“She will,” Ryan said confidently.
The woman trudged off toward a couple who lingered over a
cast-iron bedstead, and he turned to her with a grin. “I got a deal.”
“I told you I couldn’t buy it today.”
“You didn’t. I did. And I’ll fix it up for her.” He caught her
hand. “Come on, Laura. Admit that you’re pleased about it.”
He looked like a kid who’d succeeded in robbing the cookie jar.
She couldn’t help but succumb.
“All right. I’m pleased. You did a nice thing.” She closed her
fingers around his.
He put his other hand atop their clasped fingers, holding it
warmly. That warmth traveled right up her arm and blossomed in her heart.
She looked up at him, knowing he’d be able to read the feelings
in her face but unable to resist. The dense blue of his eyes darkened, and his
breath rasped. If they hadn’t been standing in the middle of a field they’d
have been in each other’s arms.
She took a step back. It wasn’t just her. Ryan felt that
dangerous attraction, too. And he was holding back, just as she was.
Laura ought to be happy with the results of the sale, Ryan
figured. She’d found just the right shelves for the third-floor room, and at a
great price, too.
Ryan glanced across at her as the truck bumped down the lane to
the farm. At the moment she scribbled in a notebook, frowning a little. Maybe
she was adding up all the things she still had to do. Or how much she’d spent.
And he’d bought a child’s dresser and chair. He still couldn’t
explain to himself why he’d done it. He’d just felt drawn to the piece, as if
it had been sitting in the grass waiting for him.
He wanted to do something that would bring that shy smile to Mandy’s
face. Mandy needed to know that someone besides her mother would go out of the
way to make her happy.
Laura had revealed more than she’d intended to, probably, the
night she’d told him about her husband’s reactions to Mandy’s birth. He’d
wanted a boy. He’d wanted a perfect child.
Ryan discovered he was gripping the wheel so tightly that his
knuckles were white. If the man weren’t dead, he’d like to give him an attitude
adjustment.
Sorry. I got carried away.
But surely
God understood a bit of righteous anger on behalf of one of His little ones.
How could Mandy’s father have looked at that precious child and
not loved her? Even a stranger like him—
Well, maybe it was better not to explore too fully his feelings
for Laura and her child.
Still, he could certainly understand Laura’s protectiveness
toward Mandy. Over-protectiveness, he’d thought at times. He’d wanted to say
something, but he hadn’t. And he wouldn’t.
For one thing, he didn’t have that right, not unless he was
ready to make a far more serious commitment than he ever had in his life.
And for another, Laura just plain wouldn’t tolerate anyone’s
interference where her daughter was concerned. He’d rather take on a five-alarm
blaze than face that maternal instinct.
“Here we are,” he announced unnecessarily, pulling up under the
willow tree. “Looks like a welcoming committee is waiting for us.”
Nolie stood by the door, holding Mandy’s hand. When he turned
the engine off, she let go. Mandy raced across the lawn and into Laura’s arms.
Laura’s cheek pressed against her daughter’s, and their dark hair mingled.
Ridiculous to have a lump in his throat. Especially when Nolie
was watching him with a knowing look that reminded him too much of his mother.
“Hey, how about a hug for me, too?” He knew enough signs to get
that across.
Mandy grinned and launched herself at him. His throat tightened
again at the feel of those little arms around his neck. Her father had been an
idiot. He could have had this, and he hadn’t wanted it.
Nolie approached at a more reasonable pace, one of the dogs
dancing around her.
“How was Mandy while we were gone? Did she seem upset at all?”
Laura seemed to realize how that sounded, and she shook her head with a rueful
smile. “Sorry. I know you took good care of her.”
“She was fine. We played with the puppies and had lunch. After
lunch Mandy helped feed the horses. Then we read some stories.” Nolie gave
Mandy a quick hug. “Mandy’s really a good helper. She can come to visit any
time.”
Mandy grinned, pride brightening her face.
“How was the sale?” Nolie asked. “Did you find what you wanted?”
Laura gestured toward the bed of the truck. “As you can see. The
shelves will be perfect once they’re painted.”
“I see you got something that wasn’t on the list.” Nolie peered
into the truck bed, smiling. “That’s the trouble with sales. Every time I go to
one, I end up buying something I just have to have.”
“I didn’t buy it,” Laura said quickly. “Ryan was the one who
couldn’t resist.”
“Right. I’m the sucker.” He hoisted Mandy up so that she could
see into the truck. “See, Mandy? I bought that for your room. A dresser and
chair just like grown-up ladies have.”
