Of course she’d said yes to his proposal.
“Josh helped pull me—all of us—through a really bad time,” she said.
Gavin glanced over to find that she’d exchanged her plate for her wineglass and was studying the merlot solemnly.
Yeah, he sucked at this. He wanted her to talk to him, to open up, to tell him all about her struggles. Then when she did, he ended up wanting to punch Josh Brewster. And for what? For being there for Allie? Being what she needed?
Yes.
Because it was easier to want to punch Josh than to be pissed at himself.
Josh had been there for her because Gavin hadn’t been.
“I wouldn’t have known what to say,” he finally said into the silence. “I would have wanted to say the perfect thing and it would have killed me to not be able to. I would have seen how sad you were and I would have wanted to make you smile and I would have done something stupid.”
She looked up from her wine. “Something like what?”
He sighed. “It doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t have known how to step in, I wouldn’t have known what to say.”
“What would you have done, Gavin?” Allie pressed. “Give me an example.”
He blew out a breath and pictured Allie sitting in the front pew of the church at her mom’s funeral. “I would have picked you up, carried you out of there and taken you to my house, made you get into flannel pajamas, sat you in front of a
Looney Tunes
marathon and made you eat Froot Loops.”
She stared at him, her lips parted in a surprised O.
Josh had probably given her a locket with her mom’s picture inside and held her hand through the service. Or something equally annoyingly perfect.
“Sorry,” he said with a shrug when she still didn’t speak. “My instinct would have been to take you away from all of it instead of being there beside you through it.”
Allie cleared her throat. “I know. And it sounds…”
“Stupid.”
“Wonderful.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean crazy?”
She shook her head. “You don’t get it. No one else in my entire life would ever think of feeding me Froot Loops after my mother’s funeral, but I’ll take sugary kids’ cereal over ham sandwiches and potato salad any day.”
Gavin didn’t know what to do. Should he hug her? Say something eloquent?
Hell, probably the eloquent thing, which was what he really sucked at.
“Al—”
“That’s what they fed us. Ham sandwiches and potato salad. In the social hall at the church. Which ticks me off because I liked ham sandwiches and potato salad before that. Now I’ll never be able to look at them again without thinking of the day my mother was buried.”
Jesus. Gavin swallowed hard. Being eloquent was beyond him even without a huge lump in his throat. This wasn’t getting any easier. Why had he thought talking was such a great idea?
“Do you have any idea how many casseroles we got after the funeral?” Allie asked him.
Gavin just shook his head.
“Twenty-two.” She shook her head. “Can you believe that?”
If giving casseroles was the way to show someone that they were cared for, then yes, he could believe that. Not only had Lily Ralston been beloved, but she, Owen and all their children had been born and raised in Promise Harbor. They knew everyone.
“Even if we ate one every night, it would have taken almost a month to go through them,” Allie said. “I didn’t have room in the freezer. It was nuts.”
“People were trying to help you out,” Gavin said, thinking that was a pretty good thing to say at the moment.
“I know.” Allie reached to set her wineglass down. “And it did help. Dinner was one less thing to mess with some nights anyway.” She looked up at him again. “But a bowl of Froot Loops would have been perfect. Simple to make, always turns out right, and it would have reminded me of building forts with the furniture and blankets in the living room Saturday mornings with my brothers. Nice memories.”
Gavin couldn’t believe that he’d gotten that right. Who knew that Froot Loops could be the simple answer to such a complex issue?
“What else?” she asked.
“What else what?”
“What else would you have done?”
Other than avoiding the whole thing and staying on the other side of the United States? Gavin shoved his hand through his hair. He hadn’t let himself imagine Allie and what she was going through. It was too hard. It was too…unfixable. And he hated that.
But to answer the question he made himself think about how Allie might have looked or felt or acted on the Mother’s Day after her mom was gone. His chest ached and he scrubbed at the spot over his heart. “I would have covered your bathroom mirror with comic strips and jokes.”
Her lips curled into a half smile. “Any dirty jokes?”
“Of course.”
The smile grew into a full smile and her eyes were brighter. “What else?”
To make her go from sad to happy like that? Anything. He thought hard, digging for creativity. “I would have rented a snow machine and had a snowball fight with you in the middle of June.”
She sat up straight, her eyes wide with interest. “What else?”
His imagination was revved up now. He loved not only making her smile, but also surprising her with how he did it.
“I would have set up a scavenger hunt where you had to go around town and collect packages from me. When you had them all together you’d realize it was a new outfit. Then a limo would have picked you up outside the last stop and brought you to me.”
She was sitting up on her knees on the couch now, her wine abandoned on the table. “Where would you have been?”
“I’m thinking…carnival.”
She grinned. “Yes. A carnival would be perfect.” She leaned forward. “What else?”
“I would have whisked you off to a beach where you could just lie around in the sun with umbrella drinks.”
“Would you have been there?”
“Definitely. I’d be the one rubbing the suntan lotion all over you.”
She gave him a sly smile. “A nude beach?”
“Only if it was private.” His imagination
really
liked that idea, and preferred this talk and teasing to the talk of how to take her mind off of her mom.
“I like that. What else?” she asked.
“Really anywhere far away where I could pamper you and keep you away from everything sad.”
Their gazes held for a moment. Then she said softly, “You did that.”
His gut clenched at that. “Better late than never?” he asked.
“See?” She sat back, her smile much less bright. “No one else would have done any of that. That’s why I like you, Gavin. Things aren’t serious and sad when you’re around.”
