Going Too Far (The Curvy Submissive) (8 page)

“I can’t. I can’t.” He groaned softly, regretted everything
he said. “I want to. God, I want to. I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone as badly
as I want you right now, but it would be such a mistake we’d both regret
tomorrow. Do you understand? We’ll never recover from this. We’ll never be able
to go back to the way things were.”

I stiffened in his arms, grateful for the wall holding me
up. What he said was true, but it hurt like hell to hear him say it. I
recognized the desperation in his voice for what it was - guilt. He already
regretted what had happened between us while I yearned for more.

It made me feel pathetic.

“I’m not a mistake,” I whispered, unable to hide the hurt. “If
you don’t want me, fine. Then let me go.”

I pushed him off me. Before I could flee back to the living
room, he grabbed my wrist and twisted me into the wall so I faced away from him.
He crushed me there, held me perfectly still, his fists captured my wrists and
pressed them into the wall.

It took him seconds to regain control of me and this time I
could barely struggle his hold on me was so absolute. I twisted, pulled,
pushed, but nothing could budge him and my struggling only made him tighten his
grip.

Josh’s heavy breathing startled me as he lowered his mouth
to my ear and kissed me in the soft space behind my earlobe. This one act
settled me and cast some kind of lovesick spell over my fight. I released into
his hold and allowed him to capture me.

“Mine,” he growled.

Josh sank into my body and pressed his erection against the
curve of my backside. I felt blissfully powerless against him and I wanted
this. I knew without a doubt in my mind how much I wanted him.

It didn’t matter that it could ruin our friendship. It didn’t
matter that his dark desires meant power play, control, even the possibility of
pain, none of which I’d ever explored before. It didn’t matter that I knew his
secret and he knew mine and we could destroy everything we ever had.

I wanted him and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he
wanted me, too.

Josh pressed hungry kisses down my neck and back up. He
nipped at the hollow of my throat and growled low against my skin. “What do you
want, Kitty Kat? Tell me. Tell me exactly what you want.”

Our hips locked in a pattern, me circling my hips back
against his growing erection as an invitation to something more, and him
grinding back his undeniable acquiescence.

“I want...” I moaned and lost all control of my thoughts and
voice as he let go of one hand and lowered his fist down my body to the hem of
my skirt and began lifting it. He didn’t take his time dragging the fabric up
into a wad over my hip, nor did he waste time pushing his hand down the cleft
between my cheeks to the wet, humid triangle of fabric between my legs.

Josh growled again, throaty and all animal as he felt just
how badly he’d turned me on, and while I struggled to find the words he needed
me to say, the words I’d beg, he began rubbing pressure along the thin fabric
that protected my moist sex from his invading fingers.

“Josh,” I whimpered, begged, as his hand turned my body
against me. I touched my forehead to the wall, every part of me focused on
standing, on breathing, on pushing through the madness taking over my body. If
he kept touching me like this, playing and teasing me like a toy, I was going
to come shamelessly against his hand.

“I want…I want
you
. I want
this
. More rope…a
lot more rope.” I gulped air between each word, my voice coming out shaking and
broken. “Teach me what you like, Josh. Show me how to please you.”

He groaned and released his hold on my panties and wrapped
his arm around my waist instead. He let go of my hand and spread his palm
against the wall to hold himself up. Josh stilled us as if terribly afraid we
were close to crossing some unspoken line.

We stayed that way for a long time, him breathing heavily
against the back of my neck, me resting my cheek against the wall for support.
My heart raced and despite the stillness of our bodies, gave no sign of slowing
down any time soon.

“That…no.” He exhaled finally, and I felt his whole body
shake with tension. “That is out of the question. What I like…that’s not an
option. Not with you. Don’t ever ask me again.”

Pain shot through my chest and my whole body wilted. My racing
heart came to a violent stop and never restarted. “I
want
it to be you.
Isn’t that enough?”

I turned my face away from the wall towards his mouth and
reluctantly his lips brushed my jaw and kissed the soft underside of my chin.
Our lips brushed close, but not quite. Not quite.

