Here for You (14 page)

It turned out that their son, the fourteen-year-old soccer star, was the owner of the condoms. The mother had gotten him some after learning he was sexually active. The son broke down in Ian’s office. He was only a kid. He had an overbite and had a corrective retainer. But apparently he’d also had a girlfriend who was a junior in high school and felt they were ready. Mystery solved, divorce done. Three lives in chaos.

“What’s that kid’s picture of his childhood going to be like?” Ian had wondered out loud.

“I can tell you what the end of his childhood will look like,” Brendan had answered, for once his sweet smile missing. “It will look like right now. This office. Us.”

Ian pushed his bowl of popcorn aside. He felt queasy. Brendan would have made a great lawyer. He would have been fair, never dirty, and he would have given people pictures of hope.

Ian shielded his eyes from the television, where some reality-show woman complained about her implants.

Cole was right. The world tonight made little sense, it was a ball spinning wildly, unprotected, in a lonely space.

If Brendan had been in love with him, Ian felt terrible. He wouldn’t have reciprocated, mostly because Ian abhorred those employers who screwed around with employees, no matter the justification. In his mind it was an abuse of power. No, he was certain nothing would have come of it, but he could have talked to Brendan, cleared the air. Told him how much he cared for him and then listened to whatever Brendan might have wanted to say back.

There would forever be a question now.

Suddenly Ian had serious doubts that Cole would ever give him a chance. When Ian had left tonight, he’d thought time was all Cole needed. But if Brendan hovered over them, his supposed love for Ian haunting their every date… hell, what chance did they have?

Logically, Ian should call Cole in the morning and let it go. He marched into his kitchen and tossed his bowl in the sink. It clattered loudly.

Forget logic. Ian let out a near growl, venting his frustration. No matter what, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave Cole alone. He’d fight for him, even if he had to fight a ghost.

If this made him crazy and stupid, so be it.

“C
OME
IN
,”
Steve, Maddie’s husband, ushered Ian into the house. “We are so sorry about Brendan.”

“Thank you.” Ian wished Steve wouldn’t offer him condolences. They made Ian uncomfortable. He realized Steve was only being sincere, but sincerity was such a pale, insipid emotion next to grief.

“I’m afraid Maddie got held at work, but she told me to pass on that she will come to your office as soon as possible. She’s eager to finalize the adoption as soon as we can.”

Ian noticed Steve didn’t say he was eager too, but perhaps he was being overly sensitive. Steve and Maddie had been trying to have a child for years and years. They’d been through every type of infertility treatment, watched all their friends have babies, and had their one attempt at adoption fall through the cracks when the birth mother changed her mind. Maddie rose to all this, more determined than ever to fight for what she wanted, but Steve looked depleted. Ian wouldn’t be surprised if their marriage was struggling.

“It looks good from my end. All the papers are in order.”

Steve sagged with relief. “Thank God. If I had to tell Maddie otherwise, I don’t know what she’d do.”

“I do need her at the office to sign some documents, but here.” Ian opened his briefcase. “You can sign your part for now.”

He and Steve chatted longer, and Steve offered him a snack, which Ian declined. Maddie was unfortunately still tied up with work and couldn’t leave her job. She called, excited and happy, making Ian smile, and promised to come to the office the next day. When he left the house, it was dusk, the air still hot, but the sun not quite as relentlessly burning. Ian loosened his tie and rolled his shirtsleeves to his elbows. July in Florida. It was like other people’s winter. People stayed inside. Except for Brendan. He’d biked to work year round, never minding the heat. He took a change of clothes to and from the office and always emerged from the bathroom fresh and ready for work, so Ian had no complaints. He knew Brendan couldn’t afford a car and insurance, not while paying for his schooling too. Ian did lecture him about carrying water. He had once seen a client who’d gotten too dehydrated and passed out in his office.

“Hey, you forgot your pen.” Steve came out of the house.

“Did I? Thank you.”

“Sure. Looks like an expensive one.” Steve handed it to him. “Thanks again.”

“My pleasure.”

They were quiet a moment.

“I guess you’ll need a new paralegal now.”

“What?”

