She felt the smile spread slowly. “Really?”
“Probably,” he said without hesitation. “I hate seeing you sad or hurt, Al. I would have reacted to that without really thinking. Like I did at your wedding.”
She thought about that. Did she believe Gavin would have stormed into the church and carried her away from her mom’s funeral?
Yeah, she did.
Coming for her at the wedding couldn’t have been easy on him. Sure, he’d stormed in there like a man on a mission and she knew nothing would have stopped him—well, unless she’d said no.
She
could have stopped him. But no one else would have gotten in his way of rescuing her.
Still, Promise Harbor was a place he’d hoped to never go back to. She’d seemingly chosen another man. It had been a year since they’d said good-bye. He had no reason to think that he had any right to be there, to assume he knew what was best for her. But he’d still come, out of concern—and love—for her. No matter how hard it was to get there, no matter what demons he might face coming home to Promise Harbor or what resistance he might have gotten, he’d come. For her.
“I wanted to be anywhere but in that church that day.” She didn’t believe that she needed the funeral to have closure or to honor her mother. She intended to honor her mother every day. “That would have been awesome.”
His frown relaxed a little. “That would have been inappropriate. In real life you sometimes have to do things that suck,” he said. “But I should have been there with you. I want to be there, Al. For the sucky times and the fun times.”
She pressed her lips together and sat back in her seat. This more serious Gavin was pretty damned great. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes with a smile, still holding his hand.
“Maybe she didn’t have a favorite flower,” Gavin said after a minute. “I think you would have known if she did.”
Allie’s eyes flew open. “But…” Then she thought about it. Her mom’s favorite color was yellow, her favorite food was turkey and dressing, her favorite holiday was Christmas. Maybe it
was
possible that there was no right answer to the flower question. “We finally settled on tulips. And they were gorgeous.”
“I’m sure they were.”
She watched him for a moment, a sense of contentment flowing over her that was completely at odds with the desire to rip his clothes off.
“So, now we can have sex.”
Gavin didn’t answer, but he shifted on the seat.
“Because I talked and opened up,” she added.
He still said nothing.
“And you said that if we talked, then we could have sex.”
Still nothing. “Gavin?”
“Just trying to decide where to stop for condoms.”
She sighed with relief just a second before the want slammed into her. He was giving in. “I’m on the pill.”
“Four of the best words I’ve heard in a long time,” Gavin told her. And he pushed the speedometer another ten miles an hour.
They didn’t talk much for the final fifteen minutes of the drive, and Gavin simply grabbed her hand as they ran to the front door.
But they were only halfway up the stairs when they heard, “Gavin!”
They both turned to see Lydia in the doorway from the kitchen, phone in hand.
“You have a call. George needs you to take a look at a cow.” She looked at Allie. “Infected udder.”
Allie wrinkled her nose and Lydia smiled.
Gavin sighed. “Dammit,” he muttered. Then said, “Hold that thought?”
“As long as you’re not talking about the thought of an infected udder.” Yep, that had worked to cool the sexual tension. For sure. “Infected” was just one of those words.
Gavin chuckled and tugged her back down the stairs. “No, not that one.”
“The one where you and I are naked in your bed? Sure.”
“I’d invite you on this trip too, but there won’t be any cute puppies to play with.”
“Infected cow parts?” she asked. “No, thanks. I’m good here.” She smiled at Lydia, just to rile the girl. “I’m in the mood to make some pasta or something anyway. Comfort food, you know.” At Lydia’s frown Allie snuggled closer to Gavin. “You’ve always loved my lasagna,” she reminded him.
Gavin made a sound of appreciation and Lydia’s frown deepened.
“Get out to George’s,” Lydia said to Gavin, still watching Allie. “The sooner you get back, the less time she’ll spend duct-taped to the chair for trying to put even a foot in my kitchen.”
Gavin chuckled and carefully steered Allie into the living room past Lydia. “Don’t worry, she’ll stay out of your way. Right, Al?”
Allie sighed. Lydia was small, but she seemed tough. There was a definite frustration about her. Allie could absolutely beat her if it came to rounding up a classroom of first graders or putting together a fundraiser or reorganizing a closet, but if it came to arm wrestling or duct tape, Allie was a little afraid.
“Just hang out. Relax,” he said.
There was that relaxing thing again. Not really her specialty.
“And stay out of Lydia’s way,” she said dryly.
He shrugged. “Not a bad idea.”
She looked around the living room. “How long will you be gone?”
“It’s a twenty-minute drive one way. It’s going to be at least an hour.”
An hour. Ugh. She’d go crazy by herself for that long.
He handed her the remote control for the TV and nudged her onto the couch. “Watch a movie.”
“It’s going to be porn,” she told him, aiming the remote at the sixty-four-inch screen.
He coughed and reached for the TV’s off button. “Maybe read.”
“I’ve got two erotic romance novels in my bag,” she said. Which was true.
His gaze went to her mouth and he swallowed. “I don’t suppose you want to play solitaire.”
She gave him a look that she was sure conveyed her thoughts on that idea.
“Just…relax,” he repeated again, obviously out of suggestions. “And stay out of the kitchen.”
She glanced toward the hallway. At least fighting with Lydia would be interesting.
“I don’t think she’s kidding about the duct tape,” he said, reading her thoughts.
She didn’t think so either.
Then he headed for the door to leave her here while he went out to work again.
