Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook (14 page)
Read Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook Online
Authors: Kim West
Tags: #Family & Relationships, #Life Stages, #Infants & Toddlers, #Parenting, #General
• Treat each night awakening the same. If your child calls for you from her bed, or gets out of bed and comes to your room, take her hand and walk her back to her room. Remind her that her wake-up music or light is not on yet and that she needs to lie quietly in bed and go back to sleep. Sit in your chair by the door until she’s back asleep.
• Don’t give up until after 6:00 a.m.! Wait until the wake-up music comes on and then do a “dramatic wake-up:” Leave the room, count to 10, and come back in as if nothing happened!
• Each morning, review your child’s sleep manners chart before or during breakfast. Make sure you have his attention, and give him stickers or stars where he did a good job. Focus on the behavior you want to see more of.
Tell your child that he’s doing a great job and explain that you’re going to move the chair again. Show him where it will be—
in the hallway where he can see it from his bed
. Continue the same soothing techniques, intervening as little as possible. He may cry a bit, but gently reassure him and he will fall asleep. If he keeps getting out of bed and coming to you, tell him you will come tuck him in but he must first get back in bed by himself. If he lies down on the floor, ignore it. Move him to his bed if he falls asleep.
in the hallway where he can see it from his bed
. Continue the same soothing techniques, intervening as little as possible. He may cry a bit, but gently reassure him and he will fall asleep. If he keeps getting out of bed and coming to you, tell him you will come tuck him in but he must first get back in bed by himself. If he lies down on the floor, ignore it. Move him to his bed if he falls asleep.
If he continues to get out of bed and come to you in the hallway, consider installing a gate (if you haven’t already)
. Explain to your child that the gate is there to help him remember his sleep manners and to help him stay quietly in his bed. Add that once he remembers all his sleep manners for a whole week (at least) you will take the gate down. Make sure you also explain to him that he may not climb the gate since that is very dangerous. (You’ll be sitting right by the gate so you’ll also be able to catch any climbing attempts.)
. Explain to your child that the gate is there to help him remember his sleep manners and to help him stay quietly in his bed. Add that once he remembers all his sleep manners for a whole week (at least) you will take the gate down. Make sure you also explain to him that he may not climb the gate since that is very dangerous. (You’ll be sitting right by the gate so you’ll also be able to catch any climbing attempts.)
If you do put up a gate, sit on the other side of it at bedtime and for all night awakenings. Don’t climb over the gate to hug or reassure your child, until he gets back in bed himself. If you haven’t gated your child’s door and he comes into your room, take his hand and walk him back to his own room. Remind him that his wake-up music or light is not on yet and he needs to lie quietly in bed and go back to sleep. Tuck him in and sit in your chair in the hall until he’s asleep.
• Move your chair to the
hallway
where your child can see you from his bed
.
• Use your voice to reassure him.
• Review your child’s sleep manners chart at bedtime.
• Keep a sleep log.
• The move to the hallway can be difficult because you’re no longer in the room. Your child may try every trick he can think of to get you back in, including crying, throwing things, or kicking off the blankets and begging to be tucked back in. Set a limit such as “Mommy will only tuck you in one more time and then you will have to do it yourself.” Follow through on whatever you say.
• Treat each night awakening the same. If you haven’t gated your child’s door and he calls for you from his bed or comes into your room, take his hand and walk him back to his own room. Remind him that his wake-up music is not on yet and he needs to lie quietly in bed and go back to sleep. Tuck him in and sit in your chair in the hall until he’s asleep.
• If he calls out during the night and there’s a gate in his doorway, go to the gate, point out that his wake-up music or light isn’t on, and tell him that you’ll come into his room and tuck him in if he gets into bed by himself and stays there. If he conks out on the floor near the gate, move him later, when he’s sound asleep.
• Don’t give up until after 6:00 a.m.! Wait until the wake-up music comes on and then do a dramatic wake-up. If you’re already sitting in the hall from an early rising, acknowledge that the wake-up music has now come on and it’s time to get up. Remember, if you allow your child to get out of bed before his wake-up music comes on, he won’t take the music seriously.
• Each morning, review your child’s sleep manners chart with him before or during breakfast. Make sure you have his attention, and give him stickers or stars where he did a good job. Focus on the behavior you want to see more of.
Move a few feet farther down the hallway, so that you’re
out of sight but within hearing distance.
Make “sh-sh” sounds from the hallway, just frequently enough that your child knows you’re near. If he gets up to look for you, take him back to bed. If you haven’t already, put a gate in his doorway if he does it excessively.
out of sight but within hearing distance.
Make “sh-sh” sounds from the hallway, just frequently enough that your child knows you’re near. If he gets up to look for you, take him back to bed. If you haven’t already, put a gate in his doorway if he does it excessively.
