Authors: Jo Watson
“Hey, sweetheart. It’s so good to see your name on my phone.” He is as encouraging as always and the guilt I have already is growing with each kind word.
“Hi, Greg. Sorry I didn’t call you back last night. I had a rough lunch with my brothers and then I feel asleep. I know we need to talk. How are you?” I genuinely care how he is doing. I would love nothing more than to feel a passion for him because he warms every other part of my soul. If I could find the chemistry with him that I have with Jackson, I would give in to our future together.
“I guess I’m doing as well as can be expected. Ben called me last night. I told him I’m not sure I will be coming home to our relationship. From what I hear, you’ve been spending some time with Jackson Rider.”
“Yes, we have been spending time together. I’m so sorry if that hurts you. I didn’t realize until yesterday that I’ve been selfish in not paying attention to what information you would have to hear.”
“Madeline, be careful with him. Guys like him have women throwing themselves at them all the time. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them. I knew you needed some time to figure out what you wanted, but I never thought you’d jump into another relationship so quickly. It was hard for me to hold back over the past year, to keep my hands off of you. But I did it because I love you, because I wanted you to know that you weren’t just a notch on my bedpost. I hope you are thinking clearly about what each of us would mean for your future.”
I know what they say about Jackson; Abby and Kyle have filled me in. He is the kind of guy that doesn’t do commitment. Right now, that kind of guy sounds pretty safe. No love, no marriage, no house on a hill with a white picket fence, and no need to sacrifice who I am to become a part of his life.
“I have been thinking a lot about this,” Greg continues. “He is going to mess it up—it’s not an ‘if,’ it’s a ‘when,’ and part of me is glad. I feel secure knowing that he won’t fight for you, and that even if you let him into your heart he won’t stay.”
“Greg, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I’m sorry that hearing about us has hurt you, but I am not sorry for what I have been doing. I’m finding things out about myself I never knew before. I do know his reputation and maybe that’s his appeal. I need to know what all of this feels like. Isn’t it better for me to find this out now, instead of running off to explore it years from now when we hit rough spots in our marriage, when there might be children involved? I know that I might end up with only pieces of my heart left, but I will be more whole as a person.”
“I hope that’s true, Madeline. Just know that I would work every day to make sure you would never regret being with me. My only hope is that you will truly be mine when all this is over.”
I am overcome with shame. Greg deserves someone who wants him, who loves him like he loves her. I just don’t know yet where these three weeks will take me. Maybe he’s right: maybe Jackson is going to break my heart and I will be grateful to have Greg back in my life. These three weeks might open my eyes to the love that Greg and I could have.
“We’ll talk soon, Greg. Goodnight.”
I end the call and immediately want to call Ben and yell at him for getting involved, but I can’t bring myself to dial his number. Instead I take a quick shower and throw on a light T-shirt and boy shorts so I can be comfy while I catch up on some reading for my English class. I throw Jackson’s sweatshirt over my head and snuggle down into the covers.
It takes me all day to read the book because my mind keeps coming back to Greg and Jackson. I also wonder about my mother and John. I have no idea what all of it means but the time spent thinking about it all costs me dearly, and before I know it I find myself starving and sore from reading in bed. I clean my teeth and run a brush through my hair with the intent to go out and find Abby and Kyle. Maybe they will want to grab a quick bite before bed.
The living room is empty and I find a note that Abby has left, saying they are out to a late lunch and she will be staying over at Kyle’s apartment tonight. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet about what she is going to do if Kyle takes the job in Florida. I guess that’s for the best, because I don’t even know what my advice for her should be. I open the fridge and look around for something to eat. Like a beacon in the night, a piece of chocolate cake calls to me and I grab a fork.
Three bites in, I hear a knock at the door and reluctantly put down the heavenly cake. I find Jackson standing on my doorstep, one arm leaning on the door jamb. His eyes meet mine but then quickly travel down my body and back up again. He reaches up and grabs the cords on the hoodie I am wearing and pulls me close.
“Maddy, you shouldn’t answer the door like this. The combination of those little shorts and this sweatshirt could kill a man.” With one last tug he pulls me close enough to capture my mouth with his.
