Guarded Heart (Dubicki's) (5 page)

Chapter 7

“Shut your mouth, Cassie. It’s going to be alright. Ray
won’t hurt you. You know that,” he whispers in her ear as she shakes in terror.
Her pulse is racing. She is afraid of what Ray is trying to do to her. Her
mother may not see through to his character, but Carissa has always seen the
mean look in his eyes.

He presses his sweaty body up against her, and she feels
his stiff member. As he stifles her cry, she knows that somehow he will enjoy
it all the more. He mounts her and forces himself inside of her. She can feel
her flesh tearing as angry tears escape from the corners of her tightly shut
eyes.

He gets up and zips his pants.

“You had it coming, you pretty thing. You think I didn’t
notice your curves and how you liked to show them off for all the boys? Well
the boys aren’t the only ones that notice. You have no one but yourself to
blame. If you say anything to anyone about this, I will cut that pretty face of
yours and give you scars. You hear me?”

Carissa’s eyes grow in terror at what he has said. She
nods her head in agreement and promises not to tell anyone. When he finally
leaves, she rolls over in the fetal position and weeps.

Carissa woke up with tears streaming down her face. She
wished she could make that dream go away--erase it from her memory. She would
give anything to make that night go away, to make the thought go away that
she’d lost her virginity to a rapist.

Once she and her mother arrived in the Midwest, it didn’t
take long for her mother to take up with the wrong people again. When Carissa
was nine, one of her mother’s boyfriends beat them both up. Mostly it was her
mom that got beaten up; this particular guy used to like to slam her mother’s
head up against the wall. Then one day he tried it out on Carissa.

Soon, every day felt like a fight. Carissa only fought to
defend herself, which was, sadly, far too often. Carissa loved the movie
Million
Dollar Baby
because she could relate to Hilary Swank’s character becoming a
fighter because her upbringing didn’t give her a skill set for much beyond
that. Carissa started to read very young and found that reading books was a way
to lose herself in stories and take her mind off the heaviness of her home
life. She started babysitting when she was 12 and had always been good at
saving her money. In the back of her mind, she had always had an exit plan. She
inherently knew that someday she might have to run.

That day came when she was 14. One night her mother’s
boyfriend Ray had raped her and threatened to kill her if she ever told anyone.
When Carissa had told her mother, her own mother didn’t believe her and accused
her of being jealous of her boyfriend. Her mother had then called her all kinds
of names and said that she was worthless. All Carissa had ever wanted was her
mother’s love, but she realized her mother wasn’t capable of loving anything
besides her drug addiction.

After she was raped, she took all the money that she’d saved
those two years, which amounted to $432, and ran away. Initially, she went to
find a place to crash for the night at a friend’s house. Eventually, she found
a situation in the city with a few roommates that were going to college. She’d
lied about her age, and they believed her. She had quickly gotten a job as a
waitress and had been on her own ever since. She put the little girl that was
Cassie, along with that nickname, to rest that day and ran forward to her
future.

She’d never been to a therapist. If she’d have sought
therapy or help, she would have been sent back to her mother or, worse, to
foster care. That night all those years ago had shaped her life, for better or
worse. She’d never looked back; her mother had probably been glad she’d left.
Her mother’s reaction to her had been full of contempt and confirmed all of
Carissa’s fears. Her mother had never loved her. If her own mother couldn’t
show her love and support, who would?

The dreams were terrible at first. In the early days, she
would sleepwalk. Luckily, she had patient roommates who stopped her from doing
anything stupid while she slept. Now the dreams only came up intermittently.
Mostly when she was stressed. Carissa had only had one boyfriend since then.
Sometimes during sex she would have flashbacks and freak out. It was one of the
many reasons that relationship didn’t work out. It had been so long since she’d
had a boyfriend that she figured she was just damaged and that men weren’t
worth the trouble.

