietly. That was the truth. I would never have shown up, no
matter Julie’s begging, if I’d known. He nodded as he stepped down from the
dining room into the open lanai.

“I think it’s safe to say I would not have come if I’d known
you would be here, either.”

He opened his hand to lead me to the sofa but was careful
not to touch me. I sat down and immediately tugged the gold ribbon free so that
my mask fell forward into my lap. With it gone, the room felt bigger and I felt
very exposed.

Josh inhaled sharply before very slowly lowering himself
down beside me.

“Maybe you should put that back on.”

“Why bother? Genie is out of the bottle, so to speak.”

“Please.” I looked at him, but he’d turned his face away.
“For me.”

I hesitated, but complied. It felt better to put the mask
back on anyway, and when I had trouble tying it, his fingers caught mine and
took the ribbons from me. He re-tied the mask with practiced ease and when it
was back in place I felt his hand lower along my hair, his fingers gentle as
they tucked the strands aside.

“It’s…easier if I can kind of pretend like you’re someone
else.”

“Well that shouldn’t be a problem since I do not plan to go
back in there.”

“Masquerade party, huh?”

“Well, the truth seemed a little awkward.
Going to a
bondage party, Josh. Should be a rockin’ good time
.”

Josh didn’t laugh which made me wilt a little. He sat quiet
for a little while and I could see the thoughts racing through his mind.