Authors: Ana Layne
Lance
A little after midnight, I’m lying in bed. I woke up a few minutes ago because I couldn’t sleep. I miss Hilary too much. Her text asking if I’m awake makes me smile. She must not be able to sleep either. After I reply, a few minutes pass and I assume she’s fallen back asleep. I don’t blame her. But then my phone rings and her name pops up. I tap the answer button.
“Hey, baby, you can’t sleep?”
“Lance, this is Hilary’s dad.”
The jolt surprises me enough that I sit up in bed. “Oh shit…I mean, sorry, Mr. Vaughan. Is everything okay?”
“Can you come to the house? Hilary would probably want you here. I can explain now if you want or when you get here.” He sounds tired, and the anxiousness in his voice is clear. Something is wrong.
I jump out of bed and throw on the closest pair of basketball shorts I can find. My flip-flops are by my door, so I slide my feet into them before grabbing my wallet and keys as I run out my bedroom.
“I’m on my way right now. Do you mind filling me in?”
I should have never asked him. As I drive, I nearly wreck the truck when he explains the situation.
“She’s talking to the police right now. I’ll be standing outside to meet you.”
“Okay.” I end the call and throw my phone on the floorboard. Tears sting my eyes. All I can do is thank God that Hilary is okay. I can’t believe Travis snuck into her house and held her at gunpoint. I knew the guy was fucking crazy, but I didn’t know he was psychotic. I pull up at her house and look for the best place to park. Several cop cars and an ambulance line the street. I decide to park a little farther up. My truck is barely parked when I jump out and begin jogging toward her house. Her dad is standing outside just like he said he’d be.
“Is she okay?”
“She’s inside finishing up with the police. They had a lot of questions about everything.”
The paramedics emerge with a body bag on a stretcher. I cringe and turn away. It’s hard to believe Travis is inside that bag. He’ll never be able to hurt her again. I can’t believe how brave she was to pull the trigger. I stand outside with her father for what seems like ages. The cops finally file out one by one. An officer pulls Mr. Vaughan to the side to talk to him. I take this as my chance to head inside. Hilary is sitting on the couch, spaced out, staring at the wall. Her mom hugs me close.
“I’ll step out so you can talk to her. Thank you for coming.”
She offers me a weak smile before heading into the kitchen. I sit beside Hilary. I just want to be here for her. I reach for her hand, but she pulls away. I know she’s emotionally drained. I take her hand anyway, and this time she doesn’t let go. I pull her into me and she rests her head on my shoulder.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” I whisper. I pull a piece of her hair into my other hand and gently twirl it around my finger.
She breaks her gaze from the wall and turns to face me. “I killed him, Lance. I shot him.” Her words lack emotion. It’s like talking to a zombie but I don’t blame her at all.
“I know.”
“He was going to kill me. His eyes were so dark and full of hate.”
“I’m so sorry, Hil. I’m not leaving your side.”
“He’s gone now. I don’t want to go to my room again. It’s ruined.”
“Shh, come here. It’s going to be okay. Just relax. I’m here.”
She doesn’t say another word. I just hold her. Her mom comes from the kitchen and sets two cans of soda on the coffee table. I thank her, and she steps outside to meet her husband.
I reach for a can of soda and offer it to Hilary. She slowly grabs it and before it can slip from her hands, I catch it. “If you’re thirsty, I’ll hold it for you.”
She shakes her head. I place it back on the table before softly kissing her forehead. A few minutes pass before her mom and dad walk back in the house. “The cops just left. If they have any other questions, they’ll call.”
Hilary looks over to her father. “Thank you.”
“Everything is okay now, Hilary. It’s all over.”
A tear falls down her cheek. “Then why do I keep seeing it happen over and over again?”
I can’t even begin to imagine what she’s going through, but I do know that I’ll do whatever I can to help her get through this. “It may take some time to get past this, Hilary,” her father says. “But together we
all
will. If you need to talk to anyone, your mom and I are here.”