I grab his belt loops and pull him into the apartment so that we can close the door. In between kisses I whisper, “I wasn’t expecting you back today! I missed you. And this.” Jackson chuckles and begins separating my shirt and sweatshirt at the hems.
“Who’s here, Rookie?” It takes a minute to process his question because all of the blood in my body is rushing to other areas, leaving my brain completely high and dry.
“Maddy, are we alone?” He sounds desperate and I nod my head yes. “Thank God. You taste like chocolate.” I laugh and twist my head in the direction of the kitchen. Jackson succeeds in separating the sweatshirt from the T-shirt underneath and he pulls it over my head and lowers his head to suck on my neck.
“You want to finish that cake?” He asks, and I shake my head no as I press my body against his.
I grab his shirt, pull it up his body and he helps me to pull it over his head. Jackson starts toeing off his shoes while backing me down the hall. Our hands are everywhere, touching and gripping, sliding over bare skin and smoothing over muscle and flesh. My T-shirt is off before we make it to my room and I close and lock the door behind us before Jackson pushes me up against it. He pulls down the cup of my bra, exposing my breast, and I run my hands through his hair and pull slightly to bring his head toward the newly uncovered skin.
Jackson follows my lead, stopping for only a second to adjust himself before grabbing my leg and wrapping it around his waist. I can feel him against me, the pressure warming every inch of my skin and causing a blush to break out across my chest and redden my cheeks. The cold wood of the door can’t cool my body down as fast as Jackson is heating it up. He unhooks my bra and throws it to the side before bending to taste my skin. This time when I reach down to feel him he lets out a deep sigh and then presses himself into my palm.
I have no idea what I am doing but I begin to rub and explore him through his pants. I am holding my breath, knowing he will stop me soon and hoping that he doesn’t. Jackson is kissing me where my shoulder meets my neck and it is sending electricity through my body and causing an ache so deep I struggle to find some friction that might release it. His hand meets my ache and he begins to rub against it, increasing my need for relief. I unbutton his jeans and slowly glide the zipper down, allowing him to be free from the tight restraint of his pants. With my hand, I cup him through his boxers and stroke up and down slowly, listening as his breathing catches with my movement.
Jackson twists me around and tosses me with ease onto the bed behind us. Sitting up on my elbows, I begin to move up the bed toward the pillows. Like a lion stalking its prey, Jackson climbs onto the bed and matches my retreat move for move. When my head finds the pillows, Jackson is between my legs and I arch my hips up to meet his warmth. With my feet I encircle his waist and then slowly begin to slide his pants down over his boxers. When they are down as far as my feet can take them, Jackson supports himself on one arm, then reaches down to pull them off entirely.
He tucks his thumbs inside my shorts and pulls them with purpose, watching as they slide down my legs. When I am free from my clothes he positions himself on top of me and presses himself against me with a friction that adds fuel to the fire. “I want to kiss you everywhere, Maddy. Are you ready for that?” His eyes pierce into mine as he waits for my answer.
“Yes, I’m ready. Please.” His concern puts my mind at ease and I know that anything that happens here tonight is my decision. His hot kisses travel down my neck and across my shoulder. I am pressing into him and running my nails down his back. As his head slips lower and lower, I tangle my fingers into his hair and help to guide him. The ache is almost painful as his lips kiss from hip to hip before lowering to my core. I can feel the moist heat from his mouth as his tongue lightly brushes the most sensitive area, causing me to buck up against his mouth. I am mad with need and begin to chant his name as his tongue circles and plunges in a rhythm that leaves me sweating, my heart racing. His fingers trace over the back of my legs, making their way up to my center. All I can think about is how phenomenal this feels, how feminine I can be and how badly I want to make Jackson feel this good, too.
When I think the feeling could not possibly build any higher, Jackson glides one finger into me and the stretching sensation shoots the tightening coil of desire into overdrive. He adds a second finger, twisting slightly to rub against my inside wall. I am not going to be able to fight it much longer as his fingers stroke inside me and his tongue glides against me. I relax my hips, letting my legs fall wide open. He raises his head a fraction. “That’s it, Maddy. Let go.” Seconds later my orgasm screams through me and I writhe against his mouth and hand.