“If you have to ask that, then I know this can never
happen.”

“If you don’t want to teach me,” I said slowly, quietly. “I
promise I will find someone who will. This is my choice.”

____________

Josh

Lust, desperate, uncontrolled lust fueled my aggression when
I took Kat by the wrist and pulled her across the hallway to an empty bedroom.
She gave a squeak of surprise but didn’t argue when I dragged her inside,
kicked the door shut, and shoved her to her knees against the wall. She
stumbled, fell gracelessly, and caught her free hand on the plush carpet. Four
small candles lined the windowsill and provided only enough light for me to see
her kneeling, struggling silhouette. The candlelight sent the reflective
glitter on her mask sparkling beautifully.

Beautiful
. Everything about Kat was beautiful. How
had I not noticed before?

But what she wanted from me was out of the question. Train
her? Dominate her?
Punish her
? I didn’t think any man was strong enough
to survive the emotional backlash that was certainly inevitable from such a
contract.

And yet, when I called her
mine
I’d meant it with my
heart and soul. Seeing her with anyone else might actually kill me.

“You want to know what I like, Kat?” I let her go and
dropped my voice to a hoarse whisper. She fell forward on her hands and let her
hair fall across her face. I could hear her hummingbird breathing, quick,
light, anxious. Sensuous.

When she didn’t answer right away I buried my fist in her
hair and yanked her head back, not hard enough to hurt, but sharp enough to get
my point across.

“When I ask you a question, I expect you to answer me
immediately.”

“Y-yes. Josh, yes,” she breathed, her wet lips catching
candlelight. Their full, ripe pout sent my mind reeling through all sorts of
dirty, gorgeous ideas. There were things she’d never dreamed of that I could do
with that bratty mouth and new ones even I hadn’t yet indulged in. “I want to
know what dream about. I can be what you want.”

You already are
. As if she ever needed to worry about
that.

If she had been anyone else I would have ordered her to call
me Sir and nothing else, but I didn’t want to take my name away from her. I did
not want to rob us of the intimacy my name and our long history gave us.

“I crave your obedience.” As I spoke I unfastened my belt,
slid the leather through its buckle, and stepped desperately close to her
kneeling body. I tightened my hold on her hair, pulled a fraction harder. She
trembled very slightly but my pet didn’t lower her eyes from mine. “Tell me to
stop, Kat.”

I waited, fingers hovering over the zipper. She blinked
slowly and raised her eyes to meet mine. Her soft face didn’t give way to
trepidation. She radiated eagerness and longing.

There was no going back now.

“Open your mouth.”

Kat obeyed,
help me
but she obeyed perfectly. Her
lips parted and she opened her mouth sweetly, the tinge of fear she expressed
earlier disappearing. Somehow, ordered like a slave, she became stronger for
it. My fingers shook as I unbuttoned my pants, unzipped them, and freed the
throbbing erection I’d had since I’d laid eyes on her.

I almost pulled her mask off so I could see her beautiful
face, but something stayed my hand. The mask offered some sense of safety.
Later we could argue this had all been a terrible, but very hot fever dream
brought on by the situation and our familiarity. Removing the mask removed our
excuse. I wasn’t prepared for that.

Kat’s hot breath warmed the head of my cock as I held it in
front of her and returned my other hand to her hair. She seemed to like the
hair pulling, her eyes rolling back for a moment to enjoy the pressure as her
head tilted backwards. I had to remember that for next time.

Next time.
No, no,
no
. This could only be a
onetime thing. I couldn’t take this moment back to our real lives. If we could
even still go back there. If we hadn’t already ruined everything.

I don’t know if I could let her go a second time.

“Wider. Good girl.
Oh
,” I groaned as I fed the head
between her lips, a painful inch at a time, along the velvet flat of her tongue.
She seemed smaller to me in this vulnerable position than she ever had, and I
felt ridiculously afraid of hurting her while at the same time aroused by the
thought of pushing her beyond her limits.