“A new employee?” Ian must have looked grim, because Steve hastily added, “Not that Brendan is so easy to replace. I only meant you must be loaded with work and—never mind—sorry.”

Steve hurried back to the safety of his house. He waved awkwardly, his face contrite, and dashed back inside.

Ian stared at the beginning of the nature preserve, visible from Steve and Maddie’s house. Katherine, his secretary, had offered to cut her maternity leave short and help him out part-time, since she too was deeply upset about Brendan and she’d wanted to help, but Ian had turned her down. It wasn’t right. As for finding somebody to fill Brendan’s job… that felt even more wrong to Ian. He’d handle it alone for the time being.

He opened his car door and grabbed a water bottle. He always carried some, and it was warm but thirst quenching. Holding his car keys in one palm, the water bottle in the other, Ian entered the trail.

All the emotions of that day flooded him as he hiked along the path. It really wasn’t a long trail, and yet it had seemed agonizingly long that day with Cole. He’d never forget it. He’d never forget Cole’s wide eyes, his face contorted with pain. He’d never forget discovering the broken bike, the cracked helmet, Brendan.

Ian stopped, having reached the spot where they’d found him. He bent down to the rock, most of the blood already washed away by rain and sun, but not all. There was a dark stain still at the top of it. Ian touched the jagged tip of the rock, then pulled his hand away and studied his fingers, almost expecting them to be cut.

“Oh, Brendan,” Ian whispered. His eyes stung. Pretty soon tears streamed down his face. Ian didn’t even try to wipe them away. He didn’t want to.

T
WO
AGONIZING
days passed, and Ian decided he needed to check on Cole. He wouldn’t stay long or bother him, but he needed to see him. He needed to ask if Cole was doing all right.

Tomas answered the door, obviously back from Miami. He was dressed in sweatpants and a tank top that emphasized his crazy big muscles.

Tomas stretched his arms over his head, yawning as he greeted Ian. “Hey.”

“Hi. Um…. How are you?”

Tomas sighed. “Okay. You know… it’s hard.”

Ian nodded, hard pressed to continue the conversation. He wasn’t used to offering comfort or discussing feelings much. “I’m sorry” was the best he could do, but Tomas smiled. “Is Cole around?”

“Yeah, man, but that one is still sleeping like a baby.”

Ian checked his watch. “It’s ten fifteen.”

“He worked late last night.”

“Oh, right.” Ian wondered how this thing with Cole would even work if Cole decided to try. Ian was a total morning person, up with the sun. Of course, in the Stark household that was the rule, everybody up and dressed before eight o’clock. His parents hadn’t cared if Ian wanted to stay in his pajamas and watch cartoons—it wasn’t their way.

“Me, I work nights too at Swanky’s. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t sleep much. Never have.” Tomas looked at the stairs. “You want me to go and get his lazy ass up?”

“No, no. I’ll try another time. Tell him I said hello.”

“Will do.”

Ian felt idiotic. He knew his cheeks must be flushed. What did Tomas think? It was good Cole wasn’t awake yet, because Ian would have only made a mess of it. He’d promised Cole space and time. He lasted two whole days. Cursing, he strode back to his car.

He wasn’t used to this vulnerability.
God!

Ian raked a hand through his hair. He was acting like some love-struck kid. He lifted his gaze to the house and where Cole’s room was located. What’s next? Scale the balcony? No, this wasn’t good. He wanted Cole. That had not changed. He worried for him too.

Ian drove away.

“I
CAN
’
T
believe this is real!” Maddie threw her arms around Ian and hugged him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Ian smiled. “I should thank you for breaking up my day of bad custody cases.”

“She’s so beautiful. Oh my! So beautiful.” Maddie clung to her soon-to-be-adopted daughter’s picture. The girl was already nine months, old by baby standards, but Maddie hadn’t wanted to go through another round with a birth mother who might change her mind at the birth. “We have her room all ready. I can’t believe this! Oh!”

“I expect lots of pictures,” Ian said.

Maddie had just finished signing the last of the paperwork. “You got it. Pictures, and anything else you want.” Her face sobered a little. “I’m only sorry Brendan isn’t here too.”