Waking up in Jesse Dubicki’s bed after getting drugged at
Dubicki’s had brought all of her issues about the rape back up. Carissa hated
that she’d lost control, that it was taken from her again. By a man. Seeing her
mother around drugs when she was growing up made her never want to touch them.
That woman was always a mess, and somehow it made Carissa want to be a better
person and not go down that path. She’d just wanted to have a little fun that
night. She was old enough to legally drink and decided to go along with the
crowd.
What a mistake that was!
With a sigh, she continued berating
herself.

Jesse Dubicki. The guy who had been roughhousing with his
friends that she’d noticed earlier that night before she lost control. She’d
also noticed how sexy he was. She was lucky that man with his lethal weapon of
a body had chosen to protect her rather than hurt her. She could not believe
how stupid she’d been and how lucky she was that no one had hurt her. That next
morning before she left, he had looked at her like he cared or something. She
found that annoying. He probably just liked the fact that she was the damsel in
distress. Some guys got off on that.

She felt like she could never go back to Dubicki’s again. Someone
that had seen her at her worst and looked at her with that sappy look could only
mean trouble in the long run.

Chapter 8

Jesse squeezed his eyes tightly shut in frustration. He
could not seem to stop thinking about Carissa. In daily practices, Pablo had
been tough on him lately. Pablo feared Jesse would lose his competitive edge,
and they could not afford to lose any ground with the Velasquez fight coming up
in a few weeks.

Jesse paced as he tried to figure out what to do. It had
been so long since he’d wanted to have a woman at his side. The timing of this
was poor, he knew that. He knew he had to stay in the game, but a primal need
seemed to be taking him over. He had to find that girl.

The day was already a bust. Pablo had clearly been frustrated
after practice. Jesse wasn’t sure who he was more disappointed in, himself or
Pablo. He paid Pablo to keep him on top of his game, and he hated it when Pablo
was right. What he hated even more was that the man in him was partly relieved
because now he could go try to find Carissa. He silently wondered if he was
insane: missing another practice was a death wish. Every time he told himself
that, he still couldn’t talk himself out of trying to find her.

Sadly, Jesse didn’t even know her last name. He knew one
other person that might know: his sister Kelsey. Kelsey was behind the bar at
Dubicki’s nearly every night, and somehow bartenders knew what was going on
with the locals and in the neighborhood. Carissa had said she didn’t go there
often, but he figured it was worth a shot. Plus, he hadn’t seen Kelsey in a
while and would love the opportunity to run it all by her.

Kelsey was Jesse’s big sister, technically, but when they
were kids they told everyone they were twins. They still had closeness between
them. They loved their older brother, Adam, who inherited Dubicki’s when their
dad had died suddenly the year prior, but Kelsey and Jesse were still thick as
thieves even though they didn’t see each other as much anymore. Kelsey had gotten
married a few months prior and was preparing to have a family. Her baby girl
was due in a few months. There’d been chaos last fall when a real estate
developer had tried to acquire Dubicki’s to build a condo high-rise. Luckily
for their family, the real estate developer, Jason Rourke, had fallen in love
with Kelsey. Jason found a way to save their business, and now Jesse had a
great brother-in-law and the family business was intact.

Dubicki’s had been a pillar in northeast Minneapolis for
three generations. Northeast Minneapolis had many similar bars that were
nestled in amongst the neighborhoods, and there was still a sense of
competition among the businesses, although it was mostly friendly competition.
This neighborhood had a definite clannish feeling among its business owners and
residents. Technically, Jesse lived upstairs from the bar, but he usually
missed his family due to his training hours that conflicted with all of their
schedules.

He smiled as he opened the door to the bar. It was early
afternoon which meant there were only a few patrons inside. Kelsey looked up
and saw him. She smiled and ran around the bar to give him a hug.

“Jesse!” Kelsey said as she sized him up in a motherly way
to assess his overall health, emotional and otherwise. “You look good, but
what’s wrong?”

Jesse answered her with a sheepish grin that conveyed he was
busted. He was relieved to be in his sister’s presence again. She knew him so
well. Jesse took a seat at the bar while Kelsey got back to work.

