“I know. And she’s
probably
twenty so it’s legal,” Allie said, trying to be glass half-full.
Devon laughed. “Josh asked Charlie about her. She’s twenty-two.”
“Oh.” That made Allie feel better. If she just ignored the fact that her brother and Lydia were probably in his bedroom having sex right now, she’d feel even better.
When she and Devon emerged, Allie had to take a deep breath. The dining room was full of people. Lydia and Charlie were sitting at one end of the table with Josh and, thankfully, they didn’t look particularly disheveled. Gavin sat at the other end, cradling a coffee cup in his hand and talking with Hayley Stone and Jackson Knight, Josh’s best man—who had his arm across the back of Hayley’s chair. Okay. That was weird. Gavin met her eyes and gave her a warm smile, but didn’t move otherwise. He didn’t rush to her side or ask how she was. He was just
there
and his smile told her he was fine. She didn’t have to rush to his side or ask how he was either.
She could concentrate on everyone else.
But looking around the room, no one seemed to need a thing. Devon had joined Josh, perching on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. Hayley and Jackson were laughing—and sitting really close. Charlie whispered something in Lydia’s ear that made her smile and blush. Danny had just carried another plate of pasta and a basket of garlic bread into the room.
Then things got really weird.
“We’re home!”
Allie swung toward her father’s booming voice. He and Sophie came through the kitchen with wide smiles and suitcases.
“Dad!” She went to him immediately. “Are you okay?”
Her dad dropped his suitcase and wrapped her in his arms. “Of course.
You
?”
“I’m…” She had to swallow and take a moment to just hug him before she said, “I’m fine.”
“Charlie said so,” Owen said, pulling back and smiling down at her. “Missed you.”
Her dad spoke in simple sentences, sometimes with words left out here and there, since his accident. He often found it hard to talk quickly or with big words. But he’d always been quiet, more of an observer, so most people didn’t notice. She wondered if Gavin would catch it now.
Allie studied her dad’s face. He certainly looked fine. Maybe even good. “I—”
But her father had turned to Danny. “Smells great.”
“Here, this one’s yours,” Danny said, setting two plates on the table.
“
You
make great pasta,” Owen said to Allie as he let her go and pulled out a chair for Sophie. “So I never learned myself.”
Allie stared at her father, then found Gavin’s eyes. He looked concerned, but gave her a little smile.
She looked back at her dad. So she said she was fine and that was all there was to it? She’d run out of her wedding and been gone for almost two weeks, but that only took a few seconds of attention when there were noodles? And he hadn’t learned to make pasta because she was so good at it? Was she so magically talented in sewing buttons and keeping track of dental appointments that he just couldn’t bear to do those for himself either?
“She’s good at pork chops too,” Danny commented. “Don’t know how she does it.”
Because he’d never set foot in the kitchen as long as she was in there. Danny wandered in only for ready-made food—chips, cereal, and, of course, anything she made.
“You could read a recipe to find out how I do it,” she muttered.
No one seemed to hear.
“And I love her pecan caramel rolls,” Charlie added. “You should do some of those for tomorrow, sis.”.
“No pecans for me,” Owen said, taking a huge bite of Danny’s pasta. He gave a groan of appreciation that she’d
never
heard for her cooking.
And he was reminding her to keep the nuts out of his rolls? She didn’t forget stuff like that. He didn’t like nuts. Right. She knew that. And, apparently, he couldn’t pick them out of his rolls by himself. “If I forget, I’ll stand there and pick them out for you,” she said.
Her dad missed her sarcasm completely. He just smiled at her. “I know.”
Allie stared at him and it hit her—he didn’t miss her sarcasm because he was slow or because she hadn’t been clear. Sarcasm simply wasn’t a possibility in his mind. Her mother had never used sarcasm, she’d never been snotty, never joked around. She was sweet, but she was also serious and conventional. So why would her dad expect anything else from Allie? She had modeled everything she said and did here, with him and the boys, after her mom.
Allie pulled herself up tall and took a deep breath.
From here on, she was doing things differently. As she’d said to her mom yesterday at the cemetery, Allie loved and missed Lily, but she didn’t want to
be
Lily.
“Dad,” she said, stopping the conversation around the table, “there is no way in hell—”
“I need to talk to you.” Gavin was out of his seat, his hand clamped around her wrist, dragging her from the room in seconds.
“Hey.” She tugged against his hold. “I was just—”
“About to say something you’d regret,” he said, stopping and turning to face her. They were in the entryway by the back door off the kitchen. Far enough from the dining room that no one would hear them.
She pulled free and crossed her arms. She wanted to deny it, but couldn’t. So she just frowned at him.
“Listen, if you really want to tell your dad and brothers to go to hell, go for it. I won’t stop you again. But just think about it for a second before you do. Make sure that’s what you want.”
“Why wouldn’t I want to?” she asked, defiantly. “They’re driving me crazy.”
“But are you frustrated with them…or with yourself?”
That stopped her. She frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Gavin lifted an eyebrow that said he wasn’t buying that, but replied, “Just be sure.”
“Well, what if I am frustrated with them?” she asked. “I came running home when I found out things were falling apart, gave up the trip and you.”
He shrugged. “Maybe you’re frustrated because things aren’t actually falling apart.”
“But…”
Dammit.
He was right. They weren’t falling apart.
Her dad was going on trips with Sophie, obviously having a great time and managing everything in the house. Whether or not he’d had help, it hadn’t been
her
help. Danny was doing fine, not only with class but cooking, and cooking
well
for god’s sake. And Charlie was in love. Working. Smiling.
Hell, they were all doing more than
she
was. She hadn’t cleaned a house, paid a bill or cooked a meal in almost two weeks, thanks to Lydia.