Jackson climbs back over me and kisses my neck softly. I take in big gulps of air as I float back down from my high. With one last kiss, Jackson climbs off of me and sits at the edge of the bed, breathing deeply. I watch as he runs the palm of his hand across his boxers, closing his eyes as he strokes himself. If he felt anything like I did he has to be in agony. I make my way around the bed and lean down to take his mouth with mine. He moves his hands to the side of my face and I reach down to cup him once again. “Sweetheart, you have to give me a minute to calm down.” I hear him, but ignore his words.
I kiss my way down from his neck to his chest, lick across his stomach and drop myself to my knees in front of him. When I look up into his eyes I see worry, but mostly need and hunger. I grip the waistband of his boxers and he lifts his hips as I pull them down and free him. Jackson gathers my hair and turns my face to his. “You don’t have to do this. I will be fine, I just need some time.” I shake my head and swipe my tongue across his tip. A groan escapes from his lips and I know how badly he needs this, although he is trying to refrain for me.
I take him into my mouth and feel as he pulses against my tongue. His hands are in my hair but he isn’t pushing me to him or trying to control the rhythm I am setting. “Fuck, Maddy, that feels incredible.” I am not sure what will feel good for him, but instinctively my hand encircles him and he hisses with the pleasure it brings. “It’s not going to be long—it feels too good.” I smile against him and work faster as his hips pump to meet my pace. When his hand grips my hair tighter, I can tell his release will not be far behind. I am right; with a sigh of my name it is over.
When I move to stand up, Jackson grabs my arms and slides me up against his body, then pulls me down on top of him. His breathing is heavy and my face is still flushed as we lie in silence, feeling every tingle on our skin where our bodies have connected.
“I am not sure where you learned to do that, but if you give me their names I would personally like to thank them.” Jackson finally manages.
“I would say the same about your superb ability, but if you gave me names I would scratch their eyes out.” We laugh and Jackson traces long strokes on my back with his fingertips. It is quiet again as I melt into his chest and focus on the sensation of his fingers against my skin.
“I’m falling for you, Rookie. Don’t break my heart,” Jackson whispers. All I can do is kiss his lips gently because I know I am falling, too, but I don’t make promises I can’t keep.
Chapter Eleven
Wednesday arrives a lot sooner than it should, and I am so anxious about meeting Jackson’s mother that I can’t seem to concentrate in any of my classes. When my last class of the day is dismissed, I find Jackson sitting on a bench outside, talking to a girl I have seen around before. As they talk she keeps touching him and putting her hand on his arm. He doesn’t return any of the gestures, but my blood still runs cold and my first instinct is to hurry and leave before either of them sees me.
Just as I am about to turn around and take off, Jackson looks up and sees me, causing a bright smile to light up his face. In a second he is on his feet heading in my direction. Unfortunately the Malibu Barbie doll is following him. I know who she is now and my stomach does a somersault before resting somewhere near my throat. I have no right to say anything to him about her since I still have Greg in my life.
Jackson reaches out and takes my hand, then turns to face the other woman. “Maddy, this is Tina. Tina, this is Maddy. Maddy, we have to go—we’re going to be late.” I want to stick around, amused by the curious look on her face, but Jackson grabs my books and begins exiting the quad. We walk in silence until we are out of hearing range and then Jackson stops and turns to face me.
“Tina is the girl I was hooking up with when I met you. I’ve tried letting her down easy but clearly she isn’t the brightest crayon in the box. I’m sorry, Rookie.” He looks into my eyes and I can see that he is worried about my reaction.
“Jackson, you don’t owe me an explanation. It’s fine, really.” I try to smile convincingly but all I can think about is how much it hurt to see them together. For the first time I realize that I may never fully recover from these three weeks. If I fall for Jackson and can’t find the courage to choose him, I would ruin things for everyone. I don’t think I will be able to find the strength to step back onto this campus if it means seeing him with other girls.