“I’ve been losing it, Kelsey. Not totally, but enough so
that Pablo is really frustrated with me. I’ve got a big fight coming up, and
I’m not bringing everything I have to the table,” he said and then sighed.

“Why is that?”

“Remember that night a couple of weeks ago when you wanted
me to help a drunken girl out of here?”

“I think so, but you know I see a lot of drunks in here.
Remind me,” she said as she held up the shaker of drink she was mixing and
shook it.

“It was the girl that passed out when I was trying to help
her get home. You told me you thought she’d been roofied.”

“Oh, that girl. I remember her. You should have taken her to
the hospital. Or called the cops. Neither of which you did, little brother.”
Kelsey looked up at him from the drinks she was mixing.

“You just love to scold me, don’t you?” Jesse teased her,
continuing. “Anyway, as I was saying. I didn’t know her name or where she was
from, and she ended up staying at my apartment. We didn’t do anything, but she
got mad the next morning and told me she hadn’t asked for help and then stormed
out.”

“And you are interested in this girl because she was a mess
and you saved her? Be careful, little brother,” she said as she put olives in
the martini she’d just made.

“Kelsey!” he exclaimed in frustration. “There’s just
something about her. I don’t know what it is. I would like to believe she tried
to push me away because she was embarrassed. You know how girls sometimes are
mean to boys they like?”

“That’s supposed to be the other way around, Jess.”

He grinned mischievously. “Well, I think that’s what it was,
but I want to find her again to see if she meant it or what.”

“So, you want to go out with this girl? I don’t get it, but
whatever. I like the thought of you with someone. You just have to make sure
she’s not really a bar fly. That would be bad news.”

“Okay, Kelsey, let’s just give her the benefit of the doubt
right now. And hello, we own a bar. What’s so bad about bar flies!” Jesse
exclaimed, as Kelsey rolled her eyes at him. “I need to find this girl. I know
her first name is Carissa, but I don’t know how to find her. I was hoping you
could help me.”

“Since I’ve never seen her before, I don’t really have a
recollection of her except having blondish hair and high heels. That girl was
in heels so high I’d trip if I were wearing them. I have respect for anyone that
can walk in a pair of those.”

“That’s her,” he answered and was silently thankful that she
remembered Carissa.

“Listen, Jesse. I’ll ask around. It would be more helpful if
she came in here again, but I’ll ask around to see if anyone knows anything.
Okay?”

He affectionately put Kelsey in a headlock and kissed her
temple.

“Thanks, sis. So, do you and Jason have the nursery set up
yet?”

“Well, Jason has promised he’d help me paint the nursery,
but between the two of us, we’re always so busy. It’s hard to find the time. I
think I’m going to have to organize a family painting day soon. You in?”

“Yes. It would be better if it were after my fight with
Damon Velasquez, though.”

Kelsey slammed her hands down on the bar and rushed out from
behind the bar as fast as a woman that pregnant was able. She charged him and
slammed her hands on his chest. She probably would have been able to actually
shove someone who wasn’t Jesse.

“What the fuck, Jesse? You didn’t think to tell me or the
family that you were fighting him? He almost killed you two years ago, and you
want to let him do it again? And you don’t even have the courtesy to tell your
family?”

Kelsey threw her hands up to the air and paced as if she
were making a plea for their parents to intervene from Heaven. The fight two
years ago had not gone so well for Jesse. Damon fought dirty and pulled off the
win. Jesse left the ring with a broken arm, one hell of a bleeder over his
eyebrow, and had almost been suffocated in a choke hold before his team threw
in his towel of submission for him.

Jesse knew he had been close to losing his life that day. If
he had it to do all over again, the only thing he’d change was who was nearly
killed. He was still not sorry for resisting submission. He was proud, and
sometimes pride might cost a fighter his life. Luckily, it had not cost him
his.

Adam, the eldest Dubicki sibling, walked out of the back
room.

“What’s going on out here?” Adam said, his voice clearly
warning them to hold it down with customers in the bar.

“Do you want to tell him Jesse, or should I?” Kelsey asked.

Jesse’s only response was to look down at the floor.