He knew she wasn’t trying to insult him, but there was something about the words that made him want to deny them. But it would sound incredibly stupid to insist that things
could be
serious and sad when he was around.
She started to crawl toward him and Gavin could see the intent in her eyes. All thoughts of sadness disappeared. But this could be serious. She was going to seduce him.
And he was going to let her.
She’d just climbed onto his lap and was leaning to kiss him when he heard, “Gavin!”
It was Lydia, but he could tell she was yelling from the kitchen.
“Yeah?” He had to clear his throat and try again when his answer came out gruff.
“Yeah?”
“Dave Wilson needs you.”
Gavin dropped his head to the back of the couch with a groan. “Why?”
“He said…”
But he couldn’t catch the rest. “Lyd, get in here!” he called.
“Are you naked?”
“Not yet,” Allie called with a big grin.
Gavin grabbed her hips and tossed her to one side. “Let’s not teach her anything she doesn’t already know.”
Allie rolled her eyes. “That girl is a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them.”
“Thanks.”
They both turned to find Lydia in the doorway, holding a piece of paper.
“Dave’s horse is in labor and having some trouble.”
Gavin sighed. This was the one drawback to being the only vet for almost a hundred miles. He looked at Allie. “Sorry. This could take a while.”
She waved him away. “No worries. Go. I’m fine.”
“You sure?” “Fine” was not exactly the word he’d use to describe her lately. Bipolar, maybe. But not fine.
She glanced at the clock. “I’ll probably go to bed.”
Bed. It was just one word, and she hadn’t even said it with any sexual intention, but desire hit him hard and hot in the gut. God, he wanted to join her. He’d had lots of plans for having her in his bed now that she was healthy and happy.
She gave him a wink that told him she knew precisely what he was thinking.
“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
“Feel free to take advantage of me when you get back.”
Gavin coughed and glanced at Lydia. She looked bored.
He knew that she probably wasn’t as innocent as he liked to assume. She’d run away from home, after all. That took guts, if nothing else, and generally didn’t happen when things were happy and rosy. Still, she seemed so young to him, and he wanted only to be a positive influence in her life.
And for some reason, Allie seemed to like to rile her up.
“Don’t worry,” Allie said, reading his hesitation in his eyes. “Lydia and I will be fine.”
“Two words,” Lydia said, watching Allie. “Duct. Tape.”
Yeah. Gavin headed for the door.
He might be willing to storm into a wedding and carry the bride away, but he wasn’t about to play into this…whatever it was between the girls. A guy had to have
some
sense of self-preservation.
He didn’t take advantage of her. He didn’t even wake her up.
Allie rolled over and blinked at the beam of sunlight that seemed determined that she be conscious at nine the next morning.
Nine.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept that late. The days since coming to Alaska not considered, of course.
She rolled to her back and stretched. Gavin had been there. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but she did. But he definitely wasn’t now.
He was probably already working.
He did a lot of that. And he seemed to love every minute of it.
Frowning, she pushed herself up out of bed. She didn’t want to think about how much Gavin seemed to love Alaska and Bend. Nancy had said that he was still basically a newcomer, that everyone was waiting to see if he’d stick. But she knew Gavin. This was an adventure, a challenge. He’d stick. She knew it.
But he said he wanted to marry her. What did that mean? What was she supposed to do with that? If she said yes…well, she couldn’t think about that. That was
way
too complicated.
Thinking about the puppies and polar bears in Gavin’s life instead, she showered and dressed. This time when she pulled on an outfit that she’d bought just for her honeymoon, she felt only a tiny twinge of guilt. She counted that as progress. The truth was, she’d said yes to Josh for the wrong reasons, but he’d also asked her to marry him for the wrong reasons. They were equally wrong, she figured, and overall it was a good thing they hadn’t gone through with it.
She brushed through her hair, letting her thoughts go to Josh and the Wedding That Wasn’t. She didn’t try to cut them off before the guilt took over. She just let her mind wander.
Knowing Josh, he was pissed. Not so much that she’d left him at the altar—she winced anyway, knowing that it had to be embarrassing if nothing else—but that she hadn’t done what she’d promised to do. Josh Brewster had never made a promise in his life that he hadn’t kept. She was pretty sure that Josh had lost all respect for her. Which hurt a little. She’d known Josh forever and he really had been there for her through the worst time in her life. But he deserved to be with someone who loved him…
really
loved him.
That made her thoughts drift to Devon.
And that made her sad.
She and Devon had been tight at one time. Allie didn’t have a lot of girlfriends. She knew it was because she didn’t have time to maintain another relationship in her life and she regretted that at times. But she wouldn’t have traded the time she spent with her mom for a bunch of gab sessions over chai lattes with anyone. Her relationship with Gavin had cut into other relationships too. She was often busy or gone on evenings or weekends. But again, she wouldn’t trade those times.
Still, it would be wonderful to have someone she could talk to about Gavin. A woman who could understand the love-panic thing he caused in her. A woman who’d maybe been there herself.
Devon had been crazy about Josh. And vice versa. Had Josh mixed Devon up the way Gavin did her? Well, he
had
been on the verge of marrying someone else. That had to have been tough.
Then again, Allie had called Devon when she and Josh started officially dating and again after Josh proposed. Both times Devon had said it was fine, that she was over Josh. Which meant Allie could
really
use her advice. How did someone get over the love of her life?