“He would have loved this,” Ian said thickly.

Maddie nodded. “With everything being so crazy at work and the adoption finally going through, I forgot to talk with you about something.”

“What’s that?”

“The day Brendan came to see me? He had some things about the adoption to discuss, but he also came over, I think, just to unload his own troubles.”

“Oh?” Ian frowned. “What troubles? Here at work?”

“No, nothing like that. He loved working for you. It was personal stuff. Look, I think he only told me because of the adoption thing and because I didn’t really factor into his life. But he was planning a rendezvous with somebody.”

“A rendezvous? What do you mean?”

Maddie bit her lip. “Well, maybe that’s the wrong word. It was an odd situation. I don’t know if sharing this means anything to you or his housemates, but the day he died, Brendan came over and told me he had begun to contemplate meeting his brother. Apparently he found some papers long ago that showed his mother had given up a baby years before she had Brendan—a brother he never knew about.”

“What type of papers?”

“Brendan said it was a letter from his brother to his mother asking her to meet. He’s an adult now, of course, and I suppose he was searching for his birth mother for years and finally found her. Only, Brendan’s mother refused him.”

“But kept his letter?”

“Yes, Brendan found it by accident along with the adoption records. He freaked out. He confronted her, and she begged him to let it go, which he did.”

Ian’s mind whirled. He wondered why Brendan wouldn’t push to find his long-lost brother, but he thought the answer might be in his own fraught relationship with his parents. “We hang on by a thread,” he once told Ian, his good humor slipping. Maybe Brendan knew that if he pursued it and went against his mother’s wishes, his final hold on any relationship with his parents would be lost?

“But he said that lately, with my adoption case so near to him, he was having trouble simply accepting he’d never get to meet his brother. So he was considering reaching out to him and arranging an introduction. He was both thrilled and excited about the idea, but I could tell he was also scared.” Maddie touched Ian’s arm gently. “I don’t know what the point is now, but I thought you should know. Maybe share it with his housemates too. Anyhow…. Thank you so much. I won’t ever forget it!”

With effort Ian pulled himself out of his scrambling thoughts to smile at Maddie. “Congratulations, Mom.”

“Mom.” She put a hand over her breast and drew in a deep breath. “I’m so happy!”

A
S
HE
worked his shift, Cole had little patience for the loud, underage drinkers with fake IDs, or the wannabe gangsters in their baggy clothes, all wide-eyed and slack jawed. He tried to lose himself in the scene, enjoy the stories unfolding around him like he used to do, but as curses flew back and forth and the tinny music blared, all he felt was the need to leave.

Losers
, Cole thought,
the world is full of losers.
At his break, he wandered outside the bar. A man followed him there, swaying back and forth, a lascivious grin on his face as he licked his lips.

“You’re gorgeous. Wanna fuck?”

“No.”

He was a heavyset, burly guy and clearly drunk. Cole wasn’t worried, just annoyed.

“Come on. I’ve heard you’re good. We can go right behind here.” He yanked Cole’s arm. “I’m good too.”

“Let go!” Cole wrenched his arm free. He jabbed his elbow at the man’s flabby side.

“Okay, okay.” The guy grunted. “Forget it. Man, people were wrong about you. You’re no fun.”

He staggered off as quickly as he’d appeared. Cole stood there, sorry that he simply gave up because he would have loved to squeeze the guy’s heart right through his chest. He totally got how Marc felt these days, looking for those fights. The animal inside wanted to claw and hurt.

He wasn’t Marc, though. He’d never been prone to violence or settling things with his fists. Some of his mom’s boyfriends had come at him from time to time, and Cole had learned to dodge punches or hide from them. He’d been deluding himself the last few years, loving his makeshift brothers and their home, believing the worst was behind him.

Cole drifted back in and took his spot behind the bar. Customers around him gave him space. He knew he must look tense and drawn.

“You okay?” Sandy asked.

“Yeah, peachy.”

E
VEN
WITH
Tomas back, they still struggled at home, and Cole insisted on a “family” meeting to discuss the ongoing housemate issues. So far they’d come up empty on that score.