Mandy pointed to her chest, eyebrows lifting.
“That’s right, sweetheart.” Laura touched her daugh-ter’s cheek
to get her attention. “Ryan bought it for you, and he’s going to fix it up so
it’ll be really pretty.”
Mandy just looked at him for a moment. Then she threw her arms
around his neck again. This time he knew it wasn’t his neck she was squeezing.
It was his heart.
He set her down carefully, ruffling her hair and trying not to
look at that thought. He couldn’t actually love Laura’s child. If he did—well,
that way lay responsibility for another human being’s life. He wasn’t ready for
that. He wasn’t capable of that.
“Maybe we ought to get this stuff back to your house. I’d like
to return the truck before dark.”
Laura nodded, but Mandy shook her head so that her hearing aid
cords bounced against her neck.
“Puppies,” she announced, tugging at Laura’s hand.
Nolie laughed. “I don’t think you’re going to get away without
Laura looking at the puppies again. It’ll only take a minute.”
“Right.” Laura clasped her daughter’s hand. “Let’s go see the
puppies one more time.”
He started to go after them, but before he could take a step,
Nolie grabbed his arm.
“Hang on a sec, Ryan. I want to talk to you about something.”
He nodded. Mandy glanced back over her shoulder at him, and he
waved to her before turning to his sis-ter-in-law. “What’s up?”
The words came out lightly, but then he saw her expression and
his heart clenched. “What is it? What’s wrong? Is it Gabe?” His brother hadn’t
had a seizure in months, but they all knew it could happen any time.
“No, nothing like that.” Nolie took a breath. “It’s Mandy.”
“Mandy,” he repeated, mind churning. “Did something go wrong
today you don’t want to tell Laura about?”
“Not exactly.”
He lifted his eyebrows at her reluctance. “Come on, Nolie.
You’re well-known for your plain speaking. Spit it out, whatever it is.”
“It’s none of my business.” She gave a rueful smile. “But I
guess that’s not going to stop me. Mandy seemed to feel comfortable with me.
Comfortable enough to talk to me about the implant.”
He still didn’t understand what had put that concern in her
eyes. “That’s good, isn’t it? She probably wanted a little reassurance.”
“It wasn’t exactly good. What Mandy said is that she’s afraid of
the implant. She doesn’t want it.”
He sucked in a breath. “Are you sure? I mean—”
“My signing skills are equal to understanding that.” Nolie’s
blue eyes were troubled. “I did try to reassure her, but I don’t think it did
much good. I’m not the one she needs to be hearing it from.”
“No.” His heart sank. “Laura’s trying so hard to do the best
thing for her. I guess she thinks Mandy is as positive about the procedure as
she is.”
“Kids sometimes hide their feelings from the people they’re
closest to. But Laura has to be told.”
“Right.”
“And you have to be the one to tell her.”
“Contrary to my reputation for irresponsibility, I actually
figured that one out.”
Nolie patted his cheek. “You’re not irresponsible, Ryan. Just a
little evasive.”
Evasive when it came to commitment, she meant. Nolie, as usual,
had hit the nail on the head.
This was one emotional encounter he couldn’t evade. Laura had to
be told about Mandy’s fears, and he had to be the one to tell her. And given
her feelings about people interfering in her life, it wasn’t going to be a
pleasant experience.
“W
atch your
step.” The warning came out of Laura’s mouth involuntarily as they heaved the
last of the shelf units up the steps to the third floor.
“I never would have thought of that if you hadn’t told me.” Ryan
didn’t sound as breathless as she did, even though his muscles bunched as he
maneuvered the awkward piece through the narrow doorway at the top of the
stairs.
Her breath came out with a whoosh of relief as they slid the
heavy shelves against the nearest wall. She stood back to admire her purchase.
“That’s the last one. It’s a good thing because I couldn’t have
managed any more.” She ran her hand along the dusty cherry shelf. “They’re
going to be perfect, aren’t they?”
“Definitely. I told you this was going to be your lucky day at
the sale.”
“Thanks, Ryan. I couldn’t have done this without your help.”
Her own words startled her. She didn’t normally say that, even
think it.
But it was true. No matter how much she wanted to do everything
on her own, sometimes she needed help. Maybe her friendship with Ryan and his
family had made it easier to accept that.
“Hey, no problem. I enjoyed it, except for the heavy loading
part.” Ryan wiped his forehead with his sleeve and stood looking around the
room. “I wouldn’t have believed it, but this space is really shaping up. The
shelves will finish it off perfectly.”
