Guarded Heart (6 page)

And that was it she was gone. I felt miserable when we
fought but…I wasn’t backing down. She never should have had Wes come to the
Deli yesterday. She was playing with my life. I wonder how quickly she would
get over it if Mitch started screwing every willing girl he came in contact
with.

There was just one thing about Samantha and me we are
both extremely stubborn when it came to each other. I knew I wasn’t backing
down and it was a guarantee she wouldn’t either. This was going to drag out
until someone forced us to get over it.

The rest of the week really was hard it seemed to drag on
forever and I really felt like a piece of my heart was missing but I pushed
through it. I avoided the couple calls that came from Wes I felt like an idiot
for having him involved in my mess. I actually was embarrassed by the way I
acted and felt it was easier to avoid him. He deserved someone that could give
back a hundred percent and I knew that wasn’t something I was ready for. I
wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready to. What Tony did to me had really given
me some big insecurity about myself and I knew it would be too hard to trust
again.

I was leaving the store on Friday night after work and I
saw Wes walking in holding hands with a little girl which as I got closer I
realized it was his daughter…on the other side of MaKayla was a gorgeous blond.
She had flowing hair that laid in big curls down her back. She had a beautiful
smile and a perfect body. My heart was in my throat as I quickly ducked next to
a van to watch them walk passed. They were swinging the little girl back and
forth between them and she was giggling which caused them both to laugh along
with her. I figured that had to be his ex-wife. Maybe they were working things
out sure looked as if they were happy I mean they were going to the grocery
store together. Who did that with their Ex…I wasn’t sure why I felt jealous all
of a sudden it wasn’t like he was mine.

After they entered the store I quickly made my way to my
car and drove home.

The next couple weeks went by so slowly. I almost caved
and called Allison a couple times but stopped myself before hitting send. I was
cleaning on a Saturday afternoon when my doorbell rang. I quickly made my way
over to the stereo to turn it down and ran over to the door. Opening it to see
my mother was not what I needed today but the fact that Tony stood directly
beside her made me angrier. “What is he doing here with you?” She rushed passed
me and into my home he passed and followed her. She looked around and then
turned to face me, “Oh please Samantha stop with the dramatics. It really just
makes you seem so childish. I am here with Tony to help you two works through
this issue of yours.” I felt like my bottom jaw hit the floor, “Oh no, MY
ISSUE! You have got to be kidding me. He knocked up my cousin Mother…I FOUND
HIM SCREWING HER ON MY KITCHEN TABLE! Excuse me for not just brushing that off
as no big deal.” She stood there staring at me like I was insane, “He made a
mistake Samantha I think it is time to forgive and move on.” I couldn’t believe
how calm she was acting it infuriated me. My own mother stood in front of me
pretending that everything Tony did was no big deal and here he stood letting
my mother fight his battle. “You know what…both of you just get out. NOW!” I
screamed at them. Tony turned toward the door but my mother took a step toward
me, “You are throwing away a good man because you are being extremely selfish.”
I didn’t back down, “You may want to live your life blind while your husband
spends his days and nights screwing random women but I refuse to be like you.”
My mother smacked me across the face so hard I felt like my jaw shifted. She
turned and walked out. Tony passed in the door, “I am sorry we came…and I am
sorry I hurt you.”

I shrunk to the floor and cried I felt sick! Allison was
right and I was being a bitch. Until just know I refused to believe that
anything she said to me had truth but she was right. I was letting Tony lead my
decisions, I chose my life based on what was supposed to be instead of what it
truly is. I made my choices based on what Tony would think. I mean I even
painted my bedroom his favorite color for Christ sakes. I spent the next twenty
four hours drowning out my sorrows with all the alcohol I could and Sunday
evening when I was drunk and crying I caved.

“I am so sorry Alli, I love you and you were right…so
right!”

After I send the text my phone rang immediately…

We both cried so hard and barely understood each other.
She asked me to come over but after she realized I was loaded she told me she
would be over in fifteen minutes.

