Heartbreak Ranch (18 page)

“I never would have thought that Brady would do such a thing!” Her mother’s angry words were tinged with shock. “He joined us for breakfast every morning! His grandparents are friends of ours!” Her mother was becoming more distraught than she was.

It seemed strange to be indifferent about what just happened. She had almost been raped, she should be more upset, but she knew she had something more life-changing to face, something that had been plaguing her for more than a week. She tried to convince her parents that she was fine and didn’t want to talk with the sheriff. Colt took her hand and reassured her that once they both gave their statements, they would be able to relax and not worry about it for the rest of the night.

Thirty minutes later they stood outside next to two sheriff’s cars, talking to the sheriff and his deputy. A lot of curious guests had gathered outside the lodge. It wasn’t often White Pine Ranch was visited by patrol cars and an ambulance.

Graysen recanted the events of the evening, having to reveal why she was in the barn alone at night. The sheriff occasionally chimed in, coaxing her, but was otherwise silent. It became more difficult for her to speak when she got to the part where she had to explain how Brady grabbed her, hit her, and what he said in his drunken rant.

“Miss Beaufort. Take it slowly and just tell us exactly what he said. His choice of words matters when it comes to making attempted rape charges stick,” the deputy instructed her.
Rape
. The word hit her like a freight train. Graysen was in shock, and it took the deputy saying those words to snap her out of it.

Colt stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders as she recounted what she remembered of Brady’s actions. His grip tightened on her shoulders as she told the sheriff exactly what Brady had called her and what he had accused her of doing.

“Shit,” Colt murmured the word behind her before he turned around to try and compose himself. It was difficult to repeat the ugly words Brady had used, but it was more painful because Colt had to hear every detail.

After the sheriff and his deputy completed their questioning, a dark cloud of sadness loomed over them. Both Graysen and Colt felt it. After recounting the evening to the sheriff, Graysen realized that what happened with Brady didn’t actually matter much. Nothing serious happened, and Colt was there with her, which made things better. He made everything better, but in two days, she wouldn’t have him by her side any longer. She would be a thousand miles away. She would be expected to return to her life, that before now had been perfectly happy. Her classes, her friends, everything seemed like a world away. Tonight in all of the chaos, Graysen realized that her world was quickly crashing down around her.

“Graysen, I’m so sorry that you had to go through this ... I hate to think what might have happened if ...” Colt’s voice revealed his anguish as they watched the sheriff’s cars disappear into the night. She felt sorry too, but she knew that they were thinking about two different things. His mind was on the attack while she thought about her heart being torn in two. He was distant, and his voice was emotionless. “It is late. I should take you back to your cabin.” She didn’t want to go back to the cabin. She wanted to tell him everything she was feeling. The attack had rubbed her emotions raw and brought them to the surface.

“Colt, wait, I wanted to talk to you tonight ...”

He seemed to read her mind and know what was bothering her. “Graysen, with everything that’s happened tonight, I don’t think this is the best time to talk.” She didn’t get a chance to respond. Carson rushed over to them, his eyes furious, reminding her of how Colt had looked at Brady. Her parents must have told Carson what had happened. Never had she seen her brother in such a rage. He went straight for Colt, not even stopping before he punched him square across the jaw.

“Carson!” Graysen shrieked as she ran out to stop him from throwing another punch. She didn’t make it in time, but Colt, who was caught off-guard by Carson’s first swing, was ready now and easily deflected Carson’s flailing fist.

“You, bastard!” her brother yelled at Colt as she grabbed her brother’s arm, trying to hold him back from lunging blindly at Colt. “What have you done to my sister?” He brushed Graysen aside before moving in on Colt again.

“I’m not going to fight you!” Colt said harshly. There was no doubt in Graysen’s mind that Colt would have bested her brother if it did come down to a fight. Colt had a good five inches on Carson and was brawnier.

“Carson, please. Stop!” she cried. “You don’t understand! Colt is the one who saved me tonight!”

“No, Graysen! I do understand quite well! None of this would have happened if you hadn’t been involved with him!”

“How does Colt have anything to do with Brady trying to …?” She was confused by what her brother was saying.

“You wouldn’t have been alone in that barn!”

“You don’t know that! Brady would have found another way to get me alone.” She was furious with her brother.

“Christ, Graysen! Look at you! You’re acting like a lovesick school girl.” Graysen knew then that this wasn’t just about what happened tonight. Carson was worried about what would happen to her when she had to leave.

Tears pricked her eyes. “What is going on between Colt and I is none of your business.”

“It’s my business when some redneck treats my sister like just another notch on his belt, like someone he can use and just toss aside!”

Colt winced, his face contorting into a rage and what Graysen interpreted to be remorse. After everything they had shared, it was not going to end with her simply packing up and never seeing him again.

“Carson, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” she hissed. “This was my choice as much as it was his.”

“You’re twenty; you have no idea what you’re doing!” Carson snapped back.

“Yes, and I am not a little girl any longer. Please stop treating me as though I am. I don’t need your advice on how to handle my life!”

“He’s using you, Graysen!” He shook his fist at Colt. “You low-life piece of shit!”

Graysen couldn’t decide which was more painful: Carson’s choice of words or the fact that Colt didn’t protest being called those things. Colt did nothing to stop Carson’s next punch. Graysen shrieked and lunged at Carson, who shrugged her off before turning around and walking back to the lodge.

Graysen was too enraged to cry. She darted to Colt’s side. He was doubled over, nursing his stomach. She tried to embrace him, putting her hands on his face and bringing it close to her own. “I’m so sorry. Carson is being an overprotective jerk,” she whispered, placing her forehead against his.

“Don’t be, Graysen,” his voice was tortured. He stroked her hair gently as he closed his eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” she pleaded breathlessly, stroking his face.