She nodded. “Except for that wall.” She knocked her fist in
frustration at the partition which still stood, mocking her. “The contractor
promised me he’d be here days ago. I’ll have to call him again.”
“Promises are easy. Living up to them is the tough part. Your
dad may have been the last contractor in Suffolk who actually showed up when he
promised.”
“He’s always been a man of his word.” She had to smile,
remembering how often her father had been called in to fix another contractor’s
botched job or finish something someone else had left undone. “If I’d had my
choice, I’d have taken over the business when he retired.”
“Why didn’t you? You’d have been great.”
“My mother wouldn’t hear of that.” She grimaced. “It wasn’t the
life she imagined for her daughter.”
Ryan leaned against the wall, his long body relaxing. He always
seemed able to relax at a moment’s notice. Maybe that was a firefighter
characteristic.
“Didn’t you and your father outnumber her?” He sounded genuinely
interested in how her family had worked. Or not worked, in this case.
“Somehow it never turned out that way.” She remembered only too
well the tears, the palpitations, the sick headaches that resulted whenever
something had threatened the plans her mother made. “I guess we were in the
habit of giving in to her.”
“It’s not good for people always to get their way.” He grinned.
“And that’s coming from someone who’s tried it, believe me.”
His insight startled her. Would her mother have been a better
person if she and her father had stood up to her on occasion? She’d never
thought of it that way. Maybe so, but it was too late to change anything now.
“Well, it’s getting late.” She glanced at her watch. “I’d better
let you go. I know you want to take the truck back to the farm before dark.”
Ryan pushed away from the wall in an easy, fluid movement. “It’s
not that late. How about if I go pick up a pizza for our supper?”
Was there a polite way of saying she was bushed and would rather
have a bowl of cereal and collapse on the couch? Probably not.
He seemed to sense her hesitation. “Come on. You owe me supper
after all that heavy labor. What do you and Mandy like on your pizza?”
He started down the steps, apparently taking her acceptance for
granted.
“Plain for us, please.”
She descended a little more slowly, hearing the thumping of his
steps. The front door slammed behind him.
Funny. Given that Ryan seemed to be trying as hard as she was
not to give in to the attraction between them, she’d expected him to make an
excuse to leave as soon as possible. That probably would have been the smartest
thing, for both of them.
Well, they’d cope. Maybe it would get easier to pretend that she
didn’t want anything but friendship.
Her mind switched back to Mandy. Could she get Mandy bathed and
into her pajamas before Ryan returned with the pizza? Her little girl had had a
full day, too.
As it happened, she actually had time to clean herself up, too;
she was toweling her damp hair when Ryan reappeared, balancing two flat white
pizza boxes.
“Two?” Her eyebrows lifted. “Looks like an awful lot of pizza
for three people.”
“Hey, I’m hungry after all that manual labor. I’ll eat my
share.” He slid the boxes onto the cherry drop-leaf table in the corner of her
living room next to the tiny galley kitchen. “Dig in, ladies.”
Mandy, looking ready for bed in her princess pajamas, waited
until she saw which chair Ryan was going to take and then slipped onto the one
next to him. Ryan handed her a slice of pizza.
She watched gravely as he took his. She mimicked his motions as
he scooped up a slice, curving it so that no cheese escaped.
It looked as if her little daughter had fallen for Ryan, as
females of all ages did. Laura frowned as she took a bite of her slice. That
sort of attachment was something she’d hoped to avoid. She didn’t want Mandy to
learn to love someone who might walk out of their lives at any moment.
“Something wrong with the pizza?” Ryan’s eyes were questioning.
“It’s fine.” She took another bite, enjoying the burst of cheese
and tomato on her tongue. “Just thinking.”
He nodded, accepting that, and turned to tease Mandy about the
smear of tomato on her chin. Something in her eased at the gentle way he had of
making Mandy smile. Ryan was one of the good guys. He’d never intentionally
hurt them.
But Ryan’s easy banter seemed a little strained as they ate, as
if some concern hid itself behind his laughter. Something about the arson
investigation? If so, she couldn’t assume he’d tell her.
She glanced at Mandy to find her daughter drooping over her plate.
She reached over to remove it before cheese adorned the pajamas.
“You go brush your teeth and get into bed, sweetheart. I’ll be
there in a minute to tuck you in.”
Mandy nodded, sliding off her chair. She hesitated, looking up
at Ryan, and then went up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. Before he could react,
she scampered off toward the bathroom.
“You’ve made a conquest,” she said lightly. She began folding up
the boxes.