She frowned and slumped back on the couch with a sigh. This was ridiculous. She was sitting in Gavin’s house in Alaska, alone. A cupboard door banged in the kitchen and she amended her thought to alone with the first person to dislike her in a really, really long time.
She had nothing to do. No one to talk to. No projects to work on. A few months ago she would have given her right arm for an afternoon with nothing to do.
Now she just felt restless.
Allie pushed up off of the couch. She wasn’t watching TV, porn or not. She headed for the deck again. Maybe she’d go for a walk. The sunshine and fresh air and gorgeous scenery had to be good for her.
But she was down the steps off the deck and the equivalent of a block from the house when she looked up at the mountains and thought how much her mom would have loved it here.
The pain hit her directly in the chest and she gasped for breath.
She felt her throat closing and her thoughts began spinning. Memories seemed to come from every direction—her mom taking Allie and her brothers on nature hikes in the fall to gather as many different colored leaves as they could find to make a collage, her mom at the beach, in the garden, riding bikes with Allie and her brothers. Lily had loved the outdoors and this place would have made her ooh and ah for sure. But she’d never see it, never have the chance to walk like this, never…
Allie spun on the path and ran back for the house.
She barreled in through the sliding glass door and then slammed it behind her as if she could shut the thoughts and memories out too. She concentrated on breathing, her hand pressed to her chest, willing her heart to slow.
She squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to think about something else.
Gavin
.
His face came to mind. He was grinning that grin she loved and holding her hand. She took a deep breath, feeling the air flow in more easily. She thought about his laugh, about the stupid Boston College sweatshirt that he’d worn so many times that only the B and C were readable, about the way he preferred his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches grilled.
She breathed again, fully now, her heart rate slowing.
Carefully she opened her eyes and looked around his living room. She concentrated on picking up on the details of the room, pushing the thoughts of her mom to the back of her mind.
She looked at the furniture, the bookshelves, his movie and music collection.
For the first time she noticed the framed photographs on the mantle and started forward. Did he have photos of his family? Her?
But as she got closer she saw that they were photos of him with animals. In three of the pictures, he was surrounded by gorgeous huskies. He had his arms around their necks and was grinning broadly at the camera. The final three photos were also of Gavin with animals. Polar bears, to be exact.
She stared. Polar bears again? They looked real enough, but in one photo he and two other guys were kneeling behind a huge bear lying on the snow. Definitely close enough to become the bear’s lunch. The animal was either fake or dead.
Of course, looking at the way one of the guys was holding his head and Gavin was lifting the humongous paw, she thought possibly it was just sedated.
Allie lifted a finger and touched Gavin’s smile.
It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him smile. She had, of course. They’d laughed together a thousand times. And he did have that seductive grin that he turned on when he was getting her naked—the one that said he knew exactly how weak he made her knees and how hard her stomach flipped when he touched her.
But this seemed different somehow. In this picture he was smiling…
For a reason other than her.
She jerked her hand back as the realization hit her.
Gavin was smiling about something that had absolutely nothing to do with her. Which sounded stupid and selfish, but she realized in that moment that she truly had believed that most of Gavin’s happiness, the things that really gave him joy and made him laugh, had to do with her.
Dammit.
When had she turned into such an egocentric brat?
Pissed at herself, she grabbed one of two photo albums off the mantel and took it to the couch. Gavin had been out of her life for over a year. She had some catching up to do. Had he taken some trips? He hadn’t flown up to the top of Mount McKinley or landed on any glaciers, but surely he’d had some fun in his new home. Had he met some new friends? He claimed he hadn’t been with any women—and Nancy had more or less confirmed that—but surely he didn’t spend every night at home alone.
But the pages of the photo album weren’t what she expected. They were filled with more polar bears. People too. Several different people, mostly dressed in the same cold weather gear Gavin was wearing. But the photos did tell more of the story. They showed people working with the bears, giving injections, taking measurements and other activities Allie didn’t quite understand. There was also a photo that showed the people indoors, arms around each other, smiling for the camera in front of a banner that read
US Geological Survey
.
In all the photos, Gavin was grinning, clearly enjoying the hell out of what he was doing.
She felt a lump in her throat as she looked at a copy of the photo he had in the clinic of him with the twin polar bear cubs. He was really happy. Contented even. She hadn’t seen that in Gavin much over the years.
He had fun. He enjoyed himself. But there had always been an underlying current of determination—like having fun even took concentration. He was so driven. Always.
Now he seemed settled. He’d always had a restless air about him, the feel that he was looking for something and would keep moving on until he found it.
She thought about what he’d told her about his dad. He’d been a cheater and a liar. Big-time. A pro. He’d practically been a male prostitute. He was paid in favors instead of money, but he was still a major slimeball.
And Gavin was nothing like his father. Not that he ever could be, but he
worked
at being the exact opposite. He worked hard and did the right things, because that was how he wanted to get what he needed.
Allie closed the book and sighed. Knowing what she did now, she couldn’t blame him for distancing himself from his father. More, she couldn’t expect him to ignore the things his dad had done—maybe was still doing—or really to reconcile if his father wasn’t sorry. She knew his mom was a tougher case, but it was clear that Gavin had little or no respect for the decisions she’d made. It would be really hard for him to pretend there was nothing wrong, yet equally hard to make his mom face what her husband had been doing and that she deserved better.
If he didn’t agree with their philosophies and choices, maybe it really was best for him to just get out and stay out of their lives.
She knew Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery and knew she’d always have a hard time with this truth about them when she saw them on the streets of the harbor.