She nods in agreement, and pulls her hand away from mine. “I just need to go to the bathroom.”
We all watch as she walks slowly down the hall. I grab my phone out of my pocket and text Howard, letting him know I won’t be at the gym in the morning. I know he won’t get it until he wakes up, but right now Hilary is my priority. He’ll understand.
Hilary
The whole scene plays over and over again in my head. Everything from when I walked into the bedroom to the gun firing into Travis’s chest. It’s like a movie scene on repeat except it’s my life. I’m glad Lance is here but I don’t really know how to talk to him about this, so I haven’t said much other than what he already knows. I could sit there and pretend I’m okay, but the truth is I’m far from it.
I walk into the bathroom and close the door behind me. I stare at the closed shower curtain. I don’t feel safe anymore. I feel like the boogeyman is still lurking around, even though I just killed him. Carefully, I walk over to the curtain and yank it back. I find an empty bathtub. I’m losing my mind.
He invaded my home and now I don’t even feel safe here anymore. His memory has tainted everything. I put the toilet seat down and sit. I didn’t need to go to the bathroom, I just needed a minute to myself. I haven’t had a minute to myself since it happened. I was bombarded by police who wanted to know exactly what happened. I almost wondered for a second if they were going to arrest me.
Officer Brice told me they were treating it as a self-defense case. I mean, that’s what it was. I told him I have no reason to lie to them. Another officer came to hear my story and I never faltered. He got the same exact story I told Officer Brice. I didn’t leave anything out.
I’m exhausted. I want to go to sleep and try to forget this night but I just can’t close my eyes without seeing everything. A light knock at the door shakes me from my thoughts. With a monotone voice, I tell whoever it is to come in. Lance walks in and kneels in front of me.
“I’m worried about you, Hil.”
“I’m not okay. I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay.”
“You will be. You have your mom and dad, and you have me. I know you’re still scared and it’s going to take time.”
“I’m a murderer.” I sob.
“No, you aren’t. Why don’t you come back and lie on the couch. I won’t leave. I’ll stay with you all night.”
“Please don’t leave me,” I beg through tear filled eyes.
“I won’t.” He picks me up. I let out a huge sigh against his neck and cling tightly to him. He carries me back into the living room where my mom and dad are still sitting. It’s almost two in the morning, and I know they’ve got to be as tired as I am.
“I asked Lance if he would stay with me tonight if that’s okay.” Once I’m on the couch, he sits beside me and holds my hand.
“Of course,” Mom says, reaching for my other hand. She’s shaking too. “We don’t mind at all.”
“Thank you,” he tells her softly.
Dad extends his hand, taking a deep breath. “Thank you for saving her from him when you did. If you hadn’t, well…I don’t want to think about what may have happened. What matters is that she’s safe now, and we have a lot to be grateful for.”
Lance shakes his hand. “Yes, sir, we do have a lot to be grateful for.”
“We’re going to go try to rest. If either of you need anything, don’t hesitate to come wake us up.”
Each of them hug me, and it seems to last a lifetime. I don’t want to let them go. They were kept safe too, and I’m grateful for that. Lance and I are left alone in the living room. He offers to turn on the television for noise, but I shake my head.
“Lance?”
“Yeah?”
“I was so scared. I didn’t know if I was ever going to see you again. I was scared you’d never know just how much I really love you. All I saw was my parents, you, and the baby.”
He doesn’t say anything. He just pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me. I love how he knows that no words are needed. He just seems to know that I want to be held. In his arms, I’m safe. I know nothing can happen, and when I close my eyes, I don’t see the nightmare right away. I don’t trust it enough to actually attempt to go to sleep yet. I may as well stay awake because at the rate I’m going, the sun will be rising soon.
I’m sure this will be all over the news tomorrow. I hope it won’t, but the media is always looking for a story, and I gave them the perfect one. What media outlet wouldn’t be dying to get their hands on it? I wish it weren’t real. I knew there were sick, crazy people in this world, but I never imagined I would encounter one in my life.