Ryan took them from her. “I think it’s the other way around. Do
you mind if we talk for a minute?”
“Of course not.” A frisson of apprehension flicked her nerves at
the gravity of his tone. “What is it?”
He frowned down at the boxes as if he’d never seen them before
stuffing them into the kitchen trash can. He walked back to her, planting both
hands on the table as if to brace himself for something unpleasant.
“Something happened today while Mandy was at Nolie’s,” he said
flatly.
“But Nolie said she was fine.” Laura’s mind skittered after
possibilities and came up empty. “What went wrong?”
“Nothing went wrong,” he said quickly. “But Mandy told Nolie
something that we feel you ought to know.”
His reluctance was so palpable that she knew it was something he
thought would hurt her.
“Whatever it is, just tell me.” Her voice was tart. “Don’t dance
around it.”
“Right.” He took a breath. “Okay, here it is. Mandy told Nolie
that she’s afraid of the implant. She doesn’t want to get it.”
She could only stare at him. “But—that’s crazy. Nolie must have
misunderstood her.”
“Nolie wouldn’t make a mistake like that. That’s what Mandy told
her.”
She shook her head, unable to take it in. “But I’ve explained
about the implant to Mandy. She knows she’ll be able to hear after she has the
procedure. Why would she say something like that?”
“Maybe she doesn’t really understand what it means to be able to
hear. Or maybe it’s the procedure that scares her. She’s only five.”
Her anger flared, penetrating the shock. “I know how old my
daughter is. Do you think you understand her better than I do?”
“Of course not. Nolie doesn’t either. We just thought—”
“You thought you should interfere.”
Ryan seemed to absorb her anger, rather than bouncing it back
against her.
“We thought you should know, Laura.” He looked at her gravely,
all his usual easy charm submerged in his concern. “That’s all. We’re just
trying to help.”
The kindness in his eyes deflated her. The brief anger fizzled
away, to be replaced by despair.
Failure.
She took a choked breath. “She really feels that way?” It came
out as a whisper.
“She doesn’t understand.” His voice was very gentle. “She needs
reassurance. From you.”
From her mother, the one person who should have known what she
was feeling.
Am I that heedless a mother?
It
took a moment to realize who she was asking.
Am
I?
A tremor went through her. If she failed Mandy, nothing else
that she did would be worth anything.
Help me. Please.
Ryan stood in the living room, unsure whether to stay or go.
Laura had looked at him with that desperate, stricken expression, and then
she’d spun around and hurried into Mandy’s room.
He’d hurt her. But how could he have handled the situation any
differently? She’d needed to know the truth about Mandy’s feelings in order to
deal with them.
Maybe she’d eventually be grateful to him, but he couldn’t quite
convince himself of that. Most people weren’t grateful to those who brought
them bad news, no matter how much they needed to hear it.
He wanted to leave. Actually moved toward the stairs, but something
held him back.
Leave. Go. Run. That was how he dealt with anything emotional.
He’d become an expert at evasion.
Mandy and Laura were different. He couldn’t go without knowing
they were all right.
Laura had left the door to Mandy’s room open. Maybe on purpose,
maybe because she’d been too distraught to think of closing it. Mandy was
visible past the edge of the door. He could see Laura, hear her soft voice as
she tucked the quilt around her daughter.
She sank down on the bed next to Mandy, her body curving as she
leaned protectively over her child. Every line of her figure radiated maternal
love, a force so strong that it would sweep anything from its path.
“Ryan says you’re worried about the implant, sweetheart.” Her
hands moved slowly, as if they were reluctant to form the words. “Is that
right?”
Mandy looked down at her hands, picking at the star design on
the quilt. Then she nodded.
“Mandy, it’s okay to tell Mommy that.” Laura stroked Mandy’s dark
curls. “I want to know when you’re worried or upset about something.”
Mandy looked up, and her fingers moved. I’m scared. He knew that
sign.
Laura drew her closer. “It’s okay to be scared. Honest.
Sometimes Mommy is scared of things, too.”
And Ryan?
The innocent words hit him right in the heart. Did he really
matter that much to Mandy?
“Let’s ask him,” Laura said, her voice a little husky. “Ryan,
will you come in?”
No running away now. He marched into the room, wondering why
this should be more frightening than advancing into a fully involved structure.
He stood next to the twin bed, smiling down at the small figure.
“I get scared, too, Mandy.”
Her hands moved in something he didn’t catch. He looked at
Laura.
“She says you’re a firefighter. Firefighters don’t get scared.”