We sat talking and crying until two in the morning and I
ended up calling in Monday morning I was such a mess. I told her about
everything that happened when my mom and Tony showed up. I told her about
seeing Wes and his ex-wife at the store. I even told her that I immediately
felt jealous but was glad he looked happy. “Sam he isn’t getting back with his
ex…she is a total bitch. I mean mega bitch. She uses that poor little girl to
barge her way into Wes’s heart. He won’t refuse his little girl. She calls him
and says that MaKayla and her don’t have food or she needs shoes…whatever it
may be and he won’t let her do without even though he pays child support she
still pushes for more. It is sad who knows what she does with the money he
gives her. Sarah, that’s his ex she knows how to get to him…through MaKayla.”
After I listened to her I couldn’t help feeling relieved that he wasn’t back
with her. I was too embarrassed to call him though I mean I acted like such a
baby about everything.

Things got better over the next week I had my best friend
back and things become a little easier. I hadn’t heard any more from my mother
which was fine with me I had nothing to say to her. Tony on the other hand kept
sending texts message that he loved me and even left a rose on my car a few
times with notes that I never read. I threw them in the garbage. I wanted him
to just leave me alone. There was nothing left for us and I knew that without a
doubt.

Mitch and Allison were having a little cookout and of
course insisted that I come. I knew that Wes would be there and I felt so out
of place. I really didn’t want to be there. Mitch had invited people from work
and even family of his and Allison. Marilyn, Alli’s mom was there and I adored
her she was always such a ray of sunshine. She immediately took me in her arms
and hugged my tightly, “Well hello Beautiful girl. It is so wonderful to see
you here.” Mitch even hugged me and whispered that he was glad me and Allison
had made up because he was really beginning to hate that she cried herself to
sleep and kept him up late talking about missing me.

After about an hour I had mixed feeling about Wes. He
hadn’t showed up and I felt relieved but yet a little disappointed too. Allison
and I along with her mother and a few other ladies had relaxed on the loungers
scattered along the deck and were enjoying a homemade batch of strawberry
margaritas when Wes came through the back slider carrying his daughter. I
choked a little on my drink causing Alli to turn around quickly. “Well hello
princess, it is about time your daddy showed up”, she stood and walked over to
take MaKayla from Wes. They shared a few low whispers and Wes glanced in my
direction and then turned to walk over to join Mitch and the other guys from
work. I felt a knot immediately form in my throat and I turned to face Alli who
had sat next to me with MaKayla in her lap. “Kayla this is my very best friend
Sam…” she smiled up at me so sweetly and I swallowed back the guilt. Wow she
looked like her daddy…so much. “Hey sweetie, it is nice to meet you. You are so
adorable, and I love your baby doll.” She was holding onto a doll with long
dark hair just like hers. “My daddy got her for me”, I turned to look at Wes
who was drinking a beer looking at us from across the yard. He looked pissed I
just couldn’t yet sort out if it was directed toward me.

MaKayla got down from Allison’s lap and went off to play
with the other kids that were running around the yard. I got up and walked
inside to refill my glass. I was feeling a little nervous. I stayed inside a
little while trying to slow my racing heart. “So you still avoiding me or have
we now moved on to pretending that we just don’t even know each other?” I
turned to find Wes standing in the doorway with a beer in one hand and MaKayla’s
doll in the other. “I’m not avoiding you or pretending I don’t know you I
just…”he interrupted me before I finished. “Oh well forgive me, I mean I called
you left messages and I guess I just assumed since I haven’t heard from you in
what let’s see…almost four weeks that you wanted to forget you met me.” He
looked so angry and maybe hurt. “I’m sorry I was embarrassed by what happened
at the Deli that day…and then I saw you at the store with your ex-wife and I
just assumed that you got back together.” He just shook his head and turned to
walk back out the door into the backyard. I hadn’t realized I was holding my
breath and I felt like my chest was on fire.

I found my way back to Allison and sat down in the chair
next to her. She was laughing at something one of the other ladies said. I could
feel his eyes on me and I was really getting uncomfortable. I leaned in to
Alli, “Hey, I um…I think I’m going to take off.” She spun to look at me and I
could feel the tears stinging my eyes. She grabbed my hand and led me inside,
“What is going on? What happened?” I told her about Wes and everything he said.
I told her I felt like I should leave, that I felt really uneasy. I blinked as
a tear ran down my cheek. “Listen to me…here come with me”, she led me down the
hallway to her laundry room and closed the door behind me. “It isn’t just what’s
going on with you. He’s having some issues with Sarah and really his anger is
more related to her. He is wrong for directing it toward you and I will handle
that…believe me.” I started to tell her not to say anything but she stopped me
and continued. “He likes you believe me and I know he was hurt that you walked
away and didn’t really give it a shot…but he has a very good reason to be
pissed as hell at Sarah. He has a lot going on. Please just stay…please.” I
agreed and she hugged me.

