Home to You (38 page)

My throat tightened and I nodded. The threat was over, so why was I so scared? For the first time I noticed Jake’s bloody knuckles, and a suffocating pressure began to choke me. I grabbed the steel rail at my sides, and the paramedic pushed me inside the ambulance. But my eyes never left Jake’s, and inch by inch he disappeared behind the metal doors.
 

The same man with the glasses sat beside me and placed an oxygen mask over my face. His voice was soothing and deep in radical contrast to the sirens, which blared overhead. He kept me talking, asking me trivial questions, and I got lost in the hypnotic sounds of the road, his voice, and the turmoil rolling around inside me.
 

“I think I’m okay,” I said, wanting nothing more than for the driver to pull over and drop me off on the side of the road. I didn’t care that I had no car. I’d walk, take a cab, hitchhike, but I wanted away from this mess.

“It’s just a precaution, ma’am. You hit your head pretty hard.”  

But I didn’t hit my head. Not in the conventional way. I was thrown into a dresser… Something I could’ve never imagined happening twenty-four hours ago, but was my reality today.  

Minutes later, the doors were yanked open, and the medics pulled me from the ambulance. I was wheeled down a long, narrow hall cluttered with medical equipment to a room divided by curtains. A team of people in pale blue scrubs waited for us. One of whom appeared kind and motherly. She squeezed my hand. “I’m Dr. Lear, and this will be your nurse, Mary.” She nodded in the direction of a woman to my left who was wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my arm.

The smell of antiseptic and medicine overwhelmed me, and my heart raced. I hadn’t been to a hospital since Dave’s accident and all those familiar feelings came rushing back. Panic, fear, the loss of control, and the finality of never seeing my brother again. It was a place that represented death, and here I was, facing it alone.

Dr. Lear continued to catalogue my injuries, speaking medical jargon I didn’t understand. She shined a light in my eyes and asked if I was in any pain, but all I could think about was the fact that the man I’d spent two and a half years with had just attacked me. Had hit me, had his hands around my throat. How could I have been so wrong about someone for so long? How could I have been so clueless?

The hour that followed came in a blur. I changed into a hospital gown, my wounds cleaned and wrapped, while an officer I hadn’t seen before waited outside for me to give a statement. His questions were clear and direct. He wanted to know if I was in a relationship with Kevin, if he’d shown this type of behavior in the past, and if I was somehow involved in the loss of his career.
 

I told him everything. About the note in my in-box, hiring the private investigator, and how I threw all the photos away before I moved. Then I told him about Shelly, about Mr. Olson’s wife, and gave him her number at the office should he have any further questions. When the officer asked if I’d like to press charges, I nodded, grasping at the only thread that held my sanity together. That Kevin would be in jail.
 

A short time later, Mary wheeled me down the hall for a CT scan. She helped me onto the cold table, adjusted a pillow behind my head, then pressed a button on the machine, and I slowly slid inside. The scene with Kevin played in my mind again and again, with only one thought: how could I have been so wrong about a person.

It seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was only about thirty minutes before Mary wheeled me back to my room. Em sat chewing her nails in the corner and rushed to my side when we entered.
 

“Katie, oh my God!” Her panicked voice rang through the room, stirring the emotions I was trying so hard to keep tucked away. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, but at the same time my throat constricted with unshed tears. I wasn’t okay. I was scared, confused, thankful for my life, yet completely lost in the pieces that were left scattered on the floor.  

Her face contorted with emotion and she dropped her bag to the ground. “I was in spin class when Jake called. I came as soon as I got the message.”
 

I nodded, and Mary helped me from the wheelchair to the bed.
 

 
“Have you heard from him?” I didn’t say Jake’s name. I couldn’t.
 

She shook her head with immediate understanding. “I think they took him to the station. He’s probably going crazy.”

 
“Did you tell him I went to the house?”
 

She looked to the floor, then let out a breath. “He called to check on you. I couldn’t lie to him.”
 

“It’s okay…” How could I possibly be upset with Em? Had she not told him, who knows what would have happened?
 

The nurse patted my shoulder, showed me where the call button was, then closed the door behind her as she walked out to the hall.
 

The room was thick with tension and unasked questions. Em sat on the side of the mattress and squeezed my hand. “What happened?”

 
“I pick the wrong people.” I laughed a little and began picking at an imaginary something on my gown. But I knew—there was nothing funny about what happened with Kevin.
 

A twang of longing gnarled in my belly, and I shook my head. I wasn’t sure if it was from being in the hospital, or because I knew how protective they were of me, but I wanted my dad and brother so desperately.
 

 
It was still light outside, and I looked to the window trying to swallow back tears. “When I was a little girl, my dad and Dave used to talk about all the hoops they’d make boys jump through before they could date me.” I met Em’s eyes and a sad smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “It always started with the boy coming to the front door to ask their permission. I always rolled my eyes and said the only one who needed to give permission was
me
, but deep down I loved that they were so protective.”
 

Em pulled her leg up into her lap and smiled.

“Next would come the weapon cleaning on the coffee table, a lecture about how to treat a woman, and how they were always watching.” I laughed under my breath.
 