Lance
A week later,
my
Hilary is almost back to her normal self. I’ve spent the past few nights at her house with her. She refuses to sleep in her bedroom and I can’t blame her. Her dad is already making renovations. He told her she’ll hardly be able to recognize it, but if I know her, she’ll never go in there again. I helped her father move her dresser and a few things into one of the spare rooms. Her nightmares are continuing. She wakes up crying, and I just hold her tightly. I’ve put off life at the gym for the past week. Raegan has come by once or twice to talk with Hilary but the conversation rarely goes anywhere. She’s more or less there for my moral support, and I’ll take it.
Hilary has been cooped up inside for the past week and today I want to change that. I want to get her outside in the sunshine where she belongs. I want to see the smile on her face that I miss so much. It’s killing me to know she’s still hurting as badly as she is. I can’t imagine exactly what she’s going through, but I’ve had my fair share of demons.
She walks out of the bathroom with her hair sitting on top of her head in a bun and she’s twirling that one strand around her finger. That’s my girl. I wrap my arms around her. “Let me take you somewhere today. Get you out of this house.”
She looks up at me with her saddened eyes. “I don’t feel safe leaving.”
“He’s gone, Hil. He’s never,
ever
coming back.”
She sighs and closes her eyes. I imagine she’s thinking about the decision. “Okay.”
I squeeze her body tightly against mine and kiss her forehead. “I love you. Get ready and we’ll take a drive or something.”
She nods her head and disappears into the spare room. I decide to let her mom know the progress I’ve made. She’s elated. The smile on her face soon spreads to mine. We’re going to get our Hilary back. She won’t stay down for long.
***
It’s a little after five in the afternoon, and we’ve had lunch, gotten ice cream, and sat at the park. It’s almost just like before the Travis incident. She’s let me hold her hand, and she’s laughed at some of my corny jokes. I just want to see her back to her old self. I revel in her smile. Garrett texted and told me that he’s fighting tonight. I thought about asking Hilary if she wanted to go, but it may be too soon. The last place we saw him before the incident was after my last match and I’m not ready to pour salt into the wound. I’m afraid of regression when we’re just beginning to make progress.
For me, this past week brought a lot of things to my attention. I already knew life was short. Losing my mom was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. The fact that I could have lost Hilary still terrifies me, but it didn’t happen. It’s just another reminder of how short life is. I’m not ready to lose anything else anytime soon.
“Hil?” I ask, quietly pulling her hand into mine.
She looks at me with curious eyes. “Yeah?”
“I want to ask you something. I know things are still tough for you and this may not be what you want, but I’m a risk taker and I’m just going to go for it.” I hate when I babble. I sound like a damn idiot. She raises her eyebrow in curiosity so I decide to continue. “I love you, and I know you love me. What would you think about me getting a place for the two of us?”
She looks at me skeptically. “Are you sure you want to live with me?”
“I’m positive. Babe, I’ve been practically living with you for the past week. Just think, we’re going to raise the baby together, so why not have a place of our own? This may help the nightmares stop.”
She perks up a little, cautiously watching me. “Do you really think it may help?”
“I do.”
A genuine smile spreads across her face. It’s the first real one I’ve seen in a week and it lights my world up.
“There’s my beautiful girl’s smile. I’ve missed it.” I place a kiss on her lips.
“I’ve missed it too. I’m sorry, Lance. Thank you for being patient with me. I’m going to be better, I promise. I’m going to try harder.”
“Hil, take all the time you need. I’m here for the good and bad. I was so worried about you, but I knew you would be okay. You’re tough.”
“I’m still not one hundred percent, but I’m better than I was. What do you think our place will look like?”
A sense of euphoria drifts through me.
Our place.
“Whatever you want it to look like. I’ll leave that to you.”
“I’m excited. When can we start?”
“Whenever you want, sweetheart.”