Which frustrated her
more
. “That means I’ve spent all this time doing stuff for them they didn’t need.”
Gavin reached for her and pulled her close. “Maybe
you
needed it.”
She sniffed, and as his arms went around her, she felt something let go inside of her. She hugged him close and finally admitted what she’d been denying all this time. “I did,” she said hoarsely. “I needed to do something to remember her and to keep from losing my mind.”
Gavin held her tighter. “It’s okay, Allie.”
“But…” she sniffed, “now what?”
Gavin didn’t know the answer to that.
Allie and her family had established some…interesting…patterns. What did they do now?
“Positive family dynamics are hardly my forte,” he said with a little laugh. “I don’t know.”
She studied his face, then said quietly, “Thanks.”
“For
not
having an answer for you?”
“For pulling me out of there before I swore at my father.”
He shrugged. “Instinct.”
“Well, it was good. Having you here is good.”
He thought about that. It did feel good. In fact, he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Which meant…he was staying as long as she was. Even if it was forever. And
that
didn’t feel quite as good.
He gave her a smile though, somehow. “I have a question for you,” he said, as something—amazingly—came to him.
“Okay.”
“You know how none of you knew your mom’s favorite flower?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Do your brothers know
your
favorite flower?”
Her eyebrows pulled together slightly. “Probably not.”
“How about your favorite cookie?”
She shook her head. “I doubt it.”
“Your favorite movie?”
“No.”
“Is it possible,” he asked, “that it’s because you’ve never told them? Not because they don’t care or wouldn’t care if they did know, but simply that you’ve been so busy taking care of them that the things
you
like have never come up?”
Allie just swallowed hard.
“Lydia compared you to a hummingbird,” he said, remembering. Lydia had been frustrated with Allie at the time—big surprise—but it had been an accurate analogy.
“She did?” Allie seemed genuinely puzzled by that.
“A few days ago,” he said with a nod.
“Why?”
“Have you ever watched a hummingbird?”
“I guess.”
“They’re hard to focus on,” Gavin said, rubbing his hands up and down her upper arms. “They flit around and go so fast that’s it hard to
really
see them.” He took a breath and decided to go ahead and make his point. “Kind of like your mom,” he said gently. “She was always moving, always doing something, so focused on everyone else that no one could focus on her. Kind of like you.”
He watched the thoughts and emotions play across her face. She went from confused to surprised to thoughtful to, finally, understanding. She wet her lips. “I suppose it’s possible,” she admitted. “We’ve never really talked about that kind of stuff.”
“You mean, you’ve never really talked about
you
. Who you are, what you like.”
“Okay,” she said softly. “Maybe.”
“Do that,” he said simply.
“Just go sit down and start talking about myself?” she asked.
“Kind of. Do you know Danny’s favorite cookie?”
“Danny likes all cookies,” she said.
“But surely he has a favorite,” Gavin pressed.
It was amazing, but he actually saw her eyes lighten and the lines around her mouth that showed how tense she was ease. “He probably does.”
“And Charlie probably has a favorite movie.”
“Probably.”
“There you go.”
She stood just looking at him for a long moment and he finally asked, “What?”
“I thought you said you were just coming along to hold my hand.”
“Allie, I just…” Acted without thinking. He’d just needed to do something to protect her—even if it was from herself.
“You’re doing great,” she said with a smile.
He felt relief wash through him. “Maybe we should go back in the other room while I’m ahead.”
Chapter Twelve
He kept hold of her hand as they stepped out of the little alcove into the kitchen. Josh was leaning back against the sink, clearly waiting for them.
Gavin drew up short, keeping a shoulder in front of Allie, putting him between her and her ex.
Josh noticed. He lifted an eyebrow and straightened from his slouch. “Everything okay?”
Gavin didn’t do the everyone-in-his-business thing well and he was hardly ready for Josh, of all people, to act possessive or concerned. “You’ve
got
to be kidding me.”
Josh seemed unruffled. Typical. And annoying. “I’m not kidding.” He looked at Allie. “You okay?”
Gavin stepped forward before she could answer. “Her being okay is
my
job.” He said it firmly, meeting Josh’s gaze directly. He knew the other man would know what he meant.
Josh’s jaw tightened. “We just care about her.”
“Now it’s even ‘we’?” Gavin asked. Of course. They were all her bodyguards as long as she was here doing what they wanted her to do.
“It’s always been ‘we’.” Josh’s words were steady and sure. “We’re a family. Whether Allie and I are married or not, our families and our lives are mixed together. It will always be that way.”
Gavin worked on not reacting. He wasn’t going to let Josh get to him. He wasn’t even entirely sure that Josh was
trying
to get to him.
Gavin recognized that he was likely riled up, at least in part, because he was damned uncomfortable here. There were a lot of people here at once who knew each other too frickin’ well and had for a long frickin’ time. They were at ease being in each other’s personal space as well as each other’s business.
In Gavin’s life, people knew what he wanted them to know and he asked only about the things he wanted to know from them. There wasn’t a lot of deep-dark-secret-sharing in his life, he didn’t have a lot of history with anyone he spent time with, and there definitely wasn’t a lot of touchy-feely-hugging going on. It certainly never got to whatever-this-was between the Ralstons and the Brewsters. Here it was really hard to tell where one family stopped and the other started. Watching Josh with Danny and Charlie, he was sure most people would assume they were all brothers. Seeing how Sophie watched Allie, with pride and affection clear on her face, a stranger would very likely believe that Allie was Sophie’s own. And watching Owen and Sophie together, it was
very
hard to believe they weren’t more than friends and neighbors.