“Everything. Nothing. Hell, I don’t know ...”

“Colt, you do know. You want to say something, just say it.”

“I feel awful ...” he spat out, tearing himself away from her and turning so his back was to her. Colt closed his eyes in exasperation and ran his hands through his hair. “I feel awful for doing this to you.”

“Colt, you didn’t do this to me. Tonight was not your fault, it was Brady’s.”

“Of course it is! Can’t you see that, Graysen?”

Graysen froze. Her scalp prickled, and she knew her world was about to crumble beneath her. “You feel awful. Why?” she whispered. “You feel awful because you let me fall in love with you?”

Colt’s eyes widened with fear. He shook his head as though he were willing it to be untrue. “No ... You can’t love me, Graysen. No ... You can’t. You’re leaving.” His voice was anguished, and he breathed as though she’d knocked the wind out of him. He breathed to life the monster that she had tried so desperately to subdue all week. He closed his eyes again, and his expression was a myriad of emotions. He reopened them, and his countenance grew cold.

Graysen frowned. “Yes Colt, I’m going back to Iowa in two days.” Tears swam to the surface of her glistening eyes once more.
This is it. This is what it boils down to—distance
. “So what are we going to do?” she murmured, wincing as she distanced herself a bit from him.

“There’s always next summer,” he offered bleakly. She closed her eyes. She could not bear to look at him.

“Next summer? Sure, we’ll just wait until next summer.” Her voice broke as she caved in to the emotions. “I’ll just go back to Iowa like nothing ever happened, and we’ll just wait until next year! Why don’t you just spit it out? Why don’t you just say that you’re done with me? Why don’t you just admit that Carson was right about you?”

Anger enveloped the space between them and Colt started shouting too. “It doesn’t matter what I want! It doesn’t matter how I feel! How could it work, Graysen? You’ll be a thousand miles away from me. Hell, we’ve only known each other barely two weeks, that’s all it’s been. How do we build a relationship on two weeks? How do we commit to each other when we live several states away from each other?” he shouted acidly as he narrowed the space between them.

Instinctively she stepped back. Colt stopped in his tracks, his pained expression palpable, and his green eyes burning with a barely contained fury. He took another step forward, and she threw up her hands.

“Don’t touch me.” She recoiled from him. There was no way she could tolerate his touch now; it would slay her. “Well I am sure this is convenient for you. Now you don’t have to do anything, the situation will just take care of itself.” Graysen’s voice was clear and calm, devoid of any emotion. “I bet you screw every little piece of ass that stops through this ranch. It makes life easy for you, doesn’t it? Very little commitment required. How many women are scattered across the country pining after Colt McCord?”

She spat his name out like a disease. She wanted to hurt him, wanted his world to end just as hers did, and she succeeded. Colt’s face contorted in anger, sadness and hurt. He looked utterly broken. Graysen couldn’t breathe. Her stomach lurched, and she wanted to undo the words she just flung at him, but it was too late.

“Colt, there’s no need to feel awful. I don’t love you. How could I?” She just wanted to be free of all of it. “I despise you! I never want to see you again!” She couldn’t bear to look at him any longer. She had hammered the final nail in the coffin, buried the relationship, and now needed to mourn.

The levee that held Graysen’s emotions in check burst as she tore up the stairs to the cabin door.
It’s over. It’s really over.
She left him there, standing between the cabins. The only man she’d ever given her body to. The only man she’d ever let grab her heart. The only man she loved. The crippling pain sliced through her as she threw herself against the porch railing. Tears coursed down her cheeks, and she choked as her heart broke into a million little pieces that the night breeze would scatter over the pastures.

The cabin felt empty and unfamiliar. Her bed felt foreign because she had spent so many nights sleeping beside Colt. The pain she felt was unknown too; she had no idea how to handle it. Her bruises paled in comparison to the blows Colt had dealt her heart.

I hate him,
Graysen repeatedly told herself, hoping if she said it enough that it would come true. She tried focusing on all of Colt’s faults. He was dominating, overconfident, hotheaded, and downright unnerving. How could she have even considered being in a relationship with someone like that, with someone who was so adept at reducing her to an out-of-control, quivering mess?

She didn’t hate Colt. Try as she might, she couldn’t bring herself to hate him. What she hated was being a slave to her emotions. She craved her former rational, ordered self. She couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat; hell, she could hardly breathe. The stinging words she’d unleashed on Colt echoed through her mind, and she regretted them. They weren’t as warranted as she had thought them to be when she harshly dealt them, especially the hate-filled words. She couldn’t hate Colt if she tried.

She sighed. He wasn’t even trying. He wasn’t giving them a chance. He tried to let her down gently by bringing up the possibility of next summer. It was his way of telling her that he didn’t want to make things work. He wasn’t interested in continuing to explore whatever the remarkable thing was between them. Was she the only one who felt it? Was it even real? Was she blinded by the fact that she was in the throes of first love only to ignore the one-sided nature of their relationship? The story of girl loving boy and boy not feeling quite the same was nothing new. But, it was different with Colt and her, wasn’t it? She reflected on the way he looked when she told him that she didn’t love him. The one glimpse of emotion he let surface was what propelled her out of bed.

She shouldn’t have been in that bed anyway. She was rapidly developing a Goldilocks complex on this trip. The bed in Ogallala had been awful. It was the most uncomfortable bed she had ever slept in, or tried to sleep in. The mattress was lumpy and cold. The covers were scratchy and coarse. Colt’s bed was just right. It was immense and heavenly. She floated off to sleep in it every time, as though she were resting on a cloud. The one in her cabin bedroom that she clamored out of now was somewhere in between. Of course, the bed she slept in with Colt was perfect, not because of the man who slept in that bed with her; it was just a damn nice bed, or at least she tried to tell herself that.