“Adam, our brother’s next fight is with Damon Velasquez.”

“WHAT!” Adam yelled so loudly that by this point half the
bar was watching them. “You promised us. Promised, Jesse, that you would stay
away from him!”

“Clearly, neither one of you understands what it’s like to
be a fighter. He took something from me that day that I will never get back
unless I fight him again.”

“Jesse, what if he really kills you this time?” Kelsey
asked, putting her head in her hands and starting to cry.

Adam walked behind the bar and smashed a glass with his
fist. “Do NOT expect me to watch that fight, or to come and see you in the
hospital when he puts you there again!”

“Thanks for your faith in me, guys. I totally appreciate
it.”

Jesse was mad at them. He knew they’d be upset, but couldn’t
they at least try to support him?

“Ow.” Kelsey suddenly put her hand on the bar to steady
herself and her other hand on her back.

Adam and Jesse both rushed to her side.

“What’s wrong, sis?” Jesse asked.

“I don’t know. I think it was a contraction. This shouldn’t
be happening. I’m not ready yet; the baby’s not ready yet.” Her face showed
visible pain as she reached out for support.

Jesse took her arm. “Should we call Jason?”

Kelsey and her husband Jason lived a few streets away, but
Jason worked a few miles away and it was still a time of day that Jason would
be at work. Jesse worked his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed.

“Jason Rourke,” his brother-in-law answered the phone as
always, announcing his name. He spent half the day on the phone for his real
estate business.

“Jason, I hate to worry you, but something is wrong with
Kelsey. She’s had a couple of contractions and needs you.”

“Oh my God, is she okay?”

“She seems to be, for the moment. Just meet us at the
hospital.”

“I’m on my way,” Jason said and disconnected.

“See what you’ve done, Jesse. Good job, little brother. You
were always getting into trouble with your fists before you made it a career!”
Adam yelled at him.

“Shove it, Adam. You were always good at laying on guilt
trips, and today is no exception. I’m sorry for the stress of it and feel bad
enough on my own without you being a dick about it. I highly doubt you want
this to come to blows, so help me get our sister to the hospital.”

They spent the next few hours as a family at the emergency
room, waiting for the final word on Kelsey. It was a couple of Braxton Hicks
contractions, but the doctor was concerned about how much she was on her feet.
She negotiated with the doctor, and they reached an agreement that she would
cut her shifts at the bar in half. If this happened again, she would have to
stop working until after the baby was born.

That night, after all the family drama, Jesse’s thoughts
shifted to Carissa. He didn’t know what she was doing to him and why he was so
determined to find her, but he figured there had to be something to the saying
“when you know, you know.” Perhaps that was a bit presumptuous of him, but he
didn’t care. He wanted what he wanted, and what he wanted, he usually got.

As he was getting ready for bed, his phone rang. It was
Kelsey.

“I’m sorry, Jesse. I tried, truly. I asked all around about
that girl you like, but I couldn’t seem to find anything out. I will keep
asking but just wanted you to know.”

He sighed in disappointment. “It’s okay, sis. I can’t
believe you made some inquiries after the day you had.”

“Well, you know I can’t sit still for long. It kept me busy
and kept me from worrying about the baby. The doctor assured me everything will
be fine, but it was still scary. I know what Adam said to you, and it’s not
your fault, Jesse.”

“I still feel a little responsible, but thanks for saying
that. And thanks for trying to find Carissa. That means a lot to me that you
would even remember.”

“I love you, Jesse. I remember these things. I’m still mad
at you, though. Mad that you’re fighting him again, and mad that you didn’t
tell me.”

Kelsey was like a mama bear sometimes. He liked it that way.

“I know, Kels. I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. You know? I’ve
wanted vengeance for the last two years. I know you don’t understand. I know
you’re worried. I will try to make you proud and win this one.”

“Jesse, I hope you do win. I trust your judgment in this.
It’s just hard. Whatever you do, please don’t let him kill you. I still have
nightmares about that night two years ago.”

“I will do my best, sis.”

“I’m counting on it, little brother.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”