The doorbell rang as we walked back through the kitchen
and Allison walk over to answer it. I stood back waiting for her I didn’t want
to walk out near Wes by myself. I heard her raise her voice and when I stepped
forward to look in the direction of the front door I noticed that it was the
same blond from the store Sarah, Wes’s ex. Allison closed the door and walk in
my direction leaving her standing on the front porch. “This should be great she
smells like a god damn brewery and she wants MaKayla. I have to get Wes…get
ready to watch the fireworks…Damn it!” I froze at the doorway watching as she
walked over and pulled Wes back a little to whisper in his ear. He immediately
handed her his beer and came toward the house. As he walked passed me he didn’t
even speak I could tell he was fuming. I knew I should move but I felt like I
couldn’t I had no idea what was going on. He walked out the front door and
slammed it behind him. I could hear him yelling but had no idea what she was
saying in return. 

“Sarah you are fucking kidding me you dropped Kayla off
at the sitters yesterday afternoon, you were supposed to pick her back up last
night by nine. What the fuck…the sitter calls me today at noon to tell me that
I need to come get her because you won’t answer your phone and she had to be
somewhere. That’s insane. Then you have the nerve to show up here and try to
pick my daughter up while you drunk off your ass. You’re not fucking taking her
anywhere. If you don’t like that go get the cops I am pretty sure they are
going to take my side on this. I told you if this happened one more time it
would be that last. I’m done…I already called my lawyer Sarah I won’t have you
fucking up Kayla life. Get the hell out of her…NOW!” I snuck out the back door
before he came back in. I didn’t want him to know I had heard.

I had found myself joining all the kids out in the yard
and was now sitting in a cluster of little children while they tickled me and
laughed as I pretended to be tiger growling like I was going to bite them. I
was startled when I heard his voice, “Do you guys mind if I steal away the
tiger for a minute…I need her help?” I turned and looked up into his eyes which
seemed a little softer than before. I was attacked by MaKayla and Allison’s
little cousin Trevor before I had time to prepare. I laughed as I fell back
onto the grass and had them both lying on top of me giggling. Wes reached down
and picked his daughter up raising her up above his head and tossed her
lightly. “Okay crazy girl…she’ll be right back it will just take a second…promise.”
He placed her back on to the ground and reached out to take my hand helping me
up. I caught a glimpse of Allison smiling in our direction as we entered into
the kitchen.

“Listen I’m sorry about earlier. I had a pretty bad day
and I took it out on you, you didn’t deserve it.” I shrugged it off, “Don’t
worry about it, I understand.” He took a step toward me I was up against the
counter leaning back and had nowhere to go. “It’s not okay. I directed my anger
toward you instead of Sarah. I mean I still can’t figure out why you ‘ve been
avoiding me but that’s an entirely different conversation.” Wes stood less than
a foot away from me and I could smell his cologne and his lips were tilted
slightly in the sexiest way. I wanted to kiss his lips but I bite my lower lip
to control myself. “I realized that day you showed up here after you got into
it with your ex and Mitch carried you in that I had some sort of attraction to
you. I mean I had never seen you before, I heard your name from being around
here but that was it. That night seeing how sad and hurt you were set my
stomach on fire I wanted to find the guy that hurt you and beat the shit out of
him. I had no idea why and just brushed it off.” I stared at him listening to
his confession. I barely knew him, granted I couldn’t stop thinking about him
but still. “After I found out the story behind it all, well I waited it out
even though I asked about you often. Allison picked up on my interest in you
and well yeah she helped me set up that night at the bar.” He took another step
forward and closed the gap between us as he placed his hands on either side of
me and his face was now close to mine. I could feel his breath on my face, “I
am so attracted to you Samantha. I think about you too often. I have missed you
and I know it’s crazy but you are under my skin. I want to get to know you and
not just the sex part…even though that is really damn good.” He grinned and I
shifted from the heat I now felt down low in my stomach.