 
“The final step would be the DNA swab and his fingerprints. Of course, I was mortified and embarrassed, certain that no boy would ever go through such trials for
me
, but my daddy always said that if the boy was worth it,
he’d walk through hell just to hold my hand.”
 

I wiped at tears with my thumb. But there were never any boys who came to the door while my daddy was alive, and I didn’t put men through trials. I gave myself over, trusted, and loved without question—look what it got me.
 

I cleared my throat and sat up a little—Em said nothing. Not that I expected her to. She was probably so confused—just as I was. Someday I’d tell her more about what happened with Kevin, but right now I didn’t have the strength. I wanted to forget—for her to take me back to her apartment so I could sleep for a thousand years.
 

There was a commotion down the hall, and Jake appeared at the door. His jaw was tense, his hands bandaged with white gauze and tape, and he hurried to my side. Em stood and offered him her spot, and he sat beside me not saying a word.
 

He just leaned over and pressed his lips to my forehead, my nose, my lips. A part of me knew I should push him away, but I was selfish and weak, and in that moment, I needed him. I needed the friend he’d always been to me. The friend I hoped not to lose forever.
 

When Dr. Lear came in later that afternoon we all sat up in attention. “Ms. McGregor, your scans have come back clear, and you’ve given me no reasons for concern.
 

“Given you have someone to watch over you,” she looked from Em to Jake, “you’ll be free to leave within a half hour.”
 

She continued to go over protocol of what to look for throughout the night. Vomiting, loss of vision, any erratic or uncharacteristic behaviors. Jake took all the literature and thanked her for taking good care of me, but my heart began to race. I couldn’t go home with him. Go home and pretend like everything I saw hadn’t happened.
 

Mary came in with the discharge papers, and I fumbled over each signature. I couldn’t concentrate. I needed to spit it out, but the words were locked away at the back of my throat.
 

“Do you want to change?” Jake asked, and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
 

“I’m not going home with you.” The words came in a breath of a whisper, but Jake’s expression hardened.
 

“What?”

I looked him in the eyes and spoke again. “I’m not going home with you.” My chest was heavy and my ears began to ring, but I stood up and began collecting my things from the table.  

“Is this still about Grace?”

There was a shuffle in the corner, and Em dropped to pick up her bag. “I’ll give you guys some privacy.” Then she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.
 

He walked closer. “Do you still not believe me?” His voice was low and gruff.
 

I shook my head. What had changed? Just because my life had suddenly become ten times shittier didn’t mean Grace hadn’t been naked in his bed. “I don’t know.” My eyes shifted to my hands. “I don’t know anything anymore.”
 

He closed the gap between us and gripped me around my waist. The pain that flashed in his eyes was almost my undoing.
I wouldn’t feel bad about this!
He’d saved my life, but how could I trust anyone ever again?
 

“I’m broken, Jake. Scared to death to trust my own judgment anymore. I can’t do this.”

His face paled like I’d struck him. “You’ve known me for twenty damn years. Do you really believe I’d do that to you?”
 

My lips began to quiver, but I forced myself to speak. “You saved my life back there—but honestly, I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
 

He sucked in a breath, but before he could speak I pushed him away. “I can’t do this.”

He swallowed. “Do what?” He searched my face.

“This.
Us
.” I couldn’t quite meet his eyes.

He grabbed me again, forcing me to look up. “I was in the shower,” he began. “She used the code to get in the house. She was crazy, pissed, I don’t know, but you came home at the worst possible moment.” He let out a breath. “I know it looked bad, but I promise…nothing happened.”

My brows furrowed, and I jerked away from him.
 

“You've been through a lot. Let’s not talk about this here. Let’s go get something to eat. Get some rest.”

“No, Jake. I don’t need food. I don’t need rest.” My heart squeezed tighter. “I need you to leave me alone.”
 

Just then a nurse poked her head in, undoubtedly from our raised voices, but I nodded that everything was okay, and she closed the door again.
 

He stood motionless, as if waiting for me to wake him from a nightmare. But we weren't waking up. This wasn’t a dream.

 
“Shit.” He gripped the back of his neck, and turned away. “Maybe you’re right, Katie. Maybe all this was just one big mistake.” He let out a hollow laugh, and even though this was exactly what I was asking for, I couldn’t stop the stabbing pain that twisted inside my heart. He was right. It was all a big mistake, but hearing those words left me unbalanced, and I gripped the side of the bed for support.
 

He turned to face me again. The pain in his eyes seared through me. “People need me at work, every fucking thing is falling apart, and no matter how hard I try, you don’t want to believe me.”

He said it as a statement, but his ocean-blue eyes asked a million questions. None of which I was willing to answer.
 

“When you’re ready to talk you know where to find me.” He pulled his keys from his pocket, yanked open the door, then stopped. I wanted to run to him, to tell him I was wrong, that I believed him, that I knew he was telling the truth. But I couldn’t.
 

I gripped my gown with both hands, walked into the bathroom and closed the door. Because if I stayed, if he turned around, I wouldn’t have been strong enough not to throw myself in his arms.