She purred softly and that was enough to set off the slow
build I’d been tempering all night. At that moment all I wanted to do was bury
myself inside her.

Kat gave a muffled cry as I suddenly tightened my hold on
her hair and speared into her roughly, her cheeks puffing then hollowing as she
suctioned around my thickness.

Her mouth became delicious agony, small and tight around my
broad shaft. I groaned loudly, forgetting myself, and closed my eyes as the
sensation of being inside her took root. I skimmed the fat head along the roof
of her mouth and back out along her tongue. I speared her once again, a slow
thing that buried all my conflict away and focused the world on the junction of
our bodies, the press of her pink lips and the engorged hardness of my cock.

Deep
. I wanted to penetrate her core through her warm
mouth. I quickened my thrusts and took up more of her hair in my tight grip
when she tried to help. I didn’t want her to help. I wanted to claim her. That
was my dark fantasy, the one I’d jerked off to not so long ago that had
tormented me for months after. I wanted to fuck her mouth, penetrate her at my
command, my intensity. I wanted to bruise her lips, ravish her mouth, then
empty myself down her throat when I couldn’t take it anymore.

I wanted her whole world. I wanted her to want this.

And then I wanted to kiss her relentlessly every morning and
every night and any time I damn well felt like it.

Kat whimpered and pawed at my thighs, and when she tried to
stroke my balls as if I were a regular lover, someone she’d done regular,
vanilla things with, I batted her hands away impatiently.

“Take it,” I panted. She stretched her mouth wide to
accommodate my size which looked too big inside her mouth, but the view only encouraged
me. The effort of fitting inside her like this made my thighs quiver and I
didn’t know how long I could last. Not long. This was perfect, but too intense.
When my shaft jerked and swelled I knew I was almost there.

I fell forward and caught myself with one hand against the
wall, bent over her now. I squeezed my eyes shut as I pounded her mouth and my
beautiful pet took it all, her eyes always turned up to me, nostrils flaring.
The candlelight caught their green glimmer, sweet and giving and trusting. I
didn’t know if I deserved it, but I cherished it and with that trust went the
last of my resolution.

“
Katrina
.” With a throated moan I squeezed my eyes, wrenched
her closer, and plunged into her wet mouth, all the way in, unrestrained until
I hit her throat and kept pushing.

She made some throated noise, a protest or a moan I couldn’t
tell. Her mouth suctioned around me, lapped across the underside as dams burst.
I threw my head back and flooded her mouth.

Obediently she swallowed and sucked until the pressure of
her mouth was too much. Until her touch was too much. Until I was shaking and
half sobbing her name.

Katrina. Katrina. Katrina.
I stroked her face, her
hair, brushed my thumbs against her lips and wanted her again. Now. Again.
Again. Again.

Mine.

Sliding out of her mouth left an agonizing ache behind. I
wanted nothing more than to find my way back inside her, but the tremendous
sensation of her nearness was enough to send me over the edge again. I had to
slow down. I had to get some distance, some control.

God, we were so doomed.

Her lips looked shiny in the low light, a touch swollen. I
closed my eyes and placed both hands on the wall above her head and held myself
there for a long time. The quivering in my thighs subsided, leaving the muscles
tired and satisfied. When I thought I could handle the sight of my beautiful
girl waiting on her knees for evidence of my approval, I finally turned my eyes
down on her.

She watched me from behind her mask, eager but too nervous
to smile. Her cheeks glowed in the candlelight. She bit her bottom lip.

I smiled.

Kat’s body released its tension, its anxiety, and the hint
of her smile gave way to a full bloom of pleasure.

“Good girl.” I dropped my hand to cup her cheek and stroke
the messy strands from her face. “My beautiful pet.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, as if the possibility that
she wouldn’t, or couldn’t, please me was ever in question. I zipped myself back
up and sighed, then I reached down to collect her.

She reached for me, captured her arms around my neck, and
for that moment as I held her, I considered kissing her. I wanted to kiss her,
badly, but that was one more line I couldn’t cross. They all seemed impossible
to cross, too many rules we were forbidden from breaking, but this one…