Take this step slowly if it really upsets your child. For instance, you can sit halfway out of view and then move completely out of view one or two nights later.
If your child calls for you from his bed or gets out of bed during the night (if you haven’t gated his door) and comes to your room, take his hand and walk him back to his room. Point out that his wake-up music or light isn’t on yet and remind him that he needs to go back to sleep. Tuck him in and sit quietly in your chair in the hall until he’s back asleep. If your child’s sleep has improved sufficiently by now (he’s waking up less often and for shorter periods) and his room is close enough to yours, you can also try going back to your bed right away and reassuring him from there. If he calls out during the night and you
have
installed a gate, go to the gate, remind him that his wake-up music or light is not on yet and tell him you’ll come and tuck him in
if he
gets back in bed and stays there. If he falls asleep on the floor near the gate, move him later when he’s sound asleep.
have
installed a gate, go to the gate, remind him that his wake-up music or light is not on yet and tell him you’ll come and tuck him in
if he
gets back in bed and stays there. If he falls asleep on the floor near the gate, move him later when he’s sound asleep.
• Your chair position on night 10 is in the
hallway
out of view
.
• Use your voice to reassure your child if needed. Be careful not to shush, talk, or sing constantly until your child is asleep.
• Review your child’s sleep manners chart at bedtime.
• Keep a sleep log.
• If your child comes to his doorway to check and see that you’re in the hall as promised, but then gets right back in to bed by himself, ignore it.
• Treat each night awakening the same. If your child calls from his bed during the night, or gets out of bed and comes to your room, take his hand and walk him back to his room. Point out that his wake-up music isn’t on yet and remind him that he needs to go back to sleep. Tuck him in and sit quietly in your chair in the hall (or go back to your own bed if your room is close enough and reassure him from there).
• If he calls out during the night and you
have
installed a gate, go to the gate, remind him that his wake-up music or light is not on yet, and tell him you’ll come in and tuck him in
if he
gets back in bed and stays there. If he falls asleep on the floor near the gate, move him
after
he’s sound asleep.
• Don’t give up until after 6:00 a.m.!!! Wait until your child’s wake-up music comes on and then do dramatic wake-up. If you are already sitting in the hall from an earlier rising, acknowledge that the wake-up music has now come on and that it’s time to start the day. Remember, if you allow your child to get out of bed before the music comes on, he won’t take it seriously.
• Each morning, review your child’s sleep manners chart before or during breakfast. Make sure you have his attention (no TV), give him stickers or stars for his chart, and focus on the behaviors your want to see more of.
• If you’ve been consistent, by now the night awakenings should be greatly diminished and you may only be struggling with early rising. This is especially true if your child has a previous history of early rising. Early rising can take three to four weeks to improve! Read more about early rising in the “Trouble Shooting” chapter on pages 91-93.
Remember that early rising is caused by one or more of the following
:
:
• a too-late bedtime
• nap deprivation in general
• too much time between the end of the afternoon nap and bedtime (average window is four to five hours for a well-rested child)
• putting your child to bed too drowsy at bedtime
A fair number of children start falling asleep and staying asleep between night 10 and 14—occasionally even sooner. But most parents have to take one more step: Put away the chair and leave their child alone for five-minute intervals, or what I call “job checks.” To do this, tell your child that you will keep checking on him from his doorway until he’s asleep.
Most likely your child won’t have a realistic concept of how long five minutes is. It may sound like a very long time, so explain exactly where you’ll be during that time and what you’ll be doing (brushing your teeth, changing clothes, folding laundry nearby). Always return as promised and check on him from his doorway.
By now your child has had nearly two weeks of preparation. He has given up some of his negative associations and gained quite a bit of sleep independence. He’s old enough to understand that you’re close by even if you’re out of sight. Don’t go too far away—stay on the same floor, in a nearby room and just read a magazine or a book for the first few nights. Gradually, you can move a little farther away. If he cries, you’ll be back every five minutes to reassure him. Try not to go to the door more than that; he’ll just get more stimulated and more upset if he has to say good-bye to you every two minutes.
Unlike the crying-it-out approach to sleep coaching, you don’t need to keep stretching out the intervals for longer than five minutes. The only exception is if you sense that five minutes is too brief for your child: that having to see you but separate again every five minutes is making him more agitated. Then experiment and see if he finds it less disturbing if you check on him every 10 or 15 minutes.
Nicholas, age 2 years
CHAPTER TEN
Troubleshooting
We live in a one-bedroom apartment and our baby sleeps in the same room as us. Can we do this while sleep training?
Absolutely! Your chair positions at bedtime can be the same as those outlined in this workbook except for the middle of the night after night four. When your child wakes up during the night after your first three nights by the crib, go to the cribside to do an initial reassuring check and then return to your bed and use your voice to soothe your baby. You could sit up in your bed so he can easily see you.
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